I liked this story. I felt an immediate connection to the characters' situation, and the writing was good enough to sustain that connection for the duration. The climax was word perfect. My neck hairs stood up as I realised the triumph I was witnessing. A small moment of justice for a downtrodden man. It could be me, you, or anybody else at the centre of this story. I found myself wanting to know more about Bruce and his life story. Need I say more? So far, so good.
There were a few technical problems. Incorrectly structured sentences for example. Such as:
"That was because Bruce always liked to keep a low profile, by staying below the radar no one ever bothered him"
Profile should be followed by a full stop, or period for you yanks ;), and a new sentence..."By staying below the radar, no one ever bothered him". It's a minor problem, and something that can be caught early on just by re-reading.
Also, there was one line I found to be very wooden and generic, which could be replaced by something a bit more flash and fresh. The line was: "I mustíve done something really bad in a former life". Even if it read "I must've really pissed someone off in a former life", that would be an improvement on the above line. Minor problem though.
That was all I found wrong with this story. The character was completely relateable, as was the story. The structure was simple. The concept was low but engaging regardless, and I found the entire eight pages a pleasure to read.
Review of: The Wrong Day
reviewed by danjama on 04/25/2010
Other Reviews by danjama 23
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