Other Reviews by stevles 122

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  Cancer Kills!
  A review of The Carrier (rev.)
  by stevles on 10/15/2012
  The Carrier is a fast-paced, action-laced buddy/buddies movie, only, this time only one buddy out of four remains standing. It's Riley-Taker Vs. Richter-Keller, with only Richter left standing. There are a few other characters who manage to make it to the end credits alive, but you kind of get the feeling that somewhere down the line awaits their comeuppance. While the story... The Carrier is a fast-paced, action-laced buddy/buddies movie, only, this time only one buddy out of four remains standing. It's Riley-Taker Vs. Richter-Keller, with only Richter left standing. There are a few other characters who manage to make it to the end credits alive, but you kind of get the feeling that somewhere down the line awaits their comeuppance.
  
  While the story is fresh, original and spiked with some real good banter, it is not quite ready for prime time. While the "fart all night" line works like a charm, too many others like "you're a walking contradiction", and "... looking for condoms", are either on the nose or fall flat.
  
  I know that on the screen, all the characters are visual, easily distinguished and recognized, but on the page... the number introduced early on made my head spin. Will a professional reader, given this assignment, make it past the first ten pages?
  
  Now, about the number of dead. Maybe a Tarantino can get away with it, but a newbie writer like yourself will have a tough time convincing a producer you're not copying
  from the Masters. Another problem for mainstream America -- all the main characters are either greedy, murderous villains, or greedy murderous anti-heroes. All except Richter, a sniveling, cowardly loser.
  
  As for the story itself, structure, originality, pacing and denouement? Nice job.
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  Old East Meets Young West
  A review of The PRODIGAL
  by stevles on 08/16/2011
  While the Prodigal was an entertaining read, it was, to say the least, fraught with problems. Too many, I mean, too many typo and technical errors intrude on, what should have been, a smooth read. Ketel One spelled Kettel One; Characters go uncapped; Sonny capped SSONY in one place, SON in another and SONNY SONNY (pg. 57) in a third. Edna let's go of an arm instead of... While the Prodigal was an entertaining read, it was, to say the least, fraught with problems.
  
  Too many, I mean, too many typo and technical errors intrude on, what should have been, a smooth read. Ketel One spelled Kettel One; Characters go uncapped; Sonny capped SSONY in one place, SON in another and SONNY SONNY (pg. 57) in a third. Edna let's go of an arm instead of lets go (without apostrophe pg. 61.
  
  Too many CUT TO's and CU's spoil the flow, as well.
  
  More importantly, the dialogue among all of the "New York" characters is less New York than Catskill/Borscht-belt shtick that Billy Crystal and Neil Simon would disown... okay, maybe not Neil Simon. Interestingly, all the characters under the age of 55+ deliver some real smart dialogue. Melissa's intro to Sonny, for example, is first-rate. As for Solly, Frannie, Evie and Jake... "Oy vey!" doesn't begin to describe the stereotypical dialogue they're saddled with. And poor Alex, must she say "ju" almost every time she speaks?
  
  As for Sonny, I can't possibly believe this so ethnic an actor/character could ever be a star outside of Hester Street. As for Melissa's fate at the hands of director Cody's frat boy antics, there needs to be more there for it to ring true. Finally, and maybe it's just me, but I don't see how Sonny and his dad's reunion (with Robbie) back in NY pulls the piece together.
  
  The positives;
  
  As I've already stated, the dialogue given the younger characters is more than good. Melissa's character is beautifully drawn and Cody's is properly despicable.
  
  The story itself, of an aging star in need of a new life, is not a bad one. Sonny is a likeable protagonist, a guy you really want to root for.
  
  I think the story is there, from first page to last. Maybe you can, in its current form, find an independent producer with a fondness for this antiquated art form. If not, you might consider restructuring the characters where perhaps Sonny is the bridge between the Evie and Franny's of the world and everyone else that follows.
  
  Good luck with this. If you do re-write it with a more contemporary edge, let me know.
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• 
  Self Loathing American-Style
  A review of American Independent
  by stevles on 03/09/2011
  First, let me congratulate the writer for an extremely entertaining two hour read. The topic, for this site at least, was refreshing, original and thought-provoking. Having said all that, I must confess that if I were judging this (reader) for a studio, I would have to pass on it for the following reasons: Too preachy - Santa Fox, the radio DJ is too much the mouthpiece... First, let me congratulate the writer for an extremely entertaining two hour read. The topic, for this site at least, was refreshing, original and thought-provoking. Having said all that, I must confess that if I were judging this (reader) for a studio, I would have to pass on it for the following reasons:
  
  Too preachy - Santa Fox, the radio DJ is too much the mouthpiece for an extremely sour and dark philosophical take on today's America. He's just too over the top for a story that, in itself, without the help of this over-aged hippie, is over the top enough.
  
  Too many easy answers that needed answering - The Grip overhearing the plan, Kathleen's mother and Jordan's Ex, the left-handed gun thing on the videos, the fake murders...
  
  The Roosevelt subplot - the whole cancer thing just didn't work for me, even though the idea of his wife maybe never having had cancer in the first place, was intriguing.
  
  Satire, even the dark conspiratorial self-loathing variety, is not easy to pull off. The reality show concept is an original and interesting idea, but I think for it to be believed, it should be toned/quieted down a notch. Americans, believe it or not, both the liberal and conservative kind, like their heroes strong, but soft-spoken. Teddy Roosevelt said it best. "Speak softly but carry a big stick."
  
  I've always found American satire to be too hysterical, too broad, too over the top - almost cartoon-like in its depiction of whomever, whatever it's trying to satirize. But, that's just my opinion.
  
  Even with my reservations, I'm rating this script highly.
  
  Good luck with the re-write.
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