Great job. You succeeded in faithfully creating an alternate existence for the scenario of the Seger song.
The writing skills here are unquestionable. The reader can smell the air, the lust, and the hot cushions of the back seat of the car. The mindsets of the two characters are succinctly conveyed; their emotions are detached, but their libidos are very connected. Later on, as we awaken in the harsh present, we find that memories of the steamy event have added, or perhaps unearthed, an element of nostalgic longing that goes well beyond the physical.
My only quibble is the change from past to present tense. I understand why you did it, but I'm not sure it was necessary and I think it was distracting.
Very lovely work.
Review of: Night Moves
reviewed by LBarbarell on 06/12/2011
Other Reviews by LBarbarell 469
A review of My Best Friend is Dead (2nd Draft)by LBarbarell on 07/11/2012The story has a nice, melancholy, Ray Bradbury-ish quality to to it. Though it's science fiction, the sci-fi is secondary to the story: it's a device to explore the characters and the worlds they may or may not actually inhabit. I think it's fairly original, sort of like a computer game that attempts to simulate the spiritual aspects of life rather than the physical. The... read
A review of The Infinite Fluby LBarbarell on 06/25/2012I wonder if that boss is going to attend Bob's funeral. Except for the fact that the lips were out of synch with the sound, probably a web issue and not the fault of the film, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Things I liked included: - The boss sounded real. Basically uncaring, humorless, and completely lacking imagination. Good voice talent. - The onscreen actor was sufficiently... read
A review of Snitches Get Bulletsby LBarbarell on 06/22/2012Since this short is about bullets, here are my bullet points: The Good o Tight editing. o Great music selections but I'm not sure your disclaimer gets you off the hook with regard to copyright. o Great photographic composition in the opening scene. o Gun firing was realistic. o The mostly sepia look somehow increased realism. o Acting was OK, but hooker moved awkwardly... read