Review of: Not My Secret to Tell 

reviewed by montana malone on 04/01/2012
Credited Review
montana malone
The Secret Lies In Editing Credited Review
There is no question from this reader's perspective there is a story to tell and the angle from which you approached it worked quite well. From the unknown past, we jump into the future and find ourselves having to confront dark, hidden secrets. Yet, in my most humble opinion, there might be significant room for tightening and shortening. Perhaps it would become stronger if it were only 5 or six pages. A random example and suggestion:
Danny nodded his head and ate quietly.
Perhaps: Danny nodded and ate in silence.
(To the best of my knowledge, the only body part one nods is the head. And a personal pet-peeve, take it with a grain of salt, I abhor adverbs. ie: quietly. Any work ending in "ly."
There is much random, forgive me, blathering about not much of anything. The pacing felt a tad slow. Tighten it up and you''ll have a great short story. Thank you for letting me read your work. Best, Montana

Other Reviews by montana malone 189

  • A review of Food Chain
    by montana malone on 04/04/2014
    Your voice is amazing. Vivid. Funny. Engaging. At some points, down right hysterical. I hung onto every word, emotion, smell, description and dialogue until the "chick", Kendra, entered your world. Please don't misunderstand, your writing was still wonderful but just did not feel quite as strong as the previous three pages that I read. The encounter with her felt long whereas... read
  • A review of Noreen the Show Cat
    by montana malone on 11/26/2013
    Your delightful, descriptive opening paragraphs and evocative introduction to the cast of characters in your short story drew me into your world. Immediately, I fell in love with Noreen and empathized with the fate cast upon her tolerating, or should I say babysitting, Lil, the rambunctious kitten. Peadar, the parrot, evoked emotions of people that have crossed my path in... read
  • A review of Rafter J Ranching
    by montana malone on 05/31/2013
    I absolutely adored the tone of this piece despite the fact there were some things that I had zero frame of reference to, it didn't matter one salt lick. Your words made me feel as comfortable as sitting on a log in front of a fire while someone plumped full of great stories slowly painted vivid pictures and emotions into my wanting ears. The voice of your story was so strong... read
+ more reviews