poet32

A review of Liberty Shield

by poet32 on 06/25/2009

You've got a lot of action here--lots of gun fights and explosions and a helicopter taking out several floors of an office building--it all seems like what Hollywood is looking for. Curtis is very likable; we always like the smart, tough agent who solves the case. You've assembled the traditional cast of characters around him--the tough talking boss, the series of bad guys,... read

Choice Words

A review of CRITIC'S CHOICE (REVISE)

by poet32 on 03/19/2004

Nice script. I felt like the first act dragged, that the rhythm really wasnâ€™t established until they got to the reunion, but thatâ€™s a criticism I get a lot, too. Exposition; go figure. I like your writing style. Everything flows despite the fact that some of your scenes (especially when theyâ€™re on the road) seem short and choppy. I might try having less scenes and... read

SOUNDS GOOD, BUT...

A review of Surround Sound

by poet32 on 03/16/2004

You start out very fresh and alive. Your â€œmay the best man winâ€ plot is a little clichÃ©d, but weâ€™ll see what you do with it. I think youâ€™re going to have to explain Jackâ€™s music a little more at the beginning. I am willing to go with you on it, but all of his dodges just make me think he wouldnâ€™t still be at work with that going on, especially in the age of... read

Dead Again?

A review of The Forsaken Dead (Latest Draft)

by poet32 on 03/14/2004

Here we go. There are some minor things you need to check out before your re-write. I suggest the Syd Field Screenplay book and the Cole and Haag formatting book. These will help you clear up the organizational problems in your writing. They detail the 3 act structure and give little hints like â€œmake your action paragraphs no longer than five lines at a time.â€ This... read

Maybe Too Clever for its Own Good

A review of A Farewell to Dreams

by poet32 on 03/12/2004

These are just my fragmented notes. Sometimes your conversations are witty and interesting, though it seems like your favorite characters sound alike. At times it seems that the characters are there to show how witty you are. They donâ€™t react to each other; itâ€™s kind of like stand-up. Take for example, Fred. He doesnâ€™t even seem to hold it against Cat that she was... read

Spell-Bound

A review of Snowbound

by poet32 on 03/12/2004

This script kept me turning the pages almost until the end. It moves well from scene-to-scene, carrying the tension with it. I had a few problems along the way with some little grammar things (not many), most of which were question marks that really should have been periods. The characters were very likable as well. Here are a couple things to think about: 1) Make sure... read

Ghost of a Chance

A review of Ghost Of A Chance

by poet32 on 03/09/2004

Good script overall. Notes: 1) You telegraph jokes too much, like you want to make sure we get them. 2) Introduction of spirits might be too soon in the plot. Give us time to see Jack on his own. 3) Having a comic set of ghosts is fun (Beetlejuice, Casper), but your death scenes were serious. Then we jumped into comedy again, and it didnâ€™t feel right. Most of your comic... read

Brilliant Concept, Not So Latent Problems

A review of LATENT BODY

by poet32 on 01/28/2004

This truly is a great concept, something a little different than anything Iâ€™ve seen; originality is truly a rarity in todayâ€™s cinema. There are three very basic problems I see with the way youâ€™ve designed your story, though. One: you really donâ€™t have a first act. We have no time to get to know your character through exposition because you jump immediately into action... read

Black Comedy

A review of THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT

by poet32 on 01/04/2004

Your story flows well, and your dialogue is mostly good. There are some really good exchanges between Jack and some of the workmen (especially Richards). Somehow, there needs to be more of a change in the middle of the script; it becomes so predictable that the story doesnâ€™t build. Maybe you could build your characters more in the beginning and not have Aliceâ€™s death... read

A Mightier Wind

A review of GASLIGHTING

by poet32 on 01/03/2004

Definitely haven't seen this one before. It's Connecticut Yankee-type story is creative and smelly (in a good way). I'm sure you've heard all the good things. I just have a couple of suggestions that might (or might not) make the script a little stronger. If you cut the scene after the guy is vomited on, I think youâ€™d get a better quality laugh. Carrying it on longer... read

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