Review of: Firesteel (Revised)
reviewed by vancemi on 06/22/2004
The opening scenes were a slow go for me. It took me a little while to get into this and at one point, I almost gave up. But things did get going once Firesteel and Peavey took centerstage. The dialogue at first seemed excessive, but the steady stream of one liners and asides eventually caught on. By the end of the script, I was really rootting for the characters and very involved in the action. My suggestions are minor. I know a lot of essential information is imparted in the opening pages, but it did seem a little slow. It would be great if the action could start earlier. Another suggestion would be to give Gloria more of a hand in the action. It would make her seem less passive and it would be nice to see Joseph looking up to her as well as Firesteel. Anyway, this was a great read. I wish you well with it.
Other Reviews by vancemi 71
A review of The Golf Widowby vancemi on 10/12/2004This was a nice easy read with few technical quirks, an interesting premise, and a good pace. I have to admit that I'm not a fan of golf, so I have to take your word for the aspects of the game that were portrayed. My single biggest suggestion would be to sharpen the dialogue, avoid exposition and redundancies. There weren't a lot, but things will flow more smoothly and naturally... read
A review of Rodeo Heartacheby vancemi on 07/30/2004This SP reads like a country song. I'm not a fan of the music, but I do like a good down on your luck, left by the wife, bit by the dog kind of story now and then. This one is well crafted with a lot of depth of character. Like country music, I'll bet this could have an audience. A few notes: I found myself deeply involved with even the minor players. I was surprised that Joe... read
A review of Immortal Love Pt.1by vancemi on 07/23/2004I started this read with some high hopes. I enjoy a good vampire flick now and again. Both the logline and title seemed inviting as well. Unfortunately, it bogs down in expository dialogue and cliches. The promise is certainly there, but it will need some work. I would begin with the dialogue. There are wat too many places where characters tell each other things they should... read