STORY: Was hooked into the story right away. As a Sci-Fi fan, I like the mystery you set up right out of the gate.
CONCEPT: As stated, Iím a Sci-Fi fan so the concept was a great match to my taste. Space mysteries are always fun when executed right.
CHARACTER: John was a clear lead protagonist. I feel the story jumped too quickly into the past before you could develop Boyd and Hill. All I really remember from them is them both fighting to keep John from running off. They didnít add anything of substance otherwise.
Act I: Really good opening. Has one of those classic sci-fi openings where weird things have happened or are happening in space and leave a lot of open questions. Nice small family drama for awhile, then the big loss of Alyssa was a surprise (been awhile since I read your synopsis so I was going in blind). Looking forward to seeing how this move plays into the rest of the story. I felt the stuff with Grandpa really slowed the pace down. I donít know if that was the intention. Felt like you spent too much time on drama and Iím ready to get back into space. I feel the scene was meant for Grandpa to give his words of wisdom, but it ran on a little long in my opinion.
Act II: As expected, we see Alyssa on this distant planet. My concern is that sheís appeared so many times in such a short period that theyíve been there that sheís starting to lose impact. Johnís seeing her in dreams and out on this planet a couple times and they havenít even really begun to explore the place yet (at least not on screen, even though John says theyíve spent days doing it when heís talking to his Grandpa). I would also say this is similar to the sci-fi movie Sphere where it manifests whatever your fears or flaws are. Thatís the impression I get through the dialogue anyways, so far. Also, it would be nice if after they traveled through that awesome wormhole you set up that it doesnít have such resemblance to Earth. Thatís kind of what the movie Contact did at the end. But, I know you have the sky shifting colors and itís also suppose to have a familiarity to it.
Not particularly keen on spending a good portion of this act in a flashback. Not because itís a flashback, but this is where Iíd expect all the action and mystery to unfold. But Iím reading about Johnís past and how he became to be the man he is. So itís actually going slower than Iíd want it to be.
Act III: This act is flooded with flashbacks, though John may be watching them in the present. Just seems like the only way youíre able to move this story forward is by going back in time and having your characters relive their past. I donít hate flashbacks. I think they are best used when you want to show something again that weíve already seen that was important, or show something that weíve already seen but might have missed the first time around. Not really a fan of major plot points being in the past, though, such as when characters were younger. I kind of felt that John would wake up in the hospital following the car accident since this story was like a version of A Christmas Carol, like the ghost of Christmas past with all the flashbacks. But, that he actually passed away in the end added value to the story. I like the twist of adding the book that he was writing and the characters involved.
OTHER: I really enjoyed your short and clean action lines. Helped keep me flipping the pages.
Review of: The Passage (Version 2)
reviewed by seniormike on 08/27/2010
Other Reviews by seniormike 56
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