Lanceeliot 

member since 07/18/2009 | last login 09/17/2011

Hi, I'm a filmmaker living in Chicago. My screenplays have made it to the Quarterfinals at Slamdance, Bluecat, and the PAGE International awards. My screenplay Undead Waitress made it to the finals at Paranoia fest....

Bio

Hi, I'm a filmmaker living in Chicago. My screenplays have made it to the Quarterfinals at Slamdance, Bluecat, and the PAGE International awards. My screenplay Undead Waitress made it to the finals at Paranoia fest.

Submissions by Lanceeliot

Reviews by Lanceeliot 11

  • A review of Do You Smell That?
    by Lanceeliot on 09/11/2011
    Thank you for sharing your short story. I hope these notes are helpful. If any of them ring true consider them for your next rewrite. Page 1. Second sentence, “Depressed and wanting to get out of bed.” is a sentence fragment. You may want to combine with the first sentence. Liked the twist at the end, it had a twilight zone or outer limits feel. What does the main... read
  • A review of To Change the Channel
    by Lanceeliot on 09/11/2011
    Thank you for sharing your short story. I have a couple notes and suggestions. If any of this rings true, I hope it’s helpful for your next rewrite. Opening paragraph seems to be a critique of morning radio shows. It summarizes the narrator’s feelings about radio shows. In the second paragraph we get more detail in talking about Travis T. Hipp. You may want to open... read
  • A review of Reflections
    by Lanceeliot on 09/10/2011
    Thank you for sharing your story via Trigger Street. I hope that you find some of these notes are useful, please disregard the rest. Overall I felt like much of the story was being told to the reader. While summary can help advance a story, showing what happens if often times better. Here are specific observations I had while reading the story: While starting in the... read
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Comments About Lanceeliot 10

  • **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/14/2011

    Thank you for your review / comments on "Labor's Day." You are dead-on-the-money. The story I'm trying to tell hasn't been uploaded. *smile* I have been a TS member for a long time. First, I failed miserably in trying to write the story in screenplay form. Told to write the thing in manuscript form, I did so. Now, I'm trying to condense over 400 pages into 50. "Labor's Day", in retrospect, was a test, i.e. just how good am I - simply as a storyteller ? Will "Labor's Day", with all it's fitful starts, stops, "frames", and warts help me build confidence? Answer: It has.

    Thank you again for your time and your very helpful review.

    MagnoliaMoon
  • AndyBrannan on 09/14/2011

    Thanks for your review of "To Change the Channel"! I certainly value your input.

    I'm guessing from your comments that you assume this story is fiction. Are you certain about that? Why? If you check out my other stories, you'll find one called "Beth's Coupon." What if I told you that one of these two stories is word-for-word truth? If you are interested, I'd love to hear your guess, and why.

    Andy
  • **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 11/09/2009

    Thanks for your critique of Termino Blanco. I wanted to play with the exposition & a traditional protagonist a little differently and see how that works. The gamble proved mixed results. I will save your notes, which will come in handy, for a future rewrite. Peace!
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