Reviews of All Fired Up 27

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  All Fired Up
  A review of All Fired Up
  by scross on 10/09/2006
  I wanted to begin with what I think are some serious issues with the screenplay, and then offer a few suggestions, and finish up with some of the things I consider to be especially strong. The first comment I would make is that, in my viewpoint, you have some scenes which really don't add much to the plot and some that are not set up well. Some examples include the hamster... I wanted to begin with what I think are some serious issues with the screenplay, and then offer a few suggestions, and finish up with some of the things I consider to be especially strong.
  
  The first comment I would make is that, in my viewpoint, you have some scenes which really don't add much to the plot and some that are not set up well. Some examples include the hamster killing scene and the spider scene once Chip and Sarah are together again. Since this is a comedy, I'm assuming you included some scenes because you wanted some humor, which is fine, but I don't think they work into the plot well. (Another includes the Coffee prank).
  
  Another thing I noticed is that some of your scenes are not set up well. An example is when Nancy calls Chip in to interrupt the cabin in the woods scenes. The fact that Nancy wanted a "closer" does not seem much justification for her calling him, and also Sarah just accepting him right back into her life also doesn't ring true. Also the picture in the seafood shack. Why would anyone just come up and snap their picture without giving a reason? Why would Sarah and Charlie let them? Did I miss something there? The photography thing needs to be worked in better. I need a better reason as to why this guy would go around snapping pictures all the time. Since the plot hinges a lot on this aspect, it should be worked in more effectively.
  
  A couple other minor things: The girl walking in on her boyfriend with another girl needs to be more exciting. This is such a common plot device that it becomes a cliche if not done well. Ditto for the falling in the water scene.
  
  The biggest issue with me personally is the reason for wanting to get fired instead of just quitting. It seems to me like that it would not matter if you quit or got fired. Both would make you lose your benefits. If I were you I would make the motivation for wanting to get fired more important. Give Charlie some better reasons for wanting to be fired.
  
  I liked the humor most of the time. Charlie is a memorable character. I liked the scenes with Felicia, especially the one in the park with Nancy. Most of the time I thought the dialogue was good. (The only two scenes that didn't work for me in the dialogue were the one with Delores and the scene with Steve at the end when Sarah goes to find Charlie.) I think you have a very interesting concept here and some good positives to work with. I really liked the getting fired strategies, but I think you need to lose Tad. (The scene with the wife was great.)
  
  I had a couple of suggestions you can ignore. I thought that when Charlie and Sarah made love early, you missed an opportunity to increase the sexual tension and the humor. I can see Charlie getting more and more frustrated and having more and more bizarre dreams with each day that passes in sexual frustration.
  
  These are my ideas for what they're worth. If you have any questions, just contact me. read
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  Cute!
  A review of All Fired Up
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 10/03/2006
  It was cute and funny. I enjoyed the read. I feel like it's been done before? I can't quite put my finger on it. One thing really bothered me. I know if I wanted to be fired from my job, I would STOP GOING. Suggestion: Perhaps insert some scenes where Charlie tries to not go...he stays home, etc. (Could have some funny 'Office Space' moments in these scens?) But then the... It was cute and funny. I enjoyed the read. I feel like it's been done before? I can't quite put my finger on it.
  
  One thing really bothered me. I know if I wanted to be fired from my job, I would STOP GOING.
  
  Suggestion: Perhaps insert some scenes where Charlie tries to not go...he stays home, etc. (Could have some funny 'Office Space' moments in these scens?) But then the company calls and they say, "If you don't come in, we'll assume you have quit."
  
  Then he must rush back to the office to try and get fired so he can hook up with Sarah.
  
  Just a suggestion. I thought you had cute jokes...I loved the FNG'S. Laughed out loud on that one.
  
  Overall, very witty and charming script. read
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  An Ad Man and his Femme Fatale
  A review of All Fired Up
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/29/2006
  I’m not giving a 3 or 4 page critique for this one for two reasons: 1, I’ve had a lot of free time lately and that’s about to become much less, and 2, the script is good. Comedys are supposed to do one thing well: be funny. If a comedy accomplishes being funny, it’s hard to argue with it. I really enjoyed it. I think it may be marketable. I really... I’m not giving a 3 or 4 page critique for this one for two reasons:
  
  1, I’ve had a lot of free time lately and that’s about to become much less, and 2, the script is good. Comedys are supposed to do one thing well: be funny. If a comedy accomplishes being funny, it’s hard to argue with it. I really enjoyed it. I think it may be marketable. I really like the buddy banter and the light and witty touch with the humor – where I was less into it was the emotional work on the lead and his intended paramour. I’m not so sure I entirely bought into that. I’d suggest analyzing The Wedding Crashers for a textbook example of a modern buddy crazy comedy with a heart. Anyway, I feel less able to offer suggestions than I usually go, but for whatever it’s worth, here’s my review.
  
  Spelling: p 11 ‘waiver’
  I’m really liking it all the way up to p24 – it moves well, I just paused to note that this is the first real big turning point – not the ones where he meets and sleeps with her are a prelude to this.
  The ad for Viagara – the condom AND the athletic cup at the same time – and the immediate explanation of why he usually wears one - very funny
  Sort of offers up the back of his hand (like it’s to be kissed?!) hysterical
  Roll dice on the street? Who carries dice around?
  The fire turning out to be caused by the dick enlarger – very cute, ridiculous, funny.
  Cute with Nancy having already gotten Felicia to not like boys – reminds me of
  Sex in the City - not that I would ever be caught watching that.
  ‘blouses even a blind man could see through’ – nice. Can I steal that one?
  In fact, you have lots of good banter and descriptions in this.
  P51 – the snoring – really funny
  P54 – he saves the day and human life again – classic stuff
  
  P60 – waaaiiit a second – she says to see him at her condo and she replies talking about work? I don’t think that’s his reaction. Or is it? Hm – it is a work meeting. Eh…
  By the way, I truly feel like the script had been damn near flawless up to this point – it doesn’t try to be more than it is: it just moves right along. I’m not saying it’s The Wedding Crashers, but it’s funny, sharp, tight, moves, and is good. I’m really liking it.
  
  On p61 you could use (VO) instead of sotto – don’t know if it matters.
  ‘Loving’ way not ‘lovingly’
  p63 ‘the pitch’ – funny line – however, I’m not sure about this hamster thing derailing it here. Of course in a romcom you want to keep them apart as long as possible – but I’m just not really sure this is the best way to do it. Is that enough? Maybe.
  Cute with the hipster-playa kids.
  The word is actually ‘fashion-challenged’ but the point and banter is fine.
  Potentially great marketability coz you have 2 male buddy leads, the female object of desire and the whole office comedy thing – who hasn’t had an office job they wanted to quit but felt they couldn’t? The uptight bs in office culture is fertile ground for comedy.
  P68 Great reaction from the coworkers - you may as well use ‘bald worker’ ‘glasses guy’ etc instead of numbers, though, it takes just a word and is a lot less boring.
  Like the failed seduction of the boss’s wife – note this makes the script a little more Indy and a little less Hollywood, as it means he doesn’t actually care about Sara.
  P73 – gets Sara by accident – would be hysterical on screen
  ‘her little turtle’ – classic
  p80 – something to remember you by laugh out loud funny – again, I so want to steal that
  p82 grammar ‘tlc – magic’ ya left out a word
  ‘Glen Brooks too’ – the word patience must have gotten pasted here by accident
  p86 – him in soot, her in the mask – screamingly funny
  
  I finish feeling it’s good, very funny in spots, could be better.
  
  How – sorry but I feel helpless as to suggest how. Hey, don’t ask me why you did what you did: you’re the writer. Feel free to email and ask me whatever and I promise at least one reply. I usually have more thoughtful comments but I seem to be fresh out.
  
  I'm actually giving this my first 'recommend' because I think it's very funny and highly marketable.
  I don't think it's the best writing I've ever read, but it's certainly good. I rated the dialogue excellent. I'd try to make it 20% funnier (just kidding - what does that even mean) and work on improving the emotional stuff. Why does this guy want her so much? Why is she really into him?
  
  When he pulls her out of the way of the car twice - that's either exactly what you want to do, or not, depending on your pov. Some say don't repeat, some say do it. Big help eh? My 2 bits.
  
  Check out my Expats script if you don’t mind: I just posted it.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  read
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  The Producers in an ad agency
  A review of All Fired Up
  by JesseFilm22 on 09/26/2006
  For the most part it was pretty good, but not without some semi-serious issues to work out. It seems the writer has a pretty good handle on how a script works. It works in his favor when he clearly orchestrates a clever moment. It works against him when those clever moments have been seen by us over and over. So while it seems like a decent idea, I've feel like I've... For the most part it was pretty good, but not without some semi-serious issues to work out.
  It seems the writer has a pretty good handle on how a script works. It works in his favor when he clearly orchestrates a clever moment. It works against him when those clever moments have been seen by us over and over.
  So while it seems like a decent idea, I've feel like I've seen this movie a dozen times already.
  I need to pick on the premise a little bit here. A guy wants to get fired so that he can gaint he respect of a girl and get her to date him...
  So in order to do that he does very disrespectful things in front of her, sleeps with his bosses wife (so he couldnt care about Sarah all that much) and seemingly blows all chances with her? Why not just quit if she would only date someone who didnt work in the same building (which i didnt get how he came to that conclusion anyway)...
  so this is my biggest problem with the script- the premise.
  My other big problem came with the sctructure of the piece. Act 1 was way too long (and let me also say, 112 pages is certainly too long for a comedy), and at the end of Act 1 I didnt really get what he was after. Sure, he wanted to date her- i didnt quite get that until page 40- thats when the real premise is presented to us. Way too late! At first I thought the Big Event (End of Act 1) was when she runs into him in the street but that presents a whole nother movie. thats where the event should take place in a 112 page script but you're not setting up the movie we're watching until page 40!
  Likewise, there is no real crisis (whihc usually comes at end of act 2) until she goes back to Chip. which happens right around page 100, which is way too late. It should happen earlier and sustain longer. Where your crisis moment should have been, instead thats when Charlie and Sarah get together. Its backwards.
  And the ending. Twice the boss said "You cant do that to me!" and someone else said "But I can!" if you're making fun of movies that do that then its ok i guess- otherwise it just echoes all the other cliches that are ridden throughout the script.
  With taht said, there were some funny little quibbles in here that i really enjoyed. He seemed to get in some funny jokes. I even liked the 3 hole punch payoff in the end. I wanted more of these clever jokes throughout. the writer seems capable of delivering, so i would force mroe in the dialogue.
  so i dont think its bad. i think it needs some work but its definitely a decent script that, in the right hands, could get produced... maybe. at the very least, its an indicator that the writer will write a script that will get made very soon.
  keep up the good work. read
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  Advert Reactions
  A review of All Fired Up
  by David Muhlfelder on 09/25/2006
  This is a tough script for me to review. It's my policy to never tell a writer what story to write. I assume that the story I read is the one they want to tell, so I try to give feedback that will strengthen their story. But I felt the whole concept created a lot of problems which were nearly impossible to overcome. The fact that Charlie wasn't willing to just quit for Sarah,... This is a tough script for me to review. It's my policy to never tell a writer what story to write. I assume that the story I read is the one they want to tell, so I try to give feedback that will strengthen their story. But I felt the whole concept created a lot of problems which were nearly impossible to overcome. The fact that Charlie wasn't willing to just quit for Sarah, even though it meant forfeiting all sorts of compensation, undercut his romanticism and made it hard to empathize with him. Even if I bought into the firing idea, his attempts seemed too over the top even for a screwball comedy. People normally take the path of least resistance until it no longer works. That way you can build the absurdity step by step. You started with the outlandish which basically left you no place to go. I really didn't understand the whole Tad thing. It seemed like a bit of shtick that really didn't fit the tone of the story. I would've been able to buy into the premise more easily if Charlie was a whizz kid, who tries to quit for the sake of love, but his attempts are rebuffed by Price who is a total hack without him. That way Price is a more compelling antagonist. Sort of like a latter day Larry Tate. The real conflict in the story comes from Charlie and Sarah working on the Teddy Bear campaign together. If they were more equal, Charlie's and Sarah's competitive edges could more genuinely undermine their romantic impulses than all of Charlie's wacky attempts at getting fired. Like I said, I don't want to tell you what story to write, but as is, it all feels forced and the obstacles feel shoehorned in rather than organic. Technically, I felt the first act went on too long. You need to set up Charlie and Sarah quickly, and get them together earlier. Charlie's decision to get fired needs to happen before p. 30. It happens now around p. 40. I wish I could offer you some other suggestions that are more in line with your story, but it just didn't resonate with me. Good luck. read
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  All Fired Up Review
  A review of All Fired Up
  by fabflying on 09/25/2006
  I enjoyed this as a read through but think it still needs to be tightened up in some areas. I liked your main character and think that he could carry the story well. You could even add more slapstick to him and ramp up the comedy value. I'd like to have seen some sort of sub plot working away. The story does need more happening in it and this would be a way to do this, plus... I enjoyed this as a read through but think it still needs to be tightened up in some areas. I liked your main character and think that he could carry the story well. You could even add more slapstick to him and ramp up the comedy value. I'd like to have seen some sort of sub plot working away. The story does need more happening in it and this would be a way to do this, plus adding back story. Perhaps the love lorn Chip could be back on the scene a bit sooner. I like the idea of him and Charlie squaring off more. Chip being such a loser would highlight why Sarah might pick Charlie.
  As it is, I wonder if she really would fall for him. You can use others to hightlight his strengths. I'm also wondering if a little too much time is spent in the office enviroment. Adding a sub plot would allow you to move the stort forward, plus get you into more locations.
  Just a few tweeks here and there and I think you've got a solid ground for a good screenplay. read
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  Fired Up
  A review of All Fired Up
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/09/2006
  OVERALL IMPRESSION: I was hoping I would get assigned this screenplay as I also have a RomCom posted. There aren’t too many of these screenplays here on TS and they are always an easy read. All in all, I wasn’t disappointed at all. You write well, the comedy is definitely there and the plot was compelling. Some formatting issues include the use of camera directions, which... OVERALL IMPRESSION: I was hoping I would get assigned this screenplay as I also have a RomCom posted. There aren’t too many of these screenplays here on TS and they are always an easy read. All in all, I wasn’t disappointed at all. You write well, the comedy is definitely there and the plot was compelling.
  
  Some formatting issues include the use of camera directions, which are unnecessary in a spec script. You have some dialogue that is separated from the character name by a page break. Some slugs are separated from their description by page breaks. You have some passive action written in here as well. This is most easily identified by verbs that end in “ing.” You also are mixing some unfilmable descriptions in her. If we can’t see it, then you really shouldn’t write it (i.e. “He wasn’t expecting that.”). You have some slugs without a description attached at all.
  
  CONCEPT: As with most of these types of films, our concept deals with how two people overcome their differences and external complications to find love. I think you executed the concept well.
  
  STORY: The story flowed rather well as most intelligent RomCom’s do. One criticism I have in terms of story line is the implausibility of the fact that Price would send Sarah and Charlie to a secluded lake cabin to work on the deal. What really causes this is the fact that these two just got into a sexual harassment foray. It may be better to have Sarah demand they work on this in a secluded environment because Charlie is not focused and she doesn’t want him to screw up her career. This also allows your characters to drive the plot, instead of vice versa.
  
  
  CHARACTER: We get a little insight into Charlie’s background, about how he had a previous relationship, but you gloss over this. We always need to keep in mind that background contributes to our character development. With this development, we can get an understanding on our character’s motivations. In that respect, I think you may need to invest a bit more into Charlie. Sarah, on the other hand, is very well developed. We know she was hurt by a cheating boyfriend, strong willed, influential, but a romantic at heart. You see how knowing this allows us to understand the actions she takes? Charlie is our hero. He should be twice as developed as this. On another note, I did find a connection to all the characters here and found them very likeable.
  
  DIALOGUE: Overall your dialogue was very effective. No serious issues with it at and at numerous time was quite funny. Good work here.
  
  STRUCTURE:
  ACT I
  HOOK: This story opens on our protagonist, Charlie, who is an ad executive who experiences vivid dreams. He seems bored with his career and down about his love life. You have his roommate Steve and his co-worker Eric, who are both strong supporting characters. We have some good light humor mixed in here as well. Overall a nice hook in to this type of film.
  
  OPPORTUNITY: Once we move past the opening, we are introduced to Sarah, who is presumably going to be Charlie’s object of affection throughout the film. She finds her cheating boyfriend hooking up with three women in her condo (with some good dialogue in the scene to boot). This in turn put Sarah back on the market. She meets Charlie at the bar in the Art museum and uses him to lie to Chip. Nice setup so far.
  
  CHANGE OF PLANS: At the close of act one, the plot’s pacing is moving a little slow. We know, by reading the logline that Charlie needs to get himself fired in order to have his relationship with Sarah. This plot point should be established by the closed of the first act. As it stands, all we know is that he just wants her. He hasn’t quite developed the plan on how to get her (his journey). I would suggest that you nip and tuck here and there to have this out there no later than page 30. If you wait any longer, you’ll run the risk of boring your audience.
  
  ACT II
  PROGRESS: Charlie decides to quit his job, the realizes that he needs to get fired. This realizations is the first step of his journey. With all of Charlie’s failed attempts at termination, it appears as if Sarah is actually beginning to really like him.
  
  MINOR CHALLENGES: Charlie’s challenges stem from his futile attempt to get fired. Pulling the fire alarm while there was an actual fire unbeknownst to him, the pimp get-up, all of this “progress” actually lead to more challenges for Charlie.
  
  POINT OF NO RETURN: Once Charlie and Sarah are assigned to team up on the ad account, they both are pretty much fully committed to “getting to know each other.” This situation brings them closer, and ultimately together.
  
  MAJOR SETBACK: At the close of the second act we should see a major setback in place. In your case I believe it is when Sarah realizes what Charlie’s plan is and they scheme independently of each other in different directions. I think you can do a little better than this, but you still meet the appropriate plot point. It is clear to the reader that if each of them succeed in their plan, they will be at such odds with each other, compatibility would be impossible.
  
  ACT III
  CONFLICT: You certainly have defined more conflict here that is centered around each other executing their plan. Moist of it stems from Sarah trying make a bad impression on Charlie, but the conflict is compelling and humorous.
  
  CLIMAX: The climax begins when Charlie finds out about Sarah’s true plans and decides to try and get her fired. By the time Sarah makes her presentation to the clients we can see her arc coming into effect. She begins a realization process where she understands that it was Charlie that was the missing piece in her life.
  
  GOAL RESOLUTION: A true happy ending. They steal the account from Price, and get it for themselves. More importantly they finally discover their love for each other.
  
  AFTERMATH/CHARACTER ARC: Sarah has the big arc here. She goes from a career driven woman with a hint of a romantic to a full blown romantic with a hint of career woman. Charlie on the other hand has a much more subtle arc. His is really is finding himself. He always knew what he wanted, but throughout the story he figured out the right way to achieve it. read
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  All Fired Up review
  A review of All Fired Up
  by blue439 on 09/08/2006
  ‘All Fired Up’ has a great comic premise – a man who tries to get fired. No matter how much he screws up, he stays employed. This is very commercial and has all kinds of comic potential. I think the Charlie character and his dating problems are nowhere near as good as the screwing-up-on-purpose premise, though. You want the stakes to be high and the events portrayed to... ‘All Fired Up’ has a great comic premise – a man who tries to get fired. No matter how much he screws up, he stays employed. This is very commercial and has all kinds of comic potential. I think the Charlie character and his dating problems are nowhere near as good as the screwing-up-on-purpose premise, though. You want the stakes to be high and the events portrayed to be life-changing, but the stakes are too low for Charlie. He’s not risking anything. The reason why he wants to be fired is so he can be free to pursue Sarah AND keep his job perks. What’s at risk? He should risk something to win the love of the girl.
  NOTES:
  It doesn’t seem to make sense that Charlie would do all this. It’s not clear that Sarah considers him anything more than a one night stand.
  Overlapping dialogue and ellipses are overused.
  (p.50) Charlie is a superficial character. When Karen confronts him about his real motivations, instead of having real character interaction, Charlie just avoids the issue. The writer avoids exploring the inner life of the character even though he has a golden opportunity.
  Charlie just seems like an unambitious, generically horny guy. Charlie seems to be an avoidance expert.
  Charlie’s character situation needs to be made more extreme to match the extreme change in behavior. Think Liar Liar or Working Girl. A life changing event provokes a drastic change in behavior. But Charlie’s situation is not extreme. It’s really not plausible that he’s doing all this for Sarah because he doesn’t seem in love with her. Even that would implausible after just a one night stand. This is not even considering that Sarah seems to feel nothing for him.
  (p.64) It’s late in the script to be introducing a character like Tad.
  It’s a little bit too much of the same thing when Charlie is attempting to be fired. Writer’s solution is to have Charlie act more and more juvenile. Being offensive is the only thing he can think of. The scene with Julie is too much. Slapstick.
  I’m not sure what making Charlie physically clumsy adds to the character except for more pratfalls.
  You should only be PAYING OFF in the third act. You should be SETTING UP in the first two acts.
  (p.2.) Does Charlie lack confidence? Why hasn’t he had a date in 2 years? What does the dream tell us about Charlie? Is it just an amusing way of introducing the character?
  It’s not a reversal if the character is already LIKELY to get fired as Charlie is – he’s no rising star. In Liar Liar Jim Carrey lies for a living when suddenly he has to tell the truth – a 180 degree change.
  It’s interesting how all the women happen to be babes and all the men average, non-threatening joes.
  The writer’s good at speeches.
  (p.17) Charlie earlier states he hasn’t dated in 2 years, then says he broke up 342 days ago?
  The script is a little schizophrenic. On one hand it wants to be glib, slapstick and high concept, on the other hand it wants to be low-key people-finding-each-other romance. This is hard to pull off. I think you need to make a decision about which direction you want to go, because the two approaches work against each other.
  The characters are not really developed enough for a full-blown character driven romance. Quite often the writer interrupts character moments by throwing in slapstick which kills the momentum. As a result, character reveals come suddenly, out of the blue, unmotivated. “Big” character scenes are written, but the characters haven’t been developed enough to fit them. Big scenes have to be earned, but there’s a disconnect between the big scenes and the small characters.
  The dialogue tends to be on the nose – characters saying exactly what they are thinking – a symptom of not much subtext.
  The writer seems much more comfortable with slapstick than emotional character moments.
  If there were some compelling reason for Charlie NOT to be fired it would make everything much more believable. There should be some believable reason why Mr. Price keeps Charlie on. He’s on shaky ground BEFORE he starts trying to be fired. It seems like only coincidence keeps Charlie employed.
  I think you should make Mr. Price Charlie’s father to provide a reason for his reluctance to fire Charlie. He wants Charlie to succeed in the business so he ignores Charlies misdeeds. This would also strengthen Mr. Price, who is a one dimensional character. As is, the script resorts to very contrived situations to keep Charlie from being fired.
  (p.38) It’s a little late for the inciting incident. (Charlie hatches his get-fired scheme.)
  Charlie makes a lot of speeches.
  Tad is introduced because Charlie can’t solve his own problems. Charlie’s PASSIVE.
  You might want to have Sarah trying to get Charlie fired, but Mr. Price won’t hear of it because of the big account.
  (p.79) Sarah’s alternate plan should be a surprise, not given away here.
  (p.80) Charlie too gives away too much. Just have Steve raise the question.
  Formatting problems: the left margin seems too wide, there should be two line spaces before each slug line
  The serious romantic turn at the end isn’t that credible because both Sarah and Charlie are opaque characters emotionally. They don’t express their real feelings so the sudden expression seems out of character and unbelievable.
  The Sarah character seems like a guy in drag.
  3rd act doesn’t really work because it hasn’t been set up. Once out of the office, there’s no trying-to-get-fired routine and the script has to rely on the leads and the relationship which are the weakest things about the script.
  Because the writer’s mostly concentrated on jokes and pratfalls without developing the characters he has to invent the characters and conclude at the same time. He’s playing catch up which is why it seems forced and inorganic.
  (p.99) Charlie’s line is good but it’s false. He is NOT willing to take a chance. That’s the point of the whole getting fired routine. If he really was a risk taker he would have quit. If he was emotionall truthful, he would have confessed his feelings for Sarah and then tried to have found a solution, but Charlie’s character is neither.
  All this desperate inventing in the last act because the writer has (literally) joked around for two acts and suddenly realized he has to get serious and conclude the piece.
  (p.104) Good monologue for Steve, but again not true. Charlie does not “rant and rave” about Sarah. Quite the opposite. He does everything he can to avoid seriously talking about her. You have to earn monologues like this, not just spring them because it’s convenient.
  Nice ending but it’s not earned. All of a sudden in the 3rd act character traits appear/are expressed just to make the ending happen. You have to start the ending from the 1st and 2nd acts, not joke around for 2 acts and then have everything happen in the last act. read
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  Promising comedy
  A review of All Fired Up
  by kruyle on 09/03/2006
  First read through I didn’t have the right tone in mind. Second time through I envisioned Jim Carrey as Charlie in an over-the-top comedy and think, in that scenario, this SP shines. There is potentially a laugh on every page. Very clever dialogue. Good pacing and structure. Good character development. For all this has going for it, I think its challenge will be in showing... First read through I didn’t have the right tone in mind. Second time through I envisioned Jim Carrey as Charlie in an over-the-top comedy and think, in that scenario, this SP shines. There is potentially a laugh on every page. Very clever dialogue. Good pacing and structure. Good character development. For all this has going for it, I think its challenge will be in showing its premise is fresh and original. Two themes seem rather ordinary: 1) Charlie wants to get fired but every attempt at misconduct misfires; and 2) Charlie and Sarah are forced against their will to work together with predictable consequences. However, the dialogue and many scenes are fresh and funny, and I wish you great success with this. read
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  Office Space meets Grey's Anatomy
  A review of All Fired Up
  by mewritegood on 08/30/2006
  I laughed. This is the first script to actually get me to laugh outloud on more than one occasion. Good job. The problem was the laughs stopped about midway through. Not that it wasn't funny, it just seemed to level off. Since this script is in the top ten and has had almost 200 reviews what I say should be taken with a grain of salt, but here it goes. In no particular order..... I laughed. This is the first script to actually get me to laugh outloud on more than one occasion. Good job. The problem was the laughs stopped about midway through. Not that it wasn't funny, it just seemed to level off.
  
  Since this script is in the top ten and has had almost 200 reviews what I say should be taken with a grain of salt, but here it goes. In no particular order...
  
  Do something with the three hole punch that Charlie won't give back. It's like the red stapler in Office Space. You need a payoff somewhere for that. Maybe that actually gets him fired (only to be saved by Sarah or the guys that hire them later). It's a loose end (a very tiny one) that should be tied up or toned down.
  
  The Office Space comparison might hurt you because ultimately that film is funnier. Charlie and Peter take the same path towards trying to get fired (Charlie's are a little more over the top). The only way to steer clear would be not to have his attempts result in promotions (like in Office Space). Obviously that would require a lot of rewriting in the last half but it might be good for it.
  
  Some of the things (like punching Martin or sleeping with the bosses wife should have gotten him into trouble. You could spin it and have him burst into the breakroom and beat up Martin only to find out that Martin was packing guns and ready to go Postal Worker on the entire office (too dark?). Him being hated is not enough. And the wife storyline should have complicated his chances with Sarah. Throw him in a deeper hole.
  
  Wasn't a huge fan of the pimp set-up. Too outrageous. I was actually expecting the guy to be choking on part of the toy (thus making it a choking hazard and once again proving Charlie a hero).
  
  I loved Steve's speech to Sarah near the end. The dialogue was very nice throughout.
  
  Didn't understand why Sarah would take Chip back. Demeans her character and causes us to lose respect for her for no good reason. It's not like Chip won her back, he got caught reciting lines from his show. Maybe send the bosses wife or Charlie's ex or even the sister could go herself and let Charlie in on what Sarah's doing. I'd lose Chip.
  
  That's all I can think of. Good work nonetheless. Good luck with it. read