Reviews of Apartment B 5

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  Apartment B Review
  A review of Apartment B
  by Asu03 on 07/07/2012
  I really don’t have a lot to add to this screenplay. Apartment B was a well written piece. It was apparent from page one that you have written a few screenplays before tackling this story. I found the story to be effective, but there is something going on that is preventing it from getting to the next level. As I was reading Apartment B I kept wondering what suggestions... I really don’t have a lot to add to this screenplay. Apartment B was a well written piece. It was apparent from page one that you have written a few screenplays before tackling this story. I found the story to be effective, but there is something going on that is preventing it from getting to the next level. As I was reading Apartment B I kept wondering what suggestions I could make to help you. Unfortunately I cannot think of anything at the moment.
  
  You have an interesting hook, but I am not sure the logline is enough to make it stand out, but I could be wrong. Once I opened the script, I was impressed with your pacing, characters and sense of mystery all the way to the very last page. My only complaint is that some of the dialogue came off a bit stale and derivative. In fact, I think that if you cut out some dialogue, it would enhance the mystery and increase the tension between your characters. The screenplay hit the right beats and I was intrigued the whole time.
  
  Overall, I was impressed with the writing, but found the story a bit underwhelming. This screenplay still gets a high rating as it was one of the better screenplays I have read. The command of story is there; my advice is to look for a high concept idea. Keep plugging away! read
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  Apartment B Review
  A review of Apartment B
  by Roadking on 11/14/2011
  This is an example of a very well written script with good structure and a surprise ending. The concept of the story is based on this surprise ending. I believe with some tightening up of the details this could be a commercial vehicle. I want to point out some of these details to the writer, and ask him to revisit the story keeping these comments in mind. The main character,... This is an example of a very well written script with good structure and a surprise ending. The concept of the story is based on this surprise ending. I believe with some tightening up of the details this could be a commercial vehicle. I want to point out some of these details to the writer, and ask him to revisit the story keeping these comments in mind.
  
  The main character, Vincent, is someone I had trouble sympathizing with. He is a killer as well as a thug, and I say this knowing the ending. With my first read, I struggled trying to find out why I should care about him and for the most part, I didn't. This isn't good when you're trying to move the story forward through his character. I suggest trying to give him some redeeming qualities that will allow the audience to follow this creep on his quest.
  
  I am also not a big fan of flash backs or dreams as a device either, but in a story dealing with the loss of memory, it is probably a requirement. I would suggest eliminating the dream sequences and focus on the flash backs since these involve the audience discovering his past as it comes back to haunt Vincent.
  
  Dialogue - The scenes involving Vincent and Kara need some improvement. I want to point out a couple of scenes and see if you agree. On page 10, Kara makes the statement that she would "never take one day back" with Vincent, yet on page 11, she claims to hate him. It's not how a wife trying to nurse her husband back from a serious injury would act. In another scene, Kara is trying to convince Vincent to seek psychological help and during their exchange she tosses a glass of wine in his face. I sometimes write myself into a corner, knowing what I need from the scene and forcing the characters to accomplish my goals. It comes out forced and not their words or personalities.
  
  I also have suggestions and questions. Several times, you make reference to his bruised knuckles after he has been home. Would his knuckles still be bruised after he has recouperated from a gunshot wound to the head. Are bruised knuckles important to moving your story forward? The scream from apartment B and Vincent witnessing someone carrying out a rolled up rug then dumping it into a pick-up. Did I miss something here? There was no follow through on who was in the rug and why? Was this just another way for them to make him think he was going crazy?
  
  In summary - On the whole a good story and concept with a great ending you can't get much better than that. Please take my suggestions as just that, suggestions. Good luck on your next pass. read
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  This story will keep you guessing until the end.
  A review of Apartment B
  by Chandraloka on 11/06/2011
  Apartment B has many twists and turns that leave one to continue to guess the truth behind its protaganist, Vincent. The writer does a good job developing his characters and makes each one easy to visualize in the mind's eye. The story moves very quickly and keeps one interested in discovering who is who and why. Kara's true self did not become evident until the very ending... Apartment B has many twists and turns that leave one to continue to guess the truth behind its protaganist, Vincent. The writer does a good job developing his characters and makes each one easy to visualize in the mind's eye. The story moves very quickly and keeps one interested in discovering who is who and why. Kara's true self did not become evident until the very ending. The relationship between her and Vincent is core to the story and it remained well hidden. There are some miss-spelled words and grammatical errors, but these can be corrected and are not really as important as the content of the screenplay itself. Given the right actors, I can see this story being successful as an intriguing movie. read
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  Tight, Professional
  A review of Apartment B
  by DavidTKelleher on 11/06/2011
  A page turner. An easy read which says a lot by itself. Got straight into the story which I thought was excellent. Felt professional and tight throughout. A 'simple' psychological thriller well crafted. I was a little irritated by the frequency of flashbacks in the first half although I understand what they were doing. I was also drawn out of the story on a couple of occasions... A page turner. An easy read which says a lot by itself. Got straight into the story which I thought was excellent. Felt professional and tight throughout. A 'simple' psychological thriller well crafted.
  
  I was a little irritated by the frequency of flashbacks in the first half although I understand what they were doing. I was also drawn out of the story on a couple of occasions by the sheer number of mirrors broken by Vincent in the script although again I can understand what this might be here to symbolise.
  
  Good, vivid pictures and atmosphere produced in my mind as I was reading. Good turning points throughout.
  
  A little disappointed in the end with Rose appearing but it did feel appropriate. Could be produced I think quite cheaply.
  
  On the whole a good read. read
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  Smoking can kill you
  A review of Apartment B
  by imoveatparaderest on 11/04/2011
  From the start this story is an easy read. I couldn't stop once I started as if it were a can of Pringles. At times, it seemed the writer had done their research, especially when the psychologist talked about creating memories, and believing them as truth. However, some parts seemed implausible; scenes like when the ATTENDANT spits tobacco into a paper bag. I used to chew tobacco,... From the start this story is an easy read. I couldn't stop once I started as if it were a can of Pringles. At times, it seemed the writer had done their research, especially when the psychologist talked about creating memories, and believing them as truth. However, some parts seemed implausible; scenes like when the ATTENDANT spits tobacco into a paper bag. I used to chew tobacco, and spitting into a bag would defeat the purpose of having a container to spit in. Another scene was in a mental institution, where a woman was ripping her hair out. A woman with that mental state would have been restrained from the get go, and the scene when Vincent said he loved Kara, but he couldn't even remember her, so how could he love her? There were also a few grammatical errors, but they are an easy fix.
  The scenes were a bit short, though, which was disappointing at times, but nonetheless, it flowed well. I was curious as to what came next. The writer's metaphoric storytelling, and timing was absolutely wonderful, which was a delight. Not only was this story a fun one, it had many political and social issues intwined within it.
  My favorite scene was the fight scene, where one light bulb swung on a cord in a cellar. The two men rumbled in and out of the light, and the words written on the paper made it easy to picture the scene.
  All the while, this story had clues in the form of cigarettes, which helped our antihero figure out his past, and find his future. Even if some of the characters had to die simply because of the brand of cigarettes they smoked. read