Review of: One of Those Days (Rough Draft) 

reviewed by Suesea on 10/07/2010
Credited Review
Suesea
What a joint. Credited Review
That was a superficial take on some serious subjects. I have to say I wasn't expecting the ending. At one point, I thought vampires, but it turned out way different.

I just read your production notes and see that you have posted a final draft. If it's assigned to me, I'd be glad to review it as well. Since I read this one, I'm going to go ahead and post my notes.

Since this story was uploaded 6/2008, I imagine you have been bombarded about the structure of the story and the missing commas, paragraphs, and that the dialog wasn't indented. I'll leave it at that.

Other than that, the story is OK. You may also want to look at how paragraphs transition to see if the thought process is smooth. I noticed a few ideas jump quickly to completely different ideas. (Again, you probably already heard about that.)

I'm glad the story was brief and original. I like to care about the characters and get a feel for their situation. This story is written in a flippant, matter-of-fact, way that made it harder to do. If there was a little more background or information about the characters, it may be more engaging.

Good job creating a uniquely bizarre, surprising story.

Suesea

Other Reviews by Suesea 171

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