Thoughtful and action packed
Harmony is an ambitious and action packed story that confronts some deeply emotional and religious issues. On many levels, this story delivers: the author expertly paints a realistic setting that, if you’ve ever been to Afghanistan (I have), effectively summons the memories of that place. The characters are realistic and relatable.
Strengths:
Our protagonist. The author creates a tormented character who is interesting and clearly being set up for some traumatic conflict. His struggle is understandable, at least for me, and I think his struggles are entirely realistic. This is a character that the reader wants to follow to the end of the story.
Plot: Although a dramatization to be sure, and to a degree predictable, I couldn’t help but dread every turn that brought David closer to his soon to be captors. With the haunting memory of the video burned into his mind, it was with a sickening feeling that the reader becomes resigned to the struggle that unfolds.
Weakness: There are two key pieces of this that I felt were not thoroughly convincing. The first is the rational conversion of the primary antagonist. Perhaps it was the abbreviated nature of the short story, but it’s difficult to believe that a religious zealot would so thoroughly change perspectives in such radical fashion. There may be the need to demonstrate David’s victory differently in order to keep the gritty realism that the majority of the story boasts.
Second is the conflict between religions. Now, don’t get me wrong. I think this element of the story is both promising and tantalizing. But the first time we hear of David being a Christian is on p33. He draws most of his strength from the words of his boss, not his God. If the story was to be a last minute conversion, I think more needs to go into demonstrating this. If David had some anchor in his faith, then that wasn’t explained at all.
Finally, a couple of very minor technical points:
P8 “She squealed out putting her coffee mug down.” Reads awkwardly.
33 “Not holly.” An extra “L”…
This is a well crafted story that speaks especially to those who have considered the nature of extremism. Entertaining and engrossing. Good job, nick74.
Other Reviews by W.E. Linde
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I see that this story has been out a while, so I imagine that you’ve heard about everything you need to for this intriguing short story.
First of all, your character development, and the internal struggles of both our main character and his wife are expertly developed and presented to the reader. I found the suffering of Grand pa here, along with all the baggage we get...
I see that this story has been out a while, so I imagine that you’ve heard about everything you need to for this intriguing short story.
First of all, your character development, and the internal struggles of both our main character and his wife are expertly developed and presented to the reader. I found the suffering of Grand pa here, along with all the baggage we get to glimpse throughout the story, moving and realistic. I felt sympathy for both him and his wife. You’re clearly comfortable with writing, and I found the use of language refreshing in your lack of cliché.
The use of the lottery ticket was interesting, and it did a good job adding an element of mystery. I have to admit, however, that it seemed almost irrelevant to the majority of the story. The primary purpose appeared to be to create a sense of mortality for our main character, to increase the tension on the PCH, and to provide a reward at the end. So in the end, Rumors of Exigence is a strong human drama with a subtle supernatural bent. Don’t get me wrong. The story is solid and is very entertaining. This is a testimony to your skill at presenting strong characters with gripping internal conflicts.
The only other point I’d make is how, for just a sentence or two, you allow the point of view to shift from your main character to the homeless man. The purpose seemed to be to highlight a general mood of despair in the setting, but when 99% of the story is from the POV of one character, this deviation is a little disruptive.
P 5 As each passed with windows up and eyes front his shoulders dropped a fraction of a millimeter more, his heart beat a fraction of second slower, a little bit more hope leaked out, a little bit more despair leaked in.
I enjoyed your story quite a bit. Nicely done.
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I have to admit, I’ve just felt the first pangs of professional envy. Dr. Towers’ Babel is a wondrously told tale that blends science fiction, mystery, and religion in a way that is not only entertaining, it’s mesmerizing. The story is original, and the structure is well done in that the reader is drawn into a convincing and utterly believable world where science is pushed...
I have to admit, I’ve just felt the first pangs of professional envy. Dr. Towers’ Babel is a wondrously told tale that blends science fiction, mystery, and religion in a way that is not only entertaining, it’s mesmerizing. The story is original, and the structure is well done in that the reader is drawn into a convincing and utterly believable world where science is pushed into fiction without so much as a “oh come on” moment from the reader. While reading your other work I was sure that you had some military experience. In reading this, I’m sure that you’re a scientist.
But that’s not what’s stoking my envy. It’s the use of words. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I found this almost hypnotic. Even before we reach the dream-like climatic sequences, the story is buoyed by borderline poetry that just seems to work. I’ve read novice writers who almost certainly pulled a brain muscle in an attempt to create stunning prose. In the hands of such a novice, this usually comes across as forced and insincere. But in this case I found myself swept along by the language.
The strengths of this story are many, and the areas for improvement are few. If I might offer any advice at all, I’d suggest that our main character’s religious beliefs be explored a little more early on. I’m not suggesting that the character change at all. But as I read this I found it surprising that someone with such a thirst for knowledge didn’t seem to have more compelling justification for his beliefs (or lack thereof) in God. This is of course subjective, but I base this on my personal experiences in college, where there were many cut from a similar cloth as our main character here who seemed to relish telling believers why there is no such thing as a God.
I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed this story. My only real question is “how come I haven’t read this in print somewhere?” Great job. I’m really looking forward to your other writings.
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I didn’t know what to expect with this story. In all honesty, after the introduction of a hard nosed detective at the outset, I was concerned that I was in for 15 pages of clichés. That concern evaporated quickly once “Quincy” was introduced.
There were two really notable strengths to your story that stood out to me. First was the way the story effortlessly evolved from...
I didn’t know what to expect with this story. In all honesty, after the introduction of a hard nosed detective at the outset, I was concerned that I was in for 15 pages of clichés. That concern evaporated quickly once “Quincy” was introduced.
There were two really notable strengths to your story that stood out to me. First was the way the story effortlessly evolved from what appeared to a detective story into a very interesting human drama. But the really exceptional thing was how Quincy’s ability didn’t take over the story. It fueled the tale, but it never got in the way. Very nicely done.
The only real area for improvement that I might suggest is technical. There are a number of instances where the use of periods and commas is somewhat unnatural. For example, on page 1 it states “If you make the wrong choice. I'll be there to ram it down your throat until you cough out a confession. “ On page 2 “But, he had a good hold of her.” The author may have been going for a certain voice, but it comes across choppy and somewhat distracting.
This story was very engaging, and I enjoyed this story quite a bit. Great job.
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