Reviews of American English 16

• 
  Review of American English
  A review of American English
  by DontStealMyScript on 05/26/2012
  OVERVIEW First Impression - format, action blocks, and page count are good. And your writing style seems engaging to the reader. Your writing style was entertaining. But I think that, as far as your story is concerned, there are too many contrivances that repeatedly pull the reader out of the story. Podge being well-versed in different languages, they coincidence of two people... OVERVIEW
  
  First Impression - format, action blocks, and page count are good. And your writing style seems engaging to the reader.
  
  Your writing style was entertaining. But I think that, as far as your story is concerned, there are too many contrivances that repeatedly pull the reader out of the story. Podge being well-versed in different languages, they coincidence of two people running into each other again and again despite living in countries separated by a big ocean -- you try to explain it away by later revealing that most of their run-ins were calculated, but the damage had already been done -- the gangsta and the Japanese family showing up in Vegas for absolutely no reason other than being invited by Podge, and on and on. This comes across as poor storytelling. You need to do a better job of setting up the events that occur in your script in order to make them feel more organic.
  
  You fail to create a problem in your story that Stu needs to solve. The entire plot is about him trying to get with Anita. Rom-coms always have something else going on in the hero's life before the love interest is introduced. You have to take the time to show us why your character's life needs to change. You try to do a little of that back in London when Stu's boss points out that he doesn't finish the things he starts. But we need to see this before he meets Anita so that we understand and connect with him as a character before his journey toward love begins. Here is an article that I found useful when I first started writing in this genre: http://www.storymastery.com/articles/29-writing-romantic-comedies
  
  **********************
  G.U.S. (see article at: http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2011/08/article-gsu.html)
  
  Goal(s) - to win over Anita.
  
  Urgency - none.
  
  Stakes - not clear.
  
  Or unresolved relationship(s):
  
  **********************
  
  My notes from the read are below:
  
  **********************
  1 - CHARACTERS
  
  Protagonist - Stu
  Motivation - not sure.
  
  Antagonist - Todd
  Motivation -
  
  **********************
  2 - STRUCTURE
  
  a) Opening Sequence - Hook
  
  Rather uninteresting boy meets girl... until the scene where he can't get back into the hotel with his condoms. You take 10 pages to pop off this catalyst, when it should be done in 5 pages or less. I'd consider dropping some of the extraneous scenes from this sequence so you can get down to the nitty gritty much faster.
  
  b) Catalyst
  
  c) Introduction
  
  d) Thematic Dialogue
  
  e) Inciting Incident
  
  f) Turn Point 1
  
  Page 25 When Stu decides to fly to Los Angeles. The problem with this is that the turns in a story are supposed to be things that happen to your protagonist, not things s/he decides to do.
  
  g) Midpoint turn
  
  not sure.
  
  h) Turn Point 2
  
  When Stu decides to go to Vegas to find Anita.
  
  i) Climax
  
  The confrontation in the chapel.
  
  j) Resolution
  
  Everything works out swell for everyone and they all live happily ever after.
  
  *********************
  3 - PLOT
  
  Act I
  
  Act II
  
  Act III
  
  **********************
  4 - WHAT WORKED
  
  **********************
  5 - WHAT DIDN'T WORK
  
  Page 31 Your script has a really big flaw in it -- no problem for your protagonist to solve. Think of some of the most successful romantic comedies: "Pretty Woman", "Yes Man", "Hitch". In all of these, the story opens by setting up a problem that the protagonist has. It's only later in the first Act -- or sometimes in the second Act -- that the hero meets his romantic interest. In order to improve your script, I recommend you follow this formula and give Stu a problem to solve that will drive your narrative forward, before he meets Anita.
  
  As I was reading past the midpoint, I realized that I didn't care about any of the characters in your story and I just wanted this to be over with. Not a good sign. You need to make Stu more accessible to us so that we connect with him and root for him to succeed.
  
  **********************
  6 - THEME
  
  Never give up.
  
  **********************
  7 - DIALOGUE
  
  Was okay.
  
  **********************
  8 - SETUPS / PAYOFFS
  
  There were plenty. Some were not set up properly (e.g. Podge being able to speak Japanese and sign language).
  
  **********************
  9 - TWISTS
  
  Gladys is a P.I. working for Anita.
  
  **********************
  10 - ORIGINALITY
  
  a) Premise - nothing new here.
  
  b) Set Pieces - none.
  
  c) Plot Devices - none.
  
  **********************
  11 - CINEMATIC SCENES
  
  None.
  
  **********************
  12 - DETAILED COMMENTS
  
  **********************
  13 - EASE OF READ
  
  It was an easy read.
  
  **********************
  14 - LOG LINE
  
  a) Actual: Two English losers travel to L.A. where they fight fate, coincidence and their own quitter mentality, to find a lost American Dream... But, she has a boyfriend now...
  
  First, you only have one protagonist in this story, Stu. Podge is a supporting character. And once you write a problem that Stu has to solve outside of his romantic interest, your log line will be easier to write. For example, consider this log line from "Pretty Woman" which references a problem with the line of work the protagonist is in: A man in a legal but hurtful business needs an escort for some social events, and hires a beautiful prostitute he meets... only to fall in love.
  
  b) Recommended: TBD once the rewrite is complete.
  
  **********************
  15 - TELEGRAPHS
  
  Nothing was given away too early.
  
  **********************
  16 - PAGE COUNT
  
  106, feel a little long.
  
  **********************
  17 - OVERALL
  
  A decent start. But there are some problems in your script that are commonly found in screenplays. I hope my suggestions to you are useful in some way as you approach your rewrite. read
• 
  I love the English!
  A review of American English
  by vbnguyen02 on 10/13/2008
  First, I have to say the script had some good comedic laughs for me. I did enjoy most of the screenplay. Podge made for great laughs, and towards the end, in the chapel, you made some great comedic dialogues. I'll just name a few complaints I have. First, I didn't like the fact that Anita just pops up in Stu's workplace like that. It was kind of weird to read, or to even... First, I have to say the script had some good comedic laughs for me. I did enjoy most of the screenplay. Podge made for great laughs, and towards the end, in the chapel, you made some great comedic dialogues.
  
  I'll just name a few complaints I have.
  
  First, I didn't like the fact that Anita just pops up in Stu's workplace like that. It was kind of weird to read, or to even imagine. I like suspense. I like something to have built up for them to meet again. That's my first complaint. I just didn't feel comfortable with Anita just popping up. Perhaps when you wrote and imagined it, it doesn't seem like she does, but as a reader, that's what I got.
  
  Second, the dialogue, for me, becomes very stiff, from about page 48-80. It felt like all the good juice was poured and used, and that the rest of the dialogue within these pages were prolonged for meeting the # of page for the screenplay purposes. Like the conversations between Stu and Anita on the phone and at the 55 diner felt like there was no value in. I hope you understand the point I'm trying to make.
  
  Just to talk about characters quickly: Podge is great, he's the strongest character you have, in my opinion. Stu and Anita, they are the main characters, and to be honest, none of them appealed to me at all. Anita's character never grew at all. There was always this constant mystery with her, and I suppose its because she'd have those phone calls with "mother". But still, other than that, and her constant unhappiness with Todd, I didn't get her character at all. Stu, he grew obviously, but I guess his character just didn't attract me. In the first 10 pages though, I thought he was going to be a character I liked very much, and he was pretty darn funny. But then he just seemed like a different character all around later, and never went back to being the character I saw him as in the first 10 pages. He just wasn't a strong character. If Podge wasn't in this script. I'd be very unhappy.
  
  Other than those few complaints, I like the overall story, and the comedic writing. But like I said, I felt like it was stiff at times, other times, I thought it was brilliant. Just work on that and you'll be good.
  
  Great job. read
• 
  english good!
  A review of American English
  by linn leo on 09/13/2008
  Well, I think your first ten pages was a hit. And I’ll definitely want to read more. Nice humorous dialogues as at page 20. No error seen yet. Page 18, wanker is British English. But the usage is good. And of course, You put it in inverted commas. Some Yanks might have problems catching the drift. But of course that’s why dictionaries exist. Also, I love the buildup. You... Well, I think your first ten pages was a hit. And I’ll definitely want to read more.
  
  Nice humorous dialogues as at page 20. No error seen yet.
  
  Page 18, wanker is British English. But the usage is good. And of course, You put it in inverted commas. Some Yanks might have problems catching the drift. But of course that’s why dictionaries exist. Also, I love the buildup. You can see the tension. I expect great things as I read further. I hope I don’t get disappointed.
  
  I like everyone’s language thus far. Todd’s is great. But it sure beats me why Anita will hang out with such a nasty guy for close on 2yrs. Also, you’re making it easy for me to predict that Anita’ll end up with Stuart, giving that Todd’s such a ...
  
  Personally I LOVE arsenal, I think WALCOTT’s d bomb. But no offense taken.
  
  Page 28---
  TODD
  Damn, knew I’d forgot something. Shouldn’t it be forget? Or you change I’d to I
  
  I love your transition to ACT 2.
  
  Instead of saying A Union jack flag, why not say THE UNION JACK?(without adding flag?)
  
  Beautiful funny script as at page 38. Love the Podge-Japanese scene. The foreshadow about Podge’s university course paid off, brilliantly.
  
  Page 41
  STU
  Yeah, they just need to be learned
  betterer. How was the park. Is it better you mean?
  
  Page 42
  PODGE
  You couldn’t have just took a few
  days off from Brown’s Took should be taken(past-participle)
  
  page 48
  ANITA
  Stu? Wow! That’s crazy! I’m
  shocked! how’d you know I was here? In How’d , H should begin with capital letter.
  
  Nice transition to act three.
  
  I love this. After telling everyone about Bumble. Turns out it’s got a gay bar. How, the JAPANESE COUPLE, AND BLACK AMERICANS will love this if they ever came around. Shows us we must look well before we invest!
  
  This dialogue on PAGE 84, is definitely for the audience(or reader), it is too forced, and doesn’t ring right.
  TODD
  I told you never to speak of that
  bitch, or her psycho Mom...
  Besides, I took her money and she never
  Caught me.
  
  I knew it’s for a reason, Mariam was deaf. I just found out. Page 85. Good job.
  
  PG 87, Stu Podge and Miriam appear deep in thought. There should be a comma, between Stu and Podge.
  
  PG 94 --- How come Podge doesn’t know he’s at the Raimbow’s Lounge?
  STU
  Really? Shit, that’s handy.
  PODGE
  How so?
  STU
  Because that’s where we are.
  
  Jeez, I never believed the Japanese and Gangsters will show up, when I wrote so above. But I don’t quite like the coincidence, why did they arrive at the same time?
  
  And I’m a bit skeptical at how the Japanese and Gangsters, help Podge. I thought they came to Vegas for a purpose? For the Japanese, I can understand, but Gangsters are not generally so charitable. I thought they would even be angry with Podge, for recommending a homo joint?
  
  Page 99, wonderous or wondrous?
  
  Page 102 --- Why should Liberace use the word, FUCK? Even if he does, won’t it draw a reaction from someone?
  
  I don’t understand why Anita decided to investigate Todd. People don’t go out investigating their Fiancées, and even if it happens, Anita doesn’t strike me as the type. So, if she must investigate him, I need a better reason than Gladys Mother’s statement on Anita’s concerns. The question is concerns about what?
  
  Also, it might not be too easy to drag a man against his will, in a place like Vegas. There’re bound to be Cops and squealers around.
  
  Page 103, I love the payoff for aboot. Splendid!
  
  I really don’t see the need for Marian’s presence in the wedding scenes. Also, I feel the Japanese and negro’s part there is unnecessary and a bit farfetched. Why not try another way to get Podge and Zach to the church?
  
  The ending was good though. And it’s good to Know Stu’s place finally happened.
  
  ---------------------------------------------------------
  
  TITLE --- I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST OK AT FIRST BUT AFTER READING, I THINK IT’S WONDERFUL
  
  CONCEPT --- SPLENDID
  
  DIALOGUE --- BEST AND FUNNIEST I’VE SEEN SO FAR. AND I’VE READ MANY SCREENPLAYS RATED, SCREENPLAY OF THE MONTH
  
  STRUCTURE – GOOD.
  
  Your script was easy to read. Why, it was interesting and very few errors. Well I never take anything away from Brits and you’ve not disappointed. read
• 
  Mildly Entertaining
  A review of American English
  by Xerces on 09/11/2008
  WHAT I LIKED ABOUT THIS SCRIPT: The characters were well defined and each had a unique voice. The narration was also cohesive for the most part. The 'buddy' chemistry between Stu and Podge was also palatable. WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT THIS SCRIPT/WHAT NEEDS WORK: I felt as if the underlying story (Guy goes after the girl of his dreams to ridiculous lengths) is somewhat tired... WHAT I LIKED ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
  
  The characters were well defined and each had a unique voice. The narration was also cohesive for the most part. The 'buddy' chemistry between Stu and Podge was also palatable.
  
  WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT THIS SCRIPT/WHAT NEEDS WORK:
  
  I felt as if the underlying story (Guy goes after the girl of his dreams to ridiculous lengths) is somewhat tired. In other words, this storyline has been told countless times and, while you throw in the cross-atlantic/British subplot, the tale still reads the same. I believe this script would require some very good actors to spruce it up and make it interesting, otherwise, its just another 'guy after girl' tale that's been told a thousand times. Moreover, some of the dialogue drags on for a bit too long. Below are some additional notes I took while reading:
  
  Pg. 3
  "A Moment"
  -Is this a typo?
  
  ANITA
  This conversation is far too
  philosophical for the inside of a
  shoe. Wanna get a drink?
  -Unnatural dialogue
  
  Pg. 23
  - I felt like the dialogue is getting excessive.
  
  Pg. 24
  - Some of your action descriptions can be excessive.
  
  Pg. 24
  -Some readers are not familiar with 'Ultravox'
  
  Pg. 89
  -Not sure I understood the 'imagined casino' imagery.
  
  Pg.93
  'red buttoning' the call- is this mean ignoring/silencing it?
  
  Pg. 99
  -The crash with the gangstas/Japanese car...i saw a small bit of humor but it didn't work for me.
  
  PODGE
  (laughs to self)
  Plays an organ.
  -Didn't understand this.
  
  FINAL ANALYSIS:
  
  American English was an acceptable script with a cohesive narrative and well-defined characters. However, this story has been told several times over and because of this, this script's originality is lacking. This script would only be feasible if it manage to garner some high-profile, well-known actors to make it interesting. If not, I see foresee little success in getting this script sold (if this is the author's intention.)
  
  --Xerces read
• 
  Seen it on the "tele" before
  A review of American English
  by dkiernan on 09/09/2008
  I liked it but you may have to tinker with a few things to garner any interest. The format and structure is there but it’s formulaic. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy meets girl again but girl is with a dirt-bag fiancée, boy sets out to sabotage their wedding and win girl back. This is a formula that has worked but audiences need something fresh especially in a romantic... I liked it but you may have to tinker with a few things to garner any interest. The format and structure is there but it’s formulaic. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy meets girl again but girl is with a dirt-bag fiancée, boy sets out to sabotage their wedding and win girl back. This is a formula that has worked but audiences need something fresh especially in a romantic comedy. There all the same.
  
  At the end of the script, the priest, minister or Liberace basically says “Is there anyone here who objects to this union… blah, blah…. and Stu comes right in at that exact moment and objects. How many times has that been played out in movies or television? I know the wedding is the big climax but be creative about it. Write something original that no one has seen before. I liked how at first I thought Todd was just some cheating douchebag but then he turned out to be some bi-sexual con man setting up a sham wedding. That was surprising and more things like that should be interjected.
  
  Also it’s a comedy so what are your laugh-out-loud scenes? What are the trailer moments? Read the dialogue out loud or have a friend read it you and find out which jokes fall flat. Twice Todd says “you’ll need a dentist.” Get rid of it, it sounds stupid. I think focusing on the cultural differences between America and the U.K. works because it’s kind of a fish-out-of-water for your protagonist and his friend so that’s where some of laughs should come from.
  
  Your format and style seems professional and everything comes together in the end. It starts in New York and ends there with Stu getting his bar and Anita’s on Broadway. Everyone lives happily ever. I like the story and I can definitely see Simon Pegg in it but shake it up. Be as fresh as possible since romantic-comedies are just replicas now-a-days, coming down the pipe. Create something that hooks the reader in a logline. I’m being vague and offering no suggestions but when you think of it, it will be that much more rewarding for you. Good luck and keep at it... mate! read
• 
  Worth working on
  A review of American English
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 09/04/2008
  Overall: I enjoyed your script, which considering the fact that I'm not a fan of the genre is impressive. Rather than just trotting out the same old romcom treacle you've gone to great effort to subvert some of the cliches. I do, however, think there are four things that really undermine this script. 1. There is a sense of real inequality between Stu and Anita on a number... Overall:
  I enjoyed your script, which considering the fact that I'm not a fan of the genre is impressive.
  Rather than just trotting out the same old romcom treacle you've gone to great effort to subvert some of the cliches.
  I do, however, think there are four things that really undermine this script.
  
  1. There is a sense of real inequality between Stu and Anita on a number of levels: he is much more interested in her than she is in him; on a purely material level it is hard to believe that she would have anything to do with a slacker like Stu. In short, I don't particularly feel as though she is the woman of his dreams, a fairly lethal flaw in a romcom.
  
  2. Anita is not especially likeable. she comes across as somewhat cold and sadly, shallow and stupid: she's been with Todd for two years, is treated like a doormat, can't tell he's gay and is willing to put up with his shenanigans because of his toothy grin?
  
  3. Story/structure. While I did like the fact that you twisted the boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back convention, the action in the second half feels staged.
  
  4. Dialogue/mannerisms: I was born in the UK and lived in England until my teens, nevertheless, after 25 years in North America I would be really hesitant to attempt to write an English character. I think you need to revise a lot of the dialogue that you've written for the American characters. I wish there was some resource I could direct you toward, a "writing American dialogue" primer but as far as I know no such beast exists. I do know that characters such as Bertha and Gladys verge on caricature.
  
  American English - Review Notes
  
  Let me preface these comments by admitting that I'm not a fan of romcom; that being said, I know enough about the genre (I hope) to be able to provide some useful feedback.
  
  Ok I'm at page 40 and just not buying into the story. The good news is I think I can put my finger on the problem, and it seems like a fairly easy fix. The problem, as I see it, lies in a basic inequality between Anita and Stu. Stu is crazy about her, while she seems very 'take it or leave it' as far as he's concerned.
  When he doesn't return from his midnight condom run does she look for him? Does she even move her arse off the bed and pop down to the lobby? No, while he waits on the sidewalk in the rain, she falls asleep and, to add insult to injury, struts past him in the morning and gets picked up by pretty boy.
  Fast forward to two years later: they meet by coincidence. Unfortunately all this does is heighten our antipathy toward Stu...he seems like more of a loser. This isn't a second chance at love a la "Serendipity", this isn't a magical reunion between two people who know in their hearts that they love only each other...Anita still doesn't seem too fussy about Stu.
  In short, Anita isn't particularly likeable and the set-up says infatuated stalker more than Romeo and Juliet.
  
  Now, on to the things I like:
  
  - You have a really good writing style; your action lines in particular are concise while still conveying atmosphere.
  
  - Dialogue (with some exceptions) is generally good to very good. Podge is done perfectly. Accents are linguistic mannerisms are incredibly tricky: my advice is to underplay the accent when writing dialogue for american characters; right now they sound like 'what English people think yanks speak like' if you get what I mean. As an example: on page 67 you have a waitress say "come here you thieving British prick"...a minor example but deeply illustrative. American speech patters are less decorative, more direct than British ones. An American waitress would simply yell "Get back here you asshole".
  
  and the things I don't:
  
  - scenes could be trimmed a little
  
  - At page 40 it feels as though the pace has dragged. I think this really stems from my reaction to Anita and Stu as a couple because structurally you are mapping this out very well.
  
  - with the exception of Podge, most of the characters feel two dimensional and stiff. Stu, in particular, seems limp and cliche. I don't see any real reason why someone as disciplined and driven as Anita would want to be with Stu. Breathe some life into the man, give him some spark...dare I say it, make him more Podge like?
  
  I appreciate that you are subverting the conventions of the genre by having a disastrous reunion in L.A. Unfortunately, unless you can make us want Stu and Anita to get together all of this effort is really undermined.
  
  - Anita working as a chorus girl is a nice touch and one that could be expanded upon to resolve the two main problems I have with this script:
  1. The basic inequality between Anita and Stu. Her secret is that she pretends to aspire to being a prima ballerina when, in fact, she would be happier out of the spotlight.
  
  2. The fact that Anita really isn't very likeable. Make her a goofball.
  
  read
• 
  AE
  A review of American English
  by jayelveejr on 08/28/2008
  First off, I love the title of this. It pretty much tells you everything you need to know. I think this is a pretty good script even though it's a bit mixed up as to what it wants to be. Is it a romantic comedy or a buddy road movie? Both I suppose. It kind of reminded me of a whacky Coen brothers type of film except that it doesn't get really crazy until the end. That I compare... First off, I love the title of this. It pretty much tells you everything you need to know. I think this is a pretty good script even though it's a bit mixed up as to what it wants to be. Is it a romantic comedy or a buddy road movie? Both I suppose. It kind of reminded me of a whacky Coen brothers type of film except that it doesn't get really crazy until the end. That I compare it to anything Coen is a big compliment. I think there are two forces fighting here. One is Stu's story of a missed opportunity and how he chases Anita all the way to LA because she may be his one true love. The other is a strange buddy road movie complete with strange characters and silly subplots. The latter happens because of the former and off they go on this wild trip. I liked the initial set up and meeting between the two leads in NY. That was very well done. I also liked the scene that kept them apart although I found it just a tad strange that Stu wouldn't have gotten her full name or known the suite number as well.
  
  This type of comedy has been done countless times so it's a tough genre to tackle. I think your script is certainly entertaining enough to hold its own albeit with a few things that bothered me and I think prevents this from going to a higher level. Here are some random thoughts from my notes, not in any order:
  
  Some of the scenes that bothered me earlier, especially with Gladys, come to light at the end and fixed themselves when we find out who she really is. I kept wondering why the heck she was following Todd and doing all that covert activity. That was a very good story twist. You got me on that one with her last name being the reason for the confusion. At first, I didn't like the spy scenes and wondered how they fit into the story. Then at the end you hit us with the big reveal. Nice job. Altough I will admit your dialogue each time very smartly takes us off the path as Glady seems to be very concerned with her as though she really were her mother.
  
  I wonder why you had Anita getting the Vegas gig. Seems out of place to have a ballerina dancer doing a show in Vegas. Was it because Vegas is Sin City and you wanted to set up the third act in an outlandish city? I suppose that plays with the whole crazy zaniness that erupts in the third act. I didn't like the way Stu just walks into Bally's and overhears the old lady say, oh she dances like a ballerina and then he sees her. Seems it should be a bit tougher to find her than that. Too easy.
  
  I liked the banter between Stu and Podge. I think you did a nice job with their dialogue. I didn't really think much of the Podge and Miriam romance. And making her a deaf mute reminded me too much of Four Weddings and a Funeral except you changed the gender. Probably not your intention I suppose but since they're British as well, hard not to connect.
  
  I also think you get off the main story in a way by having us follow Podge around maybe a scene or two too much. I felt it took us away from Stu and Anita for some comedic moments that sometimes seemed unnecessary. Maybe others will disagree with that.
  
  One suggestion. The scene in the amusement park when Podge catches Todd kissing the girl. Why reveal it to us that it's a commercial? Why not just have Podge see them and that way we assume, just as he does, that Todd is cheating on Anita. By showing us that it's a commercial, we lose the shock value later on. I know that you introduce Zach to us but maybe you can do it in a different way. Then when Anita tells Stu in the restaurant scene that it was a commercial after she sees the photos, it's also a surpise to us? Wouldn't that make it a better twist for us. As is we already know so you lose a bit of the shock value. Just a thought.
  
  One other thing I missed. When Stu and Podge talk about Zach, they call him by name. How did they know his name? I don't think it was revealed to them was it? When the assistant blurts out his name during the shoot, it doesn't seem like Podge hears this so I just wondered how they knew. Did I miss it?
  
  I'm not sure I buy the whole Todd is a scoundrel and he's really faking everyone out, both Anita and Zach. So he is an actor but also a con man? A hustler? I wasn't sure what he was up to. Did he need the visa and that's why he was faking it with Zach? Did he want to do the British show and that's what he was after? I was a little confused and not sure if I missed the point completely?
  
  The Japanese family bit and the gansta stuff was funny at first but then it got downright silly at the end. I'm not saying that's a negative as I've seen many, many comedies that go for this silly route, certainly there's my Coen brothers connection, but it seems a little bit out of place at the end. Would the ganstas really only carry one gun with them? I guess this is a PG type of gansta?
  
  I liked the last shot and how you wrap it up at Stu's Bar and we see that they're in NY. Although, I was expecting your last shot to have them get married at his bar.
  
  So overall, I thought this was a pretty good script, some funny parts, some parts that weren't so funny but it did hold my interest all the way. And I knew pretty much how it's going to end up. It had to have a happy ending or else this type of comedy doesn't work. So I just think maybe work on a couple tweaks, maybe lose some of the zaniness at the end. I think your script is fairly intelligent throughout but then that chapel scene at the end kind of throws it into loopy mode and I'm not sure I liked it or that it fit with the rest of the film. Maybe that's why I didn't like this even more because I think it's pretty good as it is. Perhaps other reviewers won't have such a problem with some of the over the top comic bits that seemed out of place to me.
  
  So hope that doesn't seem too negative. I think this has great potential. Thanks for the read and good luck with this. read
• 
  Familiar but enjoyable
  A review of American English
  by Richard Knowles on 08/27/2008
  Dominic, Thank you for allowing me to read your screenplay. I read some of the reviews you've left for fellow Streeters and it's obvious you can write - you know your craft. That said, I'll be straight with you: I found your script to be a little one-dimensional and, occasionally, a bit slow. The opening image of the raindrops splashing on the fold-out map was exceptional... Dominic,
  
  Thank you for allowing me to read your screenplay. I read some of the reviews you've left for fellow Streeters and it's obvious you can write - you know your craft.
  
  That said, I'll be straight with you: I found your script to be a little one-dimensional and, occasionally, a bit slow.
  
  The opening image of the raindrops splashing on the fold-out map was exceptional - one of the best I've read. However, the almost instantaneous courtship with Anita (Anita Catalina... yikes) smacked too much of "Serendipity".
  
  I don't know, brother. Don't you think Anita would've walked down to the lobby once Stu didn't show up for awhile? I realize that would've been the end of the film right there, which may have been a good thing.
  
  Christ, I don't mean to bash you. Just finishing a script is a great accomplishment and I don't mean to bring you down at all.
  
  There were some enjoyable moments. I really dug when Podge got to use his sign language (nice foreshadowing there), and many of the descriptions were nice and succinct. But in the long run, the gay and Asian stereotypes, the boring Anita, the weird Todd twist at the end... I don't know, it just wasn't for me. Please don't take this too much to heart, as I've never sold a screenplay and am just a rank and file amateur.
  
  Best of luck, Dominick. read
• 
  F*** Me Ragged!
  A review of American English
  by ericdwight on 08/26/2008
  I started myself a little handicapped when I began reading this script. I read your production notes and you said that you had Simon Pegg and Nick Frost when writing this script. Because of that, I was laughing my ass off during many times. I could totally see the two of them doing something like this. The chemistry between Stu and Podge is perfect. Their banter spot on... I started myself a little handicapped when I began reading this script. I read your production notes and you said that you had Simon Pegg and Nick Frost when writing this script. Because of that, I was laughing my ass off during many times. I could totally see the two of them doing something like this. The chemistry between Stu and Podge is perfect. Their banter spot on and falls right in line with two of my favorite comedies, “Shaun of the Dead”, and “Hot Fuzz”. When you pitch this script, I would definitely use Pegg and Frost in there somewhere.
  
  There were a couple of things that I think would make this script a little tighter during a re-write. When I was reading this, I could tell when Stu, Podge, Marj, and Zach were talking because of their English accent; I could almost hear it. It wasn’t as clear when Anita and Todd were talking. I think stressing that American/West Coast accent a little more would really show off the differences. Example, if Todd is a California surfer, really hit it home that he is a California surfer. But when he is not talking to Anita, make him sound more intellectual to really give off that he is a con man. I also think if you were to introduce that second story about Gladys spying on Todd and Todd being a con man a little earlier it would help make the ending more effective. That is just me though.
  
  To wrap up, there isn’t really that much that I didn’t like about this script. I can see myself walking into a theater and watching this one, maybe even more than once. I would actually recommend this film for production as is; the suggestions above are just other things to think about that might add a little more of a kick. One more thing I liked was that this was a classic ending that fits into the type of film that would star Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. When you are looking to start pitching this to script, I would start with giving Edgar Wright a call.  read
• 
  Hodge Podge
  A review of American English
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 08/25/2008
  Right off the bat, I've got to tell you that this was an enjoyable read. I never felt like I was slogging through it; it read fast and easy. Thanks for posting it; here are my thoughts. I like the Stu character. He's a little bit of the classic rom-com slacker, but his intelligence, quick wit, and his genuineness keep him very likable and unique. I wasn't thrilled with Podge... Right off the bat, I've got to tell you that this was an enjoyable read. I never felt like I was slogging through it; it read fast and easy. Thanks for posting it; here are my thoughts.
  
  I like the Stu character. He's a little bit of the classic rom-com slacker, but his intelligence, quick wit, and his genuineness keep him very likable and unique.
  
  I wasn't thrilled with Podge in the beginning, but he started to grow on me. Aside from being the main source of laughs, he was a good friend to Stu, constantly offering encouragement.
  
  Anita was difficult to get a hold on. I could sort of picture her as this whimsical, free spirited girl who acts on her impulses. Why she would be with a guy like Todd for two years is completely beyond me.
  
  I think it could have made for a more interesting situation if she wasn't so thrilled to see Stu again. If, upon reuniting with him, she sort of barely remembered him as a one night stand kind of guy, and he had to win her over again because he knew there was more to their relationship than just that, that would have been great. As it is, she seems to have no real emotion about the fact that he disappeared on that first night.
  
  On that note, I'd like to see a little more of Stu between the opening scene and when he reunites with Anita. The short office scenes aren't really enough to show how broken up he is about losing her. I like the conversation about the "benchmark," but I'd like to SEE a bit of how his life is suffering without her before he quits his job and flies after her to LA.
  
  Todd being gay really threw me for a loop. I could see that working in a much goofier script, but that turn of events doesn't seem to match the tone of the rest of the story. I like that you swung for the fences, but I just don't think it worked in this case.
  
  You're a really talented writer. The dialog and action lines are crisp, the story as a whole is well put together, and the script reads effortlessly.
  
  My suggestions in a nutshell: work on Anita, just a little bit, in terms of motivation... reconsider the twist with Todd... work in a few more laugh out loud moments; the lines are witty and there are more than a few chuckles, but few truly hilarious moments.
  
  Great job. read