Reviews of Death Valley (revised) 4

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  needs more revision
  A review of Death Valley (revised)
  by TheBigg on 11/18/2004
  I don't think there were many problems with the structure, maybe a few syntax problems, but nothing major. I just couldn't get into it. I didn't find anything compelling between the relationships with the four main characters. They seemed, alternately, to know each other very well or not at all depending on the circumstances. Shane is from death valley? Seems like he is... I don't think there were many problems with the structure, maybe a few syntax problems, but nothing major. I just couldn't get into it. I didn't find anything compelling between the relationships with the four main characters. They seemed, alternately, to know each other very well or not at all depending on the circumstances. Shane is from death valley? Seems like he is set up as the out-of-towner who is drawn into the whole debacle, but then it seems like he already knows Lynn. Did he send her the drivers liscence? Why only half the map? Niko became mayor of town after the robbery? How? Why? He didn't know his getaway driver had a daughter? How did Lynn know about Niko? Simply his name written on a faded brochure was enough? What about the other cops that were chasing Miles at the begining? Didn't they do some sort of investigation? I just don't feel like there is a cohesive backstory here . Nothing to create the backdrop of parnoia and desperation that should be dogging these people as they struggle through the desert. I really think there needs to be more time spent on flushing out some intense personal drama that whips everyone along. More story and less description of the action sequences. read
• 
  Revised
  A review of Death Valley (revised)
  by powboccumini22 on 11/17/2004
  Well, I do not know how much of the script you revised, but I think you have done an excellent job. As any good script reader knows... if you have the reader hooked in the first twenty pages, you have a hit. This script very well done. The acts are tight, well composed , and with enough twists and turns to keep things interesting. The characters are also well developed... Well, I do not know how much of the script you revised, but I think you have done an excellent job. As any good script reader knows... if you have the reader hooked in the first twenty pages, you have a hit. This script very well done. The acts are tight, well composed , and with enough twists and turns to keep things interesting. The characters are also well developed. Pure screenplay formula, but good enough to be made into a well done fil,. read
• 
  Death Valley
  A review of Death Valley (revised)
  by YankeeActor on 11/17/2004
  I think the premise of this script is unique enough to get made, but unique enough to keep MY personal interest. First of all, I was confused as to what, exactly the relationship between Lynn and Shane was all about. It seemed as though they were just two souls put together for the purpose of this film. If that is what was intended, then it is fine, but it was satisfying for... I think the premise of this script is unique enough to get made, but unique enough to keep MY personal interest. First of all, I was confused as to what, exactly the relationship between Lynn and Shane was all about. It seemed as though they were just two souls put together for the purpose of this film. If that is what was intended, then it is fine, but it was satisfying for me. Niko, is a cliche bad guy. He had very little arc and besides being driven by money and greed, he had no other qualities that set him apart from any other bad guy in any other script of this genre. The dialogue, for the most part, was natural and kept flowing, but there were many lines that made me roll my eyes. The last line, "Death Valley...so much death", was not the way I wanted to see this end. I think you have a very nice story here, full of action, car chases, etc. Do something to set it apart from others. Fix some of the typos and spelling errors and keep working. Good luck! read
• 
  Reminds me of Blood Simple
  A review of Death Valley (revised)
  by kevkage on 11/16/2004
  I don't know exactly why, but the whole time I was reading this I kept thinking back to Blood Simple. All in all this is a decent script. I'm not very in tune to these types of movies, so I may be way off the mark with some of these comments, but here they are anyway. Maybe I missed something, but I don't seem to see the objective of Shane's drunk driving accident. Is it... I don't know exactly why, but the whole time I was reading this I kept thinking back to Blood Simple. All in all this is a decent script. I'm not very in tune to these types of movies, so I may be way off the mark with some of these comments, but here they are anyway. Maybe I missed something, but I don't seem to see the objective of Shane's drunk driving accident. Is it so we aren't sure of the kind of guy Shane is? Thinking back on the script, it doesn't seem to me that it is vital information. Shane could just be a random geologist who has no connections to anyone and the story would still work. Along those lines, I also don't see why Shane enlists the help of Lynn. Even Lynn says to him, "You probably would have found this eventually" without her help. Other than that, I think the action is great, car chases and desert shootouts are always a good time. Aside from a few minor grammatical and technical errors, the script is well written and the dialogue is realistic. Final thoughts would be to rethink the drunk driving angle, and to perhaps explore more reasons why Shane brings Lynn along for the ride. Nice job. read