lrees

Neat concept

A review of In Sight

by lrees on 08/21/2012

The concept was very cool. It reminded me of the movie Unbreakable. I thought it was very well-executed too. The transitions to and from his visions were great. The only thing wrong I think is that the character is a bit unrelatable. It's understood that he is a religious person, but it seems that he has morals mixed up just like everyone else, hence charging people extra... read

A little pointless...

A review of The Train

by lrees on 07/17/2012

I like the slow descent into surreality and the way it comes full-circle at the end. I also liked the imagery and the foreshadowing of the MC Esher drawing. Everything sort of lent itself to the idea of being caught in a time-warping nightmare. For the most part, though, I found myself asking 'what's the point.' All of the events kinda seemed random and disconnected, and... read

Great but confusing

A review of Gods In Training

by lrees on 07/11/2012

You have a brilliant writing style that harmoniously blends scientific and spiritual imagery and concepts. Your story is really intriguing, but i think the most interesting part of it is the world in which it takes place, which it's hard to get a sense of in the story. You leave most of it to us to gather from context clues, which I definitely prefer as opposed to just spelling... read

Seems like a campfire story

A review of Baker Street

by lrees on 07/07/2012

As I was reading this story, I just kept thinking that it sounded like a campfire story that someone was making up as they went along... I have to say though, being attacked by hoards of babies might be the scariest thing ever. I think if you strip down the story to just the zombie babies, you're on to something. Cut out the creepy old people and the three rooms and the... read

...don't know what to say

A review of Fantasies

by lrees on 05/22/2012

I loved your style in "Hello" and I was so glad when I got assigned another of your stories. Seeing your style in another context just confirms its uniqueness and effectiveness. It's far enough from normal to get you in another mindset, but not far enough that it alienates itself. It's truly something unique and honest, which you don't get alot of these days. Loved the... read

great smart thrills

A review of Void Touchers

by lrees on 05/22/2012

This story was thrilling to the last page, without resorting to cheap thrills. The situation was stimulating and enticing, full of complexity. I loved the reversal of the first two sentences. It really sets the tone for the whole story, that you're not going to get what you expect, that there's gonna be something you didn't see coming. As soon as you find out the twist,... This story was thrilling to the last page, without resorting to cheap thrills. The situation was stimulating and enticing, full of complexity. I loved the reversal of the first two sentences. It really sets the tone for the whole story, that you're not going to get what you expect, that there's gonna be something you didn't see coming.

As soon as you find out the twist, you want to go back and read the beginning again. You can sort of see the twist coming, since in this kind of story I think everyone expects a twist, but it's done so well and changes the dynamic of the story so much that it's still just as effective. Like "Shutter Island" you know the twist the whole movie, but you don't really care. Also the added detail of the assistant being dead and imaginary was totally unexpected.

The curving hallways were a great touch. I imagined the scene from 2001: A Space Odyssey where he's jogging, but then add a bunch of zombies. It's a great setting for a thriller. I would even have more of the chase scene take place in those halls.

Only two critiques, the first is that I think the doctor explains a little too much. The part that made me think that was "A person with this brain would act on emotion and impulse with the belief that it was the logical thing to do.” I think we understand this at this point, and we're already terrified of it. It might just be my personal taste, but I just don't like being spoon-fed information in stories. Not that your story does that, but it comes dangerously close. I would let the information speak for itself, without having the doctor be our translator.

The other critique is that I think your protagonist is a bit underdeveloped. We don't know anything about his home life, past, goals, ambitions, yadda yadda. Towards the end of the story I kept wanting him to have some alternative goal than the main story line. Something like 'I want to get off this ship alive to see my wife again' but maybe not so cheesy. Another pet peeve of mine (so you can dismiss it if you don't agree) is that your protagonist is too good. When your main character acts solely on good will towards his fellow man, it sort of alienates him and makes him unrelatable to us mere mortals. Every good protagonist should have some sort of flaw that he needs to overcome or be defeated by. Movies like Gladiator have this same problem. If nothing else it should be his hubris that he needs to learn to overcome or something like that.

You have a great exciting thriller that I could see being an action movie even. I know you've written screenplays, I suggest you try this one out. I worked at a production office and had to read the screenplays that came through, and if I saw this as a screenplay, I definitely would have recommended it. Thanks for the story and good luck! read

Review of Better Than I Am

A review of Better Than I Am

by lrees on 04/26/2012

Your writing style is very poetic without being too obtrusive to the story. I like the end message of Toby being responsible for his own problems. I think the jumping around between tenses didn't really work here. When you make a choice like that, it has to be for a reason or help the story, and I didn't really feel like it did here. You also jump from first-person at the... read

Cool campfire story

A review of May I?

by lrees on 04/24/2012

You have a cool writing style. It flows really well while still being sort of poetic prose. I think you have a good situation here, but it seems like it's one scene of a bigger story. It kinda felt like a campfire ghost story, which is cool, but I think you could incorporate this small scene into something bigger. It was a little weird that you explain the grandma after... read

review of getting off

A review of Getting Off

by lrees on 04/19/2012

You have a great concept here. I love the fact that the guy gets put into his brother's custody and the brother turns out to be an asshole. I was confused at the end of the story. I think you were trying to reveal that it was the brother's fault all along, but it wasn't totally clear. Also, I think it would be cool to see the moment where the narrator finds out that he... read

Review of Spectrum-Illuminated

A review of Spectrum-Illuminated

by lrees on 04/17/2012

This is a very original take on this type of story. It's reminiscent of HAL from 2001, but from the robot's point of view. The way in which you describe where all of her impulses come from is very detailed and well thought out. You really created a great system of translating human cognition into computer language, giving more credit to the believability of your story as... read

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Submissions by lrees

Reviews by lrees 15

Comments About lrees 8

YBU on 07/13/2012

Mike Wolfson on 07/03/2012

Mike Wolfson on 05/24/2012

montana malone on 05/13/2012

TeaSeaInc on 04/26/2012

Mike Wolfson on 04/02/2012

f-ceska on 04/02/2012

Mike Wolfson on 03/31/2012

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