Mike Leon

100% NATURAL EXCELLENT SOURCE OF WHOLE GRAIN*

A review of The Howling 23rd and the Seed of Destruction (4/17/09)

by Mike Leon on 07/05/2009

It's okay. I'm not crazy about it, but it's okay. There aren't any glaring flaws I can point out. You don't have any major disasters of formatting or structure. The worst thing I can say is that it just didn't hold my attention very well. It is too wordy. That is one thing you could definitely fix. You want a lot of whitespace. It is a faster and more attractive read with... read

BETTER IF USED BY

A review of Forsaken (rev.)

by Mike Leon on 06/28/2009

I read an earlier draft of this script months ago and reviewed it. It was a good script then and it looks like all you changed was the ending (the old one didn't really make much sense if I recall). This new one is much better. It makes a lot of sense and ties into the beginning of the script better. Everything else is good. I can't find anything to pick on this time around... read

ALPHA TANGO BRAVO 8

A review of The Apprentice

by Mike Leon on 02/23/2009

I started off really liking this script but as I read more and more I liked it less and less. By the end I just wanted it to be over with. The plot doesn't move forward all that well and I can't say the protagonist drives it much at all either. By the time he joined the rebellion it was just too convoluted for me to care much anymore. The first twenty pages were funny, but... read

Boring and Doesn't Make Sense

A review of BEER TRAIN (rev 1)

by Mike Leon on 02/16/2009

This script lacked any kind of story whatsoever. It badly needs some kind of structure. They stole beer when they were drunk? Then what? They just drink beer? Toward what end? Is there some reason I want to find out what happens to these characters? The protagonists don't drive the plot at all. They just sit around and drink beer talking. The attempt at a romantic interest... This script lacked any kind of story whatsoever. It badly needs some kind of structure. They stole beer when they were drunk? Then what? They just drink beer? Toward what end? Is there some reason I want to find out what happens to these characters? The protagonists don't drive the plot at all. They just sit around and drink beer talking. The attempt at a romantic interest subplot is feeble at best.

The first thing I would do is cut it down big time. You need to chop 30 pages out of this. It probably doesn't even matter where it comes from, as most of the scenes and dialogue aren't pertinent to the rest of the script. I would suggest losing as much of Agents X and Y as you can. Those characters are far too bizarre and they ruin the atmosphere of the whole script. I would throw them out completely or rewrite all of their dialogue.

The second thing I would work on is adding some kind of comedy to this comedy movie. As it stands, there isn't any. Boring characters that get drunk and smoke weed are still boring.

Third, I can't buy the premise. Then secret agents come after them? That would be acceptable if this were Ernest Steals Beer, but it isn't. Parts of this script are incredibly nonsensical, as if you were trying to write something absurd, but then other parts are very dry and realistic. It just doesn't work.

I like to be optimistic and constructive and so I'll say this: go back to the drawing board - rewrite the whole thing.

8. Maam is spelled wrong.

42. This doesn't make sense. If terrorists wanted to sell beer to make money, wouldn't they just make beer? It would be a lot less risky and generate more long term revenue. Also the federal agents aren't believable or funny. They should be one or the other.

62. I'm really bored. It kind of feels like you just tried to fill 90 pages without making any spelling errors.

65. The girlfriend is pointless. I don't care at all that she's gone. I've hardly seen her anyway. She's also right. This guy is a loser. I hope she doesn't get back with him later in the movie.

87. This scene with the agents has gone on for 4 pages and developed nothing.

111. The sheriff says the boys stashed the beer all over town, but we haven't seen that really. Do we take his word for it this far into the story? read

Formulaic

A review of Fallen Eagle

by Mike Leon on 02/01/2009

This is a pretty simple formula script. Essentially, it's James Bond in world war 2. I don't have any particular problems with that. I just felt it was very average all in all. The story line is quite predictable. I felt an obvious turncoat vibe from a few scenes early on. Even when Simpson turned out to be alive I wasn't surprised at all. The ending felt out of place and... read

This is good

A review of The Chimera

by Mike Leon on 01/28/2009

This is a really solid script. It is quite funny. It has original characters and a lot of intelligent gags. I did notice a moderate amount of typos, all of which were fairly obvious. You should go through it a few times and sweep for them, or have someone else do the same. There are no other formatting errors that I noticed. I'm interested in the story. I'm interested in... read

I'm Jealous

A review of Senseless! (rev.)

by Mike Leon on 01/23/2009

I'm jealous that I can't assemble a script this well. I can't find anything wrong with it; other than a typo on page 18. Maybe the story takes a little long to pick up, but whatever. It's entertaining even when nothing exciting is going on. The 50's dialogue is priceless. The bizarre pseudo-science blaming radiation for everything that ever goes wrong is just too well conveyed... read

Not My Forte, but Okay.

A review of The Desert and The Ocean

by Mike Leon on 01/19/2009

Now, straight up, this is not my kind of movie. It is a big depressing downer with lots of emotional glurge. Some people are into that. I'm just not. I stick to big dumb shoot 'em ups. I didn't catch any major spelling or formatting problems. The dialogue is all believable. It runs too long. I feel like you could excise 20 pages and not lose anything important. There are... read

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Mike Leon

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**DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/14/2009

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Reviews by Mike Leon 23

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Kevin Via on 11/29/2011

drewcrew on 12/19/2009

**DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/14/2009

wanderingmbhorn on 08/24/2009

montana malone on 08/24/2009

MSchmidt13 on 07/06/2009

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Mike Leon on 07/02/2009

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