Visually stunning...
Overall, I like this short, though it's not without room for improvement. First the positives: visually, this film is shot superbly, especially considering that is was done on miniDV. I think this film helps to prove that format is less important than skill. That is, in competent hands, digital can look and feel amazing (just like in incompetent hands, something done on film can look like crap). I also thought the music really helped set the tone of the film. The long shots and the slow and sombre music grabbed me immediately and propelled into the film's "reality". Moreover, I like the general storyline. It's not flashy or violent or gratuitous, but simply sets out to tell a simple little story with a subtle message.
However, this brings me to one of my criticisms, the film/story is too talky and long. It really dragged there in the middle for me, especailly considering that all the characters were doing was sitting inside a very bland house/aparment and talking. And while I appreciate that the two characters weren't just jabbering away saying exactly what was on their minds, at times the dialog was too oblique for me. It felt a little odd that two people who are supposed to be so close would talk in code so much (Perhaps I'm just projecting because I as the viewer just wanted the flim to get to the point...). My second point of contention deals with the acting, or more spefically, with how the two actors delivered their lines. Quite often the lines felt rushed, hurried, and unnatural, like they were rehearsed and they were just trying to get the words out. The natural pauses and beats were missing. It's a tough thing to get right, even harder when you are the director and the male lead... The point to this is that it took me out of the story, out of the world that the well crafted beginning so easily drew me into.
Again, overall I really like this short. It starts off beautifully, skillfully drawing me into the world you've created. It ends quite well too, that same combination of stunning visuals with moody score grabbed me and made we watch again. It's just that middle part...but then, that's the problem with most films.
Good luck!
Other Reviews by FloydTheSecond
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With the limitations imposed upon the filmmaker, the aesthetics and production design are really immaterial here.
So what we're really evaluating is the story.
Overall, the story is what it is. It's not terribly creative nor is it terribly bad. It's just two people who share a connection from across a busy street. That's all fine and good, but why do they then pass each...
With the limitations imposed upon the filmmaker, the aesthetics and production design are really immaterial here.
So what we're really evaluating is the story.
Overall, the story is what it is. It's not terribly creative nor is it terribly bad. It's just two people who share a connection from across a busy street. That's all fine and good, but why do they then pass each other if they are attracted to one another? Is it simply to create the excuse for the unwitting dude to be hit by the unaware driver? If so, the needs of the story could have been better served. In the end the woman abandons the poor shmuck who couldn't make it across the road again (or wait for the light to change again). I guess I really just want the story to have a purpose, which is really what is lacking here. At the end of the short "film" all I'm left with is to wonder what I'm supposed to take from that...
I suppose there was probably some sort of restrictions on time to come up with the story for this competition as well, which would explain a lot. But at the end of the day, people will only remember how good you are based upon the last film of yours that they've seen...
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Overall I like this short. It was shot very well, you should thank your crew. Production design was high, camera work was good, acting was great. I do wish more was done with the lighting to create a better depth of field, especially since you took the trouble of using an adapter and film lenses. Not that I'm complaining, in fact the lighting was really quite good.
A couple...
Overall I like this short. It was shot very well, you should thank your crew. Production design was high, camera work was good, acting was great. I do wish more was done with the lighting to create a better depth of field, especially since you took the trouble of using an adapter and film lenses. Not that I'm complaining, in fact the lighting was really quite good.
A couple of negatives... First, the sound was only average. It sounds fine except that the levels jump up and down through out the short and sometimes the dialog was lost a bit in the ambient background noise. This was probably due to an inexperienced boom op. And the foley mix could use a little help with the "punch" sound and other sound effects... Overall though it really didn't take away from the story.
Second, the editing was a little rough. Most of the time, the editing was fairly seemless and there are few really nice cuts (like the "losing" sales man slamming his fist down on the bar cutting into the knock on the door). However, the fade outs/ins time lapsing cuts were just not good. It pulled me right out of the flow of the story. For example, when the sales men are competing and the one sales man steals the woman with the scarf, I would have much preferred to not have those fade outs/ins and would have liked to have just had some better blocking with the actors to watch the other sales man walk away as the other guy takes the woman to his desk. Then just use a cut to the next scene where our main character sales guy is with another customer and then you reveal the other sales man is with the same woman. Then you can go into the montage of customers with the main character while the other guy struggles with the same woman.
Finally, my last negative is probably my biggest. The story here is, at best, average. First, lose the Voice Overs! This really did nothing to help the story out. Let all the thoughts in the main character's head be revealed as we see the action unfold (though, as this was a Student Film, this is probably a lesson already learned...). Otherwise, the story needs higher stakes at the beginning to really justify the losing sales man's reaction to seeing how he was beaten. As it stands now, the premise set up in the beginning of the short is actually kind of confusing...is this supposed to be a contest for a promotion or the last ditch effort for the main character to save his job? You actually set both scenarios up, and they don't work together. Moreover, I think to have the ending work, it really needs to be a contest between the two men to see who gets to keep his job. Speaking of which, I was a little confused and disappointed with the ending. What was the point of all that? What sort of satisfaction was that supposed to give the "loser" sales man? Why would he go through all that violence just to leave the other sales man the way he did? And what does this ending do to reveal the main character's arc? Nothing as he doesn't do anything to resolve the situation. Finally, this short is listed as a comedy and drama. The way you have it cut right now it is just a drama. Sure there might be a couple of places where there are some light moments, but I think it's a mistake to call it a comedy, especially since the short takes such a dark turn at the end. When I see comedy as one of the genres, I'm expecting a much lighter short--both in dialog and tone, this short has neither (at least in it's current assembly, though I suspect that this is how it was meant to be shot).
Overall, nice job. I would like to see more of your work based on this sample, hopefully those will have stronger scripts to work from.
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I must start off by questioning that choice of genre. I saw nothing at all Science-Fiction, nor was there anything Fantasy, save the dream sequences which doesn't even qualify... Perhaps the problem in catagorising this short is due to its lack of story. True it does have a beginning, middle, and end, but what was the point? Am I to think that all G.A. groups are just fronts...
I must start off by questioning that choice of genre. I saw nothing at all Science-Fiction, nor was there anything Fantasy, save the dream sequences which doesn't even qualify... Perhaps the problem in catagorising this short is due to its lack of story. True it does have a beginning, middle, and end, but what was the point? Am I to think that all G.A. groups are just fronts for gamblers to get together and gamble? Where was the character arc for Donald?
Beyond that, many of the technical aspects in filmmaking were lacking as well. Many of the individual shots were awkward and confusing to the viewer (ie: the shot of Donald in bed at the beginning or the numerous low-angle shots during the gambling party dream sequence). Think about all the elements within the frame and how they come together to tell the story. Each scene and sequence needs to further the story and if the framing pulls the viewer out of the film, then they viewer will also be pulled out of the story.
Also the sound was terrible. It sounded like it was all done with the on-board mic. I would suggest using a boom mic at the very least next time to capture much clearer sound from the subjects you want and less ambient background noise.
I'm going to skip the acting since it felt like these were friends helping you out rather than a group of serious actors.
Editing was okay. There were a few effects early that were used to further the dream sequence feel, but be judicial with these. All in all, the cuts were not well placed and at times quite jarring. Again, the editing needs to help tell the story, keep it moving forward and flowing. When the cuts are too sudden and jarring, it pulls the viewer out of the story, something to be avoided at all costs (unless of course you are going for that effect). If this is your first forray into film editing, try reading a few books on the subject to see how different editing techniques are used to help further storytelling in different ways.
I would say this was a good first attempt for someone with little to no film experience. Keep at it if you're really passionate about film. Try reading a few cinematography and directing books and then trying another short. And above all, start with a solid story. Have a clear reason and purpose for telling a story through the moving picture. Everything starts with a solid script.
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