Reviews of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised) 16

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  a nice story - needs a spit and polish though
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by may261989 on 11/23/2005
  I found this script a good read. It flowed really well and the story moved along at a good pace. The jokes could be quite funny , (i.e. p78 her boss talks about seeing the play about the Vaginas ) but I found that they varied in consistency , sometimes they were very clever others appeared as though they were rushed. The line on p21 “I love it when you talk graphite�... I found this script a good read. It flowed really well and the story moved along at a good pace.
  
  The jokes could be quite funny , (i.e. p78 her boss talks about seeing the play about the Vaginas ) but I found that they varied in consistency , sometimes they were very clever others appeared as though they were rushed. The line on p21 “I love it when you talk graphite� for example is just not funny at all.
  
  The peripheral characters were very good in this script, however, the main player Cindy, appeared to move out of character too often . I just cant see her saying “find me the willy that’s gotten me silly� I think this is a very funny line, but I cant see it coming out of Cindy’s mouth at all. It would have been better coming from one of her gay friends.
  
  I also found the scene and character descriptions looked like they were written in a hurry. Often they were not descriptive enough, or they were written in a haphazard manner .i.e. P31. Scores of people mill about, study, do what students do. I think this description is a bit lazy.
  
  I am little bit confused about William’s role in this film. Are we supposed to in any way empathise with his situation? We never really see what motivates him - apart from Financial concerns which I suppose is true of a lot of people these days - but surely there has to be more to him than just tacitly accepting his fate at the end as though he lost a bet. He was madly in love with the girl early in the piece and within two weeks admits if it wasn’t for being pressured by Cindy’s mother he wouldn’t go through with the wedding.
  
  Having said all that, I think this script has a lot of potential, it really is a good read and I usually don’t enjoy romance comedies at all. I just think it needs to be tightened up a lot and maybe more time put in to getting consistency in the characters. read
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  Altar-nate Possibilities
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by David Muhlfelder on 11/13/2005
  I read the previous draft, and aside from the opening setting and the taxi's final destination, I didn't find that much different between that draft and this one. Consequently, the problems I had with the last draft went largely unaddressed. It's not that the script isn't well written and easy to read. It is, but the comic conceit driving the story just doesn't grab me. First,... I read the previous draft, and aside from the opening setting and the taxi's final destination, I didn't find that much different between that draft and this one. Consequently, the problems I had with the last draft went largely unaddressed. It's not that the script isn't well written and easy to read. It is, but the comic conceit driving the story just doesn't grab me. First, as a former NYC cab driver, and sometimes passenger, I can tell you that nobody hails cabs at JFK. They wait in lines, and a dispatcher puts them into cabs that wait in line at terminal parking lots. Also, you don't take either the Holland or Lincoln tunnel from JFK to Manhattan. Those tunnels connect New York to New Jersey. It's a minor error, but it took me out of the story, and most people who've taken a cab from JFK to Manhattan will know this. But more problematic was the whole framing device of the rhyming, story telling cab driver. Framing devices work when they create a question in the audience/reader's mind about who this character is and how they relate to the story, If you don't pay it off in the end with some sort of reveal about how the framer adds another layer to the main story, your audience will feel cheated. Think of the old man in Saving Private Ryan. If he turns out to be someone who's just visiting the cemetery, there's no reason to have him there. Once we learn it's Ryan, we see the long term outcome of the story we've just seen. The Cabbie in this story ultimately comes off as cloying, and that whimsy for the sake of whimsy can be a turn off to an audience. I realize you're going for a stylized, sophisticated Manhattan Cinderella story, but you're not following the Cinderella paradigm. Cinderella was essentially an abused child who rose above her situation to find her Prince Charming. When we meet Cindy, she already has a great job, an understanding father, nice fiance, etc. Yet she's willing to throw it all away for a one night stand. It doesn't make her, or John for that matter, very sympathetic. Especially when they meet each other out of costume. Suddenly, they both come off as fickle and shallow. They may belong together, but it's hard to care about them getting there since they seem to so easily find themselves drawn to new people (Even if they're the same people). And why wouldn't John leave her a note or something? He had the presence of mind to get Cindy home safely and not take advantage. You could still have the condom, and all the resultant questions, you're just adding another layer to the confusion. These characters, as written, are more suited to an erotic thriller than a romantic comedy. The other problem is the dialogue. Almost all the characters are hyperarticulate and clever. They all begin to sound the same. They all sound a little like Jack in Will & Grace. I would work to give your characters more distinctive voices. Cinderella stories are done to death in Hollywood, so if you want to do it again, be truer to the inspiration, and give your characters real obstacles to overcome. The Sex In The City approach you have here just doesn't ring true. Good luck. read
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  Review: Funny Thing
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by fleezer on 11/12/2005
  I reviewed an earlier draft of this SP. It's been a while and I'm not really aware of what changes were made for this version. All the main plot points seem the same. I still have a hard time with the rhyming cabbie. I think all he does is pull us out of the story. I don't see what he adds to it or why you need him. Also, many of his rhymes could be better. If you're going... I reviewed an earlier draft of this SP. It's been a while and I'm not really aware of what changes were made for this version. All the main plot points seem the same. I still have a hard time with the rhyming cabbie. I think all he does is pull us out of the story. I don't see what he adds to it or why you need him. Also, many of his rhymes could be better. If you're going to use him, make his rhymes work rhythmically. I also don't understand how the cabbie and the woman could have ended up in front to Cindy;s building to take John to the wedding. How could the cabbie tell this story if it hasn't even happened yet? I found the whole cabbie scenario really distracting and confusing and think the SP would be better without it.
  
  I think the basic story is engaging, but there are some problems with the pacing and structure. It seemed very long for what it is. There were no page numbers on my version, but around the time Scottie took Cindy to the drag bar, I thought it really got slow. It seems like some of the scenes would work better in a different order and had a kind of random feel to it. William disappeared for too long somewhere around the middle of the piece. So did the work/Mr. Selby storyline. I think everything is there for a good story, but it needs to be woven together more tightly. Your scenes don't quite work together to build the story the way they need to. I'm sorry, but I can't really give you specifics without looking at this scene by scene. It just doesn't escatale the way it needs to.
  
  I also think you need to work on your dialog. It is inconsistant. Some of it is very good, witty, natural sounding and appropriate to the characters. Some of it is the opposite. Like when Cindy says "find me the willy that's gotten me silly". Cute, but not really something Cindy would say. Also, Mr. Selby's dialog at the hockey game goes from casual to overly formal and old fashioned. You can do a better job making the dialog really represent who these characters are. It's not bad, just not always appropriate to the character.
  
  I think some of your scenes are too long and some could be cut completely, without hurting your story. A few examples are the scene at the drag club and the scene with the robbery. And, in my opinion, the cabbie scenes. Cutting this back to it's essence might do a lot towards really tightening up this story. It's a cute idea. I hope you continue working on it to get it up to where it can be. Best of luck. read
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  Very very funny
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by sek5050 on 11/11/2005
  I must admit, I am NOT a fan of chick flicks, with some exceptions. This is one of those exceptions. I thought it was very funny with the condom and how Cindy goes on a search for John. I was also touched by the ending when John was confessing his love for her. This was a very well-written modern retelling version of Cinderalla with comical situations a good heart and the... I must admit, I am NOT a fan of chick flicks, with some exceptions. This is one of those exceptions.
  
  I thought it was very funny with the condom and how Cindy goes on a search for John. I was also touched by the ending when John was confessing his love for her.
  
  This was a very well-written modern retelling version of Cinderalla with comical situations a good heart and the needed tear-jerker ending. Congrats!
  
  Happy writing! read
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  Entertaining!
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by Joelle on 10/27/2005
  I enjoyed this screenplay, it is a chick flick though as you say in your notes. I think your characters are pretty solid and you've made William sufficiently boring, for us to root for John. I do think it was a bit hard for me to accept that William suddenly had a change of heart, and realized he didn't want to marry Cindy anyway. Cindy is a great character, as is Serena... I enjoyed this screenplay, it is a chick flick though as you say in your notes. I think your characters are pretty solid and you've made William sufficiently boring, for us to root for John.
  I do think it was a bit hard for me to accept that William suddenly had a change of heart, and realized he didn't want to marry Cindy anyway.
  Cindy is a great character, as is Serena her friend.
  Some fun sub plots that are wrapped up well.
  If I could suggest one thing, it would be to lose the cabbie and the woman, the rhyming got me a bit crazy, and I don't see this kind of stuff on televison or film lately. It's a cute idea, but I think it could be cut out with no damage to the structrure of the screenplay.
  No spelling errors that I could find SO well done, good script, fun story, humourous and witty
  Enjoyed it a lot. read
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  review
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by dj152 on 10/27/2005
  Well this is where I feel a bit silly - because I know this is a well liked SP on triggerstreet and I'm pretty sure it has been in the top ten at some point, but I really found myself not liking it. I like romantic comedies, I have nothing against them like so many people do - but they need something to hook me in and I don't feel this script had that. But who knows- a lot... Well this is where I feel a bit silly - because I know this is a well liked SP on triggerstreet and I'm pretty sure it has been in the top ten at some point, but I really found myself not liking it.
  
  I like romantic comedies, I have nothing against them like so many people do - but they need something to hook me in and I don't feel this script had that. But who knows- a lot of the time these screenplays just need to lay the groundwork - it's entirely possible the script for 'Serendipity' or 'Sleepless In Seattle' wasn't THAT great, but the atmosphere is built up in the way it's directed. Maybe I'm better watching those types of films than reading that.
  
  This script just seemed a little lost, a little lacking focus - and I didn't find it funny. But I haven't found a screenplay funny in ages so maybe I'm just reading them wrongly. A nice effort - but in my mind it reads like the SP of someone who wants to be a writer, has read up on twenty or so 'how to write' books and then gone about their screenplay. I don't mean that as an insult, it is structured well and is quite enjoyable and it flows, but it seems lacking the romantic heart and soul of far superior screenplays such as Cameron Crowe's recent 'Elizabethtown' - or any number of Nora Ephron screenplays.
  
  Good luck! Just didn't quite work for me! read
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  Sleepless in Seattle redux
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/27/2005
  Some reading notes: 1) The setup is weird. Why would the cabbie do this? Why wouldn't the woman just catch another cab? There are hundreds of them at JFK. If you wanna present the SP like a story being told, there are much better ways to set it up. For example, why don't you just have them get caught in a traffic jam, her cell phone is dead, he's an aspiring writer and... Some reading notes: 1) The setup is weird. Why would the cabbie do this? Why wouldn't the woman just catch another cab? There are hundreds of them at JFK. If you wanna present the SP like a story being told, there are much better ways to set it up. For example, why don't you just have them get caught in a traffic jam, her cell phone is dead, he's an aspiring writer and she agrees to listen just to kill the time. 2) Several places where "you're" and "your" are used incorrectly. 3) Pg 8 - "in a wife beater." What's a wife beater? 4) pg 15 - Cindy patting down his crotch to mop up a spill. Uh-uh, doesn't happen. 5) Pg 37 - Cindy must have an awfully close relationship with her parents to make a confession like that. 6) I'm getting confused - one minute Cindy says she doesn't remember what happened the night before because she was drunk and then the next minute she remembers how amazing and fabulous the guy was. 7) If John and Cindy spent as much time talking at the party as you lead us to believe, why doesn't he recognize her voice at the restaurant and on the bike? 8) pg 55 - John being smitten by both "the woman from the party" and "the woman at the restaurant" is too convenient. Suspension of disbelief isn't possible here.
  
  Characters: Pretty stock RomCom characters.
  
  Dialog: some of the dialog feels like it was ripped right out of both SiS and In and Out (Debbie Reynolds' lines about I must have a wedding). Very serviceable.
  
  Concept: not original but works here.
  
  Story: the role reversal was interesting and the cab touch was nice.
  
  Structure: no probs.
  
  General: I don't care much for the title nor the specifics of the setup but I can easily see this as a summer date movie.
  
  Good luck w/ it. read
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  A Funny Thing... (REV)
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by BevBrooks2000 on 10/10/2005
  This is the first "story within a story" screenplay I've ever read, and to be perfectly honest, I was confused at first. After I got used to it though, it was very entertaining... actually a bit suspenseful, especially toward the end. I thought Cindy desperately needed the encounter with Dracula, given her status as trophy daughter and trophy wife-to-be. it served as a last... This is the first "story within a story" screenplay I've ever read, and to be perfectly honest, I was confused at first. After I got used to it though, it was very entertaining... actually a bit suspenseful, especially toward the end. I thought Cindy desperately needed the encounter with Dracula, given her status as trophy daughter and trophy wife-to-be. it served as a last chance to taste life before signing hers away. William also seemed to grow along with Cindy, and even her mother was more realistic in the end. John was a little more difficult to figure out in the beginning, but it seemed pretty obvious early on that he was Dracula. There were enough clues scattered throughout to throw me off the trail a few times, and I wasn't even sure about Selby's relationship to John, given the different last name (or apparent last name of Ellis). The story within a story thing was beautiful by the end of the script, building tension and adding a sense of urgency. The moment when John and Paul jumped in the cab with the woman hearing the story was a real trip! The scene descriptions were short and sweet, the characters easy to picture from their descriptions, and the dialogue felt natural. Not bad... best of luck with it! read
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  Clever, With Potential
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by mew1 on 10/04/2005
  Please take this with a grain of salt because comedies are not my thing. I think this has potential, but I did have a few problems with it. The beginning scene with the Cabbie and the passenger could work, but might need some revamping. It should grab us right away. Using this device to tell the "Cindy" story could likewise be interesting, but it needs a more graceful... Please take this with a grain of salt because comedies are not my thing. I think this has potential, but I did have a few problems with it.
  
  The beginning scene with the Cabbie and the passenger could work, but might need some revamping. It should grab us right away. Using this device to tell the "Cindy" story could likewise be interesting, but it needs a more graceful and seemless segue, rather than the "Let me tell you a story" approach, which seemed abrupt.
  
  The entire beginning started slowly for me. I didn't get into the story until the scene where Cindy lines up her friends and passes out their assignments. That scene was crystal clear and I could easily picture it. However, this was about one third into the script and, again, our attention should be grabbed much sooner.
  
  Some of the dialogue seemed a bit forced. For instance, the wedding reception scene in the beginning seemed stilted. This scene is where we meet most of the main characters. We should want to like and care about them. There are tantalizing hints of who they are, but they never are fully realized. I wanted to meet them early on and have a more difinitive idea of who they were.
  
  The subsequesnt scenes up until the"assignments" scene also were a bit flat. I think we need to see why Cindy would bring Dracula home earlier. Maybe I missed it, but once I finished the script, I wished I had known early on that there was a crack in the Cindy/William relationship. Her going home with Dracula was a bit out of the blue for me and was misleading as to who she was until much later in the script. If the intent was to create a sense of mystery as to why Cindy would go home with a total stranger, it did not work for me.
  
  Establishing who Cindy is early on would have made a big difference. I could have sympathized with her sooner. She does get me eventually though. Once we get into the heart of the story, it becomes more interesting. However, there are still dialogue problems that need some polishing.
  
  There are some clever twitss in the story, but the characters could be fleshed out a bit more, so we can care about them. There were some believability issues as well, which I suppose can be suspended due to the fantasy/Cinderella element.
  
  The return of the Cabbie/Woman to the end of the story was confusing to me. They jumped from the "present" where he's telling a story to the "past", which is really the "present" where they became part of the story and that was jarring.
  
  Overall, there are some good elements, some clever plot twists and this script has potential. It needs some reworking, though. read
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  REVIEW A FUNNY THING
  A review of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar (Revised)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/03/2005
  You should always be wary of salesmen who want you to read the fine print first. When a synopsis begins PLEASE READ PRODUCTION NOTES first you know the material might be tainted. I make it a habit of never reading production notes before I read an sp, and I never look at the writer's name. And honestly, early on, I thought I was reading a Dave Chapelle show reject script... You should always be wary of salesmen who want you to read the fine print first. When a synopsis begins PLEASE READ PRODUCTION NOTES first you know the material might be tainted. I make it a habit of never reading production notes before I read an sp, and I never look at the writer's name. And honestly, early on, I thought I was reading a Dave Chapelle show reject script. I was seeing visions of Amos and Andy. All of the characters sounded the same, and everyone was desperate to rhyme everything they said. I kept imagining that Red Foxx and son Lamont were coming through the door.
  Then I caught Cindy's last name and confusion really descended. Investment bankers talking jive? A girl who's no deeper than one who's willing to throw a good guy overboard because she got wildly screwed at a halloween party?
  This is the story of a girl who takes a dirty condom with her on a search for love. Need I say more. I actually would say more . . . but I'm out the door.
  This writer has talent. There, I said more. This writer should upgrade his plotlines and invest his writing ability in something that requires more of his talent. He has a talent for dialogue. Now all he needs are characters who have something worth sayings. read