Unconditional is a terrific read. Nice characters, nice story, no real bad guys (ok... Pete is the obligatory antagonist, but, as bad guys go, he's not bad enough)... and for the tone of this script, that's okay. Now, terrific read does not necessarily translate into terrific script. There are some problems, but, for me, they are not too difficult to resolve. At the get-go, ramp up Gerry's displeasure/discomfort with his status. The killer/stalker, etc. just isn't enough to put him on the "open road" to recovery. Go for it, even if it appears outrageous... the audience needs to see/feel more if it's going to accept Gerry's "dropping out" of what appears to be a "dream" lifestyle.
Everything else, pretty much, is aok. If you can, though, you might want Gerry to reveal his identity a little later on in the story. The audience could lose interest too early on with the revelation coming on as early as it does.
Some other notes:
You describe Max twice early on. Once will suffice.
On pages 68 and 69. you have a spelling meltdown. It's "affect" not "effect". It's "discreetly" not "discretely." Finally, and I could be wrong here, on page 107, I think it's a "blue", not "green" screen that actors play against on today's digital SFX movie sets.
Overall, nice writing job... with a great assist from the "service dog" actor's union.
Review of: Unconditional (Rev 2.1)
reviewed by stevles on 07/23/2009
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