"Meandering" came to this reader's mind as he read this interesting but occasionally confusing story. In vignettes, we learn about this young man's past and present - family, girlfriends, boyfriends. Unfortunately, considering its length, we come away knowing very little because the story drifts, much like its main character drifts from scene to scene, memory to memory.
If there is a "choice" in this story, it was not seen by this reader, but perhaps that is his failing. In general, a bit over-written, with some nice descriptive moments, but very little sense of story or character movement.
Thanks for the opportunity to read it.
fleeting panorama ... transfixed unscathed ... meandering track - all in one sentence makes for some "heavy" reading, some might even suggest it is florid
He looked at me with an expressive smile - new paragraph
nonplussed, I stood in the middle - same (also, "Nonplussed")
[you have many sentences whose first word is not capitalized -- proofread!]
sputtered out his last cusses - sputtered out his last curses
“look how all of your cousins graduated, - new paragraph
Little children who don't cry, cry the most - nice!
“So how long have you been here?” He looked at me as he put away his magazine. - need a bit more clarity about returning to the man in the train; confusing
looking at the window - Looking "at" or looking "out?"
I wondered how we looked to the solitary hawk that freely traced a trail to no end. - nice!
He looked at me, beads of sweat running down his temple - new paragraph
his grief usually concealed somewhere in his spleen - unsure as to what this means
incense whiffed in a broken smoke from an Indian burner. - awkward
and a blue top served a stand for a chrysanthemum - and a blue top served as a stand for a potted chrysanthemum
by the kitchen Island - by the kitchen island
wall that reminiscently stood as a vain citadel. - unsure as to what this means
They lived in Coos bay - They lived in Coos Bay
” She walked me around the house, - new paragraph
“I heard you don't eat pork.” Said her younger sister - “I heard you don't eat pork,” said her younger sister
It took me ten years before I put her photo on my altar shelf - whose photo? grandmother?
My stories were chronologically random and strange to each other, classified in a dark repertoire; some stood out, while others disappeared in the shadows. - in a way, this sentence describes your story and its strengths and weaknesses
The mysterious girl now turned and looked at him with a an expressive smile - new paragraph
Images shuffled from an eagle crossing the chest of the sky to a bear laying in a sweet hibernation - what does this mean?
Review of: The Hard Choice
reviewed by bigheadx on 01/13/2012
Other Reviews by bigheadx 256
A review of Unconditionalby bigheadx on 03/12/2012This is a cute, extremely brief story with a twist that is a slight surprise. As a writing exercise, this reader admires your effort. But at the basic story level, what is so unusual about an older, unattractive man having a young, much admired dog? The repetition of reactions from strangers seem merely in place so as to "pay off" and exaggerate the twist. Even an adolescent... read
A review of Fantasiesby bigheadx on 01/16/2012Thanks for the opportunity to read this brief and interesting short story. The writing is terse but colorful, like a light show of words as you set the reader up for the funny/shocking twist at the end of what is a fairly "stock" concept. Congratulations on a nicely executed adult fantasy tale. This reader has offered some suggestions/corrections below. ================================... read
A review of Beltedby bigheadx on 06/22/2011Thank you for the opportunity to read this brief short story. Except in some cases (specifics below), the writing is competent and descriptive but, in this reader's opinion, ~525 words are not enough to fully convey the nature of the character's world, the character himself, or the reasons for his predicament. Still, it is an imaginative tale if only because it has taken... read