Review of: Torn 

reviewed by bmgarner on 01/02/2005
Credited Review
bmgarner
torn Credited Review
Interesting beginning. I liked the word economy, the tightness of the writing, the rhythm and pace were good. Some pointers: Use names that are more different: James and Johnny are too similar for the reader to keep track, especially early in James' actions. Watch cliches: there are too many to count in the courtroom scene. I thought I was reading a Perry Mason script. Also, and this is most important, PROOF READ everything: read the transcript from the news report and find the antagonist was killed "tragically" (how else do killings occur?) by oncoming "tragic." There was one other place I read where the syntax was destroyed by the omission of a word, and I'm sorry I don't have it referenced here - good proofing will find it.

Other Reviews by bmgarner 3

  • bmgarner
    Road Kill Non Credited Review
    A review of Road Kill
    by bmgarner on 01/02/2005
    It all made good sense until the boy sits down after killing the "bad guy." It was almost as if someone else took over the direction: stop gap framing that reminded me of old sasquatch finding footage, a view of the tops of trees that made me think he was going to pass out again (then he didn't....or did he?), then he's back at the truck. Only thing that cleared was the... read