"The Modern Classic" is unique.
Hi Michele. Interesting. After the first read, I thought you may have been really stoned. You really got out of the box on this. If I were writing something this far out, I would need to get stoned occasionally to get the imagination stimulated.
I was hanging in there but wasn't sure why. I thought the dialogue and structure was good, just wasn't sure where it was going. When you ended paragraphs with, "Music is essential in Utopia." I thought it was going to be a rather light hearted visit to a paradise of sorts.
Then, about at the point of "I Had A Son Once," I began to understand that God was visiting people to get their perspective, and everything was going fine until Miriam arrived. I found myself disappointed that the character God became somewhat trapped in Miriam.
I thought it was a pretty good read. Not at first, but the concept of God visiting souls of people to understand their perspective on life is interesting. Perhaps you could expand on this as a foundation for another story or screenplay.
I wish you the best. You certainly don't lack in imagination.
Other Reviews by kenbarber
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Hello Jenny. I'll be real candid with you regarding this story. It was boring. Now I understand there is more to it but had to be separated due to length. That doesn't make it more interesting, but rather less.
Step back for a moment and take a closer look at this story. Would you read about a kid that stepped on another kid while playing football? Perhaps the other pieces...
Hello Jenny. I'll be real candid with you regarding this story. It was boring. Now I understand there is more to it but had to be separated due to length. That doesn't make it more interesting, but rather less.
Step back for a moment and take a closer look at this story. Would you read about a kid that stepped on another kid while playing football? Perhaps the other pieces would create more interest for the reader, but I'm to evaluate this segment and for me it just doesn't get it.
The attempts to create more of a story by adding dialogue that really doesn't have anything to do with the story, didn't seem necessary. And the ending was abrupt and uninteresting. Maybe more character development could help, for example, Scott could have incurred a serious injury as a result of an existing condition that no one knew about, therefore, placing all the blame on Mark. If anyone finds this out, Scott will not be allowed to play football.
Perhaps Mark Barton's character should be secretly be involved in something devilish or heroic...something to add some adventure, suspense or more human interest....something!
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Hello Reza. I think this piece could be adapted to the big screen. It pulled me in all the way the second time I read it.
So many great situations you put Johnathan into and I thought your characters were perfect. On top of that, so many excellent phrases and descriptions such as, "Valley of Grief," "Their is no death there," "The gift of destiny,to beset salvation upon...
Hello Reza. I think this piece could be adapted to the big screen. It pulled me in all the way the second time I read it.
So many great situations you put Johnathan into and I thought your characters were perfect. On top of that, so many excellent phrases and descriptions such as, "Valley of Grief," "Their is no death there," "The gift of destiny,to beset salvation upon us," "A house built of dreams," The night was exploding with the flame the sprang gigantically..." and on and on.
I was curious as to how things could have changed if Johnathan had agreed to join Bloom early on. I guess I would have liked Johnathan to at least communicated with Bloom that he would be willing to join him, but at another time. And I though Bloom would have tried a little harder to convince Johnathan to join him. After all, this was a life changing opportunity. Wow! Even in real life, can you imagine declining an invitation of this nature?
Anyway, the decision of Johnathan to explore later after Bloom supposedly died in the fire seemed perfect to move him forward in his grieving process.
You set the stage beautifully for the twilight zone to begin. and what an adventure! The ending was very good, however, I found myself wanting a little more of a confrontation of sorts between Johnathan and Bloom. It seemed to build to a point where Johnathan was furious as he should have been. Then, when he enters the room, Bloom simply smiles and moves to another chair to allow Johnathan the opportunity to sit with his wife....and all was good.
Bottom line Reza....Great Story!
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Hello Jay. The story reminded me of Urban Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman playing the part of Rizzo. Maybe you are familiar with that movie or you are to young.
The story line was ok but it seems to need more character development or something. In the beginning, Roger identified himself as being a tough guy, not caring about people's crap. Then he meets this stranger with a speech...
Hello Jay. The story reminded me of Urban Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman playing the part of Rizzo. Maybe you are familiar with that movie or you are to young.
The story line was ok but it seems to need more character development or something. In the beginning, Roger identified himself as being a tough guy, not caring about people's crap. Then he meets this stranger with a speech impediment and invites him in his home. When he makes love with his wife after 6 months of no activity and Quincy is standing in the door....It just didn't fit for me.
Perhaps the story needs some unexpected twist. What is Quincy's story? How did he get like he was? How was it he knew something about Ally and Roger? Roger's partner Garrat could possibly play a bigger role.
Bottom line Jay is that it didn't do it for me. To me it was ramblings from an aspiring writer.
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