“Time-Rift” is a cool and imaginative script with a lot of potential. The sequence where the heroes have to retrieve the crystals from the Damocles, fight off aliens and escape before the ship plummets towards a volcanic planet is especially thrilling.
The first ten pages feels jumpy and disconnected, veering wildly from Kathryn’s death on Mars to the cryptic scene at Viking Station to Michael barely escaping Black Star One before it explodes to the Prometheus entering the wormhole (not to mention all the leaps in time), and as discombobulating as it might be for some readers it could potentially be flat-out confusing to moviegoers.
Michael is clearly the protagonist but he has no character arc, and the reader learns almost nothing about him in 119 pages. He’s obviously a brave and able commander, but beyond that he’s a complete mystery, and it‘s hard to root for or care about someone you don‘t know.
The Troopers under Michael’s command are likewise underdeveloped. You’re obviously a big fan of “Aliens.” Take another look at that film and examine how Cameron quickly and concisely renders characters like Hudson (smart-ass), Hicks (professional), Vasquez (bad-ass) and Lieutenant Gorman (by the book and still wet behind the ears), and note how most of that information is revealed through a few choice lines of dialogue.
You need to explain the whole concept and purpose of traveling through wormholes since it‘s such an integral part of the story. Don’t assume the reader is as familiar with this stuff as you are.
Surprisingly, the most hard to swallow aspect of the script is the big reveal that Kaitlin is really Kathryn and Elanna is really Jenny, and Jenny is Michael and Kathryn‘s daughter. Kathryn/Kaitlin’s motivation for fooling everyone, including Michael, is weak. And what’s the point, other than trying to shock the reader? The fact that Kathryn has assumed her dead sister’s identity never impacts the story in a significant way, even in the end.
Consider eliminating the sister switcheroo and focusing more intently on the relationship between Michael and Kathryn (or Kaitlin) and their daughter. For instance, what if the two estranged heroes embark on a mission, leaving their seven year old daughter behind, only to encounter her in a war torn future when she’s an officer on a starship? That is a very compelling and unique idea.
Like I said, this script has a lot of potential.
Review of: Time-Rift (v2)
reviewed by fencik on 03/07/2011
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