While I believe I understood what you were trying to achieve with this story I find that its a little too detached and I find myself struggling to bond with the characters but I am not sure if that is due to the genre (that I do not read often) or the fact that there does not seem to be a lot of depth to the characters or their relationships.
Your opening scene has a few inconsistencies which throw me off. You mention Vi before Henry and I assume they must be co-conspirators in something but it turns out his wife is just sitting in on questioning. Is this normal practise when a spouse isn’t implicated in something (because of how she is thrown out I assume she isn’t involved in any of Henry’s activities)? Then Vi asks him how he could do “this” to her and defends him to the police in the same breath, this makes it hard for me to feel anything towards her because this is too erratic to be quirky. When he steals the ledgers he takes Vi with him and I find myself asking why when she obviously would be a bad choice. At this point I don’t know if he’s a buffoon caught up in a life he really didn’t want or a simply bad ‘stupid’ person. You mention he was threatened but people who have the fear of death in them could have asked for help and that would have involved getting a policeperson to go with them to get the ledgers I imagine.
Like I said though, I find myself struggling to review this story because I think you are trying to deliver a quirky tale of a buffoon who simply ‘doesn’t know any better’ but I cannot be sure. If I have missed the point of your story then that is my fault and you can disregard this review, if you do make any changes to developing your characters or re-writing it I am sure it would be a lot cleaner.
Review of: Henry's dilemmas....The Switch
reviewed by mwiings on 11/06/2011
Other Reviews by mwiings 32
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