There is no question from this reader's perspective there is a story to tell and the angle from which you approached it worked quite well. From the unknown past, we jump into the future and find ourselves having to confront dark, hidden secrets. Yet, in my most humble opinion, there might be significant room for tightening and shortening. Perhaps it would become stronger if it were only 5 or six pages. A random example and suggestion:
Danny nodded his head and ate quietly.
Perhaps: Danny nodded and ate in silence.
(To the best of my knowledge, the only body part one nods is the head. And a personal pet-peeve, take it with a grain of salt, I abhor adverbs. ie: quietly. Any work ending in "ly."
There is much random, forgive me, blathering about not much of anything. The pacing felt a tad slow. Tighten it up and you''ll have a great short story. Thank you for letting me read your work. Best, Montana
Review of: Not My Secret to Tell
reviewed by montana malone on 04/01/2012
Other Reviews by montana malone 187
A review of Noreen the Show Catby montana malone on 11/26/2013Your delightful, descriptive opening paragraphs and evocative introduction to the cast of characters in your short story drew me into your world. Immediately, I fell in love with Noreen and empathized with the fate cast upon her tolerating, or should I say babysitting, Lil, the rambunctious kitten. Peadar, the parrot, evoked emotions of people that have crossed my path in... read
A review of Looking For The Aliensby montana malone on 11/20/2013Somewhere within your words, there are deep feelings that evoked emotion begging to be explored. Perhaps a more vivid picture of the narrator and the surroundings would have enhanced your story. Despite the fact that there is no need to qualify truly what was going on, I was left uncertain whether it was a dream, penetrating memories of aliens or piercing emotions of the death... read
A review of Rafter J Ranchingby montana malone on 05/31/2013I absolutely adored the tone of this piece despite the fact there were some things that I had zero frame of reference to, it didn't matter one salt lick. Your words made me feel as comfortable as sitting on a log in front of a fire while someone plumped full of great stories slowly painted vivid pictures and emotions into my wanting ears. The voice of your story was so strong... read