Comments About lisabelle03 9

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  fjs2836 on 03/26/2008

  I have rewritten a few pages of my story "The Tea Party" and I wondered if you would be interested in re-reading them? Let me know if I am going in the right direction? I hope to have the story finally finished (well it will never really be finished)soon and ready to upload.
  
  I would appreciate your feedback.
  
  Franklin
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  fjs2836 on 03/20/2008

  Hi Lisabelle.
  Since I have the most boring part time job imaginable, I am now able to put more time into catching up with the writing. I am actively working on The Tea Party. Whereas I am using a great deal of your thoughts/ideas, I am having one hell of a time with the ending (it seems to bother a great many reviewers) but to be honest I have no idea as to where to take it so it stays a short and I dont have to add pages and pages. I would be very appreciative if you had any idea where you would have liked to have seen this go. I am staring at a blank page where the ending should be. I dont want to 'steal' and idea from you, but I would appreciate any input!
  
  I do want to be able to put this out there in a wider scope (and maybe sell it!).
  
  Thanks again for your help.
  
  Franklin
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  fjs2836 on 03/17/2008

  Thanks for catching up with me. No I havent had time for the rewrite, but I really want to get back to it. I have been working (actually a collaboration) on my first screenplay and that takes up a bunch of my brain. Like I said I will be reworking it soon, as it was my first, it is like a child to me and I want it to be really good.
  
  Thanks again, I am most appreciative
  
  Franklin

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Comments About lisabelle03 9

• 
  Quote

  fjs2836 on 03/26/2008

  I have rewritten a few pages of my story "The Tea Party" and I wondered if you would be interested in re-reading them? Let me know if I am going in the right direction? I hope to have the story finally finished (well it will never really be finished)soon and ready to upload.
  
  I would appreciate your feedback.
  
  Franklin
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  Quote

  fjs2836 on 03/20/2008

  Hi Lisabelle.
  Since I have the most boring part time job imaginable, I am now able to put more time into catching up with the writing. I am actively working on The Tea Party. Whereas I am using a great deal of your thoughts/ideas, I am having one hell of a time with the ending (it seems to bother a great many reviewers) but to be honest I have no idea as to where to take it so it stays a short and I dont have to add pages and pages. I would be very appreciative if you had any idea where you would have liked to have seen this go. I am staring at a blank page where the ending should be. I dont want to 'steal' and idea from you, but I would appreciate any input!
  
  I do want to be able to put this out there in a wider scope (and maybe sell it!).
  
  Thanks again for your help.
  
  Franklin
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  Quote

  fjs2836 on 03/17/2008

  Thanks for catching up with me. No I havent had time for the rewrite, but I really want to get back to it. I have been working (actually a collaboration) on my first screenplay and that takes up a bunch of my brain. Like I said I will be reworking it soon, as it was my first, it is like a child to me and I want it to be really good.
  
  Thanks again, I am most appreciative
  
  Franklin
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  loracov on 03/16/2008

  Thank you for the very detailed review. I have had a couple of reviewers comment on the tense shifts. Thought I had corrected them all. Oops.
  A lot of reviewers have commented on the conjugal visit too. What I was getting at there is that Jenny is a person who makes bad choices when overwhelmed. She had used drugs and she would also use sex as an "escape" from her reality. And in this kind of stress, she falls back into making those types of decisions. When there's no drugs, she turns to the other type of "addiction" that she had.
  I didn't quite know how to fill in all the backstory on her messed up life in order for the reader to disagree with her choices but understand them and feel compassion for why she was making them.
  You have given me some great suggestions though.
  Thank you.
  
  Lora
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  rz_sain on 03/05/2008

  Hi. Thanks for the excellent review, it must have taken you quite while to write it. Well, let's get down to details.
  If you think the story was rushed, you're absolutely right. I was on a roll and just had to get it out, so yeah, I'll have to check the whole thing out and find the things you mentioned.
  About the student. "unless the MYSTERY of the STUDENT unfolds and through irony or revelation we understand why he was the STUDENT", well, that sorta reminded me of Clive Barker's Hellraiser, in which the 3 (or was it 4) demons were 'explorers in the realm of experience'. I bet something like thta would make a great revelation kind of thing, but it's gonna be really hard to come up with something spectacular now, months after I wrote the story.
  The title, Subsistence. It has become almost a personal joke to me, I'll explain. The literal meaning of the word (the condition of remaining in existence : continuation, persistence) I've always taken to be continued existence. Which is applicable here, because of not only the eery sound of it, but the House's desire to live forever. The House is the protagonist here, I've always seen it as the lead character because of it's human tendencies like fear of an end and immaterialism. So that's how I think it fits. And yeah, the funny thing is that I actually stole the title from another story I was working on (but abandoned, temporarily anyway) before I started this one, and an idea I got just very recently also begs to be called Subsistence. That title fits just about everything I seem to be able to write, no matter how wildly different the stories may be (one is about the final decline of the human race, and the other is an all out horror story).
  And if you read my production notes, you'll see that the student was never named because I just couldn't think of one. And by the time it was all over, I thought that if I give him a name now, the entire character would change, so it became the don't fix what ain't broke thing, but apparently, it is broken, so I will do something about it. I totally agree with you about the introduction of the two characters, but I, as much as any reader, was terribly eager for the actual story to begin (I hadn't thought it out or anything). I guess it's my obligation to my work to fix it, and present it the best I can, and I will, once I've written down the rest of the stories raging within me ofcourse. Am I even allowed to write suck a long comment?
  
  Thanks again for the extremely helpful review.
  
  Reza
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  fjs2836 on 03/03/2008

  I wanted to drop you a few lines and thank you for the kind review. From that review I will be taking and putting to good use some of the ideas you put forth, it may have been exactly the review I was looking for, too many others just tell you what was wrong or if they liked it or not. It inspired me to put more time and effort into it!! I just wish I knew what to do with it when I was at a good place with it. Any ideas?
  
  Thanks again for the review and suggestions.
  
  Franklin
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  lisabelle03 on 03/02/2008

  Thanks for the warm welcome! I'm excited to read everyone's work, which by the look of it, is extensive! I will be busy reading and commenting for some time. A "head start" is just experience and age :) You spend a lifetime learning the craft and we're all fellow travellers in persuit of knowledge.
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  jwest on 03/02/2008

  Looks like you might have a head start on some of us there from your Bio read. Hope you enjoy this cool place.
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  **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 03/02/2008

  Welcome aboard, hope you find this site as inspiring and beneficial as I have.
  
  Best of luck!
  
  Jason
  

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