Review of: Conspiracy (1st Draft?) 

reviewed by mnjones on 11/22/2010
Credited Review
mnjones
What Conspiracy? Credited Review
Short stories on Trigger Street are supposed to be doubled-spaced and have numbered pages. This would be longer than 2 pages.

Sorry. I did not like this one. I'm not sure what the writer is trying to say. The stuff in the beginning, about "killing my best friend" and running from my wife who thinks I beat our child," has nothing to do with what follows. If there is a story here it needs to be more fully developed and infused with energy and vived action. As it is, it lacks believability. The sentence on page 1 that begins with "I turn around and try to walk away..." starts the description of a very vicious attack, during which the protagonist disarms and beats unconscious 3 bad guys, but this action is told, not shown, in very dull fashion, in fact, boring.

I strongly doubt that a cop, facing an armed man "wanted for ten counts of murder," would say, "Sir, drop the gun and kick it to me." What he would say would more likely be, "Drop the fucking weapon! Now!"

Other Reviews by mnjones 381

  • by mnjones on 01/08/2011
    I am a fan of gritty tales with bad guys making life hard for a good guy who who turns the tables on the bad guys by doing something even worse to them. I especially like those written with a fast-paced, light touch that depicts with subtle humor mostly amoral characters. "Henry's Delimma" is one of those. It is fast, sly, and full of the twists reminiscent of Elmore Leonard's... read
  • A review of Saladin Haze
    by mnjones on 12/03/2010
    Strong, gripping, and well-written account of a man at war, a civil war in which he has begun to suspect he may be on the wrong side. I am still puzzled by the disembodied voice that seemed to surround Haze and his men at the roadblock; but the ending is well done, with Haze, who sacrifices his sister so that he can, in her memory and the memory of Anne Frank, "find them"... read
  • A review of Possum and Pizzaiola
    by mnjones on 12/01/2010
    This is a well written account of a dinner shared by folks of very different cultures. There is a very nice scene with some wonderful, very visual descriptions of a dining room and buffet. But what you see in this story is what you get: there's no conflict, mystery, tension, or suspense. But this is a happy story about happy people. How can you complain about that? I do think... read
+ more reviews