Review of: A Constant Variable 

reviewed by earmight on 12/20/2009
earmight
Wanted to read this because of the premise.
The different font really stands out. It's too bad they aren't a little more liberal about that.

No title page?

I'll be pointing out typos as I go because I'm good at spotting them. I hope that helps.

pg 3 (bottom) - "...Tayah pulls out a handkerchief and uses it the push the..." should be "...uses it to push the..."

pg 4 (bottom) - "...bore you with a philosophical discussion, but is basically presents two theories." should be "...but it basically..."

pg 5 (bottom) - You could add another empty line so that JACOB is on the same page as his dialog.

pg 6 - "Einstein said that time is a constant variable." Did he say that? He was a jokester.

pg 7 - "...and picks up glass full of..." should be "...and picks up a glass..."

pg 7 (bottom) - Another dialog gets broken up by a page change. I don't think that's allowed.

pg 8 - "Jacog sits in the drivers seat." should be "...driver's seat."

pg 9 (bottom) - Another end-of-page error. I'll stop pointing those out. They might have happened during a font change or by exporting to pdf.

pg 12 (top) - "him self" should be one word.

pg 14 (bottom) - TAYAH: "Then What?" should be "Then what?"

pg 24 - "Working My Way Back to You". That's a good tell, good choice.

pg 26 (bottom) - Isn't "jovial disdain" an oxymoron?

pg 34 - "Jacob stand at the stove..." should be "Jacob stands..."

pg 39 - I love the way time-travel stories let you play with reality. This is getting good now...

pg 65 - It seems unreasonable that Sarah didn't run to investigate when she heard the two gunshots.

pg 75 (top) - JACOB: "I thought passed out." needs to be fixed.

pg 80 - "...they kiss like two people who have been deprived each other." should be "...deprived of each other."

*I'm missing the Laker's game because I'm having so much trouble pulling myself away from this story.*

pg 98 - "...he has almost a weeks worth whiskers..." should be "...weeks worth of whiskers..." (should "weeks" be "week's"??).

pg 104 (top) - "...with a sarong tied and the waist." should be "...tied at the waist." or "...around the waist."

Final word: I really like this story. Good pacing, good formatting. Other than the few typos, I don't know how I'd improve on it. I'm not sure if I'd have SARAH say "What?" as the last thing, but...
NOTE: This review does not factor into the site rankings.

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