Reviews of A Final Boundary 27

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  Moving SP
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by elysiumfilms on 08/27/2006
  Reading over the premise of this SP I was not looking forward to this read. But this SP was a throughly enjoyable read, with believable characters and dialogue. Also there was the absence of errors as far as I saw in punctuation and grammar or neither a distracting layout so the reader is allowed to concentrate on the story. The writer needs to highly commended for his attention... Reading over the premise of this SP I was not looking forward to this read. But this SP was a throughly enjoyable read, with believable characters and dialogue. Also there was the absence of errors as far as I saw in punctuation and grammar or neither a distracting layout so the reader is allowed to concentrate on the story.
  The writer needs to highly commended for his attention to detail and the ammount of research that was put in. I imagine that if this was made into a film that the film would need exceptional performances from the actors and actresses, due to the nature of the material. Well done this was a page scroller and I was touched by the realistic romance that slowly built up between the two characters
  Thankyou read
• 
  Nice
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/15/2006
  The script seems very vivid and easily digestible. I was impressed with my interest in it, having at first thought the thing would fail miserably (due only to the plethora of poorly constructed period pieces I've read in the past). I enjoyed the characters, and felt attracted to the relationship between P and F, and though the "violin as center of eroticism" has been played... The script seems very vivid and easily digestible. I was impressed with my interest in it, having at first thought the thing would fail miserably (due only to the plethora of poorly constructed period pieces I've read in the past). I enjoyed the characters, and felt attracted to the relationship between P and F, and though the "violin as center of eroticism" has been played out in theory, here in practice it still seemed to work. The timeline threw me off a bit, but it seems like that could be worked out somehow. I will say one thing that's not so positive, which is that, while good, the script seems a mere copy of other "man on the run from nazi-types, man with love affair in house of boring husband, boring husband turning in man" movies. It's clean, and competant, this script, and the writing is solid, but at the end of the day I might pass. Or I might bite, depending on the market. But it would be a market-driven decision for me, because artistically I'd feel it was a little too common a story. Of course, the end of the day that matters is somebody else's, and with a few stars in this pic I think it'd sell some tickets regardless of the concept being somewhat flat. read
• 
  Great details abound
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/11/2006
  I was very impressed with the historical details woven into the story. They certainly added a certain authentic feel to the SP. Overall, I think your story has quite a bit of potential and appeal, but it was a bit too reminiscent of The English Patient for me. So in a sense, I felt that it lacked some originality. However... Your ability to set up and describe the mood of a... I was very impressed with the historical details woven into the story. They certainly added a certain authentic feel to the SP. Overall, I think your story has quite a bit of potential and appeal, but it was a bit too reminiscent of The English Patient for me. So in a sense, I felt that it lacked some originality. However...
  Your ability to set up and describe the mood of a particular scene really shines. I felt very tense when Felise was hiding in the trough; when Patrick carried the unconscious Jimmy through the river, etc.
  Here are some questions/concerns:
  I wasn't really sure of Remy. Was there some metaphorical aspect to his character that I just didn't get? I didn't understand why it was necessary to have him in the story. I probably missed something.
  I wonder if Claude could've played a more significant role. I understand that his character established an inherent conflict/barrier between Felise and Patrick, but I thought he was not utilized to his full diabolical potential. Along the same note: did Felise and Patrick know that Claude was in the house when they kissed on page 97? They seemed to throw caution to the wind during this scene, in which case it sort of diminishes Claude's purpose there.
  This might come across a bit harsh, so I apologize in advance, but...the first half of the SP read a bit dull for me. I felt that there wasn't a whole lot happening in terms of tension and conflict. Again, I understand that the War itself and the Germans looking for Patrick were supposed to provide an inherent conflict to the story, but the way it currently reads seems to lack that tension. Can Claude return a bit sooner to create that tension? I don't know. Just a thought.
  I am only going to pass for the time being because I feel like I've seen this movie before. But with some tweaking, I think you have a solid idea to work with here. Good luck. read
• 
  A Final Boundary
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by atomican on 08/05/2006
  The concept of the screenplay is an interesting take on the “soldier behind enemy lines” story. I like how the author has chosen to focus primarily on the human drama inherent in this, rather than the war stuff. Of course, there was still some of the war in there, and it worked pretty well. The characters were well-realized, and the dialogue was usually good. There were some... The concept of the screenplay is an interesting take on the “soldier behind enemy lines” story. I like how the author has chosen to focus primarily on the human drama inherent in this, rather than the war stuff. Of course, there was still some of the war in there, and it worked pretty well.
  The characters were well-realized, and the dialogue was usually good. There were some instances early on where Felise delivered some unnatural and melodramatic monologues, but this was not particularly damaging to the screenplay. The only real problem I had with the characters was Remy – he was given a good deal of screen time, but the story could have progressed quite smoothly without him.
  My biggest complaint, though, was the structure. It seemed that the bulk of the story (Patrick at Felise’s house) went from “present time” to a flashback with almost no indication. In short, it was somewhat difficult to follow.
  All in all, not a bad effort, but it could do with another draft or two. read
• 
  a very good boundary
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by Mare Crisium on 08/05/2006
  ** WHAT WORKED ** . The good news is that there's a huge list of polishing notes at the end. That's good news because it means I wasn't spending my time trying to fix the story, the characters, or the dialog. . I liked this script a lot. I really have only one significant issue with it, which I take up below. . The story is convincing, taut, and well-told visually, with excellent... ** WHAT WORKED **
  .
  The good news is that there's a huge list of polishing notes at the end. That's good news because it means I wasn't spending my time trying to fix the story, the characters, or the dialog.
  .
  I liked this script a lot. I really have only one significant issue with it, which I take up below.
  .
  The story is convincing, taut, and well-told visually, with excellent use of match cuts, symbols, etc. Nothing feels extraneous, and (except for a couple of tiny polishes), nothing feels left out.
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  The action descriptions are flavorful and clear, and I even appreciated occasionally being given the character's thoughts - it felt right.
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  Although some of the foreign language dialog felt stiff at times, it also felt right. Maybe the dialog could have used (for specific characters or moments) more of the quirky flavor of the action descriptions.
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  ** WHAT DIDN'T **
  You need to do something about the foreign language issue. The most complete solution would be to use subtitles (simply a note to that effect at the beginning would suffice, I think). Otherwise you're going to lose the sense of when a Belgian is speaking German, when someone has a lousy accent, when Patrick makes a grammatical error in French, etc. I realize this would put half the film in subtitles, but I can't come up with a better solution.
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  (I wonder if the Belgians he meets initially would be *so* unaware of English - even Americans know a few words in other languages)
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  I give this a "consider" rather than "buy" because, even with its very good story, it feels too much like many other WWII underground action-romances. The characters are well-drawn and believable, but not distinctive or compelling. I think Patrick in particular isn't well-rounded enough ... I don't see anything to make Ralph Fiennes demand the lead role.
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  He makes two very funny remarks (the horse-food gag and "you should see the pot") but he's otherwise humorless.
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  He spends most of the script being very heroic - about saving his own life. Could this be (more obviously) a source of conflict for him? Or, could we see him risking himself for others more? (The connection between his actions toward Jimmy and losing Felise isn't clear.)
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  Could he have some troubling issues in his background? E.g., greater difficulty with being cooped up, imprisoned?
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  Detailed notes and nitpicking
  My guess is a lot of this is the result of hasty editing, and I see that you're already aware of some of these. FWIW.
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  Generally, I think the "flashback" indication is unnecessary, a little confusing - I think the sluglines could speak for themselves. But no biggie.
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  I noted by p5 that there's an awful lot of SCREAMing going on (and it reappears later). I think this is too extreme a word for most of the occasions, where "gasp of pain" or "grunt" would do. I didn't object to many other of your word choices (but see below) - for some reason this one stood out.
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  p2 eminent -> imminent
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  p2 breathes heavy and labored (should be "breathes heavily" or "his breath is heavy and labored")
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  p3 I don't think objects can "sprawl", but then I knew exactly what you meant, so keep it :)
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  p3 rips his insignia off ... isn't he in uniform? doesn't seem like enough of a disguise.
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  p4 "he studies at the map" ("he studies the map")
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  p4 water spreads on his face - water doesn't behave that way, does it?
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  p8 by now the German's (lose the apostrophe)
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  p10 "slightly accented French" separated from its paragraph
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  p11 I'd not capitalize Christof in first use in dialog - use the subsequent action line to say "CHRISTOF, the guard"
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  p12 Georges' response to "his ankle" should be a little stronger. maybe he helps Patrick walk?
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  p13 goats bleat, I think ... they don't "bay"
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  p13 "but otherwise, unused Belgian francs" (comma after unused)
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  p13 front door? Later I see why this has to be, but I was surprised they're using the front door. Could there be a third entrance, a little more secret?
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  p14-15 - no explanation at all from Agathe? no demand for an explanation by Patrick?
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  p18 loud droll of a British bomber; "drone" I think
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  p19 probably don't need the sentence "the international symbol ..." and I think "dumb" is considered derogatory
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  p19 she nods forgiveness - "she requests forgiveness with a nod"?
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  p20 skin gristle and dark - gristly?
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  p20 capitalization "the Dark man"
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  p21 remnant - "(cont'd)"
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  p22 remnant - "(cont'd)"
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  p23 they didn't have "living rooms", I think. "Parlor"?
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  p24 description as dialog
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  p24 photo of Claude and Felise? He should have noticed it before this, don't you think? could it be hidden, in her bedroom?
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  p29 beautiful wail of a single violin (wail? not usually thought of as beautiful; took me out of the moment)
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  p31 split action line "he means to"
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  p31 un-italicized German?
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  p33 (and elsewhere) you say "carriage" which pulls up an image of an enclosed vehicle, like a hansom cab; "cart"
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  p35 mis-split dialog
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  p35 absolve myself? doesn't seem like the right word. Do you mean "atone for", or "get rid of", or what?
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  p38 oops, I don't think the footsoldiers are there to protect the tank - other way around, I think
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  p38 description as dialog
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  p41 They probably don't even have real coffee; "ersatz" coffee
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  p44 worryingly - "worriedly"? or another word entirely
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  p50 Note that divorce not nearly so common or "okay" as today - he might be more embarrassed about it.
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  p50 an educated Englishman would probably say "as I said" not "like I said"
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  p52 Felise poured over the instrument - "poured" is unclear to me
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  p56 mis-split dialog
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  p66 (and elsewhere) pub? probably "cafe"
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  p67 this gentleman, led me here (lose the comma)
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  p70 I'd long forgotten his leg was injured and that was months ago, right? It's still troubling him? Then we need some reminders in the interim, and it has to be more than a sprain - broken, re-healed badly?
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  p70-71 slugline split across page from subsequent description
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  p71 DECEMBER, later, NOVEMBER again
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  p76 the return of Christof - If it takes him this long to reenter the story, you'd better have a great cheat for him - a wart, glasses, a mohawk, something; better yet, give us another glimpse of him about halfway between.
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  p81 hunh? who screams? Does anyone react?
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  p85 Grueber, second appearance - give him a little cameo (with Christof's?) to refresh us on him
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  p85 they've never seen each other (you mean "they've never seen him"?)
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  p85 kneels at attention; hard to do. "kneels stiffly"?
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  p87 felt like Grueber should have done more than uncock the gun. At least slugged him?
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  p88 rising past the horizon? The horizon is pretty low.
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  p88 make a life in the south of France (you mean Vichy? Where they could be safe? Not clear (most Americans probably wouldn't recognize the reference, I suspect - we tend to think of "south of France" to mean the Riviera); probably "make a life somewhere safe" would be enough)
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  p89 from view of the bedroom window; "viewed from"?
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  p94 it'll be in a horse-drawn carriage (the explosion will be in the carriage?)
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  p95 leaking water on the floor (of the garden? did I miss something?)
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  p97 I hope the violin is going to catch fire (Why yes it did. Thanks.)
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  p107 rapport of gunfire; "report"? read
• 
  An Excellent Story
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by Ardeur on 07/31/2006
  I never get tired of seeing a well-written war movie. This screenplay does an excellent job of building and connecting the readers/viewers with its characters. Too often a good war movie is spoiled by an over-emphasis on battles. This story focuses more on the struggle of war, and the inner battle to survive. The realities of war, and how so often the good-hearted pay the... I never get tired of seeing a well-written war movie. This screenplay does an excellent job of building and connecting the readers/viewers with its characters.
  Too often a good war movie is spoiled by an over-emphasis on battles. This story focuses more on the struggle of war, and the inner battle to survive. The realities of war, and how so often the good-hearted pay the ultimate price for that goodness are truly displayed in this tale.
  This is a great tragedy if ever I saw one.
  I don't think I have any complaints. This would be a definite addition to my DVD collection. read
• 
  Review
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by errin1970 on 12/07/2005
  I thought this was an interesting story, but found there to be too much description as good as the description was. Also, some of the flashbacks were difficult to follow. Below are some of the typo/formatting issues I spotted. Page 15: Might want to have something like BACK TO PRESENT or END FLASHBACK to indicate a flashback is over. This tends to help the reader along... I thought this was an interesting story, but found there to be too much description as good as the description was. Also, some of the flashbacks were difficult to follow. Below are some of the typo/formatting issues I spotted.
  Page 15: Might want to have something like BACK TO PRESENT or END FLASHBACK to indicate a flashback is over. This tends to help the reader along.
  Page 17: Do you always ask this many question[s] of those helping you?
  Page 24: Should use INT. LIVING ROOM and then left justify the description.
  Page 31: WILHELM looks for a sheet of paper, and finds it
  precisely where he means to. (This sentence should be reformatted).
  Page 35: I want nothing more than to absolve myself of my obligation to you, but I can’t say that I haven’t asked
  for your help. Or that I don’t need it. (This sentence should reformatted).
  Page 38: Should use INT. FELESE BEDROOM and then left justify the description.
  Page 49: Downstairs, the sound [of] the front door SLAMMING shut.
  Page 63: Geroges and Darjon (Georges?)
  Page 76: Chirstof (Christof?), the young German post guard, quietly steps into the light. read
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  Familiar Territory.
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by Learjet on 12/01/2005
  A tried and tested story, set in war torn Europe. Concept, is not new by any means, the presentation doesn't really help. Characters, appear very shallow, and shouldn't be, given the circumstances they're operating in. Dialogue, the French, and Spanish are not really required. Apart from that, it's fairly average. Story should move at a faster pace, the first ten pages are... A tried and tested story, set in war torn Europe. Concept, is not new by any means, the presentation doesn't really help. Characters, appear very shallow, and shouldn't be, given the circumstances they're operating in. Dialogue, the French, and Spanish are not really required. Apart from that, it's fairly average.
  Story should move at a faster pace, the first ten pages are nearly all description, broken only by sparse dialogue. The sense of urgency suffers, because of prolonged action. Also very predictable. Structure works. Overall, a good effort but suffers from excessive "Flashbacks" and "Violin Playing" trying to give a picture of the story. It needs a rewrite, and some more thought. Good Luck. read
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  Going the Extra 'Boundary'
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 11/29/2005
  This was the first screenplay that I have read that was historical in nature based. It is based on events that are from a different perspective than most World War II war films where the U.S. soldiers are the main focus. In this SP, the Americans are but a footnote next to the main focus, that being of the British and the French. The setup and the structure was unique.... This was the first screenplay that I have read that was historical in nature based. It is based on events that are from a different perspective than most World War II war films where the U.S. soldiers are the main focus. In this SP, the Americans are but a footnote next to the main focus, that being of the British and the French. The setup and the structure was unique. I found that the way the scenes flowed back and forth through flashback and real time added a great dramatic effect to the story in general.
  
  Patrick was well done as a character in my opinion. Hard headed and knew what he wanted when he wanted to get it. I felt bad for him at the end, and not to spoil anything, but when he wants to grasp who he loved but there was a sense of misplacement that he couldn't withdrawal from.
  
  The time period and the scenes were great. It was very interesting and I was curious to see how it would end, which I finally did at the last two pages. Dialogue was good, but could be worked on a little. The characters were mostly done rather well. The way that some of their lives turned out choked me up a little and it would be very emotional to see this on film (the french lady). Anyway, I though the characterizaiton for Darjon could have been aided better. He just didn't stand out in my own opinion. I don't know, maybe it is just me. Or maybe you have already worked this out within your own mind. Also, some of the action is put in the format of where dialogue usually is. This happened early in the script and a little later on. Hope you can do some touching up.
  
  Felise', very well done. She was very three dimensional. The violin was a nice addition to her psychological output in her mood throughout the story.
  
  Good job. Keep up the good work. I hope this does be made into a film. It would be interesting to watch. read
• 
  Final Boundary notes
  A review of A Final Boundary
  by Joelle on 11/27/2005
  The first thing I noticed was that you didn't give Patrick an age. So I could never truly picture him, well actually I just imagined him late twenties and it worked. I enjoyed this story, I think you're a good writer, even though at times you write things that cannot be filmed, but we all tend to do that. I was however confused with the flashbacks.. you started them.. and then... The first thing I noticed was that you didn't give Patrick an age. So I could never truly picture him, well actually I just imagined him late twenties and it worked.
  I enjoyed this story, I think you're a good writer, even though at times you write things that cannot be filmed, but we all tend to do that.
  I was however confused with the flashbacks.. you started them.. and then never had a slug to let us know they were done with, and so they were quite confusing at first.
  My personal wish would be that you would take out all the flashbacks.. And just tell the story as it unfolds, from start to finish, I think it's strong enough and the story is strong enough to make this work so much better than the constant switching back and forth to Patrick and Felise and then Patrick and Jimmy.
  I thought it too convenient for Agathe to suddenly be called away to Albert, and leave them alone in the house. Seemed contrived.
  
  I also thought that Claude was not very believable, in that he loved his wife, and yet was willing to sell her out. and not care at all, yes she was unfaithful, so I suppose I'll give you that too, but he just seemed to give up his girl without a fight, and then sell her out to the Germans.. Also the part where Patrick rescues Felise from the trough was hard to swallow, how did he manage to get back there and then find her in that trough. how would he know she was there? I mean it was locked from the outside, so how would he think she could be in there. Maybe I missed something there.
  This was a gentle romance between them, tastefully done, which I appreciated, I was happy to read a romance that wasn't explicit, but still made you feel the spark between these two lovers.
  The scene with Felise in the trough was intense, I found myself trying to get a breath for her, it was good writing, I just wish that maybe you could have had Claude rescue her. Maybe have him see her go in there, as he was watching.. and then unlock it and let her out, and then have him say goodbye to her for good, and then betray her, something.. other than what really happened, like I said, that part doesn't work for me.
  The scenes with the germans killing the people in the square was well done, scary and I could feel the shivers down my spine, and could visualize this scene. This is usually one of those scenes when I'm watching a video, that I fast forward cos I hate this kind of violence. But it was well written, and well done.
  However, good job, good writing, enjoyable and dramatic. I wish you well with it.I enjoyed the story and getting to know the characters. read