Review of: Day of the Gun (5.0)
reviewed by vancemi on 06/15/2004
Westerns Aren't Dead
This was a quick and easy read with some good albeit cliched characters and situations. It's single biggest flaw is the dialogue. The characters tend to state the obvious way too often. You need to sit back and leave more to the imaginations of the readers. I would recommend another rewrite with the intention of cutting most of the dialogue out. I would also recommend adding more action, the breakout of Papagayo for instance. Another thought would be to let Gallina live and develop a love interest between her and Billy. Overall, the script was relatively error free. I only caught a few mistakes. FYI - taught/taut (page 23), pull/pulls (page 73), and wick/fuse (page 74). All in all, with some work, this could be a pretty entertaining western. Good luck with it.
Other Reviews by vancemi 71
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A review of Rodeo Heartacheby vancemi on 07/30/2004This SP reads like a country song. I'm not a fan of the music, but I do like a good down on your luck, left by the wife, bit by the dog kind of story now and then. This one is well crafted with a lot of depth of character. Like country music, I'll bet this could have an audience. A few notes: I found myself deeply involved with even the minor players. I was surprised that Joe... read
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