“How I Became a Gambling Man” is a lighthearted screwball comedy, which means that people will mainly base their assessment of this script on its’ humor. Unfortunately, I think the comedy in this script leaves a lot to be desired.
The dialogue is not very witty, ironic, outrageous, etc. so it does not add much in terms of humor. The situational humor often times seems generic and uncreative: take the scene where the wannabe rapper zombie starts rapping/breakdancing for example. The non-black poser that wants to be a rapper is such a cliché and trite joke. I feel like most of the humor in this script is along those lines. Take some more time to develop dialogue and situational humor that is unique and fresh.
Another thing you can do to heighten the comedy in this script is too delve into the worlds that you create and highlight their comedic nuances. For example, the world of temping seems like it could be full of hilarious idiosynchracies and comedic situations; however, you don’t do a good enough job of highlighting those things. You also do not do a good enough job of making fun of the characteristics/conventions/clichés of the horror/zombie genre, in which you are spoofing. One of the reasons the movie “Zombieland” was so funny was because the writers/directors had a great awareness of the characteristics/conventions/clichés of the horror/zombie genre and were able to fully exploit their comedic value. Take time to research and understand past horror/zombie movies and figure out all the things you could use to make fun of the genre.
I think one thing that can be hindering you from fully exploiting the humor of the horror/zombie genre and the world of temping is that it you are trying to combine two comedic setups into one movie and it doesn’t fit. A comedic movie about tempting could be a movie by itself. The same goes for a horror/zombie spoof. Since you have combined these two comedic setups into your script you have to spend time developing both. Unfortunately, the outcome is that you have two comedic situations that are underdeveloped instead of one comedic situation that is fully developed and hilarious. If I were you I would focus on one comedic situation and focus on fully bringing out its’ hilarity.
Hopefully this review helps. Sorry that this review was mainly focused on your script’s weaknesses but I think comedy is a very hard art to master, especially in the form of screenwriting. Take time to think about what movies, comedians, jokes, etc. you find funny and figure out what about them makes you laugh. Then try to apply these elements to your writing. Good luck to you!
Review of: How I Became A Gambling Man
reviewed by thomastrace03 on 07/03/2011
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