You really kept my attention throughout the entire script, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that your formatting was excellent with almost no typos at all. So many fail to achieve those basic goals. What can I say? I wanted to know how it all ended, I was anxious for her in the ring, I was intrigued by the whole thing, and appreciated the significant amount of research you must have done. I'm not sure what the market would be for this kind of script (especially in the US), but it was a well written script nonetheless.
A few specific comments:
Pg. 7 – red tile floors floors – oops
Pg. 10 – “Angela” turns around to face the woman.
Pg. 22 – Angela speaks twice in a row
Review of: Matadora (The Angela Hernandez Story)
reviewed by rmahler on 12/04/2008
Other Reviews by rmahler 98
A review of Blackout.comby rmahler on 12/19/2008This was an interesting concept that made for a good read. I think the dialog needed work to make it more natural and you might want to think of more ways to make the script more visual and less dialog driven, but the concept itself is solid. I'm not sure that I understand what you were trying to accomplish with the ending on the bus though. Why does Jamal fake his death?... read
A review of Principles of Buoyancyby rmahler on 12/13/2008Overall, this was a well-wrought script. The goal is clear cut from the start and the obstacles are well constructed for the protagonist to overcome. One minor mistake is that you attribute Ode to Joy to Bach (it's from Beethoven's 9th). I do have a few things that I think need addressing. First of all, I think you set up a very good conflict for Albert, but in a way he... read
A review of OLD ROTHBERGHIANby rmahler on 12/04/2008I applaud you for your valiant effort to write in what is obviously not your native language. I could not do the same. However, the fact that I could tell that it was not your native language means that it got in the way of my enjoyment of your story. You should seriously consider get a screenplay editor to read and edit your script to make it more proper English. Your... read