Reviews of Close Your Eyes And Floor It 20

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  Rock on
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by RGRouge on 07/02/2010
  This is a tricky script to review. I really responded to the concept of a devoted fan having a relationship with his burned-out rocker hero. There was some poignancy to that – bringing up themes and ideas about the fleeting nature of fame and the line that divides the idols and the idolized. I think you’ve also got a real talent for capturing the spirit of this subculture,... This is a tricky script to review. I really responded to the concept of a devoted fan having a relationship with his burned-out rocker hero. There was some poignancy to that – bringing up themes and ideas about the fleeting nature of fame and the line that divides the idols and the idolized. I think you’ve also got a real talent for capturing the spirit of this subculture, everything feels authentic and genuine. My guess is that you’ve spent a lot of time in locations like the ones Jimmy occupies throughout the script and lived a lot of the life you're describing here. Even if you haven’t, it’s very fine work.
  
  However, I think there are some pretty big issues you should consider as you evaluate it. Jimmy is a well drawn character, but he feels aimless and without direction. By that I mean he has no specific goal he’s trying to achieve. I think you’ll argue that he’s portrayed as a drunken mess who doesn’t want to become like his father and his goal is to get his life together. That’s true - but that’s not so specific. To me, he needs to be able to get his life together for a reason – so he can write a great song, write the great American novel, buy a house for his mother – something we can wrap our hands around – to draw the audience in. Otherwise we’re just watching a movie about someone irresponsible who is trying to become responsible.
  
  To me that’s not an interesting enough story – the reason to keep turning pages is only to see if someone can straighten himself out? A good measure of how compelling that story is might be to ask yourself what if Jimmy fails. He doesn’t really risk anything for pretty much the first 70 pages. If he fails he remains the drunk in his mother’s basement. What’s the big deal?
  
  It’s not until he tries to meet his daughter that he put something at risk – his mother will withdraw her support if he screws this up. That’s good. The only lifeline he’s got left will be cut off. He won't be able to recover a relationship with his child. Also very good. That was the best part of the Aiko subplot, it finally added some stakes to the story.
  
  However, the Aiko subplot comes late and doesn’t feel so connected to what we’ve seen before. In fact, I think if you cut the first 70 pages or so and simply presented the Aiko subplot as a short, it could still pretty much stands on its own. It doesn’t really grow out of conflicts and narrative that we’ve been involved with for the first hour plus of the movie. I have to admit I was moved by the Aiko subplot, but I think you’ve got to find a way to connect it to the rest of the script. Right now this feels a little bit like two different stories about the same character: One is the Jimmy and Bob story and one is the Jimmy and Aiko story, but I don’t really need one to understand the other.
  
  That’s about it. Plenty to like about this. Good luck with it. read
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  homage to a star
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by Shirley Day on 07/01/2010
  This is a difficult one to review. Your ability to describe a period of time and youth culture is great. I loved the bit about ironing letters on T shirts, remembering the smells and how the letters cracked. And yes, I can remember the smell and the crack of the letters. Most of the script writing advice I have heard before suggests that its a good start to draw on personal... This is a difficult one to review. Your ability to describe a period of time and youth culture is great. I loved the bit about ironing letters on T shirts, remembering the smells and how the letters cracked. And yes, I can remember the smell and the crack of the letters. Most of the script writing advice I have heard before suggests that its a good start to draw on personal experience. For me, and of course this is just one view, I wonder if this script is doing a little too much of that. You write dialogue really well, and capture relationships and a period of time, but I am not sure that there is enough story here. I don't mean this as an insult at all, because there is of course a story to tell, but the structure is not played out to maximum potential. I think you meant this to be a homage to Bob, which is great, but looking at it from a audiences point of view - writing biographical material can be limiting in some ways, because it doesn't give you the ability to manipulate the material. Perhaps this particular subject would be better done as a documentary, using some re-enactments of actual events and original music? Having said this I did like your writing, and would be interested to contrast this piece with something which was completely fictional. I hadn't heard of The replacements before tonight, and have now downloaded a few songs, and yes they are good.
  
  Good luck with your writing. read
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  Close Your Eyes And Floor It review
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by videogeek on 06/29/2010
  Very interesting and easy read. I did live in Minneapolis for awhile in the early to mid 90s so a lot of the places and locations were familiar ones. But I don't know a whole lot about the Replacements. So one suggestion I have for the script is to maybe give us a little more background about them. There is some in there but I had a bit of a hard time keeping the band members... Very interesting and easy read. I did live in Minneapolis for awhile in the early to mid 90s so a lot of the places and locations were familiar ones. But I don't know a whole lot about the Replacements. So one suggestion I have for the script is to maybe give us a little more background about them. There is some in there but I had a bit of a hard time keeping the band members straight in my head. Except for Bob, of course. And maybe at the end, Jimmy should tell the audience whatever happened to the band. If this were ever to become a movie, most of the audience wouldn't know much about the Replacements.
  
  As for Jimmy, was he ever friends with any of the other band members besides Bob? Because Bob didn't really even know him til close to the end of his life. Or was Jimmy mainly just a fan of the Replacements?
  
  Another thing about Jimmy was, Bob seemed to be one of his best friends, but Bob sometimes didn't even remember him. Seems kinda pathetic for Jimmy, but maybe that's the point.
  
  P 16, what kind of place is the KEEP FRETTIN'? A store that sells musical instruments? Was kinda vague.
  
  Why was everyone always joking about it being a Tuesday? Some kind of inside joke?
  
  Was "Tim" a Replacements album? More background on that would probably do some good, since it was mentioned several times.
  
  P 61, top of page, is Jimmy just now getting home in the morning?
  
  P 67, thought liquor stores in MN closed early evenings around 8PM? Is this before that time of day?
  
  So Bob didn't die of an OD, right? He just died?
  
  Yumi's father- why is he so powerful? He could get Jimmy kicked out of Japan? I would have liked to know why and how.
  
  P 88, is Jimmy on a train here? And what is LEO LANGUAGE mean?
  
  P 91, thought Jimmy had his hair cut off earlier? And is Yaso a man or Woman? Wondering since they do a macho hug.
  
  The end- Does Jimmy move into Yumi's house? If so, how'd that work out?
  
  Overall, I liked it very much, hope this does get made into a movie. But you say you're not too concerned about that so we'll see I guess. Hope my comments help and good luck with it! read
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  Review: Close Your Eyes...
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by **DELETED ACCOUNT** on 06/27/2010
  This gritty tale of a rock musician's sordid, sad life reminds me of "Tender Mercies" and "Basquiat." My first impression is this would get an R rating and play in art houses, if it got made at all. Page 1 when he declines an offer of beer from the Japanese hostess on the train, it is apparent this is a story about an alcoholic/addict who works to remain sober. The jumps in... This gritty tale of a rock musician's sordid, sad life reminds me of "Tender Mercies" and "Basquiat." My first impression is this would get an R rating and play in art houses, if it got made at all.
  
  Page 1 when he declines an offer of beer from the Japanese hostess on the train, it is apparent this is a story about an alcoholic/addict who works to remain sober. The jumps in time, backwards and forwards, get confusing. Maybe this fits with an alcoholic life, broken memories between blackouts.
  
  The visual and tactile connections of the guitars, and "bam bam bam" hold the screenplay's often discordant scenes together well enough. The characters are well-written as this picaresque story bounces like a steel ball in an old pinball machine, side-to-side, backwards, and forwards.
  
  The structure holds. P. 4 states "started the 'Mats, that's what I'm here to say." P.16 teen angst in a dysfunctional home of origin is palpable as Jimmy plays air guitar with a baseball bat. P. 43 the letter not sent, doesn't quite work to introduce (nearly half way through the story) his relationship to a daughter. IMHO the daughter should be in the screenplay much earlier than P. 71. At about page 43 we get the idea that he taught English in Japan, and p. 45 "I was a poser rock star in Japan." P. 69 Bob is dead--worn out, a syringe beside him misleads to think overdose, but his girlfriend is a diabetic. He drank himself to death, really. Grim as "Leaving Las Vegas." The mom's tape recorder also ties the story together. P. 79 Jimmy gets sober, throws out albums. P. 81 he sets out, at last, to find his daughter.
  
  One suggestion to improve the screenplay. Give him the goal of finding his daughter at the first. Cut some of the repititous club scenes in the first half, and make him attached to Japan, rather than strangely longing to return at the end of the story.
  
  I like the ending, the bench, and the epitaph.
  
  Best of luck with your writing! read
• 
  ease up
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by Jeremy on 06/27/2010
  This was a really quick read. You have a strong writing style, a talent for characters and natural dialogue. These people all felt real and the world credible. I have no idea of 'The Mats were a real band, but they sure felt like they were based on how you write about them - if you created them and the world around them, even more kudos to you on that front. It's hard for... This was a really quick read. You have a strong writing style, a talent for characters and natural dialogue. These people all felt real and the world credible. I have no idea of 'The Mats were a real band, but they sure felt like they were based on how you write about them - if you created them and the world around them, even more kudos to you on that front.
  
  It's hard for me to gives notes on a script like this because I get the sense that you're not really interested in writing a film with a traditional structure. If I'm wrong, then consider the following:
  I had a really hard time figuring out just what the hell Jimmy wanted, or was all about. What he needed, what he was after. Like I said above, your characters are well drawn, but Jimmy just floats around. He's kind of a passive protagonist. What the story seems to be about, in the end, is him getting his shit together - but the whole thing with Aiko feels like a tagged on after-thought. This film has an interesting narrative thread in that it's a film about Jimmy's life, as he tries to tell a story about the bands life. I'm not sure that it's working for you. In fact I think that's the biggest problem with this script aside from what I mentioned about about the lack of "goal" for Jimmy. I mean, I think studying a structure closer to Forrest Gump would serve you well. Also I kind of wanted characters like Madeline to mean more in the end - especially when she comes back. It doesn't really bring closure to her story at all.
  
  So you've got writing chops - you know how to create interesting characters - now comes the really hard part and you've got to craft a story worthy of them. Right now the story is kind of 'meh' in comparison to everything else. I think you need to take Jimmy and ask the following questions and make the next draft about answering the questions:
  What does Jimmy want?
  Why does he want it?
  What does Jimmy need?
  Why does he need it?
  How does he go about getting those things?
  What stands in his way?
  What does he expect to happen to himself?
  
  PAGE NOTES
  
  Feels like the margins on the bottom of the page are really off.
  
  10 - So… I mean, I'm enjoying it so far - the writing is extremely readable and flows, but I'm not really getting a strong sense of what this story is about. Jimmy is in love with this band, and unhappy with his own life - but so what. What does he want? What does he need? And why do I care?
  
  11 - "different cliques" - be specific - what are they?
  
  So finally we latch onto a continuous storyline when he's a teenager - I'm not sure why you can't just tell the story from this age? What are you trying to achieve with the opening that's a little all over the place?
  
  45 - should be "They take turns banging him."
  
  So his mother tells him to get his act in gear. and just like that - he does?
  
  82 - On the next page you show us that, it appears, that Jimmy stuck around for at least the first two years of Aiko's life - so I have a hard time believing that he didn't talk to his mother in that entire time and that she didn't know about the baby.
  
  CLOSING THOUGHTS
  
  You're onto something but I think you've got a ways to go before you've landed on a story that's in league with the kind that I think you want to tell. What are your reference stories/movies that you're hoping it's in the same league with?
  Your title - I saw it appear a number of times, but I'm not quite sure I get it. It's interesting, but it's also a bit vague. Consider changing it.
  Best of luck with the rewrite! Feel free to throw any questions my way. read
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  I saw them once in Ft. Collins I believe. But I was really drunk and it could a been somebody else.
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by bthielke on 06/21/2010
  Chris, I enjoy your writing. This story was good and I especially liked the up beat ending. Stories that are down most of the way need something to make you feel the hopfulness of humanity. Here's my one major issue with the story--It's really two stories to me--Jimmy's relationship with Bob and Jimmy's time in Japan. I really need to see some kind of emotional linkage to... Chris, I enjoy your writing. This story was good and I especially liked the up beat ending. Stories that are down most of the way need something to make you feel the hopfulness of humanity. Here's my one major issue with the story--It's really two stories to me--Jimmy's relationship with Bob and Jimmy's time in Japan. I really need to see some kind of emotional linkage to the two series of events. Chronologically, he went to Japan after his stint with Maddie and before he sought Bob out right before his death. There was a lot of water under that bridge between those two events. But I need to see some truly emotional reason why he screwed up in Japan so badly. I kind of think it was because he wanted Bob's life. But I just didn't feel the connection. Did he have to drink and do drugs to be like Bob, or did he just have to play like him and fight authority like him? Explore this much more, it'll explain alot as to why his linkage to bob tied into his experiences and failures in Japan.
  
  Another thing, I'd like a little foreshadowing as to Maddie's cheating. If they had an apartment together, I'd assume they'd be pretty close. Was Maddie's deal to get as close to the Replacements as she could? To eventually get to the point where she was doing Paul? Is that why she slept with the skinny guy? Also her later appearance as the real estate agent seemed random to me. Is there some other way to make it happen. She shows up on his doorstep and expects him to be nice about stuff, especially with all that unfinished business. I'd rather that the encounter was totally by chance OR the dynamics of that meeting were handled differently such that Maddie's motivations were consistent with her effort to even reach out to him in the first place.
  
  A lot to like with this, and I don't have a lot of criticism. In fact one thing I wanted to really commend you on. You're clearly a Mats fan and a Stinson fan, yet you didn't write him as a saint. You wrote him with a truth that gives this script a reality and honesty that I appreciate. Good work as always..Bob (not Stinson)
  pg 14- Assuming this is Jimmy's story, I'm liking the pace.
  
  pg 23- I like this shroom scene a lot. reminds me of my past experiences.
  
  pg 26- if this ain't Melvin's kind of scene,why's he at the club?
  
  pg 29- Got to ask you, how does his father dying push the story forward? does it give him the freedom to commit himself to being a replacements fan? Wouldn't the tension between his wishes and his father's wishes create more tension and conflict?
  
  pg 42- didn't understand the significance of the letter to Japan. read
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  CLOSE YOUR EYES AND FLOOR IT
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by CrabbyLady on 06/21/2010
  Loved the title right off - it grabbed my attention and I was eager to read the script. The story is one of thousands that could be told of individuals striving for success and perfection in something they love. However, I found myself put off by the characters. I found them to be not only very sad, but annoying and cliched. I may not be the best individual to review this... Loved the title right off - it grabbed my attention and I was eager to read the script.
  
  The story is one of thousands that could be told of individuals striving for success and perfection in something they love. However, I found myself put off by the characters. I found them to be not only very sad, but annoying and cliched.
  
  I may not be the best individual to review this owrk, as I will admit to knowing virtually nothing about music except that I love listening to it and where it can take me. I don't know that the music or the members of this band would interest me at all.
  
  The flow of the story ran smoothly and I didn't mind the flashbacks or jumping ahead/around in time. They were nicely done and easy to follow. It was also interesting to "see" where they started, and where they ended up.
  
  Bob was a very sad and pathetic character and I found I really didn't have much sympathy for him. Jimmy was a complete mess, and I didn't find myself rooting for him at all either.
  
  Jimmy's clarity in becoming sober didn't ring true with me. I know that for time's sake the rehab might have to take a backseat, so to speak, but it just seemed too easy and done. I do admit that although I liked that he reunited with his child, that also seemed to easy. Yumi bounced around too much in her emotions, and I really don't know that a second husband would have put up with her craziness.
  
  I found that perhaps this whole concept would work better as a book, so that the writer could tell the tale he wanted, without the constraints that a screenplay has. It would then have more detail (both with the band and characters and situations) and also what these individuals and their situations meant to the writer. read
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  V good
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by Escade on 06/21/2010
  Great script. Nice and clean and an easy-ish read. A lovely idea filled with warmth and humour I loved the characters and the story is right up my alley as I was in a UK punk Band years ago. The dialogue is spot on and you managed to work the different eras well in the beginning. This would be a great indie movie. I hope it get made as it’s a good story. The voice over at... Great script. Nice and clean and an easy-ish read. A lovely idea filled with warmth and humour I loved the characters and the story is right up my alley as I was in a UK punk Band years ago. The dialogue is spot on and you managed to work the different eras well in the beginning. This would be a great indie movie. I hope it get made as it’s a good story. The voice over at the start went on for a long time but I am not one of those VO freaks who say there should be none. All the very best with this great little script. read
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  A retrospective character study - would've wished to spend more time in the present
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by EnvyYou on 06/19/2010
  An unusual coming-of-age drama. It doesn't ‘t centre around a teenager slowly becoming an adult, it tells of a middle-aged drunken loser who still bases his life on his irresponsible teenager values – mainly sex (less now than then), drugs (cheap booze), and rock’n’roll (pure punk rock from the golden age). The screenplay is a jigsaw piecing together a psychogram from at least... An unusual coming-of-age drama. It doesn't ‘t centre around a teenager slowly becoming an adult, it tells of a middle-aged drunken loser who still bases his life on his irresponsible teenager values – mainly sex (less now than then), drugs (cheap booze), and rock’n’roll (pure punk rock from the golden age).
  The screenplay is a jigsaw piecing together a psychogram from at least seven different time periods in Jimmy’s life – a misfit punk fanboy from a dysfunctional family who turned into an irresponsible English teacher in Japan always looking for nookie, and ending up a drunk like his AWOL dad, with a daughter in Japan he hasn't seen in 10 years, and with a neverending admiration for an almost famous punk guitarist who is in a worse state than himself. The story spans from the late 70s to eventually 2005 (revealing the scripts age at the end), zig-zagging through the different phases of his youth, his reckless years, up to his sad time in presumably present day.
  
  On the plus side: the characters are well drawn, and likable despite their obvious shortcomings and flaws. The author doesn't hold back, yet shows love for all his creatures, and also punk music. The writing is reflective, imaginative, rich in observation, and full of life between sad and reminiscent – not an easy task when the script focuses on two losers who have not much left worth living for. There is a lot this story has to offer, which makes it even harder to find the right form in order to work as a film rather than a novel.
  
  The main problem lies in the approach to seemingly telling the story of the failed punk rock star Bob, seen through the eyes of the plays narrator, Jimmy. Although the scattered structure jumping through the times (in which it seems to be always a snowy winter, despite the passage of time within the periods) might reflect Jimmy’s state of mind, it makes it hard for the audience to be rooted in the present (or rather: 2002) – which only becomes centre stage on page 87 (only to be followed by more time jumps into the future later on).
  
  The author also pulls a trick in having Jimmy narrating his neverending project, the biography of Bob’s Band “The Replacements”, as if the film was going to be a biopic entangled with Jimmy’s growing-up-tale. It isn't, so the audience only gets glimpses, flashbacks of wild times that, pieced together, add up to the mess Jimmy and Bob are in the seeming present-day (1995). Presumably that is the main intention, to show that clinging on to your youthful ideals without making compromises leads to an anachronistic standstill in the personal development. The result, Jimmy’s life, is an effect of plausible and acutely told causes and actions. As a film, it lacks a main driving story the audience wants to follow. Presumably, that would be the Japan years that made a punk fanboy into a dysfunctional drunk and neglecting father without much life to lead. However, the audience only gets fed these forceful developments in tiny bits and pieces, and very late in the game – making it hard to emotionally follow the hero’s journey in the end.
  Maybe “Close Your Eyes And Floor It” should be rewritten as a Nick Hornby-esque novel. When it becomes a success, there will be demand of a screen adaptation anyway, which would mean a double payday for the author rather than presumably none, since in this form this sophisticated yet flawed screenplay is going to be a very tough sell.
  
  
  NOTES:
  
  The title embraces a rock’n’roll attitude. Fitting.
  
  P. 1
  Good, moody start.
  
  P. 2
  The name Paul Westerberg exists, he is an indie songwriter. Change advisable.
  
  P. 3
  Mrs Lundval is not (V.O.) but (O.S.). Is she written with one or two L? (there are three at one point…)
  
  P. 5
  Is this still the intro? It's beginning to feel too long.
  
  P. 15
  The song titles are all believable, the lyrics mostly so.
  
  P. 45
  A bit too much talk of other times than the present. Which time is the present anyway? Has the film really started yet?
  
  P. 59
  Is this when the real story starts? Bob and Jimmy forming a band? (as it turns out: no.)
  
  P. 63 A good example of a scene that has a good arch and a nice yet disturbing ending. There are quite a few of those!
  
  P. 87
  Oh, HERE’S what the film really is about. At last! Although I admire the approach, not to make a lame, linear pulling-his-act-together drama, this veers off too far towards another extreme.
  
  P. 98 - 100
  Surprising collection of disappointing overstating dialogue in this sequence. E.g. “Will Mama change?” “Yes. If we’re there for her.” Sub-par MOW chatter, misplaced in this screenplay. The author has proven by now he can do much better.
  
  P. 102
  A DREAM SEQUENCE? Really? Followed by yet another time jump – to a completely new present? Is this the attempt in a neatly tied bow wrapping a clean ending? read
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  Close Your Eyes And Floor It review
  A review of Close Your Eyes And Floor It
  by timstep on 06/16/2010
  Oh boy, reviewing this objectively is gonna be difficult as I am already predisposed to loving anything to do with The 'Mats. I'll do my best to put my reviewer mindset first and foremost. I'll start with the praise. Voice over - good job. Tough to do, you did it well. For the most part, it doesn't fall into the trap of describing what we're already seeing. There are one... Oh boy, reviewing this objectively is gonna be difficult as I am already predisposed to loving anything to do with The 'Mats. I'll do my best to put my reviewer mindset first and foremost.
  
  I'll start with the praise.
  
  Voice over - good job. Tough to do, you did it well. For the most part, it doesn't fall into the trap of describing what we're already seeing. There are one or two instances. I would go back and just read the voice over, and find the one or two spots where the VO describes the visual and cut those.
  
  Dialog - also well done. The characters have individual voices. It's hard to do, I struggle with it myself quite a bit.
  
  For being non-linear, it never got confusing - that is an accomplishment. In some many instances people try to get fancy with their structure, but this works well in both format and execution.
  
  Now the criticisms.
  
  Your first and second acts move along quick and smooth, I didn't want to put it down. However, the third act doesn't flow as well. Maybe it's the dramatic shift in locations, or maybe it's simply a matter of the pacing, it just felt disconnected from the first two acts. Maybe introducing it sooner would make the transition less jarring.
  
  Second thing - on page 77/78 Jimmy and his Mom have a conversation/argument, and this seems to be the catalyst for his change. If that's the case, the dialog needs to hit a little harder. It doesn't seem like anything different than what she would have said before, so why right now, this time, is he willing to change?
  
  Those are my thoughts, hope they help.
  
  And not to knitpick, but "TIM" is, start to finish, the best 'Mats album. read