Review of: People Who Love People 

reviewed by iceeis on 06/21/2010
Credited Review
iceeis
Would you kindly… review this script? Credited Review
Wow, I really don’t know how to review this. Part of me is fascinated by this script, the other half is utterly confused.

I loved the setting. It reminded me of the city of Rapture from the Bioshock games. A unique society slowly driven mad by the same thing that makes them unique. More importantly, the concept of the purple gas and the people choosing to live there made some of the craziness of the story less, er, crazy.

You are a good writer and extremely imaginative. I felt you had full control through this house of mirrors, which was good thing. Dialogue was well done. Made it feel like a 50’s noir-ish film.

I loved the various scenarios about the theory of who placed the gas in the first place, each ending with “Fire”.

One thing that must be done: Formatting. I was very confused as this script seemed to move effortlessly back in forth between reality, flashbacks, and (maybe) fantasy. I was unsure when Rodger and Will were seemingly dead, yet still talking, if they were really still alive, or were figments of Jules (or someone else’s) imagination. Later it’s revealed that Rodger isn’t dead (I think), but then I wonder how he could have sustained all that damage, and yet not be dead.

Again, the way Orange Island was presented made the story more believable. I slowly settled into the way everything worked in the story. One thing I didn’t understand was if it was so easy to kill someone by souplining them, why even go through the elaborate scheme to set up the suspects? Why didn’t Updike’s people just toss Rodger outside? Or better yet, gas him in his own home to make the yellow gas seem ineffective, thus accomplishing their goal?

The ending, while funny and unexpected pushed this script (which already walked a fine line of the absurd) over the edge. I would have bought the rabbit conspiracy, but the double conspiracy with Casabianca (and his masks) and final confrontation between a suddenly alive Rodger and Jules would have been well past the point when the General in Monty Python would have ended the movie for being “too silly”. Maybe if you moved Updike’s reveal until after Rodger is dead (again). I just feel you had control of the madness that was your script until the end where it quit being clever, and just became weird.

Anyway, critiquing this and offering story suggestions is like trying to make a Picasso look like a Norma Rockwell. It’s not what you intended and it would ruin the insanely fascinating script I had the pleasure of reading. Work on the ending and someone may take a chance on this.

Other Reviews by iceeis 383

  • A review of The Rivalry
    by iceeis on 08/04/2010
    I was actually assigned the first draft of The Rivalry, but didn't get to it before it was deleted, so I was happy to get the second draft. It was a good read, and has potential to be a good traditional light hearted RomCom. One of the reasons I was interested was I am a huge Football fan. Unfortunately I mostly watch NFL, but I do keep track of College Football and go to... read
  • by iceeis on 06/14/2010
    It has been a very long time since I read a western, so I decided to give Sara Madigan a try. It was an entertaining screenplay, and fairly well written. I was able to follow everything, and it flowed well. I enjoyed the fact that the writer intended to tell a story and not a history lesson (which is one of the reasons it's been a while since I read a Western). I do have to... read
  • A review of eRay - 2nd draft
    by iceeis on 05/14/2010
    I really enjoyed eRay. It was a modern twist to a fairly standard Rom Com.  The humor was good, and you did an excellent job of back and forth dialogue between characters. Ray was likable without being pathetic. His eventual pairing with Langley was obvious, but aren't all RomComs predictable? I liked the love er, square between Ray, Jill, Abby, and Langley. I enjoyed... read
+ more reviews