Other Reviews by EganMike 4

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  Creepy...
  A review of Blue Romance
  by EganMike on 12/08/2011
  Cool camera work. Loved the shaky camerawork when the girl was remembering the encounter. I wonder though...at the end, it seems she's only pummeling one of the girls. What happened to the other girl? Did one get away? I feel like it could've been ten times creepier if at the end, the other friend (the blonde one) was trying to stop her, you know? Like she was pleading with... Cool camera work. Loved the shaky camerawork when the girl was remembering the encounter. I wonder though...at the end, it seems she's only pummeling one of the girls. What happened to the other girl? Did one get away?
  
  I feel like it could've been ten times creepier if at the end, the other friend (the blonde one) was trying to stop her, you know? Like she was pleading with the girl in the hat to stop pumeling her friend. But she just kept right on punching, with no emotion on her face...unaffected by the screams of her friend.
  
  Also, I kind of wanted to see some blood on her knuckles or her shirt or something. I mean, it sounded like she was punching a slab of raw meat (Rocky style) there...why not show a little blood-splatter? Maybe on her face, and shirt.
  
  Actually, if you showed a bit of that, you could always have the girlfriend notice some blood on her during dinner:
  
  "Is that blood on your shirt?"
  
  "What? Where?"
  
  "Right there. What is that?"
  
  "Oh, it's nothing. Must've spilled something earlier."
  
  Just my thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em. read
• 
  Held my attention from start to finish...
  A review of HAWAIIANSTEIN
  by EganMike on 12/08/2011
  Read the entire script in one sitting. First off, I thoroughly enjoyed the Sonny character. I was picturing The Dude (Jeff Bridges) from The Big Lebowski. Is that the image you were hoping to conjure up? He was smart, witty and incredibly flawed. But I liked him. Every he time he handed out his business card: "Here...in case your husband wants to have you followed." Gold... Read the entire script in one sitting.
  
  First off, I thoroughly enjoyed the Sonny character. I was picturing The Dude (Jeff Bridges) from The Big Lebowski. Is that the image you were hoping to conjure up? He was smart, witty and incredibly flawed. But I liked him. Every he time he handed out his business card: "Here...in case your husband wants to have you followed." Gold. Loved it.
  
  You have a ton going on in this story. A lot of great dialogue, some interesting characters...I don't even know where to begin.
  
  For me, I find constructive criticism to be more helpful than praise. So I'll focus a little on what could be tweaked. Just remember, it's just like...my opinion, man. (Hopefully you caught that reference. If my assessment of Sonny above is spot-on, then I trust you did.)
  
  Zig and Louie...they seem like a distraction from the story to me. Do you really need them? What I mean is, can you chop those characters way down and only keep what's absolutely necessary? For example, I'm thinking back to the Hotel scene and I'm not sure what the point of it was. Same with the two cops...do you need two or can you get away with one? (I'm just thinking of ways to streamline this a bit so every scene, every chunk of dialogue moves the story forward.)
  
  I guess that's my overall comment...if it doesn't HAVE to be there, cut it. Get the script down from 106 pages to say 95 pages and you're golden. (95 is the new 110.)
  
  But overall I liked it. Dialogue is good. The Sonny character is awesome.
  
  I don't know. I feel like I rambled. Feel free to disagree with any or all of what I just wrote. read
• 
  Some promising characters in this story...
  A review of Norm (V.3.)
  by EganMike on 12/02/2011
  If this ever got produced, I could totally see myself hating it the first time around, then loving it as I watched it over and over again. Do you know what I mean? (Take that as a compliment.) Sort of like with Napoleon Dynamite. I didn’t get it and therefore didn’t care for it the first time around. But then it started to grow on me. Like a fungus. Both Norm and Mort are... If this ever got produced, I could totally see myself hating it the first time around, then loving it as I watched it over and over again. Do you know what I mean? (Take that as a compliment.)
  
  Sort of like with Napoleon Dynamite. I didn’t get it and therefore didn’t care for it the first time around. But then it started to grow on me. Like a fungus.
  
  Both Norm and Mort are two fun characters. I found myself perking up whenever Mort especially came onto the scene. As irreverent and inappropriate as he is. Not sure I cared enough about the stakes though to get fully invested in their lives…but I did like them as characters.
  
  Shellie needed more of a motive for me though. Gambling on NFL games just isn’t enough. Maybe if she was a crack addict or something. You know? Like she NEEDS the cash bad. And she’ll do anything to get it.
  
  As far as writing/presentation goes…the story moves along at a decent pace. Though, when I first opened the script and saw no dialogue until page two, that was a little bit of a turn-off. Especially with such colorful characters (see comments on Mort and Norm above) at your disposal. Why not introduce Mort sooner? Or have Norm reciting the “self-help” stuff with a mouthful of toothpaste as he’s getting ready in the morning? Just a thought.
  
  Overall, an entertaining read. Maybe just dial up the stakes a tad. Or not. I’m just one reviewer.
  
  Congratulations on a finished script though. That’s more than a lot of people can say. Keep at it.
  
  -mge read