Reviews of Dog Days (rev.1) 11

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  Fascinating young characters
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by JJHardie on 02/26/2012
  I chose this screenplay on its title expecting an upbeat story. I was disappointed. My mistake. Home visits after adopting a dog didn’t do it for me, just not believable. By page 50 I was thoroughly confused. I really wasn’t sure what the story was supposed to be about. Therese, I assumed, was the main character but why? On the upside - I found the young characters fascinating... I chose this screenplay on its title expecting an upbeat story. I was disappointed. My mistake.
  Home visits after adopting a dog didn’t do it for me, just not believable.
  By page 50 I was thoroughly confused. I really wasn’t sure what the story was supposed to be about. Therese, I assumed, was the main character but why?
  On the upside - I found the young characters fascinating. They seemed real, with real challenges. I saw Andrew around 14 or 15 years, the same age as Jenn.
  It was heartbreaking to watch how easily they were overlooked by their “loving parents”, so busy with their own lives. This was the storyline that intrigued me.
  Using the dog pound to connect the characters of the story didn’t work for me but if the young people were connected through a school or church, Therese as a councilor or teacher could still make her home visits. Maybe the kids could make visits to “observe” her? Maybe Mr Werner could live near the school and be observed or taunted by the passing children?
  There is so much potential with what is there - please continue. I look forward to reading more. read
• 
  INTERESTING CHARACTERS
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by AugustBB on 05/19/2008
  An interesting mix of characters and the dogs they love. Page 1. What does transports the film mean? Page 6. This beginning is a little disjointed between all the photos and flashbacks, but okay. Theresa says that happy people own dogs but she owns cats. Good line. Page 13. Tim and Andrew order ice cream here but could you give a description of where they are or where this... An interesting mix of characters and the dogs they love.
  Page 1. What does transports the film mean?
  Page 6. This beginning is a little disjointed between all the photos and flashbacks, but okay. Theresa says that happy people own dogs but she owns cats. Good line.
  Page 13. Tim and Andrew order ice cream here but could you give a description of where they are or where this is happening?
  Page 19. Andrew’s family eats Chinese. Good scene but maybe goes on long for the info it reveals.
  Page 28. We’re spending a lot of time with Jen and Lauren, away from Andrew who I thought was the main character. When Lauren teaches Jenn about blow jobs, it makes me wonder who you intend to be the audience for this film. Doesn’t that take it out of the family category?
  Page 44. Dennis has moved in with Jenn and her Mom. At this point in the story, I’d like to see some decent parenting from someone, but okay. And also see all those happy families who own dogs.
  Page 56. Theresa visits Andrew’s family. Funny scene in the way they adapt everything to be the perfect family.
  Page 66. Andrew makes himself throw up again. As there’s nothing worse than watching someone throw up, are you sure you want your audience to see this more than once in this film?
  Page 73. Werner is getting scary. And it’s obvious that Mary Ellen is dead.
  Page 83. Andrew is taking pills and losing weight. Which makes him sympathetic. Only the way he treats his dog isn’t good. Makes him unlikable.
  Page 108. And not everything ends happily. I liked this script but I also wished that the families connected to each other more. Because they were so different, jumping from one family to another tended to give the script a jumpy feel.
  CHARACTERS. Your characters are good, except that there are so many of them, it’s hard to get to know each of them as well as I wanted to.
  SETTINGS. All easy to film settings. No problems.
  DIALOGUE. Dialogue is always short. No long speeches.
  OVERALL, there are a lot of good things in this script. I liked Andrew a lot, although it seemed impossible to think that his mother wouldn’t buy him a new suit. She’s an artist of sorts so surely would want her son looking good rather than outgrowing his clothes. I felt sorry for Werner. Was happy to see that Stinky ended up with him. read
• 
  Not enough dogs
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by disaxster on 05/17/2008
  The title is a little bit confusing: you start the story with Theresa working at the dog shelter and she seems to be the only connection between the other characters. In this way, you set up in my mind that something will happen connected with the dogs and the characters, but the dog only play a marginal part in the story. The thing that I liked the most are the characters... The title is a little bit confusing: you start the story with Theresa working at the dog shelter and she seems to be the only connection between the other characters.
  
  In this way, you set up in my mind that something will happen connected with the dogs and the characters, but the dog only play a marginal part in the story.
  
  The thing that I liked the most are the characters of Jenn and Andrew: Jenn is believable enough as teenager fighting against her mom Barbara, as well as Andrew, the kid who loves to dance but he's invisible to his busy parents.
  
  Assuming this is a character-driven story, I wanted to see a deeper connections between them. The fact that they all have a dog taken from the shelter is not enough.
  
  True dog people are always happy people. Happy people make happy dogs.
  
  So how come did you write Theresa living with cats? If you were trying to give her a more "loner" tone (assuming that cats are more independent and they don't need all the attentions a dog need), then I'd have loved to see her interactions with her cats.
  
  Why is she alone? Did something happened to her in the past? She works at the animal shelter, which suggests she's very sensitive and possibly interesting as a person, but while I read through I cannot find an explanation or any background information for her being a sort of "recluse". Then when she finally meets Harold, everything seems good, until she finds out she's not pregnant and it was a false alarm. All she wanted was to have someone beside her and with that shocking news, where's Harold? He could have played a stronger part as the love interest, instead he sort of disappeared from the script. He could have saved her life too!
  
  On page 90 you have the montage showing what all the characters are doing, so I was expecting to see them connected and their storylines intertwined and when it doesn't happen the story doesn't pay off.
  Theresa needs to be more defined, since she's the connection between all the dog owners. We need to know what happened to her before the beginning of the story, why she choose to be a "recluse" and she needs to have a goal.
  
  Andrew has his goal: win the dance contest.
  Jenn has his goal: live her life her own way.
  Werner needs to accept the fact that Mary Ellen is dead, but what about Theresa?
  
  If you decide to rewrite this one, my suggestion is to give Theresa a background for her solitude and connect all the characters, with more dogs. Good luck!
  read
• 
  Good Ruff Draft. (pretty clever, huh?)
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by dmlovic on 05/15/2008
  Dog Days is an interesting script that would make a good indie film with a couple of changes. The main issue, I felt, was that there was nothing in the beginning of the story to make me want to keep reading, aside from the characters being interesting. The fact that the characters are interesting or that they seem to have stories is NICE, but it's not compelling. I felt... Dog Days is an interesting script that would make a good indie film with a couple of changes. The main issue, I felt, was that there was nothing in the beginning of the story to make me want to keep reading, aside from the characters being interesting. The fact that the characters are interesting or that they seem to have stories is NICE, but it's not compelling. I felt like there should have been some typical first act arc with a typical first act event that propelled the story a little. As it is, there is no such event. So the story kind of rises on its own to a particular level and just remains there for 2/3 of the script. Even with the characters being satisfying, the story lacked something. I could have put this down after 30 pages and wouldn't have wondered what happened. I didn't find myself caring a lot. It seems like this would be a simple thing to fix by just adding in something that helps propel us into the next 2/3 of the story.
  
  As dialogue goes, there was some that felt forced or constructed a little too neatly and this is spelled out below. But overall, I thought the dialogue was to the point and made sense.
  
  The ending was a nice surprise, although a little typical in some ways. I didn't expect the pregnancy to be a false one. That was a surprise. But the fact that she does what she does in the end seemed a little too easy. Obviously, it completes her arc and the depression. But my god, at least she had a man and knew that a baby was something that WOULD make her happy if she really was pregnant. But what if the doctor tells her that she's incapable of having children? Then she'd have a good reason to do what she did, because happiness in this way would forever elude her...(except that she could adopt, a process with which she's quite familiar.)
  
  A satisfying read overall with some limiting elements to the script. I wish you the best of luck.
  
  
  
  Page 3:
  I'm guessing you meant “motif” for “motive.”
  
  Page 19:
  JENN
  You are such a looser. (Should be “loser”) That's all you can think off? (should be “of”)
  I didn't really understand this – falling against the wall isn't a response.
  
  Page 23:
  She franticly fans the smoke.
  Should be frantically.
  
  Page 25, top:
  Dennis' diatribe is a little overboard as to be unconvincing.
  
  Current impressions:
  This story has some interesting characters and some interesting things going on, but there is nothing that has hooked me in terms of wanting to find something out. I could put it down right now and I'd be okay. That can't be good. Believe me – I LIKE films like this. They are the kind I rent. But this one is lacking a hook. It's very artistic and there's a good understanding of human nature shown, but there's not a hook for me right now. I'm on Page 36 and I'm only mildly interested.
  
  Page 42:
  How much time has passed here before Barbara and Dennis are wearing matching Komonos and he seems to be living at the house? This seems awfully quick. Maybe if there was a reason for him to be living there or if it was explained that he's just there a lot and not living there it would help.
  
  Page 44: If Andrew ran out of the gym with the letter and couldn't wait to see what it said, why wouldn't he open it on the way home instead of getting to his bedroom first?
  
  Page 50:
  JENN
  Where is La-la land?
  SONNY
  Dir en grey.
  
  Unless this is purposeful german, I think there’s a typo there.
  
  Page 51, dream sequence.
  In my opinion, dreams are rarely as forthright as this. Only in movies. Since your movie is not the cliché kind, perhaps you’d want to obscure this a little??
  
  Page 52, bottom typo:
  “She pulls a post-it from her purse and compares the address to.”
  To what?
  
  Page 54:
  JANINE
  Time, would you say the grace, please.
  There is saying “grace” and saying “the blessing” but I’ve never heard saying “the grace.”
  
  Page 56 typo:
  Character listed as JA NINE
  
  Page 75 impressions.
  Making the character of Andrew a boy was a nice twist on what we’d expect. As for this as a screenplay, I am still not drawn in at page 75 any more or less than I was on page 10, 20 or 30. I don’t not like it, as I said, but as a screenplay, it hasn’t given me enough in terms of story and arc. It kind of goes to one level and plateaus. Obviously, some things have happened with the characters: Theresa got laid. Werner’s wife has died. Andrew is bulimic and Jenn has left her house. Without some common thread, though – that thing I talked about earlier that makes us want to see how this will end, they are just stories and feel a little flat. Only my opinion. Maybe everyone else sees it differently?
  
  Page 77:
  Theresa and Harold’s conversation seems a little too contrived. You might want to do a subtle rework… or not?
  
  Hmmm… Page 80, I notice there’s something strange with the time. The JENN story seems to be moving at a slower speed than all the others. It seems like one day passed for her while many days passed for the others.
  
  Page 82.
  Andrew’s family is all about making money – both parents all the time.. In a typical situation like that, they would compensate for their lack of attention to the kids by buying them stuff. So it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me why they don’t just buy Andrew a new suit.
  
  Page 98:
  The Doctor’s tone and driving questions here seemed a little unrealistic for me.
  
  Page 101.
  The dance down the hallway seems really sappy for such a creative story. IMHO.
  
  I would have liked to SEE the effect of the Sushi party on Jenn. We assume it affected her enough to make her get out of the way she was living, but we never saw what made her do it.
  read
• 
  4 GOOD STORIES
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by edgardo8 on 05/14/2008
  Well done. It held my interest throughout. All 4 of the stories were equally compelling. Sometimes I enjoyed Andrew's story best, sometimes Jenn's. Overall, this was a very fine effort, and I have enormous respect for the storytelling. On the formatting side, there were lots of typos. p.19 "of", not "off." p.28 First line -- "watch" is written twice. p.28 "breathe",... Well done. It held my interest throughout. All 4 of the stories were equally compelling. Sometimes I enjoyed Andrew's story best, sometimes Jenn's. Overall, this was a very fine effort, and I have enormous respect for the storytelling.
  
  On the formatting side, there were lots of typos.
  p.19 "of", not "off."
  p.28 First line -- "watch" is written twice.
  p.28 "breathe", not "breath."
  p.62 "respond", not "response",
  p.103 "in", not "is".
  There are others.
  
  Also... though I'm a fan of sparse "Action" lines, there were more than a few times where I begged for more scene description. Also, I'd recommend changing either Jenn's or Janine's name. Both start with "J", and it could become confusing for the reader.
  
  I liked that Theresa was involved in all the stories, but I was a bit disappointed that all the families did not intersect with each other, except when Werner finds Jenn's dog.
  
  I know Theresa explains why she "makes the rounds", but the idea of it seemed unrealistic. There's so many unwanted dogs out there that I don't believe she would check up on families who've already received their dog.
  
  Dysfunctional lives reign in this movie... and I don't have a problem with that. But perhaps it would be better if Andrew's family and Jenn's family weren't so much alike. Yes, Andrew's family is still in tact and Jenn's are breaking up, but the sense that each child was both misunderstood and neglected by their parents made the scenes between those families somewhat similar. Both sets of parents are ass-holes who are more involved in their own personal lives than the lives of their children.
  
  I'm a fan of unconventional storytelling, so I embraced that style here. If I would change anything about the stories, perhaps I'd try to raise the stakes a bit. I know critics too often love to preach the "raising the stakes" angle. But since this is a more cerebral script, you can get away with less at stake. That said, perhaps raising the stakes a bit more might satisfy those who want more from your story. Not much really happens in this story in regard to plot. Characters and situations reign supreme. But even character-driven stories could stand a bit more spark to moves things along. Of course I'm not suggesting adding a gun to any of the scenes...
  
  I really loved Theresa's narration. There was just enough of it where it didn't become bothersome. She's the glue that holds all the stories together. Though I wasn't sure if I truly understood her. Why was she crying on p.55?
  
  Seems Barbara's decision to allow Dennis to move in was too sudden. I know you're trying to portray Barbara as someone who doesn't understand her daughter, but even a mother who mistreats her daughter would question her decision to align herself with Dennis so soon after her husband's death. It seemed too drastic a move for this screenplay. Barbara HAS to know that Jenn would object to her bringing a jerk like Dennis into their lives -- especially so soon after Bernard.
  
  Dennis is a character that's easy to hate -- which is, of course, your intention. But he plays a bit on the cliche' side as well. There's a lack of subtlety to his character.... he's too black and white overall. And the circumstances of the Jenn-Barbara-Dennis triangle seem too pat. I mean how could Barbara possibly accept Dennis, especially when his allergy is the reason for getting rid of the dog. The guy is too much of a monster to seem real.
  
  I like Jenn experimenting with boys, drugs, a cool job, humiliation, then pulling herself back together in the end. Nicely done. LIke many of the boy-girl relationships in this movie, her moments with Sonny are all too brief but interesting.
  
  Harold asking Theresa to become a foot model seems to come out of nowhere, as if it belongs in another script. Her relationship with Harold works well enough, however.
  
  Werner puzzled me at times as well. I generally liked his scenes with Mary Ellen. Maybe I need to go back and read it again, but I'm not exactly sure why he treats his wife's death in the manner that he does. He refuses to accept it, yes, but is he also somewhat demented? Living in denial? What happens to Mary Ellen's body? Do the police discover it in the end?
  
  Andrew's obsession with his weight worked for me. You seemed to spend more time on this aspect of the story than anywhere else. I know he's pissed at his parents, but what's his beef with the doctor?
  
  You did a nice job of tying things together in the end. Not a happy ending by any means (which I'm glad), but the loose ends were tied up (though not too neatly). I know it may seem like I've got many problems with the script, but that's not true. I liked it a lot. This is a very intelligent screenplay. read
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  Sipping on Jenn AND Juice!
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by careywestbrook on 05/13/2008
  May the following words be of some use to you. These are all random thoughts in no particular order other than wherever interest and the desire to respond struck me. Here goes: Jen and Lauren on page 21 remind me of how out of touch I am with certain segments of teen female culture, what 16 year old girls do where they go and what they talk about and how out of sync I am... May the following words be of some use to you. These are all random thoughts in no particular order other than wherever interest and the desire to respond struck me. Here goes:
  
  Jen and Lauren on page 21 remind me of how out of touch I am with certain segments of teen female culture, what 16 year old girls do where they go and what they talk about and how out of sync I am in connection with understanding what is entertainment or even fascinating to them. I’m not interested at all in the goth style nor do I appreciate even slightly Japanese rock, but this slice of life as well as various other slice of life segments of people’s lives presented in vignettes did give me a look into a slice of life I would have no view of otherwise and for that I am grateful. I am always grateful for that type of enlightenment.
  
  This story picked up as a whole for me when Lauren started teaching Jenn the proper way to give oral sex. That, for me, was the beginning of the true entertainment of this entire screenplay, not to say this script should be altered in any way. I’m just saying that’s where I woke up.
  
  This story really picked up for me around page 40 to 44 where Dennis is trying to assume a role of paternal leadership that Jenn is not buying in the least. To me, this was the greatest most interesting part of the script thus far, a true battle of wits between two stubborn people both vying for the love and devotion of Barbara. That was where the conflict and power struggle that appealed to me was most truly evident. Make sure you change that Character name Andrew’s Mom on 48 to Janine. Page 54 cozy is spelled cozy not cosy.
  
  Yes, in my mind, you really have a strong grasp of character when it comes to your character Jenn. Everything she did was believable and able to be rooted for in my book. That was also an interesting take on “winning” for Andrew. Slices of life. People coping with life as best they can is what this screenplay seemed to be about, and it did a mighty fine job of portraying that. It’s unusual to read a script about just people. If you look at my reviews I’m up to about 40 now and stories just about people are few and rare between. So it was refreshing to get this one. I suppose my favorite story of all was the Jenn story through and through. You’ve got 108 pages so perhaps a leaner script is an option, the cutting of the pork, perhaps Mr. Werner, as poignant a story as it is could be told in shorter time so that it is more potent, or even the dialogue of Theresa in which I found myself occasionally dozing off due to her conversations with Harold being so agreeable and non-conflicting. Maybe you could cut those conversations a bit? The screenplay is fine the way it is. I’m just saying as long as you’ve got it in your face before it’s sold why not make it sharper by cutting out unnecessary extra, but don’t cut out any Jenn stuff! Please don’t cut out any Jenn stuff. Thanks for allowing me to read such a well done script. Good luck!
  read
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  Great read!
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by Michael Dunning on 04/14/2008
  I thoroughly enjoyed reading this script. It was fun, quick to read, and had me chuckling in several places. I have little to say in the form of critiquing other than a few nitpicking things. If there is anything that bothers me it’s that Andrew sometimes seems a bit too mature for an 11 year old. I think the dance competition, the binging and purging, and the pill popping... I thoroughly enjoyed reading this script. It was fun, quick to read, and had me chuckling in several places. I have little to say in the form of critiquing other than a few nitpicking things.
  
  If there is anything that bothers me it’s that Andrew sometimes seems a bit too mature for an 11 year old. I think the dance competition, the binging and purging, and the pill popping work well, but when I stop and think, “He’s 11?” a question mark pops up in my head. Part of me wishes he was a bit older, perhaps early teens – 14? 15 maybe? At that age, I imagine kids have a lot more stress and peer pressure. But 11? Also, there are several times when he’s cursing that just seems a bit out of character for an 11 year old. Granted, his parents aren’t the best, but when I hear him curse, it just feels rather harsh. I try to think of Dakota Fanning or Macaulay Culkin cursing when they were about that age and it just doesn’t work for me.
  
  Other than a couple typos and grammar issues, it’s well written. Great job! read
• 
  Really enjoyed this
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by jcrider4 on 04/09/2008
  This is a great screenplay and I really don't have a lot I would change. It reminds me of Short Cuts, which is one of my favorite movies. I wish I had written it. I was a little confused by the boy character with the eating disorder. near the begining of the script he seems like he's maybe ten years old, but by the end of it, his friend is trying to lure him to the mall... This is a great screenplay and I really don't have a lot I would change. It reminds me of Short Cuts, which is one of my favorite movies. I wish I had written it.
  
  I was a little confused by the boy character with the eating disorder. near the begining of the script he seems like he's maybe ten years old, but by the end of it, his friend is trying to lure him to the mall with the promise of hot bitches, which makes him sound like a teenager. Also, I really didn't get why it was so important to him to be in the dance competition. Was he trying to get his parents attention? Was it because of the girl he was dancing with?
  
  I liked all of the other characters, the scenes with Jenn and her stepfather reminded me of my own upbringing. I also really enjoyed Theresa's voiceover. It really tied the whole thing together. Like I said this is a great script. read
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  I like it
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by Penny Dreadfuls on 04/09/2008
  First off: Kudos. Original, quirky family dramas are not easy to write. I don't normally like voice overs or narration but I think the Theresa VO works really well as a chorus throughout the film. My only criticism is that it seems to disappear for stretches. Between pages 27 and 52 and 52 and the end, it feels like there is less vo than in the entire first 27 pages, although... First off: Kudos.
  
  Original, quirky family dramas are not easy to write.
  
  I don't normally like voice overs or narration but I think the Theresa VO works really well as a chorus throughout the film. My only criticism is that it seems to disappear for stretches. Between pages 27 and 52 and 52 and the end, it feels like there is less vo than in the entire first 27 pages, although I could be wrong about this. I didn't really count the number of VO's. I might have simply noticed it more because in the beginning it seemed so expository and seemed to run in parallel with the drama: such as when the VO talks about dog packs and it runs in parallel with Jenn putting on goth makeup. I do feel that the VO works better later in the story as if, you found a harmony between it and the drama. In fact, I'd say that just about elements of the screenplay start to play out more cohesively from about the halfway point to the end. Part of that can be blamed on what felt like weaker expository elements:
  Page 18 "you're not my father scene" is a cliche.
  The banana sequence is as well (although I like how the fruit itself comes back...)
  Although, to be honest I don't know how you would correct these cliches, as the scenes definitely serve the story.
  
  Overall, there are a ton of scenes I dig:
  -Jane Fonda workout (genius)
  -Andrew punching his stomach and feeding a pill to the dog,
  -Jenn and the Sushi sequence (horrifying and a great metaphor) I mean, her is a girl who ran away from Dennis the Kimono wearing noodle slurpper who is now naked and covered in sushi for the pleasure of a bunch of faceless male businessmen, I half expected Dennis to take a bite out of her.
  -Werner touching the blind man's dog
  -The ending is fantastic.
  
  Things I don't like:
  -Not much.
  -I think that changes should be relatively minor to this script and mostly involve the architecture of the first third, such as the setting up of the voice overs and the starting conditions of some of the characters, Jenn in particular.
  -Spelling (a personal pet peeve)
  I'm not going to give you a completely red marked rehash of spelling although I will tell you the one word that drives me crazy when it's misspelled: losing. I know I'm anal:
  
  Page 5: the fear of loosing the dog should be losing the dog.
  Page 19: looser should be loser
  Page 33 loose wieght should be lose weight
  Page 42 loosing control should be losing control
  Page 64 looses her straight face should be loses
  Page 74 loosing weight should be losing weight
  
  I have no idea why I wrote these notes but can't tell you precisely how many VO's happen in the first third versus the rest of the script. Anyway, overall I dig the script. It's good. read
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  Beautiful Script
  A review of Dog Days (rev.1)
  by dinopass123 on 04/08/2008
  This is the fifth script I've read on T-Street and by far the best. There are almost no flaws, from character, to tone, to format/structure it just works at every level. It has an incredible indie feel to it, very easy to visualize this script on screen, I can even hear the music. It is somewhat reminiscent of a Todd Solodnz film but without all the anger and extremes. American... This is the fifth script I've read on T-Street and by far the best. There are almost no flaws, from character, to tone, to format/structure it just works at every level.
  
  It has an incredible indie feel to it, very easy to visualize this script on screen, I can even hear the music. It is somewhat reminiscent of a Todd Solodnz film but without all the anger and extremes. American Beauty as well, just softer and more emotional.
  
  The analogy and juxtoposition of the dogs with the human characters worked perfectly.
  
  Very impressed with this script. It is the kind of film I would love. It never tries to do to much, state the obvious, or wrap things up with a happy ending.
  
  Excellent job- would love to read more of your scripts read