Reviews of Devil's Due (REV) 45

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  Psycho or religion fanatic? the writer need to choose.
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by triggerhappy07 on 06/10/2012
  Hi, I liked the script Devil's due, because it discusses an issue I've never seen done before. (when an orphanage young man try to destroy the lives of people who want his well being) it's a medical condition, its name escapes me. what i liked most about the project, is the writers total control of the language, impressive. the story is unique, but unfortunately written... Hi,
  
  I liked the script Devil's due, because it discusses an issue I've never seen done before. (when an orphanage young man try to destroy the lives of people who want his well being) it's a medical condition, its name escapes me.
  
  what i liked most about the project, is the writers total control of the language, impressive.
  
  the story is unique, but unfortunately written in an ordinary predictable fashion.
  
  the story lacks AIR. it's so condensed, it'll make a very long story, i don't know if the writer jammed the action lines together to get the script over all page count smaller, on purpose or not, but you can tell the story is jammed together, which makes it appear blur and confusing at times.
  
  the writer tend to describe emotions, explanations, and commonsense comments, not needed in a screenplay format. someone once told me to leave a room for the actors. they also have to understand your work and come up with their own prospective's, because screenplay is a suggestive form of entertainment.
  
  i understand that sometimes, writers want to come up with a surprisingly twist ending, but that twist ending comes very strong if it came from within what we read or watched, not the opposite of what you spent 120 pages to convince us otherwise. in this case, the twist ending was with Sonny's presence in Dr. Wes's home before he hanged himself. it didn't resonate well with the story, because you were trying to tell us all along that he's a psycho not the devil(even though you set it handsomely).
  
  
  
  i think the writer got most of screenwriting formats down, but he over looked some tiny imperative details. reading of scripts as well as reading books about the art of screenwriting will help.
  
  i think the writer needs to decide upfront how s/he want to approach the concept of the story. a medical condition or a religious case. that said, it'll remove a great burden off his shoulders, and it'll give the story the AIR she disparately needs. read
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  Unsettling character-driven story about a man who claims to be the devil. With crazy people!
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by Lydia Mulvey on 09/08/2011
  Hi. I've read Devil's Due and have a few comments for you. Overall, I quite liked your script. There were some issues but nothing that compromised the overall impression I got. One thing I really liked was your autumn/winter setting. That really added to the tone of the piece. Your formatting is a bit inconsistent, especially with your scene headings. eg INT and EXT are... Hi.
  I've read Devil's Due and have a few comments for you.
  
  Overall, I quite liked your script. There were some issues but nothing that compromised the overall impression I got. One thing I really liked was your autumn/winter setting. That really added to the tone of the piece.
  
  Your formatting is a bit inconsistent, especially with your scene headings. eg INT and EXT are missing from several.
  
  Eg Page 14 you have written simply LATER. There should be a scene heading here such as INT. DIRECTOR'S OFFICE
  
  And I don't know if it's the font you're using but after every full stop there seems to be a double space like this: Wes drives. Carrie stares at the blur etc...
  
  It's a little irritating for the reader.
  
  Also, when a character's dialogue carries over onto the next page, the program you're using doesn't automatically put it into the "MORE" and "CONT'D" format.
  
  Bit too much direction and description overall. Trust that the actors will know the tone etc and that the director will know what to do.
  
  Some examples:
  
  "Wes's voice takes on the inadvertently patronizing tone of someone resigned to being a caregiver rather than a husband."
  
  Or "The weight of his years gives Smith a decided stoop to the left, while the furtive look in his eye suggests possible flight in that direction at any moment."
  
  "Though clean and bright inside, the art-deco detention center’s purpose is obvious: to house the superfluous square pegs of a round society. An atmosphere of entrenched
  humdrum pervades the clinic. It’s a place where security concerns rate just below getting the next set of holiday decorations up in a timely manner."
  
  There's a lot of this throughout the script. And while it's well-written, it sounds like a novel. And if you can't see what you describe then it shouldn't be on the page. What would a director do with the line: "that houses the superfluous square pegs of a round society" ?
  
  I see what you're going for but it doesn't have to be so pretty. A simple:"It is a detention centre for society's outcasts." would suffice.
  
  Here's an example of when you get it right:
  
  "The door to one of the padded rooms is open. A collection of antique office furniture is jammed into it. The junk overflows against the outer wall, and includes
  several outdated computers, a pile of rotary telephones, a metal desk(drawers askew), and a broken water-cooler. A TV in the opposite corner is on with the sound turned down. A shaggy-haired orderly, JOHN (fifties), sits in a seventies-era orange armchair watching it. He stands."
  
  It's descriptive and evocative and even though it's just a list of things in a room and a description of a man in an armchair, it conveys the untidiness of the high-security area and therefore the type of building it's housed in.
  
  Carrie's line on page 3: "Fine, I'll go slip into my burka." is a good line.
  
  But I wonder if it should come before Annie says "Your dad's right. We don't want to start out with problems here."
  
  Just a thought.
  
  The dialogue between Carrie and Wes in the car is nicely paced and written.
  
  Why is Jose's name written Jose'. Is the accent supposed to be over the e and not beside it? It was a bit distracting because I kept expecting there to be a "s" after the e'.
  
  It's not really apparent why Wes would fixate on Sonny so soon after arriving at the home. Yes, Judith mentions him but it's only in passing. There are probably many patients at the facility. Why would Wes fixate on one right away? Wouldn't be be more concerned with meeting the staff and settling into his office during his first few hours at the home?
  
  The dialogue between Smith and Wes when Wes sees Sonny for the first time is nice. I like:
  Wes
  "I understand the segregation but why the jacket? The gag?"
  
  Smith
  Pause
  "He has a foul mouth."
  
  
  Page 14: When Judith says: "He may also have been mistreating one of the patients.",
  Wes assumes automatically that it's Sonny. Why? Where is this coming from? Why would he assume so when he hasn't even met any of the other patients yet?
  
  Page 16: It seems a little unbelievable that Wes would release Sonny without any thought about what would happen. Surely he would be a little cautious. Surely he wouldn't dismiss Smith's warning about him being violent.
  
  Sonny's dialogue throughout the script is excellent and unique. He has a distinctive voice and I think that is one of the strengths of this script.
  
  Page 40: Nice lines:
  
  SHERIFF COLE
  When you been in this job as long as I have, you get to know the difference between a
  Rottweiler and a poodle.
  
  WES
  Worst dog-bite I ever got came from a poodle.
  
  
  I also like the exchange between Sonny and Wes as they watch the Haggard Woman and her children play in the park.
  
  In general I like the story of this script. The exchanges between Wes and Carrie get ever more creepy and Sonny as the lynch-pin of the script is an effective foil to all the other characters. In fact, without Sonny, nothing would work.
  
  The only character I felt was a little weak was Annie. She came across as a bit of a victim and I didn't really care for her. Carrie was quite well-rounded and I could fully understand her frustrations as a sixteen year old.
  
  Overall, the story is solid. But I felt the execution of your script was a little weak. While the dialogue is pretty tight, I think your action and formatting needs a little work.
  
  But I enjoyed reading.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  read
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  Sonny's Inferno
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by uLindokuhle on 08/11/2011
  Firsty, I would like to begin by applauding your talent as a writer. Your choice of words and descriptions are vivid and fresh. I found the writing style amazing but I'm not sure if it was appropriate for this genre. Carrie, a rebellious teenager says "I apologize" to Sonny on page 34. Why wouldn't she just say; "sorry". Its far less formal and for her age group, it sound... Firsty, I would like to begin by applauding your talent as a writer. Your choice of words and descriptions are vivid and fresh.
  
  I found the writing style amazing but I'm not sure if it was appropriate for this genre. Carrie, a rebellious teenager says
  "I apologize" to Sonny on page 34. Why wouldn't she just say; "sorry". Its far less formal and for her age group,
  it sound far more comfortable. This comes up throughout the screenplay in other characters. The dialogue just feels far too
  rigid and formal and I'd even go as far as saying maniloquent.
  
  The story is good and enjoyable. At first I thought Sonny's evil wasn't credible because all the characters were on thr brink
  of suicide from the beginning and it wouldn't take much to push them over.
  
  I was very confused with Sonny. His dialogue was cool and well thought out, even mature but his actions were childish. Both ate valid
  for a crazy man but together, it just seemsa inconsistent.
  
  I was not very comforrtable with the religious debate between Judith and Sonny but thabkfully it was short. My discomfort wasn't
  about my religious convictions but rather because that debate has been exhausted and no one ever changes their mind afterwards so
  it just feel like its pointless.
  
  I also was not sure where Prissy found the gun and/or how she brought it into a mental institution which must surely be more secure than
  that but maybe I missed it.
  
  Overall, I enjoyed but I would suggest that maybe you consider novels or maybe different genres because you are obviously smart and it just
  seems to be not your style and you were forcing it.
  
  Anyway, goodluck and all the best! read
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  Good premise
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by Lizzo on 04/24/2007
  The premise is very interesting and the whole setup could lead to some very spooky visuals. But, I have to agree with some of the other reviewers about a few points. The whole question of why Sonny is staying there is a bit confusing (as is the end, although I think you can leave the audience unsure of whether or not he is Satan). The ending is probably too much of a bummer... The premise is very interesting and the whole setup could lead to some very spooky visuals. But, I have to agree with some of the other reviewers about a few points. The whole question of why Sonny is staying there is a bit confusing (as is the end, although I think you can leave the audience unsure of whether or not he is Satan). The ending is probably too much of a bummer to sell. And I found a few things a bit ludicrous- like the whole Halloween party in a mental institution thing. Feels more like a high school dance than an actual hospital. Some nice touches, though- the sheriff with his dictionary, for example. read
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  Devil's Due
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by chaztv on 04/17/2007
  Synopsis: Dr. WES Young transplants his dysfunctional family, disabled wife ANNIE and problem teenage stepdaughter CARRIE, to a small town where he gains the title of Director at an in-patient psychiatric clinic. Though the patients are all supposedly manageable, his predecessor saw fit to confine SONNY to bound solitary confinement. JOHN, Sonny’s deaf caretaker, is convinced... Synopsis: Dr. WES Young transplants his dysfunctional family, disabled wife ANNIE and problem teenage stepdaughter CARRIE, to a small town where he gains the title of Director at an in-patient psychiatric clinic. Though the patients are all supposedly manageable, his predecessor saw fit to confine SONNY to bound solitary confinement. JOHN, Sonny’s deaf caretaker, is convinced that Sonny is who he says he is, namely the Devil. WES will have none of this nonsense and sets out to discover Sonny’s true diagnosis and personage. Along the way, Sonny uses his adroit psychological insight to incite havoc, murder and mayhem. Carrie’s involvement with Sonny is the ultimate test of Wes’s courage, intellect, judgment and faith in science.
  
  Analysis: The writer has created a well thought out psychological horror story with sufficient plot and subplot to keep interest throughout. Though reminiscent of “…Cuckoo’s Nest” this story and its villain Sonny stands on its own. He is that rare villain that we love to hate, hang on his every word and prods us to question our own sensibilities. Wow! Unfortunately, the supporting characters seem flat, unfathomable and rather uninteresting. Also, some of the script’s devices seem too obvious and contrived. The discovery of Sonny and the departure of Smith are the first such. Sonny is straitjacketed and gagged. I first imagined that he would strangle and bite, but we soon learn words are his weapons. Smith is departing and then arrested. How does this related to the plot and other characters? Also, Wes seems to behave more as an orderly than a doctor.
  
  Recommendations: Simpler said than done, but the creation of the Sonny character tells me the writer is up to it. Three key characters, Wes, Annie and Carrie, must be as well developed as Sonny. As written, they each have their demons: Wes his sexual needs, Annie coming to grips with her disability, and Carrie her coming of age. But I felt I never knew anymore about them. What did Wes really want (obviously Carrie is a temptation but not a lust or passion). So hasn’t he turned this over in his mind? How about the clinic, what’s his goal there? And, of course, how does he really feel about Annie? Annie is intellectually weak as written and this doesn’t seem to fit her at all. And, finally can’t we give Carrie more depth than rebellion and fascination for the bad boy? That said, I don’t want the writer to throw the baby out with the bath water. It’s just my opinion that this is good work that needs more character exposition and interest.
  
  read
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  Vice Versa
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by GimmeABreak on 04/17/2007
  CONCEPT: Satan, as a human, wrecks havoc on humanity in a mental institution. Similar in concept and tone to Devil’s Advocate. --- STRUCTURE: - First act: set-up gives us a pretty clear picture of the present situation. Wes has an invalid wife, a sexy step-daughter and is about to start a new job. The first turning point (opportunity) comes where it should – Wes’s first... CONCEPT: Satan, as a human, wrecks havoc on humanity in a mental institution. Similar in concept and tone to Devil’s Advocate.
  ---
  STRUCTURE:
  - First act: set-up gives us a pretty clear picture of the present situation. Wes has an invalid wife, a sexy step-daughter and is about to start a new job. The first turning point (opportunity) comes where it should – Wes’s first day on the new job. The rest of the first act should show the protag exploring the new situation. The end-of-the-first-act reversal is either misplaced or missing (turning point 2). It might be that you have Wes initially committed to following in the footsteps of his predecessor but change his mind after his first meeting with Sonny and let Sonny out of solitary into the general population. However, having Dr. Smith leave under the circumstances as presented makes it difficult for Wes to want to emulate him. Was it necessary to have Smith leave as a thief? Did it add to the story (having him be a thief)? (If Sonny had a part in Smith’s misdeeds, it needs to be clear.) During the first act, we should be able to identify the protag, the antag, the goal, the obstacles and the theme. The protag is Wes but I’m not sure of his goal. Is it to run the asylum well? Is it to learn Sonny’s identity? My inability to determine this makes it difficult to pin down the other things. Also, I don’t believe there’s a clear theme yet.
  - Second act: the first half of the second act should show the protag making progress toward his goal. I’m not sure that Wes is making much progress toward either of the possible goals. Your B stories are introduced and actually have a more prominent place than the A story. At mid-point of the SP, turning point 3 (the point of no return) should have the protag reaching a point where he decides to abandon the pursuit of his goal or commit to doing whatever he can to reach it. Wes doesn’t seem to do either of these. He converses with Sonny but doesn’t do anything beyond that to discover Sonny’s identity. It also appears that the only significant struggle Wes faces is his lust for Carrie. Most of the tension and drama revolves around Sonny and the supporting characters, not Wes. The second act should end with a major setback for the protag (turning point 4). It feels like the act ends when Wes confronts Carrie in her room but that scene ends with only a minor disappointment, not anything that leads the protag to believe that all his efforts to this point have been in vain.
  - Third act: after the major setback, the bulk of the third act should show the protag doing everything he can to reach the goal and being thwarted in every effort. He should reach a point where he’s at the depth of despair just before he succeeds. Wes’s point of despair comes just 2 pages before the end after Carrie and Annie have already died. We see him giving up and committing suicide making the antag the victor. Again, in this act and prior to the climax, Wes does very little (other than stabbing Sonny). Annie takes her own life, Carrie is killed by a misfired gun, John is killed by the Sheriff and Sonny frees himself. When Wes decides to do himself in, it’s the result of pressures from others – the molestation accusation, guilt because of what else has happened. We see, again, that he’s a weak person and it’s the antag that walks away victorious.
  - Protag: not a character for whom I cared or for whom I could cheer. He was generally passive.
  - Antag: such a strong antag that he overwhelmed most of the other characters, including the protag.
  - Theme: not sure. It probably had something to do with the futility of trying to fight evil since that was the eventual outcome but there wasn’t a theme statement that I could identify. What is it that you want the audience to be thinking about when they leave the theatre?
  ---
  FORMAT: a few formatting issues noted below. I didn’t detect any spelling error or typos. Thanks!
  ---
  STORY: I think you’re telling this story from the wrong point-of-view. Sonny actually is the major character and the most likely candidate for the protag as an anti-hero. He’s the only one with a clear goal that he actually strives to achieve. He wants to ruin the lives of those around him and continually works to achieve that goal. Wes should be the antag, the one who tries to keep Sonny from succeeding.
  
  As presently told, the story doesn’t work on many levels not the least of which is the lack of logic in the characters’ actions and the factual inaccuracy re: the clinic (see my reading notes below). Wes isn’t a strong protag and doesn’t (can’t?) carry this story. He’s weak and mostly reacts to events and circumstances rather than driving them. His helpers (John and the Sheriff) are strong than he is. The sheriff showing up at the end to “save the day” drives the final nail in Wes’s coffin as far as him being seen as a protag.
  
  My suggestion – reverse the roles. You’ve already made Sonny’s goal clear. Wes’s isn’t. You’ll still have to man up Wes quite a bit, even as an antag, because he’s just too passive throughout the whole story. You’ve already given Sonny the most interesting backstory, the best dialog and the most depth as a character. Don’t be afraid to fully commit to having a protag that the audience hates.
  ---
  CHARACTERS: most of my comments about the characters are noted elsewhere. I think Jose’s story is too complex and both John and the Sheriff shouldn’t be allowed to “save the day.” That’s what the protag does. Annie is mostly superfluous – the conflict between Wes and Carrie could exist without Annie in the scene. Getting rid of Annie also gets rid of Pigtails who was an annoying character to begin with. During the second act, there’s a lot of emphasis on Specs and Gnome then they completely disappear – you don’t even show them at the parties. You’ve also given the Sheriff too much influence and control.
  ---
  DIALOG: Sonny’s was good – clearly showed him as the psychopath he was. Most of the rest of the characters’ was functional.
  ---
  GENERAL: I think you have an opportunity here to give us something we haven’t seen much of – the devil (or his proxy) as the protag. Take advantage of it. Sonny is a strong character and you could certainly give him a sympathetic characteristic or two without undermining his malevolence. If you have any question about my comments/suggestions, please feel free to email me. I’d like to help you make this work.
  ---
  STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Some reviewers will give you glowing praise and tell you you’re a wonderful writer. A few will say that your screenplay sucks and you should give up writing altogether. I typically point out things that don’t work for me but, on occasion, I will also point out something that’s especially impressive. That’s the way my brain works – sorry if it bothers or offends you.
  ---
  My reading notes (these are typically questions that arise as I read or items that pull me out of the story):
  
  * it’s ok to omit time of day if you’re using secondary headings but I think it’s still needed if you’re using a standard slug.
  * p 6 – why would Alzheimer’s patients be at a psychiatric facility?
  * from a logic point-of-view, why would this clinic be housing Sonny? If he’s violent and not a voluntary patient, he’d be in a prison psychiatric ward or a state-run facility, wouldn’t he?
  * p 16 – thank you shouldn’t be hyphenated.
  * p 16 – shouldn’t separate the action block from the slug by a page break.
  * p 21 – shouldn’t personable demons be personal demons?
  * p 26 – feels like the first act break but the “change of plans” turning point isn’t really there. Wes hasn’t made any decisions that change the direction in which he’s going.
  * p 28 – school starts in Sept and if Carrie was suspended on her first day, should be back long before Halloween. Why is Carrie still working at the clinic?
  * p 30 – if Sonny’s no longer a danger to himself or anyone else, they can’t keep him in the clinic. There are lots of people roaming the streets who are schizophrenic and/or delusional.
  * nice intermingling of the three scenes (Wes/Carrie, Sonny/Judith and the hearts game)
  * p 39 – how can Cole just enter the facility? Having worked in one before, I know you can’t get in without passing lots of people with fingers on buzzers and/or having lots of keys.
  * p 41 – one usually nods a head in agreement, not shakes (a shakes is no or disagreement)
  * p 43 – “you head” s/b your head
  * p 43 – actually, Satan’s role was prosecuting attorney, not persecuting
  * p 43 – periods generally belong inside the quotes.
  * p 47 – Sonny’s statement about Jesus quoting Bible verses “gives” him away. The Bible wasn’t written then. If you want, you can still refer to Christ’s piety without referring to the Bible.
  * p 47-53 – your protag’s absent during this sequence. That’s a long time for the star to be gone.
  * p 70 – don’t remember the scene with Carrie in the living room from the earlier version. This is creepily effective.
  * p 81-82 – series of shots formatted incorrectly
  * p 85 – Wes’s “diagnosis” isn’t realistic. Sonny’s symptoms don’t resemble schizophrenia. Even if they did, there are thousands of schizophrenics roaming the streets. Having the disease itself doesn’t make one confinable. If Sonny’s hasn’t been convicted of a crime or isn’t dangerous to himself/others, he can’t be held in an institution against his will.
  * I’m puzzled that Wes continues to allow Carrie access to the clinic and to Sonny. It’d be so easy to keep her out that his actions aren’t logical.
  * p 105 – why wasn’t Wes wearing his wedding ring? If it’s a regular habit for him to take it off at night, you need to show it prior to this scene.
  * p 104-105 – I don’t understand the suicide. Annie asked for a sign from God to keep her from killing herself and Carrie shows that she needs her Mom. Why, then, did she kill herself? Why have her plead for a sign, receive it, then disregard it?
  * p 107 – Carrie wouldn’t be able to get into the clinic just like that especially if Wes called the clinic to warn them she was on her way (which he, as a good administrator, would certainly have done).
  * p 112 – the Sheriff shows up out of the blue? C’mon...
  * p 113 – Wes wakes up? I don’t understand this. He was already awake.
  
  read
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  Devil's Due
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by lucasoconnor on 04/16/2007
  The author of Devil's Due is obviously talented. The screenplay is well-composed and an enjoyable read. I do not think it would be marketable as a mainstream film; I do not want to criticize it for having too downbeat an ending, but it's something to think about. I think Sonny is an interesting character, but I believe the author could explore him in a less predictable way;... The author of Devil's Due is obviously talented. The screenplay is well-composed and an enjoyable read.
  
  I do not think it would be marketable as a mainstream film; I do not want to criticize it for having too downbeat an ending, but it's something to think about.
  
  I think Sonny is an interesting character, but I believe the author could explore him in a less predictable way; we have seen menacingly intelligent devils before. If one wants to write a devil character, I think it is important to take the character in a new direction. The other danger of having a devil character is that all of the other characters seem boring by comparison; I would urge the author to make the rest of the cast match Sonny in vividness.
  
  Much of Sonny's dialogue was a bit too cliche for my tastes; I would cut out some of the hell puns. read
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  The Devil made me do it
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by platy on 04/07/2007
  I was expecting a thriller, but this is really a horror/supernatural film, but without the actual supernatural part. For a horror film, there wasn't enough people in enough danger, and there wasn't enough suspense. Plus, the ending for a horror film is completely unsatisfactory. Even for a psychological thriller, there was not enough menace in the screenplay. Sonny seemed... I was expecting a thriller, but this is really a horror/supernatural film, but without the actual supernatural part.
  
  For a horror film, there wasn't enough people in enough danger, and there wasn't enough suspense. Plus, the ending for a horror film is completely unsatisfactory.
  
  Even for a psychological thriller, there was not enough menace in the screenplay. Sonny seemed more crazy than evil, and did not seem powerful enough to pose a real threat.
  
  However, I liked Sonny as a character. But it was not clear what his goal was. Damien was out to conquer the world (Omen): why is the devil in the mental ward?
  
  This brings me to a serious flaw in the screenplay. The simple fact is that it is difficult to hold people against their will in a mental institution. Sonny has not been even charged with a crime, and poses no obvious danger. Legally, he would be free to walk out of that institution, even if he was legally insane. This hole either needs to be plugged with story as to why he is not free to leave, or else he must have a motivation not to leave.
  
  The ending also left me a little ambiguous. Were the press clippings intended to be like in the ending of Unbreakable? Are we suppose to conclude that Sonny/Geoffrey is immortal? Is he really the devil? If so, doesn't that give Dr. Young a reason to live? To fight Sonny for vengeance?
  
  But the biggest recommendation I have is regarding Dr. Wes Young. He needs to be a proper foil for Sonny, which in many respects he is. But because he doesn't see Sonny as the devil, and appears to disprove it, the tension in the screenplay is dissipated, rather than building throughout.
  
  The writing was crisp, and the story was easy to follow. I think that with some work on the plotting, this could be a compelling thriller. read
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  K-PAST
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by juliane738 on 04/04/2007
  The theme-a renegade doctor trying to get closer to a John Doe patient with an incredulous claim of identity-sounds vaguely familiar,but I nevertheless gave this script a chance and I was pleasantly surprised.I have the utmost respect for anyone who manages to write a script-or anything else,for that matter-whilst raising kids.I have four myself,and I can't even manage to get... The theme-a renegade doctor trying to get closer to a John Doe patient with an incredulous claim of identity-sounds vaguely familiar,but I nevertheless gave this script a chance and I was pleasantly surprised.I have the utmost respect for anyone who manages to write a script-or anything else,for that matter-whilst raising kids.I have four myself,and I can't even manage to get through scribing one of my wretched reviews without somebody breaking something or burning something down,so congratulations to you,dear writer.Now for the tech stuff and the critique of content...
  My feeling on the subject is,that mental hospitals are kinda like NYC.Even though you may have never been to either one,you feel like you have vicariously from the movies.Why these two,respectively,are such popular backdrops for film and television and the like,I believe has to do with the folowing:New York City is so diverse that so many types of plots can take place there.And mental hospitals take all of our human fears,paranoias,foibles,and psychoses,and bag them up in one neat little package.There's also very little need for a change in sets.
  As I said,I have seen other movies contrasting a likable but flawed shrink's work with an enigmatic,grandiose patient with his own personal travails and idiosyncracies and a difficult personal life.In this case,his personal conflicts involve his Lolita-esque stepdaughter and his bedridden wife.
  The environment of the mental hospital is portrayed fairly realistically,with all the usual panoply of neurotics,including the throwaway inclusion of a trichtillomaniac.I feel that I have to criticize the author for apparently misspelling a word on pg.82.It should be,"phenothiazine",not,"phenothizine".
  This is kind of a big deal because if I was an actor and I didn't know any better,I would pronounce it wrong too.Also,on pg.17,there is a passage where a character speaks in Spanish,to be subtitularly translated into English.So who is going to come up with the Spanish phrase?The producer?I would say,go the extra mile and look it up,por favor.Esta es muy importante!
  Otherwise,I loved it,I found it very easy to read.Call me crazy! read
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  Diabolical
  A review of Devil's Due (REV)
  by Fluorophore on 04/03/2007
  "Devil's Due" is an engaging tale of good vs: evil in the setting of a psychiatric hospital. You're lucky, my favorite film of all time is "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", so I was eager to read this one. For the most part, it didn't disappoint. The theme is well drawn, if not a bit simplistic. Unlike Cuckoo's Nest, you chose to introduce a supernatural (to me, anyway) element--the... "Devil's Due" is an engaging tale of good vs: evil in the setting of a psychiatric hospital. You're lucky, my favorite film of all time is "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", so I was eager to read this one.
  
  For the most part, it didn't disappoint. The theme is well drawn, if not a bit simplistic. Unlike Cuckoo's Nest, you chose to introduce a supernatural (to me, anyway) element--the incarnation of Satan. (I don't happen to subscribe to this personification of evil, but okay, I can suspend disbelief for the sake of art.)
  
  The problem I had with Sonny is that his true identity is obvious from the get-go. I like all the hype surrounding his imprisonment in the beginning, and I certainly have no problem with John's believing that he's the devil, but I would like to be kept guessing, at least for a while. Leaving his identity vague will add tension to your story, and as it tends to sag in the middle, this would be a good thing. Otherwise, the only conflict generated arises from "what will Sonny do next?"
  
  Wes was a little bland for a protagonist, and not all that active until the end when he decides to lock Sonny up. Like me, he's a nonbeliever, but he comes off as naive and not too bright in the face of the obvious Satan. Of course, keeping Sonny's true identity ambiguous will add credibility to Wes' viewpoint. If Wes is a shrink, he's going to be thinking along the lines of Antisocial Personality Disorder, a term I'm surprised he didn't utter once. Make us believe that Wes could be right about this diagnosis. (Antisocials, or sociopaths, are thought to be psychiatry's answer to religion's "evil". BTW, in no way did Sonny impress me as psychotic or schizophrenic. He was too oriented in reality, and his behavior and thought processes too organized.)
  
  What is Wes' dramatic need? What does he want? And how does achieving or not achieving his goal(s) change him? He commmits suicide. Why? Because he lost his wife and stepdaughter? During his final scene, are we to believe that Wes actually sees Sonny? Is Sonny really there or is Wes hallucinating? In the final moments of his life, does Wes succumb to a belief in the devil? If so, that's not coming across. Maybe that's what his laughter was about. ?? And maybe that constitutes his arc. But to what end? He just ends up dying, and the clinic, the world for that matter, is left unchanged (minus a few psychiatric hospital workers).
  
  Supporting characters were not developed enough to sustain my interest. I'm referring specifically to Prissy, Jose and his unnamed girlfriend. In the big showdown, when Prissy shoots all three, I wasn't emotionally engaged, and the whole thing felt forced. I felt they were included in the story just so they could be sacrificed in this scene. Likewise, the meeting with Todd felt forced, and also too coincidental.
  
  You rely pretty heavily on flashbacks, which can disrupt the flow of your story. The one involving Judith was good though--showed some backstory, which gave her character more depth--moreso than what we saw for Prissy and Jose, for example.
  
  Dialogue wasn't bad, although there were a few large blocks of it, especially for Sonny.
  
  Speaking of large blocks of text, your descriptions were a bit bulky and flowery for a screenplay. Pare them down to the bare minimum, and as a general rule, don't exceed four sentences per paragraph. White space is a good thing in screenplays.
  
  As for other mechanics, there were some mispellings and typos. Go through this with a fine-toothed comb when you get closer to the final draft. Formatting was okay except for a series of scenes that I would have slugged as normal (albeit short) scenes. It wasn't really a montage, which your formatting of it suggests. And if you don't need a montage (which you don't), don't write one. They're generally a weak way to tell a story.
  
  In summary, I found "Devil's Due" to be a compelling read. That doesn't mean it's ready to shop around just yet. Future rewrites should focus on developing the protagonist's dramatic need, maybe learning more about his backstory. Also, consider keeping Sonny's true identity a secret for a little longer. Keep your audience guessing. Hell, why not? (Hell--get it? Haha.)
  
  Thanks for a good read, and good luck!
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