Review of: The Hard Choice 

reviewed by bigheadx on 01/13/2012
Credited Review
bigheadx
Wander through this life Credited Review
"Meandering" came to this reader's mind as he read this interesting but occasionally confusing story. In vignettes, we learn about this young man's past and present - family, girlfriends, boyfriends. Unfortunately, considering its length, we come away knowing very little because the story drifts, much like its main character drifts from scene to scene, memory to memory.

If there is a "choice" in this story, it was not seen by this reader, but perhaps that is his failing. In general, a bit over-written, with some nice descriptive moments, but very little sense of story or character movement.

Thanks for the opportunity to read it.

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fleeting panorama ... transfixed unscathed ... meandering track - all in one sentence makes for some "heavy" reading, some might even suggest it is florid

He looked at me with an expressive smile - new paragraph

nonplussed, I stood in the middle - same (also, "Nonplussed")

[you have many sentences whose first word is not capitalized -- proofread!]

sputtered out his last cusses - sputtered out his last curses

“look how all of your cousins graduated, - new paragraph

Little children who don't cry, cry the most - nice!

“So how long have you been here?” He looked at me as he put away his magazine. - need a bit more clarity about returning to the man in the train; confusing

looking at the window - Looking "at" or looking "out?"

I wondered how we looked to the solitary hawk that freely traced a trail to no end. - nice!

He looked at me, beads of sweat running down his temple - new paragraph

his grief usually concealed somewhere in his spleen - unsure as to what this means

incense whiffed in a broken smoke from an Indian burner. - awkward

and a blue top served a stand for a chrysanthemum - and a blue top served as a stand for a potted chrysanthemum

by the kitchen Island - by the kitchen island

wall that reminiscently stood as a vain citadel. - unsure as to what this means

They lived in Coos bay - They lived in Coos Bay

” She walked me around the house, - new paragraph

“I heard you don't eat pork.” Said her younger sister - “I heard you don't eat pork,” said her younger sister

It took me ten years before I put her photo on my altar shelf - whose photo? grandmother?

My stories were chronologically random and strange to each other, classified in a dark repertoire; some stood out, while others disappeared in the shadows. - in a way, this sentence describes your story and its strengths and weaknesses

The mysterious girl now turned and looked at him with a an expressive smile - new paragraph

Images shuffled from an eagle crossing the chest of the sky to a bear laying in a sweet hibernation - what does this mean?

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