I think there is great potential for a script focusing on elements surrounding the novel Dracula. Stoker's life, Vlad's life, or even side stories of the fictional Renfield are all things that would catch my eye if playing at the cinema. Writing about Stoker or Vlad would require a good deal of research to do well. I gather from your script that some research was involved. The opening scenes, for instance, lend to the legend of Stoker's supposed "suppressed" homosexuality - something I must regard as pure fantasy by those who purport this.
- I thought your dialogue was very well constructed and portrayed the Victorian era, and class of these individuals accurately.
- I would place Stoker and other characters in lowercase after introducing them. I tend to always place extras in uppercase throughout - which you do not.
- "WHITMAN Perhaps you could sign my copy to Mr. Irving." - is this Whitman's line? Sounds like it should be Bram's line.
- I would remove the scenes from Dracula. I don't really see a need for them. I gather you are attempting to juxtapose inspirations for the novel with the story itself - but I found the excerpts from Dracula to be far too numerous and pointless. This script would be better if it focused more on Bram and Henry and the Victorian world they lived in and less on Dracula, the Novel. I would have to state that far too much of this is cribbed from existing works. I realize it is a work about the theatre, but still and all too much dialogue is recital. Overall, there is much here I like, but I feel more than one third (or even half) of this should be removed and replaced with original material. I am not sure I would sit through a fragmented version of Dracula intermixed with a story about Stoker's life and writing of the work. I would much rather just watch a movie about Bram.
Review of: IN THE COMPANY OF THE VAMPIRE
reviewed by Cenydd Ros on 04/03/2011
Other Reviews by Cenydd Ros 141
A review of The Currentby Cenydd Ros on 07/17/2011Some of this is nicely wriiten, making use of some flavorful prose. Mostly, I liked the language/writing craft of the action lines. e.g. encapsulating Tendrils of smoke waft toes webbed with soap bubbles a squalid living room "Getting your hole" - Didn't get this line. To be frank, I feel that flashbacks generally suck. I just don't think it is a good approach to story telling... read
A review of BATTLESAURSby Cenydd Ros on 07/06/2011- Having worked both academically and professional as an archaeologist, I can tell you I was biting into my tongue on page 1. I would suggest having a paleontologist on the team in the opening segment. - I am not sure which would be the most amazing discovery, that there were humans one million years ago or that there were still dinosaurs one million years ago. :) - This is... read
A review of EARTHSHAKERSby Cenydd Ros on 06/23/2011This being the third script of yours I have read, I must note that you have one hell of an imagination - and you create some very interesting (i.e. entertaining) visuals and elements in your work. There is much in the way of "eyepopping" candy in your stories that would make them something to see on the big screen. Overall, you have a good sense of creating images for the screen... read