Reviews of All Fired Up (2009) 6

• 
  Outstanding
  A review of All Fired Up (2009)
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 04/22/2012
  Crisp and succinct screenwriting. Perfectly formatted and the white space on the pages is appealing to the eye. Great opening sequence it definitely hooks the reader and sets the tone with the "cheap surprise" being a dog instead of an infant. Consider rewriting so the dog hates Charlie: the thing snaps and growls, tries to chase Charlie away. This would open new insights... Crisp and succinct screenwriting. Perfectly formatted and the white space on the pages is appealing to the eye.
  
  Great opening sequence it definitely hooks the reader and sets the tone with the "cheap surprise" being a dog instead of an infant. Consider rewriting so the dog hates Charlie: the thing snaps and growls, tries to chase Charlie away. This would open new insights into Charlie, "you still don't like me?" "I just saved your scrawny little ass!" Blah blah.
  
  Super dialogue: love the quick back and forth thing. Charlie and Steve's exchange was excellent revealing character and also naturally turning the beat moving the story forward straight to Charlie's office. Speaking of "office," your poster and synopsis gave me a predetermined idea that this story has an "Office Space" thematic premise. We'll see. Just don't hit me with a character who's OCD over his stapler.
  
  Page 6: whose eyes are red? Charlie's Roger's? Be careful with pronouns.
  
  Impressed with the way you introduce characters: each has his or her own clever, little, anecdote. Each is unique and visual. This is the way to do it guys.
  
  Inexperienced TS writers tend to introduce characters by stringing a bunch of names and elaborate descriptions together in a hasty force fed manner which creates immediate confusion for the reader.
  
  Wanna know why I went in to all that? 'Cause I have stalkers on here and hopefully they will take a look at your screenplay and see how to introduce characters the right way. Memorable. Moving on;)
  
  Clever subtext in the dialogue between Tina, Charlie, and Eric. Page 10: Director's dialogue, "Okay, people. Can we please bring it back, before the tiger mauls someone." For humor, I would add "again" to the end of his line," Oh, for the love of God, can we please bring it back, before the tiger mauls someone again."
  
  Are you uncomfortable with sentence fragments? I love fragments. Vivid images. Not prose. I ask because you left a window on page 11: tuxes. "Charlie talks with Eric near the dais. They're both in tuxes." Lose "they're" you will lose the window - go with a fragment. "Charlie talks with Eric near the dais. Both wear tuxes."
  
  Bottom of page 12: Charlie, "I have zero game," Sounds like an 08 line, maybe?
  
  Top of 17: Put the reader in the bedroom with Charlie and Sarah.
  
  Loving the sequences and the continuity of the scenes. Charlie, "Come on we'll share a cab." And we cut to Charlie and Sarah riding in a cab. This is what I'm talking about, too many on TS jump forwards, backwards, and sideways. But this is great.
  
  Nice reveal on page 19: Same firm.
  
  P 20 - Action margin off: "Eric holds up a screwdriver."
  
  LOL "Cheesy Pizza Puffs."
  
  P 30: Consistent tone, your structure is spot on with the turning points and all... gotta love this screenplay.
  
  LOL on 33.
  
  Charlie's dialogue on page 41 is killer.
  
  Great character names: Stu and Ken. You friggn' get it. All of it.
  
  P 46: "She rolls her eyes at him." Ehh... too cliched. Plus, no self respecting actor would be caught dead doing it. Maybe she could "smack her lips," or "suck her teeth." Which is a running inside joke between me and a couple of my Trigger friends.
  
  P 50: All of your characters are amazing, "well drawn" hate that - even Dolores stands out.
  
  You and I should write a script. We would be quite the team... 2004 Boston Red Sox hot ;o)
  
  P 51: Charlie should say no to Sarah's invitation into her apartment (teasing). Charlie: No. Sarah: No? Charlie: It's just that -- Sarah: It's just... what? Charlie: Can't you take a joke. Okay, all bad and rushed - but an idea for some Oblique Dialogue. I'll shut up.
  
  Forget what I just said; you just nailed it with Charlie and the pet.
  
  LOL, "Sucked on a few white Russians."
  
  I love your spartan one line action descriptions following the slug lines, it makes for a fast read. Others will feel lost with no description of the "Race Track." Only thing is, I'm visualizing a horse race track, not sure if it's a car race track... do you think you could splurge a bit here and write something like: Charlie and Eric watch a "horse" race. Minor thing but it threw me out of the story when it wasn't clear where I was.
  
  -- What a call back with Charlie going to the office in spandex. I am friggin' jealous of your writing. Love it.
  
  P 60: I hate adverbs - suddenly, immediately - I can't even spell the stupid things.
  
  Do we have a ticking clock going on? If not, IMO you should add one by this point in the story. Some urgency.
  
  And then you add the cabin and the urgency from Price. Jesus. It's time for me to shut the hell up and trust you as a writer. I can't say enough superlatives about this.
  
  P 71: Maybe change "the Jayhawks" to Kings of Leon or Gotye. Just a thought. Or really go for it with, "What's wrong with Debbie Gibson?"
  
  Sarah is OCD like Melvin Udall. LOL. Heck of a reveal of Sarah. Jesus.
  
  85: Is it still raining outside the cabin? If so, "Sarah paces outside." Downpour.
  
  86: ahh, a little "Working Girl" going on. Nice reveal.
  
  89: So glad Tookie came back, I was waiting.
  
  OMG, you have got to be kidding me. Charlie got an idea from Tookis. I fucking love this.
  
  93: lose "trademark" spandex. You have defined your characters. I only need to see "Steve in spandex." Minor comment.
  
  99: Do we need the fire alarm? Christ, never mind - you tie it all together. Once again.
  
  And the three-hole punch returns!
  
  Bravo. read
• 
  Clever title
  A review of All Fired Up (2009)
  by joemcclean on 11/18/2009
  Let me start by saying that I think the premise is UNTOUCHABLE! Simply the idea of a guy who has to get fired to get the girl is brilliant. The logline alone has HUGE potential... Unfortunately the script didn't deliver for me at all. I HATE to say that because I wanted so badly to like it, but I'm being honest. Everything seemed to be exposition until we get to the bar where... Let me start by saying that I think the premise is UNTOUCHABLE! Simply the idea of a guy who has to get fired to get the girl is brilliant. The logline alone has HUGE potential...
  
  Unfortunately the script didn't deliver for me at all. I HATE to say that because I wanted so badly to like it, but I'm being honest.
  
  Everything seemed to be exposition until we get to the bar where Charlie and Sarah meet. I don’t know if you really need ANY of those scenes.
  
  The comedy seems to be going for a slightly edgier style in the realm of a Ben Stiller or Will Farrell movie, but it’s falling flat for me. It’s very possible that a talented comedic actor could make these jokes funny in the performance but I’m not seeing it funny on the page. I’m wondering if they are just too tame for the current comedy audiences that are used to the vulgar but loveable humor of movies by Judd Apatow and everyone he’s connected to.
  
  Page 35 – He did quit right? His boss even said he did… But he’s still got his job? And now he’s going to try and get fired? The bruce willis scene is only amusing because it’s bruse willis, and I don’t see how the part is good enough, or even fun for that matter, to get a star to take the role. So far I think this script has a good Rom Com premise – Girl won’t date guy because they work at the same job, but can’t quit, but can’t get fired either. Love it actually. But I think the volume on the execution is a 4 and it needs to be blasted at 10.
  
  On Page 36 I didn’t think the characters or relationship had been developed enough for anyone to be talking “Love” yet.
  
  The entire pimp thing confused me. His motivation is all wrong isn’t it? If he wants to get fired so he can get the girl why would he screw up HER presentation? There are movies like this that just didn’t work… and unfortunately they all stared Jamie Kennedy. Even his movies could have been funny if the scripts had been developed a little better. However, they got produced and that means this could too, maybe I’m just the wrong audiene… I still stand strongly by the fact that I think this is a good premise for a film.
  
  I never felt like the stakes were high enough. I never thought their was really any consequences if the hero failed at his missions. I didn't think there was enough conflict to keep the story going... Because of these things I just wondered through half the script why the characters were making the choices they were making...
  
  I'm so sorry to have been so negative. I do think you have a good idea here. I just personally think it needs more work. Good luck with it. read
• 
  Not so fired up as I wanted to be...
  A review of All Fired Up (2009)
  by Chris Herbert on 10/22/2009
  The Bad There isn’t really anything I can think of that I felt was overtly original in the script. Although it’s a good script and nicely put together, everything felt familiar including the main theme itself. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing rather something to be mindful of when shopping your script around. There were a few plot holes I noticed: First the major one,... The Bad
  
  There isn’t really anything I can think of that I felt was overtly original in the script. Although it’s a good script and nicely put together, everything felt familiar including the main theme itself. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing rather something to be mindful of when shopping your script around.
  
  There were a few plot holes I noticed:
  
  First the major one, the idea of Charlie trying to get fired works BUT the way you went about it in the script (with him quitting at first and then changing his mind to getting fired) is disorganized and disrupts the integrity of the script. For instance: The scene with Sarah and Charlie after he breaks up her pitch meeting reinforces this as she had previously overheard from Mr. Price that he had quit…but the rest of the script she goes on as if this never happened. And really, why would a no nonsense guy like Mr. Price take him back? He didn’t save the building, he just coincidently helped the police find a fugitive.
  
  I’d go from Charlie wanting to walk into Mr. Price’s office and telling him he quits but is then stopped by Eric and the fired plan going into effect.
  
  I know you end with the Die Hard/Bruce Willis reference but it’s just too far of a stretch to make it happen smoothly without affecting the storyline. This also happens with the hamster getting smashed with a broom, then surviving the fall from a building…sure the hamster sparks the 3rd act resolution but would it really survive what it goes through? Maybe hamsters are very resilient (I don’t know, I’ve never owned one) and my point is mute…ultimately, I found that you were pushing the envelope of believability with these two scenes and if roped in and executed better it’d add more to the script rather than taking away.
  
  The Good
  
  This is a story that is hard not to like. It’s funny, has great pacing, a nice “love” story with two characters that are easy to like and various other effects that made it great a read. Overall, I extremely liked your writing style and your dialogue (although there was the odd line that wasn’t very funny Ie. I.O.Poo.)
  
  Not only were your main character engaging but I didn’t find a weak link in the supporting cast either. Paul was perfect as the by-the-book nerdy NFG that shows up at the right moments. Martin was a nice antagonist of sorts…I could go on, but you get the point.
  
  Structurally, everything seemed sound (although this is my admitted area of weakness -- I was taking mental notes as I read).
  
  I did find a couple (and I seriously mean just a couple) grammar and punctuation mistakes along the way. I wrote them down and included them in my notes at the bottom for your own reference.
  
  Overall
  
  I thought this was a really good script with just an average story. Perhaps fixing the two plot holes I pointed out would strengthen it a bit but in the end.. I think it’s one of those movies where it’d take a great cast to put butts in the theatre seats. That’s just my two cents!
  
  
  
  Things I took down as I went along:
  
  Page 7. GRECO, a life-size two-headed green-looking lizard(.) -- missing the period on the end of this sentence.
  
  Page 11. Charlie snickers. -- this seemed out of place to me..
  
  Page 16. The “EXT. THE ART INSTITUTE OF CHICAGO MUSEUM” scene is way over used. Guy saving girl and them ending up on the ground on each other equals cliché.
  
  Page 18. Great setup with the spandex!
  
  Page 20. Eric holds up a screwdriver. -- There’s a space before Eric.
  
  Page 22.
  
  ERIC (CONT'D)
  The latest batch of FNG’s.
  
  CHARLIE
  Fucking new guys. -- seems extremely planted to define it in this manner.
  
  Page 23. Okay, last night I had rebound s-e-x with
  a guy only to find out the next (this) morning
  that he works at my new firm.
  
  Page 24. NANCY (CONT’D)
  Go fondle a classmate or something. (This line is funny but not even bad parents would say this to their kids -- In fact, the way Nancy talks to her daughter in the rest of the scene is atrocious as well. I know it’s meant to be funny, but when it comes to kids things should be kept more on an even keel.)
  
  Page 42. Mandy -- I believe she’s one of the girls with Charlie “the Pimp” but you didn’t introduce her by name into the scene.
  
  Page 44. Charlie, Steve and Steve’s girlfriend KAREN (eat) lunch.
  
  Page 44. Chakra -- actually, there are 7 Chakras (13 in the Egyptian system) not just one. I’d just pluralize what you wrote unless you were attempting to make him seem half smart. What’s funny is that I googled what you wrote and I’m pretty sure I found the webpage you lifted the line from in your research, lol. read
• 
  Charlie loves Sarah. Sarah loves Charlie. Two things separate them: working in the same place and their own insecurities.
  A review of All Fired Up (2009)
  by bigheadx on 10/07/2009
  Congratulations on a romantic comedy with some very funny moments. Love stories, with or without comedy, sometimes revolve around the fear of loving. At the same time, one or both of the characters try and get their love interest to live as they think they should live (which includes loving them). The conflict develops through the clash of these desires. Each must change... Congratulations on a romantic comedy with some very funny moments.
  
  Love stories, with or without comedy, sometimes revolve around the fear of loving. At the same time, one or both of the characters try and get their love interest to live as they think they should live (which includes loving them). The conflict develops through the clash of these desires. Each must change without giving up who they really are.
  
  In comedy, characters go through many "drops:" they are reduced (Charlie's predicament living with a Craig'sList roommate and being lonely) and then they are setup for another fall (meeting Sarah at the museum) only to be dropped again (finding out they work together). Each setup/drop needs to rise to a higher level than its predecessors. Even though, as one "script doctor" advocates, comedy allows coincidence, you must be very cautious at how, when, and how often you use coincidence.
  
  Your dialogue is snappy and original and only rarely bogs down or rings hollow. However, things drag almost every time your lead characters start talking about their feelings. Reconsider how much of this dialogue interplay is necessary, particularly at the start. If Sarah tells her sidekick one thing and then basically says the same thing to Charlie, then you're repeating yourself.
  
  When we meet Charlie, his immediate problem is he can't get over Abby breaking up with him. His ally/sidekick is Eric, a guy always on the make and quick with the wacky suggestions.
  
  Sarah's immediate problem is her cheating boyfriend, her ambitions, and, later, her new job as Charlie's boss. Her ally/sidekick is Nancy, an older wise-cracking woman who looks out for Sarah.
  
  The romance complication arises when Charlie and Sarah "meet cute," go home together, have sex, and then discover on a cab ride to work the next morning that Sarah is Charlie's new boss. In fact, she took a job that might have been his. Lots of comic potential here. (But why must we wait from page 19 to page 31 for this potential to be acted upon?)
  
  Their new problems are obvious: The guy is lonely, almost desperate to get to know this woman, while the woman firmly believes that office romances are forbidden. Unwilling to give up on his new desire for Sarah, Charlie (with Eric's advice) acts like an idiot to get fired and, hopefully, achieve his goal of being able to date Sarah. Some funny moments occur as Charlie attempts to get fired but he's stymied by a string of "deus ex machina" bits ("unintended consequences") that totally reverse his intended outcomes.
  
  Then, based upon Nancy's suggestions, the roles reverse and Sarah acts like an idiot to get Charlie to hate her and quit (after she misinterprets what Charlie is attempting). Sounds a bit like Leo McCarey's "The Awful Truth." In fact, one could suggest that you have taken the characters from the classic "Bringing Up Baby" and reversed the male/female parts. Here it is the male doing goofy things to convince the female that she should love him and not her job.
  
  When the female turns the tables after being ordered by their boss to work together alone in a remote, frontier-like cabin, she does everything possible to convince Charlie that she is not such a great catch and her friend/sidekick steps in and sends Charlie's ex-girlfriend to their cabin to further complicate matters (this is where this reader got a bit confused as to what was a dream and what was not and Nancy's motivation in doing this).
  
  You have also created some very funny comic set-pieces that, in general, don't overshadow your story or take it in directions unneeded by your basic plot. But do they build, creating greater and greater comedy? Some (e.g., the pimp scene, Charlie's comments about the teddybear) either go so far over-the-top or their payoffs are so predicatable that they obscure or overshadow your plot and strain believe-ability. Also, beware of how many times you use the "unintended consequence" to reverse your comic hero. Another example: although your final scene with the Japanese clients, the hero in a giant hamster outfit, and the office tight-ass in a giant lizard outfit is funny, are their "fight" and the final take off on the "Die Hard" ending really that effective for your story?
  
  As far as format and structure go: Action elements like "Charlie’s goofy friend and co-worker" and "the anal office manager" aren't actually visuals. It might be nice for you to actually describe something about their appearance/conduct that reflects that description. You also have some places in this script where sluglines are left out (see comments below).
  
  Page 31 also seems a bit late for your hero, Charlie, to come up with his plan (and, frankly, this plan smacks of simple sit-com). How well would your script work if Charlie's plans evolved, starting with his making an effort to convince Sarah that an employee/boss romance can work and, when this comically fails, moves on to more and more frantic efforts to make Sarah see things his way? Besides, several times you have Charlie state that quitting would not be a big deal because his clients would follow him. So what is the risk? What are the stakes? The stumbling block you give Charlie is that he fears losing his stock options, vacation pay, etc. Frankly, unless those are huge amounts of money (or Charlie desperately needs them) then such complications would mean nothing to a man in love.
  
  In true rom-com fashion, you have given your leads appropriate (and funny) sidekicks who advise (and mis-advise) and generally make things even crazier. They are quite likeable and fleshed-out. But, occasionally, they do too much of the thinking that rightly belongs to your heroes. Sometimes in great rom-com, the sidekicks are there to put the brakes on the ideas the love characters come up with to advance their causes.
  
  Your references to gags/moments from other films struck this reader as unnecessary and even show-stopping. John Cusack in "Say Anything" must have had an amazing impact on an entire generation (or two) of viewers and future/current screenwriters, because this reader has seen it referenced multiple times in multiple scripts. His reaction to this is always: Don't use what they did, create your own amazing moments! The same might be said for your Bruce Willis cameo and subsequent "Die Hard" references. Again, keep in mind that this might be only this reader's perspective.
  
  All that being said, this was a funny script and you should be proud of your work.
  
  Best of luck!
  
  ==============================
  TYPOS/WORD CHOICE/GRAMMAR/FORMATTING
  
  page 4 - ...a Polaroid camera --- a bit of an anachronism, but, is that your point?
  
  page 5 - Charlie gets up and heads to the bathroom... --- so, does the scene change to the bathroom? because a slugline would be appropriate in that case
  
  page 6 - a George Forman Grill -- "Foreman"
  
  page 7 - ...a life-size two-headed green-looking lizard -- may want to indicate that this is a person in a lizard suit (also, not sure the "cell doesn't work" gag works)
  
  page 9 - ...step away from the crafts service table -- funny! (especially for anyone familiar with the temptations offered)
  page 9 - No I won’t. --- No, I won’t. - Also, Hispanic should be capitalized
  
  page 12 - The bartender holds a finger to his head and pretends to shoot himself -- funny!
  
  page 13 - Brad is Sarah’s boyfriend and a star of the soap “Forever is a Lifetime.” -- don't cheat, the viewer won't know this until it is revealed through dialogue or action (the dialogue that follows establishes the boyfriend part)
  
  page 14 - With clownboy? -- for this to work as you desire, you probably want to indicate that Brad was one of the people there when the microphone gag occurred
  
  page 16 - She’s all over him. -- Not to sure if this makes sense (yet). Maybe needs a bit more build up then you've given it?
  
  page 18 - There’s a man walking around your apartment in Spandex. -- this line should be funnier, more revealing of Sarah's character, wit, and sensibilities
  
  page 19 - Of all the advertising firms in all the cities... -- if you want to play this "Casablanca" gag, then play it big and have her recite the entire line
  
  page 24 - Nancy is, so far, a fine wise-cracking buddy type
  
  page 29 - ...is a douchebrag -- typo or intended?
  
  page 30 - Eric rolls Paul’s chair down the corridor. -- funny!
  
  page 31 - Charlie decides to leave M&M, ostensibly to make it possible for him to date Sarah without compromising her ideas, and now you have Charlie (at Eric's urging) come up with a plan to get fired in order to avoid losing his financial stakes in his job at M&M. A bit late?
  
  page 31 - Im going to quit. -- I'm going to quit.
  
  page 33 - a Biz razor? how could he harm her with that? Also, not sure as to the purpose of this Bruce Willis cameo.
  
  page 34 - Bruce and Frank exit through the circular door -- you need an EXT slugline here
  
  page 35 - Sarah joins Charlie and Eric by the elevators. -- you need an INT slugline here
  
  page 36 - Who am I to know what I like and don’t like, anymore? -- no need for that comma
  
  page 37 - As you can see Gentlemen, M&M’s ideas... -- As you can see, gentlemen, M&M’s ideas...
  
  page 38 - Greco, looks at them, oddly. -- no need for commas
  
  page 39 - this reader is beginning to wonder how acting like a jackass, even if the goal is to be fired, will win him Sarah's affections. Are you trying to establish a plan that utterly sucks? Why would Charlie be that dumb?
  
  page 41 - much as this reader does not understand Charlie's plan, this is a nice/funny reversal of his efforts
  
  page 43 - She stops, frustrated, and takes off his hat. -- funny!
  
  page 43 - You’re trying to steal this account. -- so, she doesn't suspect that he is doing these things to get fired?
  
  page 43 - cajones, -- cojones
  
  page 43 - A small smile creeps on her face... -- okay, this means she understands his game?
  
  page 44 - is it wise to use a just-introduced character to reveal to Charlie what most (if not all) of the audience/reader is thinking about his plan? And how does an unattractive nimrod like Steve wind up with a ultra-attractive girlfriend?
  
  page 46 - lovers now forced to work together
  
  page 46 - Sarah looks at Mr. Price in awe. -- why?
  
  page 46 - But he reigns it in. -- reins
  
  page 47 - ...just so you can play dress-up and humiliate me for rejecting you. -- okay, Sarah misinterpreted Charlie's antics as revenge, not a desire to get fired so they could date (?)
  
  page 48 - A guy spastically dances in the center. -- purpose of this scene? To set up the "confrontation" on page 60?
  
  page 58 - Charlie lays him out with a fat haymaker right across his chin... -- so now Charlie's plan includes felonious assault?
  
  page 63 - new problem on a wider scale that has nothing to do with Sarah or Charlie, except as it relates to their jobs
  
  page 69 - Sarah finally understands Charlie's plan to get fired
  page 69 - bouqet -- bouquet
  
  page 70 - ...his weekly show “Pimp my spot”... -- ??
  
  page 71 - Sarah comes up with a plan based upon misinterpretation of Charlie's goal
  
  page 72 - careful, this variation on the "Harry Met Sally" scene could backfire with some readers
  
  page 74 - what is Charlie's reaction internally to this totally atypical behavior by Sarah? Does he smell a trick?
  
  page 76 - They look at each other for a long moment.... -- funny sight-gag but the mace is a bit over-the-top
  
  page 80 - You have a dry sense of humor. -- dry? positively Death Valley
  
  page 83 - ...you are our six hundred thousandth customers! -- first Bruce Willis and now this?
  
  page 84 - Abby's arrival is really "out of the blue" and easily mistaken for another dream sequence. And when/where exactly does Charlie go to sleep to have this Abby vs. Sarah dream? The reader is a bit confused.
  
  page 92 - forgive this reader, but this action of Nancy (sending Abby to the cabin) does not make much sense. Perhaps this reader is confused by the abrupt changes of plans by each character. Sorry.
  
  page 96 - ... an open cage ala John Cusack in “Say Anything.” -- For this reader, this is about the fourth time a script he's read has referenced this Cusack film.
  
  page 98 - Nobody puts Greco in the corner. -- Hasn't this reference been a bit overused since that film?
  
  page 100 - this reader is not sure if this Mr Price gag works for you as it should
  
  page 103 - Never a dull moment when I’m with you. -- a weak end-of-story line for Sarah here read
• 
  Good work!
  A review of All Fired Up (2009)
  by ozones on 09/27/2009
  I have to congratulate this writer on a job well done. ALL FIRED UP as written was FUN to read and has its conflict and what the story is about clear from the first few pages. The story is structually well developed. The opening scene captures the reader's interest. I like the poodle twist...that's what I'm talking about. CHARLIE and SARAH, the main characters, go through... I have to congratulate this writer on a job well done. ALL FIRED UP as written was FUN to read and has its conflict and what the story is about clear from the first few pages. The story is structually well developed. The opening scene captures the reader's interest. I like the poodle twist...that's what I'm talking about.
  
  CHARLIE and SARAH, the main characters, go through an emotional and physical change and their dynamics worked really well. The dialogue was excellent, it moved the story forward and fit the characters. This romcom had witty and interesting characters.
  
  The build up of plot events was effective and cleverly done and the subplot reflects thematically on the main plot. The only suggestion I might add is that maybe one or two more obstacles can be slotted-in in act 2, and there were a few spelling errors, apart from that, the story is very promising and I can see it in the movies right now.
  
  ALL FIRED UP is commercially viable and I believe this script as written has the heart and dramatic moments that appeals to a core demographic that, in recent years, made movies like WEDDING CRASHERS and SOMETHING ABOUT MARY, huge successes. Personally, I feel this story is strong with a clear through-line and shows promise that producers, directors, and other creative talent would be willing to bring the story to the big screen. I believe this story has that kind of potential as written. read
• 
  Fired up
  A review of All Fired Up (2009)
  by gapoz on 09/26/2009
  Let me start with the good news. I enjoyed this immensely. It is not the type of film I would pay to go see, but fear not, because I very rarely go to see movies. I wait for them on cable or DVD. I just hate the crowds and the expense. Now, if this was on TV, I still wouldn't choose to watch it, because it's one of those chick flicks. I would end up seeing it though, because... Let me start with the good news. I enjoyed this immensely. It is not the type of film I would pay to go see, but fear not, because I very rarely go to see movies. I wait for them on cable or DVD. I just hate the crowds and the expense. Now, if this was on TV, I still wouldn't choose to watch it, because it's one of those chick flicks. I would end up seeing it though, because my wife would be watching, I would mosey through the room on my way for a snack, stop and watch a few minutes, then sit down and become hooked, bugging the little lady to fill me in on what I missed. So, it would find me, and I'd ultimately be entertained.
  
  The opening had me shaking my head when Charlie grabs a sheet and uses it as a parachute, but then when I discovered it was a dream that all fell into place. This story had all the neeeded components and hit all the essential story progression markers. Ups and downs were where they should be. As you know, that's critical for serious consideration. For myself personally, I don't care about all that as a reader or a viewer, unless subconsciously. I just know whether I'm enjoying the read/view. In this case, a resounding yes.
  
  Characters were well fleshed out, individual, and stayed true to form. The arc of change our primary characters evolved through was believable, natural, and defined. Dialog was rich, natural, and funny.
  
  CHARLIE
  Karl Marx say that?
  STEVE
  Actually I think it was Karl Malden.
  
  Wonderful stuff, and this script was chock full of it.
  
  The various set ups for Charlie trying to lose his job were very imaginative without becoming incredulous. It was a fun, fast, one sit read.
  
  Now for the bad...
  I'm pretty sure I spotted a missing comma somewhere. I forget where exactly.
  
  Seriously, I wish I could find something that might be of use to you in improving this, but there simply wasn't anything that poked me in the eye. Great job. Good luck! read