Wow, I really donít know how to review this. Part of me is fascinated by this script, the other half is utterly confused.
I loved the setting. It reminded me of the city of Rapture from the Bioshock games. A unique society slowly driven mad by the same thing that makes them unique. More importantly, the concept of the purple gas and the people choosing to live there made some of the craziness of the story less, er, crazy.
You are a good writer and extremely imaginative. I felt you had full control through this house of mirrors, which was good thing. Dialogue was well done. Made it feel like a 50ís noir-ish film.
I loved the various scenarios about the theory of who placed the gas in the first place, each ending with ďFireĒ.
One thing that must be done: Formatting. I was very confused as this script seemed to move effortlessly back in forth between reality, flashbacks, and (maybe) fantasy. I was unsure when Rodger and Will were seemingly dead, yet still talking, if they were really still alive, or were figments of Jules (or someone elseís) imagination. Later itís revealed that Rodger isnít dead (I think), but then I wonder how he could have sustained all that damage, and yet not be dead.
Again, the way Orange Island was presented made the story more believable. I slowly settled into the way everything worked in the story. One thing I didnít understand was if it was so easy to kill someone by souplining them, why even go through the elaborate scheme to set up the suspects? Why didnít Updikeís people just toss Rodger outside? Or better yet, gas him in his own home to make the yellow gas seem ineffective, thus accomplishing their goal?
The ending, while funny and unexpected pushed this script (which already walked a fine line of the absurd) over the edge. I would have bought the rabbit conspiracy, but the double conspiracy with Casabianca (and his masks) and final confrontation between a suddenly alive Rodger and Jules would have been well past the point when the General in Monty Python would have ended the movie for being ďtoo sillyĒ. Maybe if you moved Updikeís reveal until after Rodger is dead (again). I just feel you had control of the madness that was your script until the end where it quit being clever, and just became weird.
Anyway, critiquing this and offering story suggestions is like trying to make a Picasso look like a Norma Rockwell. Itís not what you intended and it would ruin the insanely fascinating script I had the pleasure of reading. Work on the ending and someone may take a chance on this.
Review of: People Who Love People
reviewed by iceeis on 06/21/2010
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