I thought this was a good attempt at a politics satire. However I feel it still doesn't quite work as is, it needs some sharpening up. It's not satirical enough to be a proper satire, yet it's too satirical to be a straight work.
If youíre going for satire then I feel youíve got to go more for out and out comedy. There were some great bits, such as when the senator got caught in the toilet with a guy, or Mikael mistakenly being thought of as Spanish, but they were relatively few and far between. As such it didnít feel like a proper satire, but rather a straight movie with some really odd bits to it.
Alternatively I think you could play it straight and still have a good movie. A republican Senator harbouring a secret that heís gay, combined with funding from a really rich Reverend whoís pushing anti-gay legislation Ė that makes for a great plot.
On the specifics.
You only need to write what people see on screen, the rest is unnecessary. To give you a few examples of
p.14 - Yes, Faith's boyfriend is, In fact, a Muslim.
p.16 - Basically serving herself up on a silver platter.
These arenít needed.
It is very far-fetched, even for a satire, that he would rush out looking for David as it would be bound to cause media interest and they would likely find him, so itís a career ending move. Iíd have him slipping out quietly.
ĎIn the time we have been talking, I've acquired another five percent of your gross national
Guess this is just about ok for satire, but itís so far from realistic Iíd tone it down slightly.
If David could find out all that dodgy stuff in a few days, then the media would have definitely found out, and it would have been in the media and common knowledge a long time ago. Even satire has to conform to rules of story-telling and audiences donít like to feel sold short. This felt a bit too easy and lazy, Iíd work on this aspect of the story.
So overall definitely potential, I think youíve got a great core idea, and with work it could be great.
Review of: The Senator
reviewed by OliRichards on 11/29/2011
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