Time flew by while I was reading this. You have a real gift for keeping the reader engaged. I take it the couple had decided to kill Mr Hunt? That's what I took from the mildly ambiguous ending. If that's what you meant, it doesn't require clarification.
I saw one mistake; on page 9, you wrote 'Denny' instead of Danny. I'm sure you've noticed, so don't worry about re-uploading just for that, and losing all your reviews (I always notice a dumb mistake after adding credits to a story).
At the beginning, the way I read the text was that Betsy and the diner owner, not Betsy and Danny, had been high school sweethearts. I didn't figure out the truth until near the end. This could be tidied up just a little, to be 100% clear. Otherwise, this story is impeccably told. Well done.
Review of: Not My Secret to Tell
reviewed by vieira4 on 04/14/2012
Other Reviews by vieira4 76
A review of Mrs. Yardleyby vieira4 on 07/16/2012Thanks for uploading this story. You got so much emotion and passion into five pages! I sense that English is a language you have learned (although you've learned it very well). Therefore there are a few small mistakes. You're supposed to write numbers below 100 in words (9/nine). "short brown hair till neck" - short brown hair falling to her neck. "that time, which I subconsciously... read
A review of Black Molassesby vieira4 on 04/14/2012Wow... I have to admit, I had to skim quite a bit of the end, taking in enough details to understand what was going on without focusing too hard, or I, like the protagonist, would have been sick. Ugh. I don't know how you came up with this :D Having said all that, your writing is excellent. I didn't spot any mistakes. I loved your description of Carlucci and his home, and... read
A review of Executive Statusby vieira4 on 04/09/2012Hi. Thanks for this story, which I generally really liked. Your structure is impeccable, and your descriptions are vivid. I particularly enjoyed the central character's description of the New York sunset, followed by a verbal self-portrait. I was surprised by the guy's age when I eventually found it out. Was that intentional? The reason I found this disappointing probably... read