There is no question from this reader's perspective there is a story to tell and the angle from which you approached it worked quite well. From the unknown past, we jump into the future and find ourselves having to confront dark, hidden secrets. Yet, in my most humble opinion, there might be significant room for tightening and shortening. Perhaps it would become stronger if it were only 5 or six pages. A random example and suggestion:
Danny nodded his head and ate quietly.
Perhaps: Danny nodded and ate in silence.
(To the best of my knowledge, the only body part one nods is the head. And a personal pet-peeve, take it with a grain of salt, I abhor adverbs. ie: quietly. Any work ending in "ly."
There is much random, forgive me, blathering about not much of anything. The pacing felt a tad slow. Tighten it up and you''ll have a great short story. Thank you for letting me read your work. Best, Montana
Review of: Not My Secret to Tell
reviewed by montana malone on 04/01/2012
Other Reviews by montana malone 183
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