I was prepared to take notes while I read this story so that I could give a good review but I got so engrossed in the story I couldn't stop reading, if even for a second, in order to take notes!
My last thought was WoW!
What a good story and to come at it from the murderers point of view was a great idea!
A few suggestions that come to mind:
get rid of:
"I won’t bore you with every detail of the cleaning, that would just be too
boring, unless of course you’re into that kind of thing?
Well we’ll jump to the juicy part."
I felt it detracted from the story.
On page 4 I was wondering what it was that he wanted her to find?
On page 13 you wrote "someone like me could never have." and I was wondering why he felt that way about himself?
Other than these few questions I truely enjoyed this story. You are a remarkable writer and you most certainly have a gift for the macabre.
I hope to read more of your stories in the future.
Review of: Bathtime
reviewed by ravensdragonfly on 10/22/2009
Other Reviews by ravensdragonfly 56
A review of Yellow 6by ravensdragonfly on 12/16/2013Where to start? I will tell you first, a bit about how I review. I am not all that wonderful at grammar or spelling so I focus on how the story makes me feel, if it was a smooth read (flowed easily) and I ad a few possible suggestions for alternate wording. The poem on page 19 was very visual for me, well written and quite romantic - great job! The conversation between Arlen... read
A review of Elementalby ravensdragonfly on 03/28/2011I found myself not wanting to stop reading. I kept wanting to know what happens next and that is the hallmark of a very good book. The way you intertwined the elements and stories at the begining of each chapter with what was going on in this mans life was an interesting concept. Admittedly it went over my head at first (I am not the sharpest tool in the shed at times). I am... read
A review of The Sown (rev)by ravensdragonfly on 03/10/2011WoW! This story held my attention from beggining to end! usually I tend to get detracted but not this time. Your writing is captivating and excellent. I love the way you kept building and building letting the situation grow more tense, you have perfect timing for this, well done! your grammar seemed imepecable. I only ran across two spelling errors; On page 5 - you wrote -... read