Michael T

A review of Pepper Road

by Michael T on 03/13/2008

There are so many things working for this screenplay. I found Pepper Road to be a very impressive piece of storytelling. It was engaging, emotional and even inspiring, from the story itself, as well as the writing. I do have a few concerns though but they’re fairly marginal in the big picture. I think the first act is running a bit long. If I’m correct, the group leaving the... There are so many things working for this screenplay. I found Pepper Road to be a very impressive piece of storytelling. It was engaging, emotional and even inspiring, from the story itself, as well as the writing. I do have a few concerns though but they’re fairly marginal in the big picture.

I think the first act is running a bit long. If I’m correct, the group leaving the plantation is the act break. Just feels a little heavy and should get to it a littler faster.

The plantation was in northern Texas. It was never clear on how long exactly it was going to take to get from there to the border town in Mexico. But Marley makes a comment about (in reference to here pregnancy) he might not be born before they get there. Would it take almost 4 – 5 months for them to get there? I mean, I know Texas is big but that does seem like a very long time. And it’s probably not that big of deal but instead of Preston warning them that it’s going to be a long, hard journey, maybe he can mention roughly how long, long really is.

Elizabeth. Hmmm…I don’t know about her. She’s the only character that didn’t work for me. First the whole psychic stuff. I think it takes away from the story. And about her bringing up the story about the sheriff finding the Delaney’s dead bodies. Why would the slaves stay at the plantation? I’m sure they would’ve figured out the ‘boss’ was dead and realized they should book it outta there or at least go report it. Just didn’t make sense.

I think the scenes of Preston wearing his trademark “preacher” clothes and when he’s telling Tess the story about being underwater with Simon and holding on to the rock, talking to God…should be switched. Or just have him in the preacher’s clothes in the following scene after the talk with Tess. And about that talk…little expository. What if he was just sitting by himself on the rock contemplating? Then Tess gently moves next to him, sits and hands Preston her bible.

Very enjoyable read. Good luck. read

good intentions - review

A review of GOOD INTENTIONS (22508)

by Michael T on 03/09/2008

This is a warm, compelling & heartfelt story. Technically, it’s an example of true craftsmanship with only a few typos. The scenes, well paced, penned with brevity and detail that gave me a clear sense of time and place. The story is engaging and held my attention throughout the read. But I do feel there’s a little room for improvement. Why is Holly necessary? Her death,... read

schadenfreude - review

A review of Schadenfreude

by Michael T on 03/08/2008

Ok, I think you’ve got some interesting elements for the making of a compelling screenplay, however, there a few things you may want to consider. First of all, in a day when there are so many films & tv shows that are saturated with cop drama/thriller/suspense/action/comedy/take your pick stories…you have to ask yourself, what is going to make mine stand out from the rest... Ok, I think you’ve got some interesting elements for the making of a compelling screenplay, however, there a few things you may want to consider. First of all, in a day when there are so many films & tv shows that are saturated with cop drama/thriller/suspense/action/comedy/take your pick stories…you have to ask yourself, what is going to make mine stand out from the rest. You need to have an incredible hook that will engage your audience immediately and maintain that interest through out the rest of the screenplay via the suspense or the comedy or whatever. Right now I didn’t find myself absorbed in the story, mainly because it was rather predictable. And I definitely feel there needs to be more suspense.

Schadenfreude is pretty melodramatic and uses some atypical characters; cop with anger issues, who’s in therapy…a sexy detective who is just one of the guys…the angry police chief who’s got the media breathing down his neck and expects results yesterday…the older yet very capable partner who’s been on the job for way too long and is now just about to retire…and a killer who’s a crazy psychopath just for the sake of being crazy…a bit cliché don’t you think? Take these characters and make them truly unique and original. Have them say and do things that’s different but true to who they are. This will help to mix it up a bit and make your story “fresher”.

Your descriptions and actions read fairly well. They’re brisk and to the point, for the most part. Structurally, I think you need a stronger act break between the first and second act. What’s the catalyst that sends us off to the second act? Your third act feels like it comes at about the right time.

The dialogue wasn’t bad…wasn’t great. Watch the exposition though. The dialogue is leaning towards heavy explanations, i.e., pg 30-31, Barrett and Roberts explaining the general profile of a serial killer. It’s not natural. They’re homicide detectives…they know this already and wouldn’t explain it to each other. Pg 49 when the waitress spills the drink in Barrett’s lap…cut “Since when does someone spill something on you and you do less than scream your head off?”…just go straight to the “who are you and what have you done with Nick Barrett” line. Robert’s reaction says it all and it’s funny. And speaking of which, a few wise cracks are funny and help the dynamics of the scenes but too many of them break the suspense of disbelief when it’s in a drama. And come on, “you can use my phone, I just live down the street”. Sounds contrived and rather convenient, doesn’t it? And here was a great opportunity to build suspense. Roberts and Barrett discover that Sebastian is stalking Jessica. Cut to her leaving the gym. Barrett tries calling her cell phone…damn it’s off. He tries her home, answering machine picks up, he leaves a message…cut to Jessica’s house, answering machine, Barrett finishes the message saying something like…Sebastian’s the killer, be careful, I’m on my way, click. A gloved hand reaches done and presses erase…the front door’s lock jiggles as it’s being unlocked…enter Jessica. Barrett & Roberts blaze down the streets, blow through a red light, almost causing an accident. Jessica’s getting in the shower, thinks she hears something…Hello? Nick? You get the point. Tension, suspense…let it build.

In the world today, it’s hard to shock the audience with horrific & gruesome scenes of violence. Unfortunately, we’re all de-sensitized by it now. But your motel videotape sequence was pretty painful to visualize. More of that! It works.

Overall, I think it’s a pretty good start. You just need to raise the bar a little higher. And one last thought…your protagonist is only as good as his opponent. Think of Hannibal Lecter for Silence of the Lambs and Kevin Spacey’s character from Seven. If you can create an antagonist like that…Barrett’s golden.

Good luck with this! read

garden of the gods - review

A review of The Last Buffalo

by Michael T on 03/05/2008

Beautifully written. You did a wonderful job painting a colorful world full of enticing imagery and vivid detail of time and place. Most of the characters were shining examples of how to craft memorable players with unique voices and original pov’s of the world they’re in. Your protagonist is likeable yet flawed. Even though it read a bit slow, there were many well-crafted... Beautifully written. You did a wonderful job painting a colorful world full of enticing imagery and vivid detail of time and place. Most of the characters were shining examples of how to craft memorable players with unique voices and original pov’s of the world they’re in. Your protagonist is likeable yet flawed. Even though it read a bit slow, there were many well-crafted sequences that kept me engaged. Overall, it was an enjoyable read. But I feel the story is a disservice to the writing. What I mean to say is, the writing is so strong yet the script was rather anti-climatic. I keep waiting for something big to happen and just when I thought it was coming…it fizzled out. I might attribute this to the lack of an antagonist…in a tangible form. Man vs. Himself or Man vs. an Idea is very difficult. Have you considered manifesting “them” into a person that would challenge Tom the whole film?

I’m not particularly fond of a story being told in flashback or voice-over because it usually just interferes with the pace and/or storytelling. I feel you pulled this off quite well. It definitely worked. Except, why Billy? I didn’t get that. I think the clear candidate for the VO is Juan. And he lends more credibility because he was there most of the time.

Why was Tom and Star friends? I didn’t ever really pick up on that. I think it might have been a little too subtle. Could just be me. I loved the relationship between Tom and Juan. I felt that connection a mile away. Very well executed. And Juan was really such a great character. I think you didn’t get as much as you could’ve outta Emma. Here you got this lady who is basically sold to a man for some horses. Where was the tension? Aside from the first night he tried to slip into bed with her. And I think you could’ve gotten a little more subtle comedy in there with that. I wanted to see them fall in love and more heartbreak when she gets kidnapped. Then I just might have…almost shed a tear when she died. But I never got emotionally attached to her.

I think the violence was very brutal and gory. The images were "difficult" to bear but I thought it was appropriate.

My last knit-picking comment, this screenplay is only 90 pages, it felt like 120…brevity.

I really enjoyed this and look forward to reading other scripts you’ve written. Very good, Thank you. read

warlooters - review

A review of WARLOOTER$ V2

by Michael T on 03/01/2008

As far as writing style, I think it’s pretty solid. The dialogue was snappy and sharp. Action and description crisp and punchy, moving the story right along, and then, like right after the middle of the script, it all went little flat. You have fantastic pieces here but didn’t put them together in the best possible way to maximize the whole experience. To me, right now, it’s... As far as writing style, I think it’s pretty solid. The dialogue was snappy and sharp. Action and description crisp and punchy, moving the story right along, and then, like right after the middle of the script, it all went little flat. You have fantastic pieces here but didn’t put them together in the best possible way to maximize the whole experience. To me, right now, it’s a so-so concept and seems too familiar in an Italian Job meets Mission Impossible kinda way

I loved three of your characters; Mac, Igor and Onesto. They were memorable & authentic to me. Foster…just wasn’t enough, I don’t know. Maybe too dry and I never got to know him. And that was one of issues with this script. It appeared to be Foster’s story but Mac stole the show. And as it stands now…I more interested in Mac’s life than Foster’s. What’s the true purpose of Amelia? It feels like she’s thrown in to add what little romance there might/could be and play the blatant reporter. And who’s this FBI agent? It appears he and Mac know each other. I LIKE that! But it would’ve been nice to have a couple scenes; 1 in act one and another in act 2 maybe with him.

What’s the real heist here…the Iraqi museum or Herald’s place? ‘Cause if you’re gonna do both, I think the Iraqi heist needs to happen a lot faster…then you can build up for the real pay off…Herald’s place in NY. Or just focus on the first one. And I’m not buying the whole Leland rescuing those guys out of a Turkish prison sequence. Seems contrived. Do they have to end up in prison?

I must admit though, it’s real exciting. It just gets weighed down with trying to coordinate the B story and characters’ double-crossing each other, with all their own internal conflicts, introducing other characters out of no where to serve the purpose of a scene or sequence…blah blah blah….it ends up reading like you’re trying to be too clever. Keep it simple. Four guys go into Iraq on the eve of operation “shock n awe” and plan to use the war as a cover to steal priceless treasures from the national museum. If they do get bamboozled…then just go in (Herald’s place) and get it back. No need to go through the whole “how are we gonna do it” set-up. We’ll believe you as it happens ‘cause you’ve already shown their ability/skills through the first heist.

Again, I think the writing is strong…but the structure and overall story isn’t….as strong. read

A Charmed Life - review

A review of A Charmed Life

by Michael T on 02/28/2008

I think the style of writing is solid; very fluid, descriptive and fast-paced, for the most part. I feel this is the reason why the story wasn't boring because it could easily have been. Pete was an interesting character. You made him very appealing and sympathetic. It was clear you made very careful choices in his actions & dialogue in regards to his feelings towards the Kurds'... read

Slave

A review of Slave

by Michael T on 10/10/2007

Reading your production notes on how this was the quickest you’ve written a script from vague concept to first draft…pisses me off! Wow. I don’t say this often…it was a page-turner. I really enjoyed this piece from fade in to the end, a well-crafted screenplay. I was so engaged in the story I didn’t notice any typos, if there were any. The storytelling was swift and concise... read

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