A better script than synopsis, this was a surprise as it was the synopsis which made me want to read the script.
Everything is done well in this script. I think the biggest strength it the likeable main character and the self knowing humour which had me laughing out loud a few times. Throw in an action packed story and there's no doubt this would work as a movie. I would lose the line mentioning Inglorious Bastards it felt kind of mean and wasn't funny enough to pull it off. Also I would have liked the final battle between Sid and Victor to go on a bit longer. Maybe the setting of a mall didn't help. Perhaps it would be better set somewhere more left field like a baby food manufacturing plant. And I don't think you should tell us what was in the suitcase. The inter-dimensional machine felt a bit too science fictional for the rest of the story. The R rated aspects did feel a little obscure compared to the rest of the movie, even the violence, though frequent, came across as being as per functionary for a script about heroes and super villains. But I think adds a strong tone to the movie marking it out as being something distinct from other actions movies so I would leave it in.
Other Reviews by azurazil 27
A review of Rag Dollsby azurazil on 06/07/2010This was an original horror story with a nice mystery at the start and creepy characters to keep you interested. But even when the initial mystery is solved there is still just more questions raised for the reader. This has more potential than most of the banal horror scripts Iíve read before but needs some tweaking here and there and perhaps a slight re-jigging of the ending... read
A review of eRay - 2nd draftby azurazil on 06/07/2010It was an easy read though at 121 pages I think trimming it by ten pages would help especially as there isnít a huge amount of a story or events to warrant two hours plus of a light rom-com. The first half I think is the strongest making the connections between the characters and how the two leads remain latched on to each other, most rom-comís are usually dependant on coincidence... read
A review of Essence-The End of Warby azurazil on 06/01/2010It starts off well enough with the introduction of Sathe but I lost interest the more I read. First there are too many characters and too many different types of character each with different abilities, Sathe, Vampryes, Lycans, The Darkness, Erebus, Muren the list just went on and on. I don't know this world as well as you do you can't just keep throwing stuff at me all the... read