Review of: Lost House - revised 

reviewed by jiggson on 01/31/2006
Credited Review
Well written. Good pacing. Credited Review
Lost House is a well written tale of backstabbing, greed, and redemption. I enjoyed reading it. The story rolled along with good pacing and sustained my interest despite the turbulent cross country flight I was on.
I would have liked ot have known a little more about the device that Cole and Will developed, but it was not essential to the plot. You could have revealed more about it without naming it however. Hint that it is powerful, dangerous, or valuable in a stronger manner. I did not understand how Cole knew so much about Frank when the two were together. I assume Cole researched the scheme before launching it, but that exchange (with Frank's dark past) seemed forced to me. The biggest problem I had with the overall script was the ending. The payoff for all this build-up was something of a letdown. From the time Will mets Jeffery to the end was not as solid as the begining. Will breaking his arm. The lighter thing. Will and Cecilla's reunion "Hello Cowboy.", etc. Also, David was not involved at all and I really wanted to see him have his moment to shine. The only other thing that comes to mind was the dialogue. Most of it was strong. The characters all have unique voices and are all well defined through their words and actions. I do recomend however cutting some words. There are numerous long patches of dialogue. Take another look at any dialogue over 20-25 words to make sure every word and sentence are needed. One example is on p.86. Jeffrey has a long rant about the 8th level of hell. It is too wordy. If he has one of these it might work, but he has several. Cut out the redundant lines while leaving enough to get the point accross. I see LH was nominated for SOM. Congrats and good luck with the re-writes! Now I can let myself read the Script Shark coverage!

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