Reviews of Blood & Dust 13

• 
  More dust than blood - at the moment
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by Ron Aberdeen on 01/09/2008
  Firstly the story is original, in a way. The mixing of the genres. But in reality it has nothing startlingly new and in fact seems very reminiscent of so many other stories. Cowboys are cowboys and vampires do the things they do. I found the continued use of continue annoying, particularly as it is not used now for either page turn or dialogue. This script is fairly well... Firstly the story is original, in a way. The mixing of the genres. But in reality it has nothing startlingly new and in fact seems very reminiscent of so many other stories.
  
  Cowboys are cowboys and vampires do the things they do.
  
  I found the continued use of continue annoying, particularly as it is not used now for either page turn or dialogue.
  
  This script is fairly well presented but falls down on incorrect technical details regarding visual description.
  
  For example:
  
  BLACK SCREEN
  A HEARTBEAT begins. Rapid. Steady. We listen to it for a beat and then...
  FADE IN:
  EXT. ARIZONA LANDSCAPE - BEFORE DAWN
  The HEARTBEAT continues.
  
  ALL SCRIPTS should start with FADE IN:
  
  FADE IN:
  
  HOLD ON BLACK:
  
  A HEARTBEAT. Rapid. It dominates.
  
  EXT. ARIZONA LANDSCAPE - BEFORE DAWN
  
  The HEARTBEAT belongs to ANTOINE. He crawls over the harsh landscape, heedless of the cactus and broken rock. He gasps as he drags his broken body. BLOOD glistens in his wake.
  
  Who are we? Are we in the film? No. Your descriptive text must represent what is seen by the director through a lens and what a sound engineer records. Nothing else.
  
  Rapid & Steady are really contradictory.
  
  And it will soon stop. You are the director how do you capture that statement on film? If it can’t be captured don’t write it.
  
  This is one of the major nuances between scriptwriting and writing a novel.
  
  Your script is full of such abnormities.
  
  Page 2:
  He leaps to her side. Who does?
  
  Page 3:
  And we pull back, retreating, until Cayatte becomes a solitary speck on the rim of the vast, red-rocked canyon.
  And the HEARTBEAT finally stops.
  
  And we pull back, is camera direction as is transitions. Both are the job of the director not the writer, if you want to achieve such an effect do it with your text.
  
  If you want the HEARTBEAT to be dominant in every scene until it stops you must include that in your business. (The description or action text).
  
  Page 4: ‘About’, be precise this is a plan for a film, about is the same as an architect saying may be 50 feet high.
  
  Filmmaking is a collective of creative individuals all working to YOUR plan. The script.
  
  The street is filled with TOWNSPEOPLE: running about, taking
  care of business.
  
  The street is filled with TOWNSPEOPLE as they go about their business.
  
  Try and avoid verbs ending in ‘ING’ on camera people walk, run, stand etc they are not walking, running or standing. Another nuance is nothing starts, begins or ends it just happens.
  
  Your script grabs from page one and that’s unusual with most of the scripts I read on TriggerStreet. It goes on to hold the reader, although it is annoying with the many small technical errors and they may be enough to stop a professional reader continuing.
  
  In reality this is almost a shooting script and it should be a spec script, knowing the difference can be the difference.
  
  The story has pace but lacks direction or easily identifiable structure. I pondered sometime on deciding where act one finished and act two started.
  
  Page 70: You have Quick Flash in a shot heading; I’ve never seen that before in any of the 400 or so scripts I’ve read.
  
  This more than any other part of your script indicates your lack of technical knowledge.
  
  You can tell a story, you can create interesting characters, although a bit more depth with many of them would be a help, you show good visualization, but your full understanding of the craft of scriptwriting lets you down.
  
  Your characters lack voice and your script sub text. Many of your scenes are slow to boil but are well written and the script is probably 10 pages too long.
  
  All in all you achieved what you set out to do but it could be so much better. At the moment it is a good script, but with careful attention, some serious editing and improvement in spec script skills, this could be a great script.
  
  It is well above average and is annoying because it could be so much more. read
• 
  On a horse with no name
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by bloodmeridian2004 on 01/04/2008
  TITLE: Perfect CONCEPT: Encapsulated in the poetic title: BLOOD = VAMPIRE and DUST = WESTERN. If this were food, would the elements mix? I have the misfortune of having seen a locally produced vampire Western that broke the mythic laws of vampire death and converted them into zombies, so it took me a while to divorce myself from bad memories. And I’m not entirely certain... TITLE: Perfect
  
  CONCEPT: Encapsulated in the poetic title: BLOOD = VAMPIRE and DUST = WESTERN.
  
  If this were food, would the elements mix?
  
  I have the misfortune of having seen a locally produced vampire Western that broke the mythic laws of vampire death and converted them into zombies, so it took me a while to divorce myself from bad memories.
  
  And I’m not entirely certain that this blending of genres works. Off the top of my head, it has the feel of a TV series that had an odd aesthetic that caused me visual nausea: THE WILD WILD WEST.
  
  It’s an intoxicating thought, but there’s something that may be too similar in the good vs evil nature of a more traditional vampire story mixed in with the traditional western.
  
  So, ultimately, regarding the concept, I’m compelled to say “maybe.”
  
  And as an odd afterthought, I wonder if as an aesthetic choice (that goes well beyond the bounds of a spec) if this would work better as a movie in black and white, like the fantastic, wonderfully gory DEAD MAN, which may be my favorite Depp movie.
  
  CHARACTERS: Richly drawn and distinct. And well named. The character development was extremely well crafted and I particularly liked the link between Kelley and Cayette.
  
  STORY/STRUCTURE/USE OF LANGUAGE: If this writer totally disregards this review, that’s understandable, because this is a professionally written screenplay full of rich language in which brief descriptions and well-chosen words instantly capture a moment.
  
  Off the top of my head, I loved the use of the word “without” when a reader is expecting “within” regarding a light source.
  
  And another well chosen word was the instrument an Apache used to crush someone’s skull (I didn’t look it up to verify, but it sounded authentic.)
  
  And set ups were paid off, motivations were clear, and I cared about what happened.
  
  Well done.
  
  DIALOGUE: I would have liked for the language to be a bit weirder, a bit more DEADWOOD-ish.
  
  However, it was very good.
  
  READING NOTES:
  
  (Not very many after I got into it, really beautifully written.)
  
  p4 Unclear whether the “armed an mounted men” are Apache or not, but it’s implied…
  
  the FREEZES look good, but feel a bit over-used at this point
  
  p7 “fine establishment” redundant
  
  p12 in to/into
  
  p17 “a flaw in the iris” is too similar to Faye Dunaway’s line in CHINATOWN (maybe find another way to say the same thing)
  
  p24 CAYETTE (CONT’D) margin looks off
  
  p101 in eyes/in his eyes
  
  OVERALL: It pains me not to put this into my list of favorites. It’s beautifully written and correctly hits so many notes. It’s flatout poetic in spots.
  
  However, and this is totally a personal bias, because when I don’t understand something, or see it clearly, I tend not to trust it, and there were a couple things that gave me pause.
  
  The first I mentioned early on.
  
  The tone and feel of the story reminds me too much of the color pallet that I found so disturbing as a child in THE WILD WILD WEST.
  
  I understand that that is a highly personal matter of taste thing to address, but I mention it because I think there is something universal about aesthetic taste when dealing with the quality of light, and something about that old TV show seemed far too bright and clean.
  
  It’s a weird observation, I know, but it’s like a texture or taste in a dish that isn’t properly cooked, and as poetic as this is in spots, I don’t like the first taste.
  
  And the second thing, something I didn’t mention, was that this is really a good vampire story, but the things like automatic stake launchers reminded me too much of VAN HELSING.
  
  And ultimately, that gets back to my initial pause: familiarity.
  
  It’s unfortunate that so many bad westerns and bad vampire movies have been made.
  
  It’s unfortunate that a story this good has to rise above it’s chosen setting and genre blending.
  
  And it almost does for me.
  
  With my weird taste, I could see myself buying a ticket to a black and white version of this.
  
  Anyway, those are my weird thoughts on an extremely well-crafted and professionally written story.
  
  I was inspired by the quality of writing and I hope to have learned something from it.
  
  best of luck,
  Paul read
• 
  Could See it
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by anthorasanli on 12/25/2007
  I could see this film being released by a studio. However, I don't think it is one I would see, mainly because despite the genre blending which I give you credit for (that I liked), the story and development to me ulitmately felt formulaic. Now maybe I am baised, I'm not really into the Vampire or Western genres, however I loved Lost Boys as a kid and watched it all the time... I could see this film being released by a studio. However, I don't think it is one I would see, mainly because despite the genre blending which I give you credit for (that I liked), the story and development to me ulitmately felt formulaic.
  
  Now maybe I am baised, I'm not really into the Vampire or Western genres, however I loved Lost Boys as a kid and watched it all the time. Now I only bring that up because I htink I stopped watching the whole Vampire kind of flick because it became like I mentioned formulaic and same old same old.
  
  Anyways on to your script, the writing I think is well crafted, I think you got the technique down. Your dialougue for the most part felt solid, you had some good one liners which you would expect in this sort of film, and some good back story I think.
  
  The flashback of what happened and the Victorian time thing with the aristrocrat stuff all that I liked. Having the Apaches part of the story was also pretty good and interesting. Again the conept was original but the development of the story became to me very predictable and nothing new. Not bad, but just not interesting.
  
  Mainly I felt this with the propehcy stuff, and the 'changing one' and the love intereset. The Cayette searching for a woman resembling a past love seemed straight out of Bram Strokers Dracula.
  
  There just wasn't enough 'memorable moments' or unique scenes to keep the story fresh or imprinted in my mind. (remember Lost boys and the guys hanging off a train bridge?, that was a memorable moment to me) Not saying your scenes didn't work, or they were bad, which is why I could see this as a film, just saying it would be like most films out there with nothing new to offer except for the genre blending which just isin't enough to carry a whole movie.
  
  The other thing is there was just too much black space, too much action discription. At times it felt like a word for word break down of an action movie with every single thing happening in frame explained. Now I know technically that's what the script is for but this becomes veryyy long and unengaging. What I mean is although you may have some cool things going on, being so dictative takes me out of the story. I can't seem to get into that world. It would be nicer if the script got us in emotionally, visually. Not saying the writing was bad here, just that it didn't create a picture in my mind, rather just told me like a fact by fact breakdown, or dictation of an action occuring.
  
  My suggestion would be read some action scripts, I remember reading Aliens, and specifically Graham Yost's script for Speed. I can't rememeber them because it's been awhile, but depsite the tons of action that occurs on screen the scripts read very effortlessly, briskly, not too heavy in description and you still got all you needed to know. Just a suggestion, might help the story come out more.
  
  Best of luck. read
• 
  Review of Blood & Dust
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by falconer21 on 12/25/2007
  Of the vampire scripts I’ve encountered so far on TS, this is definitely the best one. There’s a lot to like here – it was action packed, well structured, the characters were generally strong, and the ending was oddly touching, which is rare for a vampire movie. I didn’t have a whole lot of constructive comments because I there weren’t that many flaws. But here are the main... Of the vampire scripts I’ve encountered so far on TS, this is definitely the best one. There’s a lot to like here – it was action packed, well structured, the characters were generally strong, and the ending was oddly touching, which is rare for a vampire movie. I didn’t have a whole lot of constructive comments because I there weren’t that many flaws. But here are the main ones:
  
  The only plot element that didn’t really work for me was the whole thing with the prophecy. It seems like the only plot purpose of the whole prophecy idea is so that Lauren can have that telepathic moment in the mine shaft so that she can turn the elevator back. Other than that, the prophecy seems tacked on and clichéd. Whereas in a movie like The Matrix, the idea of prophecy vs. fate is integral to not only the plot but the overall theme of the movie. Either play up the prophecy vs. fate theme or lose the prophecy altogether, is my suggestion.
  
  Also, I had some trouble with the character of Cayatte – specifically his motivation, which is not fully revealed until the end when Kelley gives his speech. As it currently stands, his motives seem tacked on, and convenient. I went back to the saloon dance scene to see if you had inserted any clues, and you did, where Cayatte focuses his attention on Sarah and steals the dance from Wil. Unfortunately, I didn’t pick up the motivation from that alone. Perhaps insert a description like “Sarah resembles Isabella”, then the pieces would fit and I would find the ending (where Cayatte kills himself) more believable.
  
  My page notes:
  
  Page 1 – Opened with a bang. Good stuff.
  
  Page 2 to 10 – nice concise setup. Your first ten pages are excellent.
  
  Page 26 – the first dialogue should be Lauren, not Sarah, correct?
  
  Page 30 – “Get her out of here!” should be to Lauren, not Sarah, correct?
  
  Page 42 – why has Jake not turned into a vampire yet? We need some explanation of approximately how long the process takes.
  
  Page 82 – didn’t this place already get blown up in the flashback? Why doesn’t Cayatte choose a different place? Not as easy to find, perhaps?
  
  Page 85 – how did Lauren get into this room? Wasn’t it locked? Maybe show a short scene with Lauren finding a shaft or passageway or something to show how she snuck in. Right now it’s a little too convenient.
  
  Page 96 – three minutes to what? Does he mean three minutes to get out before it blows? Or wait up three minutes to give him time to light the fuse? Probably the former, but doesn’t hurt to a word for clarity’s sake.
  
  Page 96 – Leaving Cayatte unguarded while he lights the NED is a little careless, given his history and skill with vampires.
  
  Page 101 – It seems that Cayatte has fallen several hundred meters down into the pit. Will the NED blast be effective now that he is so far away? (never mind he came back)
  
  Page 103 – why do her spidey senses not work after Cayatte comes back to stop Kelley the second time?
  
  Page 103 – I don’t understand what’s happening here – is Jake a vampire or isn’t he? Is he trying to stop or help Kelley (and shouldn’t Kelley be dead by now?)
  
  Page 104 – Will struggles hard to do what? Description needs more clarity here.
  
  Page 104 – nice tense moment when it looks like the fuse isn’t going to work, but it does.
  
  Page 105 – don’t need an entire page to describe the explosion. We get the idea.
  
  Page 112 and 113 – Great ending with the heartbeats. Fits with the opening as well.
  
  Minor formatting suggestions:
  
  -You’ve made a choice to include camera directions. I personally don’t feel that it takes away from your script, but I’m sure you are aware of the convention to avoid these.
  
  -Don’t need to start a new capitalized paragraph every time you cut to a new character. You can probably cut a few pages off the total by avoiding this.
  
  -Character names above the dialogue shouldn’t be centered. They should be left margin justified, but just farther to the center (consult with variance guidance on formatting)
  
  Again, this is definitely a very strong script. Given the volume of vampire scripts out there, you’ve pulled off a difficult task, so great work! Good luck and keep writing! read
• 
  Nice and Gritty
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by JWJames on 12/23/2007
  This screenplay, I must admit was definitely a good read for me. I liked the concept alot, Vampires and the Old West, and had even begun something like this a while back ( was supposed to be a comic with a friend but died off). The story evolved in a way that just seemed natural, following a nice line and never really getting murky. I expecially liked the way the author... This screenplay, I must admit was definitely a good read for me. I liked the concept alot, Vampires and the Old West, and had even begun something like this a while back ( was supposed to be a comic with a friend but died off). The story evolved in a way that just seemed natural, following a nice line and never really getting murky. I expecially liked the way the author took you back into the past and gave a little backstory... nice touch. I managed to catch a few typos here and there but that was kept to a minimum. The characters were decent but could use a little more realism... some moments just didn't work for me. The dialogue was also pretty tight but again, there's always a little room for improvement. With all of this said, I like the fact that there wasn't a happy ending here. It kept a good line in the perspective of the lonliness of immortality. Kudos for that. Overall, this is an excellent draft. I would pay to watch this film if it were made. read
• 
  Cowboys vs. Vampires!
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by jehall on 12/23/2007
  The concept of vampires in a western almost makes me drool with anticipation. I love the two genres and for them to be combined is something I don’t think I’ve ever seen, and I was right along with you for most of the way. The problem is once we get to the mythology part where Lauren and Wil learn Cayatte’s backstory – which goes on far too long – the story kind of comes to... The concept of vampires in a western almost makes me drool with anticipation. I love the two genres and for them to be combined is something I don’t think I’ve ever seen, and I was right along with you for most of the way. The problem is once we get to the mythology part where Lauren and Wil learn Cayatte’s backstory – which goes on far too long – the story kind of comes to a halt. I love the set up of the characters meeting and the first encounter in the saloon, but that fun vanishes later on; this was supposed to be a vampire western, yet it seems half of the story takes place in a mine. Why not use the Western setting more. I liked how you included Apache’s but I think you need to go farther than that. Everyone’s in the mine for more than 30 pages. I think this story would work best as focussing on the cowboy against the vampire. You can include some mythology I guess, but try not to have it take center stage as it does in the second half.
  
  I’ll assume you knew it was written like a shooting script so I won’t fault you there, but I think you put a character in caps lock too many times in action slugs. Ie:
  LAUREN
  pushes her way through the throng and up to the wounded man.
  
  I liked the characters, and rooted for Wil. I didn’t buy the love story though. The narration of Lauren is written like she experience a great love, and I didn’t see that. She lusted after Wil after just meeting him. It seems like you’re trying to make this epic when I think that it would work best as some campy fun. The dialogue was good for the most part, although, I felt Kelly’s tone switched a lot. Sometimes he was saying lines that were fitting with the epic theme, and at other times he seemed like he was saying lines that would work in the campy fun film. Every other character was fine for me, I just couldn’t pinpoint Kelly’s personality given the switching tone in dialogue.
  
  Like I said, the first half is great; the first confrontation comes right at the perfect point where we know enough about the characters to care. However, I do feel the mine showdown is a bit messy with too much happening, and no explanation for it (How does Lauren appear in the cell without no one seeing?).
  
  The first half is great, and is campy fun. I would recommend trying to think of another set piece, and reduce the time in the mine. Reduce the mythology focus and really make this a cowboy vs. vampire story that the first half promised. Best of luck. read
• 
  Great Fun.
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by mfinucane on 08/12/2003
  A very enjoyable read. A Western Vampire Story might seem an unusual genre mix, but the Tarantino/Rogriguez FROM DUSK TILL DAWN was very similar in style & tongue in cheek mood, and that was a fun movie. Maybe too similar in places i.e. the opening battle in the saloon with Vampires slaughtering humans might be too similar to the bar sequence in DUSK. Blood & Dust is also very... A very enjoyable read. A Western Vampire Story might seem an unusual genre mix, but the Tarantino/Rogriguez FROM DUSK TILL DAWN was very similar in style & tongue in cheek mood, and that was a fun movie. Maybe too similar in places i.e. the opening battle in the saloon with Vampires slaughtering humans might be too similar to the bar sequence in DUSK. Blood & Dust is also very well written, with good characterization & dialogue, and gives a very strong visualization of the story. Lauren's voice over intro works very well in a 'Cate Blanchett/Lord of the Rings' kind of way. The mine sequence is a well constructed finale with plenty of explosion & fight sequences to satisy the action quota, whilst the Will/Lauren tale - an old Will returning the button to Lauren is a touching finish - will keep the ladies happy. Cayette is the star of the show. With the right casting, he'll steal this movie. read
• 
  Two Fangs Up
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by tjcobb on 06/08/2003
  Blood and Dust works on many levels. Though there is the usual blood-fest that a vampire movie seems to require, the characters in this script - nicely defined and realized - elevate this story high above the norm. The writer was going for something more here: heart and soul. Cayatte, Wil, Lauren, Jake, Calico, and Kelley all came alive for me. These are the kinds of characters... Blood and Dust works on many levels. Though there is the usual blood-fest that a vampire movie seems to require, the characters in this script - nicely defined and realized - elevate this story high above the norm. The writer was going for something more here: heart and soul. Cayatte, Wil, Lauren, Jake, Calico, and Kelley all came alive for me. These are the kinds of characters that I would imagine any actor would like to...ummm...sink their teeth into. The script has a nice blend of action and comic relief, especially during the mine sequences. Little things I had slight problems with: I felt Lauren's voice-overs in the beginning tended to ramble on a bit too long. I wanted to jump into the meat of the story and felt interrupted. Also, though I liked the blend of voice-overs with Kelley and Goyathlay telling Cayette's backstory, I felt the flashbacks stopped the flow of the story. Don't get me wrong, I felt the flashbacks needed to be there. They just seemed to go on way too long. Oh, and I hate the title. Too cheesy for this story. Of course, the above mentioned is just my opinion. Blood and Dust is a fun, nicely written screenplay. I would go see this movie. read
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  How the West was bled....
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by jreiter9 on 06/04/2003
  Every time I thought I had a handle on this screenplay, it threw me for a loop. Excellent work all around, and that's saying something when you consider how many times the "vampire finds a girl who looks just like his long-lost love and steals her away to turn her" plot has been used in horror films. Structurally, it flows very nicely. The opening ten pages set things up perfectly,... Every time I thought I had a handle on this screenplay, it threw me for a loop. Excellent work all around, and that's saying something when you consider how many times the "vampire finds a girl who looks just like his long-lost love and steals her away to turn her" plot has been used in horror films. Structurally, it flows very nicely. The opening ten pages set things up perfectly, including Lauren's voice over intro to life in 1884. We never really get the sense that Wil Tucker is much of a fleshed out character, but it's more Lauren's story than his, so it's a minor issue. There are some parts where the dialogue doesn't seem to fit the period, but that's also a minor issue. The only real problem I had overall was Kelley's fight with Cayette at the end, where his metal arm seemed to have more tricks than Batman's utility belt. That seemed like a bad touch leftover from Wild Wild West, and I think it hamstrung things a bit. Otherwise, an excellent piece with minor problems. read
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  Lonesome Bat
  A review of Blood & Dust
  by JimDooley on 05/17/2003
  A beautifully crafted script. I'll admit that the opening scene gave me pause as I prepared to read yet...another...vampire story. And then Lauren started her delightful voiceover with a montage of scenes acquainting me with the setting of the story. This was followed by very memorable, exciting scenes: The vampire attack on the saloon and town, the arroyo flood, and all... A beautifully crafted script. I'll admit that the opening scene gave me pause as I prepared to read yet...another...vampire story. And then Lauren started her delightful voiceover with a montage of scenes acquainting me with the setting of the story. This was followed by very memorable, exciting scenes: The vampire attack on the saloon and town, the arroyo flood, and all of the mine sequences. I liked the technique of using two POVs to tell Cayatte's backstory, and his exit reminded me of the BLADERUNNER climax. It was amazing how well these two genres fit together. Characters were also memorable, and had something of a LONESOME DOVE feel to them. The dialogue fit the characters. This was a most enjoyable read. read