nycdi

Sad and sweet

A review of Goodbye

by nycdi on 11/16/2009

I've watched "Goodbye" and, though I see that it was uploaded in 2005, I have some feedback for you. The story is very good and feels complete. What happens too often with short films is either the script is inadequate and doesn't have enough going on, or the filmmaker tries to cram too much into a story which would've been better developed as a feature. This one was just... read

Idea had promise, execution not so much.

A review of Act Your Age

by nycdi on 05/12/2009

Oh dear. I thought the idea as expressed in the logline seemed promising. However, it falls apart pretty quickly. I'm not sure where to begin. I was wondering just how old the writer is, because the situations, characters, and dialogue just seem so immature or inexperienced. For example, you tried to paint the makeup artist job that Hayley has as demeaning drudgery. Yet,... Oh dear. I thought the idea as expressed in the logline seemed promising. However, it falls apart pretty quickly. I'm not sure where to begin. I was wondering just how old the writer is, because the situations, characters, and dialogue just seem so immature or inexperienced.

For example, you tried to paint the makeup artist job that Hayley has as demeaning drudgery. Yet, are you aware of how coveted such a career truly is? There are people out there who try hard to break into the film industry as makeup artists. They are respected and usually paid fairly well.

Which leads me to the notion that Cary is alone responsible for supporting them both is just plain antiquated. She works. It's sickening when Hayley says she needs a husband to buy her a nice house. It's also a very immature stance that Hayley is upset when Cary doesn't go and "stand up for her" when a guy bumps into her. So she fell over. First thing to do is help her up, not pick a fight. Mature, responsible adults don't go beating up people for things like that -- Keifer Sutherland a case in point. That notion is so "high school." And married couples are made of individuals, you know -- wives can and do go out with their friends just to socialize and not to get laid or cheat on their husbands. Again, the whole take on married life is quite immature.

The take on senior relationships is just as immature. For Tucker to say, "Old people dating? Do your dates just consist of going to the pharmacy and doctor's office together?" is just plain ridiculous (and the wording is clunky). Yes, even elderly people date, even elderly people have sex lives.

So you have sexist stereotypes, ageist stereotypes, and Italian mafia stereotypes (it is actually painful to read their dialogue). In addition, the whole notion that people could get away with wearing latex masks and not be detected is unrealistic. Especially when Dorian et al pay a visit -- they could never have gotten the masks on quickly enough for them to look real - these things normally take quite a while to put on, and require makeup to be blended in (makeup which would smear if touched). Not to mention how uncomfortable they would be to wear for hours at a time.

Also unrealistic is that they would go back to the home after finding the money. Just get the hell outta there and stop pretending. Then, Dorian takes them both to the morgue -- after his momma's body has been discovered. That broken lock would have been fixed immediately after they find her body.

Cary gets shot twice in the chest and survives? And Hayley giggles thinking about the gun exploding in his face?

All the scenes from courtroom on are unnecessary and anti-climactic.

It tries so hard to be a comedy but isn't really funny. It comes out as corny and unbelievable. I still think, however, that, the kernel of your original idea could work -- MAYBE -- if approached without all the stereotypes and immature viewpoint. I think both Hayley and Cary should be unemployed, struggling, and find a way to live in the home by using some kind of disguise, but not masks. But lose the notion that he alone has to be the provider. The story is ripe for some really good deception, but I found the idea of them hiding the body in the morgue rather distasteful. Maybe a male resident wants to go run off with a female resident (remember old people do have romances), and they know their families won't approve, so Cary offers to pretend they're still living there and moves himself and Hayley into their rooms, with some kind of disguise. Maybe have Cary the only one in disguise and Hayley pretends to be his daughter. A plot to murder one of the guests could work, but I think you should find another way, and rewrite the Dorian character.

I actually think that your idea is one of those movies that could be made. The way you've written it, however, makes it one of those movies that has an audience groaning or walking out.

I hope this is helpful in some way.

Oh, and watch your formatting for scene headings. read

Umm, oka-a-ay... and then what?

A review of The Seance

by nycdi on 03/15/2009

So much potential - good setup, nice pacing, excellent camera and lighting work, but it just goes nowhere, really. This feels more like a teaser that would go in front of the titles in a longer film. So, while I enjoyed it, and wanted more, it is incomplete. If only there were even just a few more minutes where something, anything, happens! If the young guy had been more... read

Brilliant fun!

A review of Prius Envy

by nycdi on 01/08/2008

I loved it! Enjoyed it so much I watched it three times in a row. Oh, the moment when Tony turns to the camera and says, "I hate you, Andy" makes me laugh out loud each time I watch it! Tony's performance is so earnest and genuine, the first few minutes had me wondering if this was really just a video of two guys driving around with a camera looking for cars. It took... read

Very funny!

A review of Parallel Dementia

by nycdi on 01/07/2008

Oh, this is a hoot. I thought it quite entertaining. Costumes and set were well done! Actors were very good. It needs an opening title and credits though. The B&W section dragged on a bit too long, and the pacing needs to pick up overall - but it was really cute, creative, and quite funny! Made me laugh out loud - I enjoyed it.

Good subject, but unfocused

A review of Beyond The Swing: Michael Andrew

by nycdi on 01/06/2008

This could have been a fun and interesting documentary. Unfortunately, it didn't deliver. There was no intro, no organization to the story, no humor. It was basically a talking head from beginning to end, with B-roll footage popping in every few seconds. The editing seemed to be an experimental conglomeration of tricks - "Oh, looky what my editing software can do!" It... read

Good production values, but a flawed story

A review of Stinking Cigar

by nycdi on 01/06/2008

Starting with the positives, I'll say the cinematography and lighting are very nicely done. The production values seem fairly high for a short - for the most part. I'm not sure if I like much else about it, and I'll try to explain why. The story kind of goes nowhere, and isn't nearly as dramatic or insightful as the loglines led me to believe. There needs to be more of... Starting with the positives, I'll say the cinematography and lighting are very nicely done. The production values seem fairly high for a short - for the most part.

I'm not sure if I like much else about it, and I'll try to explain why. The story kind of goes nowhere, and isn't nearly as dramatic or insightful as the loglines led me to believe. There needs to be more of a conflict, other than what her thoughts were telling us -- mostly because there is not much in the movie to support her "claims" that her mother is irresponsible, "barely notices her," and is a loser. She arrives home to a clean and tidy house where she has her own room, and her mother cheerily says "Bye, sweetie, I love you" before she leaves for dinner with her boyfriend. Both her mother and her mother's boyfriend are clean and well-groomed, and appear quite benign and wholesome. The cold pizza isn't enough to imply that she doesn't care about her daughter, which made me think that all of Jenny's complaints are simply the exaggerations of a spoiled brat, probably just because she wishes things were different and her father was still at home.

If the goal was to show how an irresponsible parent has created a disillusioned young girl forced to grow up too soon, the story might've benefited from having some of her friends in the playground with her, to react to her situation or show some contrast between their lives and hers. The mother's boyfriend should have been a more sinister and threatening presence. All we have to go on are Jenny's thoughts. In addition, if the mother was so irresponsible and uncaring, why would Jenny smoking a cigar bother her that much? Obviously, it's a fantasy of Jenny's that it would get her mother's attention, but since she went directly to her room and didn't taunt her mother with the smell of tobacco all over her, it didn't work very well as a device. Furthermore, Jenny's furtive looking around in the park to make sure no one saw her pick up that cigar butt was inconsistent with a rebellious teenager who starts off the movie saying "Fuck school!"

Regarding Jenny's lines, which we hear in voiceover, they didn't seem realistic to me. I doubt very much that a girl of about 14 would use phrases like "string of losers," "booze and smokes," "a mere wishful dream," or "same trick pony."

Technically, some of the sounds intrude on a very quiet background and result in a bit of a jarring effect, such as the birds chirping in the park. There should have been more ambient noise behind those moments, or the volume lowered on the chirps.

The titles need to be fixed. The first thing I noticed when the movie began is the incorrect use of the article "a" in the opening credits. They should have been "An Eternal Rainbows Production" - not "A Eternal..." and "An Arun Vaidyanathan Film" - not "A Arun..." (actually, I think "A Film by Arun Vaidyanathan" would be better). That may seem of picayune importance, but with a grammatical error being the first thing I saw, I braced myself for a low-quality movie and wondered if it might be a student film. Not a good first impression, especially since the production values were not crappy at all. On the same note, it looks as if your young star's first name is misspelled in the end credits, if I am to go by what was written in the production notes. read

Good potential, needs tweaking

A review of White Rabbit

by nycdi on 12/28/2007

Well, White Rabbit has quite a lot going for it. The characters are, for the most part, very likeable and the story did draw me in. There is some funny and believable dialogue, and I wanted to know what was going to happen. I basically like the premise. However, there are some areas that need addressing. Basically, I'm going to address my comments directly to the writer..... read

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