Reviews of DEADSLINGER (revised) 30

• 
  Durn Tootin'
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by D J Sheridan on 10/31/2008
  Well when you said think Rio Bravo and Dawn of the Dead... you weren't kidding. This has Rio Bravo written all over it... especially the dynamite sticks, etc. HARDMANN is one hell of a character and ensures the story flows along with fluidic motion. THE COLONEL is a compelling antagonist and really makes the story have climax after climax. It's a shame that REMY, BISHOP and... Well when you said think Rio Bravo and Dawn of the Dead... you weren't kidding. This has Rio Bravo written all over it... especially the dynamite sticks, etc.
  
  HARDMANN is one hell of a character and ensures the story flows along with fluidic motion.
  THE COLONEL is a compelling antagonist and really makes the story have climax after climax.
  It's a shame that REMY, BISHOP and CLEM had to die... but someone has to in stories like this.
  
  Page 8 and 9 is a compelling scene description of the sun-haze silhouettes... well done! It's very vivid indeed.
  
  And the last explosive, gun-toting, zombie-slashing shootout is an amazing bit of writing. I especially like the bit about railroad spikes... makes for some good visual thought whilst reading it.
  
  FORMATTING:
  
  First thing I notice is no title page?
  
  Page 1 to 2 - No mention that Hardman took off his 'tin star' and held it, so why (on Page 2) would it fall out of his hand into the dirt?
  
  Page 2 - AKOKISA and KARANKAWA... their dialogue is in italics. I have always read that italics should not be used... You repeat this in other parts of the script. You have stated that it is (subtitled) so that should do.
  
  Page 5 to 6 - We start on an INT scene then 'OUTSIDE THE WINDOW' the scene is now an EXT. I'd feel it necessary to put this as another scene heading as an exterior...
  
  Page 24 to 25 - DUTCH's dialogue breaks over the page. I'm a fanatic for trying to end dialogue before you cross over to the next page. I feel it will let the script flow better with no interruptions.
  
  Page 40 to 41 - Starting on an INT then switch to outside the cell...without an EXT.
  Then start on an EXT of the jail then switch to the interior without the INT.
  
  Page 70 -
  REMY
  Didn't look like bullshit last night,
  he? - I take it you meant 'eh?'
  
  Page 77 - Hardman and Clem... Hardman only has one 'n' instead of two...
  
  Page 84 - THE COLONEL is the character, but then you have 'Hunter sniggers'...
  
  Well done on an exciting script story.
  
  Only one question remains.......
  
  
  ......Will Hardmann ride again? read
• 
  Dougslinger
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by postmortem on 09/08/2008
  First of all, let's get something straight. . . I am the real Doug Johnson. But I consider the presence of an impostor to be great flattery. Kinda like how you know you've made it in the music world when Weird Al parodies your song. Now. . . what about this script? What can I say, really? I can't imagine you have any intention of making further changes beyond tweaks on... First of all, let's get something straight. . . I am the real Doug Johnson. But I consider the presence of an impostor to be great flattery. Kinda like how you know you've made it in the music world when Weird Al parodies your song.
  
  Now. . . what about this script?
  
  What can I say, really? I can't imagine you have any intention of making further changes beyond tweaks on this. I didn't read the first draft you posted here, so I can't structure this review in the context of how well the changes in this draft work.
  
  So what can I add? I think the best thing is for me to make a few comments about readability. Sure, your style is entertaining -- hell, I see a a lot of similarities in our styles, which makes our shared name even stranger. But this script reads longer than its page count. It flowed well, but read long for me, and there are some obvious reasons why.
  
  First of all, it's very clear to me that you chiseled and chipped and sanded and buffed this script to make it fit into this 102 page package. I think you went too far. Why not just let it be longer without cheating those top margins? To be honest, that just pissed me off because I know it's been done intentionally to cut pages, rather than doing it the old fashioned way by trimming your story. I think you'd be better served to move the first act along quicker to cut those pages rather than resort to monkeying with margins.
  
  On that same note, your method of using character names in lieu of slugs (another trick to cut pages) works sometimes, but again, it makes the script feel longer to me by not breaking your pages up with proper slugs. The extensive use of this technique in the climax was just too much for me as a reader. I was confused about the who, what and where of the action a number of times. I know you want this to read like a bullet, and it should, but in my opinion you've reached a point of diminishing returns. Just let it be longer, or if you're that concerned about keeping your page count down, edit your story, not your text.
  
  Oh before I forget, that Remy/Bishop fight scene is ridiculous. And not in a cool way. It's just corny. Pull it back a few notches. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.
  
  Would this be a good movie? Sure. Plenty of action, some excellent moments of horror, dialogue is well-done. . . this would be entertaining. But I still have a gripe or two with it. In terms of the "western" aspect of the script, there isn't anything here we haven't seen before. Your wagon wheels are riding the same old ruts, and I do know it's intentional. You've pulled out every cliche in the book and worked them into this thing. It's familiar. So will that work for your horror fans? Probably. For western fans? Pretty doubtful. Does that matter? Probably not. My preference would have been a script that strove for something fresh in that western half of the script rather than rely on those old gags, but you've probably played this intelligently in terms of marketing this thing, and it will probably give your target audience exactly what it wants. Zombie fans especially. . . want the same old thing.
  
  So I'm not going to tell you it's a great story. If anything it's a mediocre story that's been very well-told. I do mean very well. You wrote the shit out of this, but like I said, I think you've hit a point of diminishing returns with your page squeezing. Put this one to bed and sell it.
  
  My apologies for not getting this review out sooner, but you've done a killer job. It's impressive writing. Looking forward to reading more of your work. . . impostor. read
• 
  If John Ford and George Romero had a baby...
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by Jared1 on 08/30/2008
  ...or perhaps, two babies, they would be named Quentin and Doug. This is my second pass at "Deadslinger" and I can see some definite improvement. The genre bending is awesome, paying homage to both the western and zombie genre, incorporating standard occurences from both, but with an original twist. You guys have a very original voice and style of writing. It's fast paced,... ...or perhaps, two babies, they would be named Quentin and Doug. This is my second pass at "Deadslinger" and I can see some definite improvement. The genre bending is awesome, paying homage to both the western and zombie genre, incorporating standard occurences from both, but with an original twist.
  
  You guys have a very original voice and style of writing. It's fast paced, in your face, and incredibly visual. There were many times where I thought the action description became a bit indulgent, riddled with unfilmable description, but this was forgiveable given that it was well-written and drew me further into the world of this story.
  
  Here are my notes from the read:
  
  Page 3: The white out feels out of place. It's a dramatic dissolve to a scene 3 months later, then the next scene is 10 years later. Is it necessary that it's 3 months later? Maybe it could only be a week, or even the next day?
  
  Page 4: "Ten years ago, he was cock-of-the-walk...but, that was ten years ago." I'm not sure how I feel about description like this. It's fun to read if you're just reading it, but it also gives away Logan's character in a way I'd like to see played out actively, without being given the information first.
  
  Still way too many capitalized words. It disrupts the flow of the read.
  
  You guys have a great gift for pacing and conveying visual action scenes. "THHHHHHHUNK!! From the smoke, a stone hatchet buries itself in Sideburns' chest" Great stuff.
  
  Page 23: You have Dutch's character heading with no dialogue.
  
  Page 24: You refer to Hardmann as "Matt" in the description at the bottom. Keep it at "Hardmann". It's confusing to switch how you reference characters.
  
  Page 33: "Legend the dead will..." Should this be "Legend SAYS the dead will..."?
  
  Page 36: Some of your slug lines are missing "Int." or "Ext." While some of them are okay, as they go from an interior to an interior, but "OUTSIDE THE JAIL" would require an "EXT." as you're moving from inside to outside.
  
  Page 52: As cool as I think this Gun/Knife fight is, I can't help but think it needs to be cut, or at least changed. Having these guys able to fling a knife at the other by gunshot suggests that they are both expert marksmen, but that evidence does not come through in any prior fight scenes. Perhaps Remy could just shoot the knife once and hurl it at Bishop, and then that's the end of it, rather than them shooting the knife back and forth at each other.
  
  Page 55: "Trio of dance hall girl zombies" = Hilariousness.
  
  Page 56:
  
  REMY
  Damn!...Sorry, ma'am.
  (shoots the first)
  Beggin' your pardon.
  (the second goes down)
  Remy feel real bad 'bout dis. = More Hilariousness.
  
  Page 67: Indicate the end of the flashback.
  
  Page 73: "we pull back to reveal" You don't need this. This moment can have the same affect without the camera direction.
  
  Page 74: I'd like to see you hold off on the nitro bullet. With Remy talking about it, it ruins the surprise in the climactic battle.
  
  Page 77 - 85: This whole battle is way too long. 8 pages of a battle where not much happens in terms of the story. This isn't the climactic showdown either, so it needs to be much shorter. I'd say no more than 4 pages.
  
  I'm confused as to the history between Hardmann and Bishop. I don't recall seeing what it was that Bishop did to him, it's not clear. While I think their relationship is fine for this genre and the audience you're playing to, but if their relationship was better developed and fleshed out, it could certainly make this script stand above the others in it's genre(s).
  
  Page 91-92: You refer to Hardmann as "Matt" in the description again. It slows the pacing when you use two names for a character in description. (Nitpicky, I know)
  
  I like the last bit of dialogue, but I don't feel this is a complete ending. I think you could add a small scene of denoument to confirm what really happened. Perhaps a funeral in memoriam for our troupe of heroes?
  
  Overall: I would not be surprised to be sitting in the theater for the midnight showing of this film next Summer. You guys know what you're doing. Hell of a job. read
• 
  Review of Deadslinger (revised)
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by AlCielo on 08/26/2008
  "Deadslinger" has many strong suits--it's confidently and cleanly written. For me, the greatest strength is the concept or premise. The least strength is audience identification, which is what I'd like to focus on. Unlike your model "Rio Bravo," Deadslinger never builds an interior tension that could prevent the protagonist and supporting characters from resolving the exterior... "Deadslinger" has many strong suits--it's confidently and cleanly written. For me, the greatest strength is the concept or premise. The least strength is audience identification, which is what I'd like to focus on.
  
  Unlike your model "Rio Bravo," Deadslinger never builds an interior tension that could prevent the protagonist and supporting characters from resolving the exterior conflict. You've replicated the shell of Furthman and Brackett's script, but not its heart. Yes, Hardmann has an exterior arc that's capped by donning his guns near the end, but how is he internally different, and how are his relationships different (the B and C story)? You bring out lots of back stories (too many, in my view), but these stories simply extend the plot, not the characterization. The lack of an interior journey makes the script more frenetic than dramatic.
  
  The lack of an internal plotline hampers the development of the external plot (The A story). Essentially, the structure is additive (one scene, plus another scene, plus another scene) without being cumulative, without gaining momentum (the violence grows but not the stakes). As a result, there is no closure at the end, no need to come full circle because the theme hasn't gone anywhere. A move forward would allow (if not require) you to let Hardmann resurrect Clem before destroying the totems. But you seem to be trying for a dark spin on the Western archetype. For me, that approach doesn't work--a western isn't a western because it takes place at a certain place or time, it's a western because it embodies certain ideals, even if those ideals lead to tragic consequences for the protagonists (e.g. McCabe and Mrs. Miller). And that's not too far removed from the zombie genre, which typically promotes life values over death values in its themes. Here the message just seems to be "keep on keeping on" (which ironically is what zombies do).
  
  You state the theme on page 88, which is way too late, by the way--midpoint would be better--but nothing in the story or back story draws that theme through the plot. Hardmann's statement "I'm not worth it" on p. 76 comes across as contrived arc-building, because there's not a before or an after to flesh out that arc. Until this point, where is the loss of pride that Dutch mentions on p. 25? I never get the feeling that Hardmann (or Clem) is fighting against something in himself, like the Dean Martin character in Rio Bravo (or even the John Wayne protag).
  
  To build on the interior and relationship stories without bloating the storyline, I'd recommend cutting some of the external drama, no matter how well-written or interesting these scenes might be in themselves. You've also got one more sidekick than you need (my recommendation for the cutting room floor is Remy, whose role could be combined with Dutch's or Bishop's, or Running Fox's since he proves significant). You might consider deleting more than you add. Because of the rather tight line height (spacing between lines), the script is actually denser and longer than its page count would indicate). A little white space on the page would also add a little breathing space to the reader's experience of the story.
  
  In a leaner draft, you might experiment with having the crew rounded up and on the road by the end of Act I.
  
  Dialog's usually terse and snappy, with only a few clunky or expo-laden passages (e.g. expo: top of p. 33; clunky: p. 40). The action descriptions are a little heavy for my taste (but that is a matter of taste--except for "IN A JAW DROPPING FEAT OF ATHLETICISM" on p. 82 and a few other all-cap expressions).
  
  The story is very clean with only a few errors (which you'll no doubt catch yourself, except possibly the lie/lay mistake on p. 101).
  
  There's nothing missing in terms of talent or inspiration here. This is excellent conceptualizing and writing--simply bring the reader in using whatever story development methods you think most appropriate and you'll have a winner on all counts. read
• 
  Step aside Eastwood and Romero!
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by ericdwight on 08/19/2008
  You guys have done it. You have taken two opposite backdrops for a film and merged them together to make a project that on the surface would seem to be unattractive. Honestly, I was putting off reading this. When I finally started reading it, I couldn’t stop. While I was reading I was thinking to myself, “Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t believe that I loved this piece... You guys have done it. You have taken two opposite backdrops for a film and merged them together to make a project that on the surface would seem to be unattractive. Honestly, I was putting off reading this. When I finally started reading it, I couldn’t stop. While I was reading I was thinking to myself, “Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t believe that I loved this piece so much. You made this western/zombie film a reinvention of their genres. You’ve really knocked one out of the park. I thought the characters were very well developed and the drama was built up very well. It made the payoff in the end very satisfying.
  
  
  
  If there was anything that I would have liked to see in a possible re-write it would be more of an arc with the relationship between Clem and Matt; maybe a couple more scenes of them being alone together to create more sexual tension. I think that would also add to the ending when she dies more emotional for Matt and the readers. I would have also liked to read maybe one more scene with The Colonel and him raising more people from the dead and building up his army. In that scene maybe more of The Preacher and The Kid. I think this would also make their demise more intense.
  
  
  
  So to wrap up, I’m definitely going to recommend this script. It was very good and I think you guys have done a great job by making westerns and zombie films more interesting. Great job!
  read
• 
  Thoughts on 'Deadslinger'
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by Ronnie71 on 08/14/2008
  Thanks for posting ‘Deadslinger.’ I think this is one of the most solid scripts I’ve read on here recently. Strong lead and supporting characters. Great dialogue and enough plot twists to keep my interest the whole way through. I did find at times that it slid into ‘cliches’ (inevitable to some degree I suppose.) I’m not sure that this is a bad thing. Perhaps an audience has... Thanks for posting ‘Deadslinger.’ I think this is one of the most solid scripts I’ve read on here recently. Strong lead and supporting characters. Great dialogue and enough plot twists to keep my interest the whole way through. I did find at times that it slid into ‘cliches’ (inevitable to some degree I suppose.) I’m not sure that this is a bad thing. Perhaps an audience has certain expectations of a ‘genre’ film. I can also certainly appreciate your attempt at ‘mixing’ different ones. At times it felt like Western meets ’28 Days Later’ I certainly think that this is a more solid script then a lot of what actually gets made. I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer in terms of criticism except for one thing.
  
  To me the scene where Remy and Bishop make a knife move back and forth by shooting at it was just a little much for me. Other then that I think you’ve done some good work here.
  
  Congratulations and good luck! read
• 
  Bullseye
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by dbenamor on 08/14/2008
  Hi Quentin and Doug, Got a couple hours to burn before I go take the GRE, stressed out because of other stuff, gotta say I was really happy to see this pop up in my queue. I've tended not to like your stuff as much as the general community, reviewing Bullet Time and Sea of Cortez, but this seems to be your best work judging by the rankings and one thing is every script you've... Hi Quentin and Doug,
  Got a couple hours to burn before I go take the GRE, stressed out because of other stuff, gotta say I was really happy to see this pop up in my queue.
  
  I've tended not to like your stuff as much as the general community, reviewing Bullet Time and Sea of Cortez, but this seems to be your best work judging by the rankings and one thing is every script you've written is at least fairly entertaining.
  
  Here we go.
  
  p.14 Ok so Hardmann is dead at this point right? Without knowing what, if anything, would make him "really dead", there are basically no stakes in this scene right. So what if some dude shoots him in the head? He's already dead.
  
  p.22 Also the notion that the government cares what happens to Indians need further support, because they sure as hell didn't, unless there was something special in it for them, Colonel was doing them a favor.
  
  p.38 "He's a hard man." I'd rewrite. Kinda leads to unintentional laugh, lame pun, He's a hardman, that's why his name is Hardmann.
  
  Another script another embarassing scarcity of notes, must be getting too picky on projects to read. It's very well written and formatted and spell-checked and all that.
  
  CONCEPT
  This is where you guys really stepped up relative to your prior efforts. Sea of Cortez and Bullet Time were both fairly average concepts, this concept isn't brand new, but it's new enough.
  GOOD
  
  CHARACTERS
  Perfectly fine. I wanted some more of the Colonel, I felt like his fearsomeness could have been built up a little more. Bishop, Remy, Clem, Matt, it's all working here.
  GOOD
  
  DIALOGUE
  Moments. Characters have their own voice. Appropriately hardboiled and or funny at times.
  GOOD
  
  STORY
  Perfectly fine. Kinda hits a fairly standard western beat, albeit with zombies so points for originality and fun drawn from that.
  GOOD
  
  STRUCTURE
  Reads very quick, sure you guys are sticklers for structure, for me if it reads quick that's good structure.
  GOOD
  
  OVERALL
  Hey look at that, all goods. It's a good script, you guys know this. I think the introduction of zombies really liberated you to do some original things, things I felt were missing from Sea of Cortez and Bullet Time. There are some really fun original action scenes in here.
  GOOD
  
  I know you guys are big on commercial prospects. And I can't help but wonder, what are the commercial prospects for this script? It's a zombie western. Several have been done already, on straight to DVD unless I missed something. It seems like it fits straight to dvd best, because it's kind of a silly premise. But you know it totally works, this was a really fun script to read and would make a very entertaining movie. Perhaps you guys can be the first ever theatrical release zombie western.
  
  I hope so.
  
  So major props. The best script by you two I've read as of yet. Most original and best dialogue/characters/etc.
  
  Thanks
  Good luck
  Dan Benamor read
• 
  What can I say?
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by chrisslade on 08/09/2008
  You don’t really need this review. I see your script in the daily favorites quite a bit and it’s clearly pretty much finished. But I got it assigned, so what the hell. First thing to say, you know your genres. The initial scenes where Bishop is trying to catch Remy contain all the classic staples. Hookers, knife fights, jumping out of windows. It all immediately drew me in... You don’t really need this review. I see your script in the daily favorites quite a bit and it’s clearly pretty much finished. But I got it assigned, so what the hell.
  
  First thing to say, you know your genres. The initial scenes where Bishop is trying to catch Remy contain all the classic staples. Hookers, knife fights, jumping out of windows. It all immediately drew me in. And it carries on from there. Your writing is clean, easy to read. The dialogue flows and seems authentic. Clearly this is a polished script.
  
  Character wise Hardman stood out as a classic western hero. Bitter, drunk, a man who had given up on life forced back into action because of his past deeds. Remy will obviously be a favorite. His dialogue especially stands out as witty and a true voice. Personally Bishop was my favorite; his relationships with both Hardman and Remy weren’t simple. His past actions meant he was probably the least likeable of the bunch at the start but that made his character arc the most satisfying.
  
  Then there’s the horror. I’m a big fan of horror and you definitely convinced me. Stormcrow’s main scene on pg.43 was where it really kicked in. The character description was cool and his death was excellent. Then the arrival at Harmony pg. 54 has some great suspense followed by some nicely gruesome killings. And of course the main zombie attack on pg. 77. This mixed the horror and western elements really well. Hardman ripping off a zombie's arm and using it to set him alight; classic.
  
  But enough of all that, I have managed to find a few faults with the script. They are only small points but maybe something to consider.
  
  Pg 52 - Remmy and Bishop’s knife fight. It was too over the top. You get away with it in the horror segments but this was much more the western side of things. It just took me out of the story because it felt like it was too much.
  Pg.77 - The zombies show up in town. Hardman and crew have been there for a while, they knew this was coming but didn’t really do anything to prepare. That felt a bit strange.
  Pg. 81- I assumed the gattling gun would have a better pay off than this (like the dynamite bullets). It felt unnecessary.
  
  Lastly the back-story didn’t really work for me. The whole thing about the Indians and the totems was a bit slight. Hardman’s F.B and Running’s foxes explanation do help but I still had questions. The whole thing that they are cursed not to cross over, why do that? Surely the Indians and Hardman just want them dead? Why are the colonel and pals back now, ten years later? Have they only just dug their way out? And how do they actually come back to life anyway? He does shoot them in the head before he buries them.
  
  Your script was great and I enjoyed reading it. I had a few minor problems but they really were minor. Good work guys. read
• 
  The Quick and the Dead and the Zombies
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by DUANEART on 08/05/2008
  The first half of this screenplay was almost breathtaking. First rate work - very authentic with a tremendous build up to an thrilling story. Your characters were top-notch and even though there were a lot of them, I was able to keep track of every one. The dialogue was also very good. One of the best first-half scripts I've read. Then the Zombies... Okay, I'm admittedly... The first half of this screenplay was almost breathtaking. First rate work - very authentic with a tremendous build up to an thrilling story.
  
  Your characters were top-notch and even though there were a lot of them, I was able to keep track of every one. The dialogue was also very good. One of the best first-half scripts I've read.
  
  Then the Zombies...
  
  Okay, I'm admittedly NOT a big fan of the horror genre but you set up the first half so well that I was into it pretty deep and just went along for the ride.
  
  The second half was a lot of blowing shit up and shooting zombies but it was fast-flowing mainly because of the excellent dialogue with the snappy come-backs. Also, the story kept moving forward to it's ultimate ending.
  
  I must admit that I was a little bothered by some of your technique but your concept, story and structure were right on the money.
  
  I enjoyed the read very much and I can see this being something. Great effort - thank you and keep writing. I'm am officially a fan. read
• 
  “Evil Dead” Meets The Old West
  A review of DEADSLINGER (revised)
  by mitger2 on 08/04/2008
  This is a fantastic script for anyone who likes undead type of movies. The gore is way over the top, but not necessarily bad. It reminded me of two movies which I will base some of my commentary on. I think this is really close to being a fabulous script, but the back story of why this is happening, and why now, is somewhat weak, BUT easily fixable. The main issues I have... This is a fantastic script for anyone who likes undead type of movies. The gore is way over the top, but not necessarily bad. It reminded me of two movies which I will base some of my commentary on. I think this is really close to being a fabulous script, but the back story of why this is happening, and why now, is somewhat weak, BUT easily fixable.
  
  The main issues I have with the script is: WHY? You definitely have an explanation through the Indians, but it feels very forced and almost a side note to the rest of the story. It’s there to just to justify why these things are happening, rather than being the real source and force behind the story.
  
  So the two movies that I’d like to reference are The Mummy and The Evil Dead Series (so 4 movies if count all three Evil Dead films). I think either of these movies may hold the key to putting this script over the top.
  
  In the Mummy the source of the “evil” power is tripped over accidentally. The main characters find the location of the Mummy by accident and release its power. You could do what The Mummy does by having Hartmann come across the totem(s) in an opening chase sequence/battle with The Colonel and that’s what saves him and gives him the power to win what was a certain death, but then it come back the haunt him later. I think this type of approach would really make the whole thing much more “plausible” and really that was (for me) the weakest part of the whole thing.
  
  Or you could do what Evil Dead does which is set the movie in an alternate reality. One of the issues I had was that I didn’t believe the “real world” of this movie (the Old West) would just have zombies running around – and the Indian/totems explanation just didn’t work for me. (The scene that really made me think of Evil Dead was where they are shooting the knife at each other. This is just not “real” and if this takes place in the “real Old West” then I don’t believe it. I loved it, but I just didn’t believe it.) Of course if the “real world” of this movie is one where zombies could roam around, then all is fair game, including guys shooting a knife at each other.
  
  Some more thoughts: Although the second half is action packed, the first half drags at times. I think a little too much exposition and character establishment. I think the characters should have a better run in with the zombies and maybe even The Colonel earlier, and then they establish the group to wage war (the first run in with the zombies is just not strong enough).
  
  Overall this is an excellent, well written and very entertaining script. Good luck. read