Matthew Spira

A review of The End

by Matthew Spira on 11/21/2010

Hi, You are certainly prolific. All three of my current short story assignments are your stories. I'm going to work through them in the order assigned, starting with "The End." If I'm understanding the ending of "The End" correctly, Dergin is stuck in an intertemporal, interspatial loop of the same desperate fight for survival over and over again, but in different settings... read

Review of "The Ghost"

A review of The Ghost

by Matthew Spira on 11/21/2010

Hi, I think you displayed a good writing style in terms of setting an easily visualized scene and populating it with vivid characters. And the pacing was nice. You mentioned it was originally a screenplay, and I can see that in the construction of the story. In terms of the meat of the action, the Ghost comes to rescue Cassie (a Hispanic-American young woman) from a group... read

Review of "Mr. Diarco - 2nd Draft"

A review of Mr. Diarco - 2nd Draft

by Matthew Spira on 11/15/2010

Hi Anthony, This draft is a major improvement on the 1st draft. The additional descriptive detail throughout really adds to the visualization of the scenes and the characters in them. I now have much better and more precise mental images of Tony, Uncle Joe and Diarco. I especially like the description of Diarco on page 7 as having vampire, shark, soulless eyes as well as the... read

Review of "My Argument with God"

A review of My Argument with God

by Matthew Spira on 11/14/2010

Hi, I wish I'd read this one before "Flight 18" as it provides a lot more contextual understanding of Max, and the world he inhabits. This feels much more like a complete story instead of simply an extended anecdote. The description is visual, precise and Max is a very good observer of the craziness going on around him. There is a clear send of movement through the story,... read

Review of "Letter from Beyond"

A review of Letter from Beyond

by Matthew Spira on 11/14/2010

Hi Alexis, I think what you have here is an outline, instead of a fully fleshed out story. I think the concept of these "letters from the grave" is an interesting one, but your current focal point misses the most interesting (at least for me) and logical area of exploration: How the letters sent by Morris and only responded to by Alice serve as a catalyst for the family to... read

Review of "Curtains"

A review of Curtains

by Matthew Spira on 11/13/2010

Hi Shauna, "Curtains" is an enjoyable read, and there's a stylish kind of energy that propels it from start to finish. The ending, where Adan turns down the blue coat engineer's "offer" of freedom is somewhat predictable, but satisfying given how the ending was set up. It's also very visual. I especially liked Adan's "dream" of letting the tiger rip him open. It was a very... read

Review of "Flight 18"

A review of Flight 18

by Matthew Spira on 11/12/2010

Hi, Although it doesn’t exactly break new ground, I found “Flight 18” to be well-written and enjoyable. You do a good job of setting up the situation of a limo driver waiting on an oversleeping customer, and then being paid to put pedal to the metal to get the sound guy and AR guy to the airport on time for their flight. (Ah for the days when you could actually get to the... read

Review of "Soul Mates"

A review of Soul Mates

by Matthew Spira on 11/06/2010

Hi, On page 10, the mysterious "Anna" suddenly changes into the mysterious "Jane." And then on page 15, she's back to being "Anna" again. Another relatively minor logical quibble before I get into the substance of my review: Given that he's legally blind without his glasses, it makes sense that Gary never clearly sees Anna, but you would have to give a bit more explanation... Hi,

On page 10, the mysterious "Anna" suddenly changes into the mysterious "Jane." And then on page 15, she's back to being "Anna" again.

Another relatively minor logical quibble before I get into the substance of my review: Given that he's legally blind without his glasses, it makes sense that Gary never clearly sees Anna, but you would have to give a bit more explanation how no manager or receptionist at any branch had ever seen her. I don't think it really matters, so personally I'd just delete that one line from page 15.

Let's move onto the more substantive issues. I immediately liked Gary. My parents have been married for close to forty-five years, I have two sisters, and although I have been married for a while now, before I met my wife, I did wonder many of the same things that Gary did. So, you have an immediately sympathetic main character. And then when it became clear that Anna resisted being clearly seen by him, I was also interested in the story. You very efficiently give it a clear key narrative problem.

Unfortunately for me, the beginning is better than the ending. It's obvious why Anna behaves the way she does, because she's ugly. Since that is so predictable, before the reveal on page 13, you might have more conversation between Gary and sister about the possibility. Or something, I'm not really sure. You touch on it, but I think maybe you need to expand on it to give "beauty is only skin deep" a fresh twist. Gary needs to know that it's a real possibility that Anna's incredibly ugly. And maybe it would add some complexity and depth if he did acknowledge at least to himself that beauty might matter.

Speaking of the reveal of what happened to Anna, it's really really heavy, especially given the somewhat light tone of the narrative up to that point. It's a brutal story Anna tells about her rape and how her brothers died trying to save her. For me, it might be a little much, especially since it plays no part of the resolution where Gary tracks her down- another very predictable element- declares his genuine love for her, proves he's able to see beyond the surface of her ugly face, and they live happily ever after.

It seems to me if you're going to bring up something that "big" as part of the obstacles to your love interests, her rape and the murder of her brothers HAS to be dealt with. The event clearly is one of the defining moments of her life and the trauma from it shapes both her identity and how she now "defends" herself from the world. It'd be interesting to see Gary really work to get underneath those emotional defenses.

Admittedly, that would push the story from standard romance more into drama, which you may or may not want to do since I suspect it might be your intention to expand this into a screenplay. However, even as a screenplay, it's worth noting that this kind of "ugly duckling" story with a happy-ever-after ending has been seen many, many times before.

As you can see from my notes, it was clearly a thought-provoking read for me. I thank you for that, and I wish you the best.

-Matt read

Review of "Tragic Failure of the Trojan Soldier"

A review of Tragic Failure of the Trojan Soldier

by Matthew Spira on 11/06/2010

Hi Devin, Before I get into the substance of this review, let me quickly address the importance of proofreading. On the very first page there is the following sentence: "The fates have decreed that, despite the best efforts of powerful and righteous Hector, your city shall be destroyed, ravaged and RAPPED by Achilles and the bloodthirsty Achaens." (Capped for emphasis.)... Hi Devin,

Before I get into the substance of this review, let me quickly address the importance of proofreading. On the very first page there is the following sentence:

"The fates have decreed that, despite the best efforts of powerful and righteous Hector, your city shall be destroyed, ravaged and RAPPED by Achilles and the bloodthirsty Achaens." (Capped for emphasis.)

I, of course, knew your intended meaning, but I did pause for a moment as the image of Achilles and his warriors rapping like in a music video amongst the ruins of Troy came unbidden into my mind.

The point being, you don't want anything to get in the way of a reader immersing him or herself in your story, and even something as small as a typo can do that.

Anyways, let's move on to the more important things. I think you have a generally clean and visual writing style, and I think for this kind of essentially "morality tale" the use of the 2nd person POV is effective.

In terms of story, I think you achieved what you wanted to do, which was to set out a story of the ambition and dreams and intemperence of youth in the form of a Trojan young man, the son of Zeus, destined for immortality-- if he just listens and has patience. But because he can't wait, he marches out into battle, right into a Myrmidion spear.

So, while I think you executed pretty well, I do question the concept. The problems I have with the concept are these: First, when I saw the "porch swing" and then the "recruiter" with a "pamphlet"- very modern-sounding words- I was kind of anticipating the story to transition into the present day about the dreams and hopes of an 18-year old being tempted to prove himself on the battlefields of today. That the theme of the story would explore the same timeless and tragic dynamic of every generation from now back to the fields of Troy. For me, if you did that, this story would be interesting, emotionally connective and have both depth and resonance.

And that seques into the second concern. By keeping your story ONLY about Troy, you inevitably bring to mind the source material for the reader, and pretty much any effort to do that- certainly not just your story- is going to pale by comparison to THE ILIAD and other ancient Greek classics.

Nevertheless, it was an interesting read, and I enjoyed it.

Best,

-Matt read

Review of "Madonna of the Chair"

A review of Madonna of the Chair

by Matthew Spira on 11/05/2010

Hi Lou, I like the atmospherics you very efficiently create in this story about Charles and the portrait of the Madonna is his room. It was very easy to visualize, for example, the interplay of light and dark as Charles was working up the courage to shine his flashlight on the portrait. Charles feels real and fully three-dimensional. He is immediately accessible and sympathetic,... read

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Submissions by Matthew Spira

Reviews by Matthew Spira 153

Comments About Matthew Spira 101

Jellytots on 09/04/2011

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