Review of: Unconditional (Rev 2.1) 

reviewed by stevles on 07/23/2009
Credited Review
Unconditional is a terrific read. Nice characters, nice story, no real bad guys (ok... Pete is the obligatory antagonist, but, as bad guys go, he's not bad enough)... and for the tone of this script, that's okay. Now, terrific read does not necessarily translate into terrific script. There are some problems, but, for me, they are not too difficult to resolve. At the get-go, ramp up Gerry's displeasure/discomfort with his status. The killer/stalker, etc. just isn't enough to put him on the "open road" to recovery. Go for it, even if it appears outrageous... the audience needs to see/feel more if it's going to accept Gerry's "dropping out" of what appears to be a "dream" lifestyle.

Everything else, pretty much, is aok. If you can, though, you might want Gerry to reveal his identity a little later on in the story. The audience could lose interest too early on with the revelation coming on as early as it does.

Some other notes:

You describe Max twice early on. Once will suffice.

On pages 68 and 69. you have a spelling meltdown. It's "affect" not "effect". It's "discreetly" not "discretely." Finally, and I could be wrong here, on page 107, I think it's a "blue", not "green" screen that actors play against on today's digital SFX movie sets.

Overall, nice writing job... with a great assist from the "service dog" actor's union.

Other Reviews by stevles 129

  • by stevles on 09/08/2014
    "When We Fell" is kind of a schizophrenic read. The action sequences, both at the beginning and end of the story are fast-paced, riveting and beautifully written. Dialogue early on matches the drama. It's when we get back home in the States where things begin to fall apart. Ben's romance with Jude is too forced and schmaltzy to be believed. Harry and Katie? Is every blue-collar... read
  • by stevles on 08/09/2014
    Written as half novel and half screenplay, Rise of the Crimson Sun isn't half bad. However, the bad, (the last 3rd of the story) drags a very good and well-written script into the ground. The super-humanized Matthew, the introduction of all new characters, trying to make sense of the madness through sophomoric philosophical discourse, Ana's needless death, the ambiguous (to... read
  • A review of 3 Days
    by stevles on 07/01/2014
    I'd like to get the typos out of the way, first. Passenger doo for "door", (pg. 24) I'm know for "I", (pg.32) Loose sleep for "lose", (pg. 45) He is wears, for he wears, (pg.49) Character names BRAVO 3, 4, etc., include the month SEPTEMBER. Make it "pass" for pay, (pg. 87) There are several others sprinkled throughout the last 27 pages, but... well, you get the idea. Finally,... read
+ more reviews