Reviews of Clockworks 14

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  Time Traveling
  A review of Clockworks
  by Robin Nations on 08/26/2003
  I really enjoyed your writing. You are a great story teller. I loved the first story, probably too much. I was very disappointed with it ending so quickly. The second story was good, but lasted a little too long. The third story did not interest me at first, but then Sal grew on me, but then I lost interest again towards the end. I think you should turn the Freudian... I really enjoyed your writing. You are a great story teller. I loved the first story, probably too much. I was very disappointed with it ending so quickly. The second story was good, but lasted a little too long. The third story did not interest me at first, but then Sal grew on me, but then I lost interest again towards the end. I think you should turn the Freudian story into a full length feature. At least make it longer than the other two which both need to be shortened. I liked how the watch connected them, but I was hoping it would have some impact on them. It's just a watch, stolen three times, twice from a dead soldier which needs to be changed. Why repeat yourself when you can give Sal a more interesting way to come across the watch? Well crafted storytelling with few errors. Good effort. read
• 
  Interesting Read
  A review of Clockworks
  by Lillian Francken on 08/12/2003
  I found the first story about the watch the most interesting. Elsa came alive for me right from the start. The dialogue kept the story moving forward. The second story there wasn't much dialogue, it was mostly visual. I didn't enjoy it as much. It was interesting how you tied all three stories to the time piece. I might add it was a good twist that Adolph Hitler was Warner's... I found the first story about the watch the most interesting. Elsa came alive for me right from the start. The dialogue kept the story moving forward. The second story there wasn't much dialogue, it was mostly visual. I didn't enjoy it as much. It was interesting how you tied all three stories to the time piece. I might add it was a good twist that Adolph Hitler was Warner's father. read
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  Dash-Dit-Dash goes the timepiece
  A review of Clockworks
  by Ambrose5 on 08/11/2003
  CLOCKWORKS made me antsy at first, but that settled out as S. Freud was accepting his first payment from Elsa. This could be humorous, I said to myself. There were well placed moments of lightness threaded here and there, though these shorts felt like Twilight Zone vignettes. For all its description, the middle story held attention very well. Sal’s story twisted smoothly... CLOCKWORKS made me antsy at first, but that settled out as S. Freud was accepting his first payment from Elsa. This could be humorous, I said to myself. There were well placed moments of lightness threaded here and there, though these shorts felt like Twilight Zone vignettes. For all its description, the middle story held attention very well. Sal’s story twisted smoothly trough the dreams, but it took the upturn end and thrust the tale out of the tonal contexts of the first two. read
• 
  Nicely done.
  A review of Clockworks
  by FloydTheSecond on 07/22/2003
  I really must say that this is best script I've seen on this site. It reads very easily and feels quite professional (though an occasional typeo can still be found). The characters, for the most part, are rich, deep, and have great texture to them. However, I felt that the characters some times acted bizzarely, that is they sometimes acted in ways that seemed out of character--against... I really must say that this is best script I've seen on this site. It reads very easily and feels quite professional (though an occasional typeo can still be found). The characters, for the most part, are rich, deep, and have great texture to them. However, I felt that the characters some times acted bizzarely, that is they sometimes acted in ways that seemed out of character--against their internal motivations. It seemed that in those instances you needed the characters to do something for the sake of the story line, and not for their own sakes. The dialogue was also good, though at some spots it got a little expository and OTN (especially when Sal was talking with Darryl about missing his wife). The story, while well thought out, does tend to move very slowly in parts. Much of the time, I felt it difficult to retain all of my attention to it. I guess it's because this is really a story about a pocket watch, and a pocket watch just isn't very exciting. While it works visually and thematically, it just doesn't move me. read
• 
  DOESN'T KEEP TIME!
  A review of Clockworks
  by CAPS LOCK on 06/09/2003
  It begins in whimsical 20th-century Germany, in the office of Sigmund Freud. There, a hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold seeks answers to why her 5-year old, Warner, is mute. What starts off as a cute little story, turns into a dark, and sick trilogy. Misogynistic, racist, violent, meandering and pointless, CLOCKWORKS is a tedious exercise that never pays off. The pocket watch... It begins in whimsical 20th-century Germany, in the office of Sigmund Freud. There, a hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold seeks answers to why her 5-year old, Warner, is mute. What starts off as a cute little story, turns into a dark, and sick trilogy. Misogynistic, racist, violent, meandering and pointless, CLOCKWORKS is a tedious exercise that never pays off. The pocket watch is used to NO EFFECT, other than passing from one owner's hand to another. The characters are unlikeable. Story loses impetus when Warner is abruptly killed after page 40. During act 2, the writer is "playing war" with Army soldiers. The 3rd is a tired story of a WW2 vet trying to sell his war-inspired art some decades later. The narrative soup is bland and over-cooked, massively peppered with cliched flashbacks. The dialogue is, at times, offensive. Child abuse and violence against women are treated as normal activities. That the child is "self abusing", is just an excuse for exploitatious violence. Too many contrivances and conviences litter the story landscape -- Warner visits Freud AND turns out to be the spawn of Hitler; but none of this gets utilized later. The writer is able-minded, but he needs to direct his attention to plot and character. read
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  Clockworks Works
  A review of Clockworks
  by jbwaz3 on 05/27/2003
  One of the best on TriggerStreet. Good subtext with the mute theme: Warner chooses to not speak, the Sniper is unable to communicate because of the language barrier, Sal can no longer communicate through his writing and painting because of his disease. That said, what I had minor problems with: why Freud and Hitler? Didn't see their connection anywhere else, so not sure... One of the best on TriggerStreet. Good subtext with the mute theme: Warner chooses to not speak, the Sniper is unable to communicate because of the language barrier, Sal can no longer communicate through his writing and painting because of his disease. That said, what I had minor problems with: why Freud and Hitler? Didn't see their connection anywhere else, so not sure why you used them. At such a young age, Warner abusing himself the way he did seemed contrived. And I know he's a child, but I kind of thought less of him when I learned Hitler was his father. On pages 41-42, there were quite a few instances of Warner's name not being capitalized. The first story takes place in the early 1900s, but they talk like it's the modern day. Once it's revealed that the Sniper's name is Chris, shouldn't it be used as his ID? Sal's outburst toward David seemed kind of unwarrented and mean-spirited. It makes him less sympathetic. Sal coming out and saying, "I have been rendered mute," seems to force the theme down our throats. And the actual watch doesn't play much of a part, other than tying the three stories together. They are all wonderful shorts, but they don't really relate to one another. I'd like to see more of a connection. read
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  Generally well done anthology
  A review of Clockworks
  by morgands1 on 05/27/2003
  I appreciate very much what you did here, creating three stories that did not wear out their welcomes. The first two fit well together if only through the hindsight of a character we had gotten to know suddenly ripped away from us, leaving a vacancy to be filled by other characters. The first story was very good, nice to see Freud in a less than stereotypical setting, and the... I appreciate very much what you did here, creating three stories that did not wear out their welcomes. The first two fit well together if only through the hindsight of a character we had gotten to know suddenly ripped away from us, leaving a vacancy to be filled by other characters. The first story was very good, nice to see Freud in a less than stereotypical setting, and the relationship between Elsa and Warner is well drawn. Your handling of suspense is moody and well played (though the shocking signature isn't really necessary - only adds that Rod Serling twist that makes Gustl's anger somehow understandable. Suspense is best in second (best) story with the Sniper and German soldier. Alas, the pocket watch conceit throughout is fine but ultimately not all that important except as an excuse to turn three short stories into a feature film. Perhaps the notion of time could be played with more in the third story, which - while fine - reminded me of Serling's Night Gallery. Perhaps make more connection between Sal's painting and Gustl's - (un)conscious expression of love vs conscious expression of envy. Good luck. read
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  A decent read.
  A review of Clockworks
  by calibansfury on 05/19/2003
  Very reminiscent of the Red Violin, though not quite as compelling. The pacing was handled moderately well, but it was a little sluggish out of the gate. Other than throwing historical figures in for fun, I'm not quite sure what the point of that was, perhaps I missed it. I did find it hard to believe that Warner was a devious self-abuser. While it wouldn't be unusual to... Very reminiscent of the Red Violin, though not quite as compelling. The pacing was handled moderately well, but it was a little sluggish out of the gate. Other than throwing historical figures in for fun, I'm not quite sure what the point of that was, perhaps I missed it. I did find it hard to believe that Warner was a devious self-abuser. While it wouldn't be unusual to see that from an abused child, Elsa was portrayed as a loving mother. I was also bothered by the scene in which Elsa is suggestively affectionate to the doctor that has made a housecall to see her freshly beaten child. It makes her seem like a careless, heartless nymphomaniac rather than a compassionate mother who is doing "what she must". Karl was the most alive character for me, pity we didn't see more of him. I found it dissatisfying that we invested as much time in the story of the sniper and Volker only to have the sniper killed. I also found the scene with the sniper trying to begin a conversation with Warner after he's shot him a bit awkward. What does he care that he's mute? He just shot the man through the chest. Overall, entertaining, though there were some forced and dissatisfying areas that, if changed, could help this script greatly. read
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  Three Tales of Increasing Potency....
  A review of Clockworks
  by hipsterburns on 04/26/2003
  This trio of vignettes bound by an inanimate object common to all three started interestingly enough, then really caught my attention by the time the third story hit its stride. The first tale was good, but the "surprise" ending was actually not a surprise. Elsa is a strong character, and she is very well written (as is Gustl) so the story holds its own without this revelation... This trio of vignettes bound by an inanimate object common to all three started interestingly enough, then really caught my attention by the time the third story hit its stride. The first tale was good, but the "surprise" ending was actually not a surprise. Elsa is a strong character, and she is very well written (as is Gustl) so the story holds its own without this revelation. The second story was truly engaging and could pack some serious cinematic punch. One critique: Telling us Volker is a simpleton at the outset is unnecessary, as we will come to realize this on our own and the discovery could be enjoyable and heartbreaking. The third tale, however, is what sets this SP apart. Bringing the audience from the past to the present is a wonderful device, and the surprise in this story actually works. Sal is a proud, beautiful character and the resolution of his inner conflicts is handled quietly, simply, and thus is that much more powerful. This is a potent piece of work. Bravo. read
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  /a Little More Psychoanalysis
  A review of Clockworks
  by Eden on 03/24/2003
  Clocks is a trillogy about a stop watch that supposeingly belonged to the Austrian Psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud. Although interesting, I would have enjoyed it more if the author had actually given the stop watch a more humanized characteristic and giving the underlying storyline a more concrete and mysterious portrayal of his characters. Meaning that the stopwatch would be... Clocks is a trillogy about a stop watch that supposeingly belonged to the Austrian Psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud. Although interesting, I would have enjoyed it more if the author had actually given the stop watch a more humanized characteristic and giving the underlying storyline a more concrete and mysterious portrayal of his characters. Meaning that the stopwatch would be the somewhat unconscious force controlling the impulses, anxieties and internal conflicts of his characters. I feel this concept would have had added a more in-depth mystery and suspense to his characters and his storyline. read