Reviews of A Nickel For You 32

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  Drug Dealing Fried Chicken
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by John L. Evans on 02/13/2011
  I just finished reading Mr. Zakeri's screenplay and have to say I enjoyed it very much, with a few reservations. Although the film, "Town" was set in Boston and this one set in New York, I felt there were certain similarities and I mean that in a good way. I thought the characters were all very interesting and the dialogue excellent. I think with every good screenplay, the... I just finished reading Mr. Zakeri's screenplay and have to say I enjoyed it very much, with a few reservations. Although the film, "Town" was set in Boston and this one set in New York, I felt there were certain similarities and I mean that in a good way. I thought the characters were all very interesting and the dialogue excellent. I think with every good screenplay, the reader has to "care about" or have sympathy with one or more of the characters. Riley was certainly one of those. This seemed like a very "intimate" script and I could see it produced as an independent film. I have made a brief list of errors that I'd like to address:
  
  roles to rolls
  loose to lose
  cosy to cozy
  manhattan to Manhattan
  30. Back to bag
  44. there to their
  46. were to we're
  48 central park to Central Park
  53. statue of liberty to Statue of Liberty
  56 Carmal's to Melissa's
  74 looses it to loses it
  79 loose to lose.
  
  As stated above, I liked the script very much but as it stands now I feel that it is too much of a downer. I think too many of the characters die. I was quite shocked to see that Riley dies at the end...it gave me a kind of "empty" feeling. I know Hollywood is well known for its "happy endings" but I would liked to have seen the screenplay end with a more positive and "uplifting" conclusion. However, as stated above...a good script. I think it would be a challenge to any good director. read
• 
  Loved it.
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by kapildg on 02/10/2011
  More I read it more it tempted me to proceed further. I finished it in 1.5 hours straight. For me it was a very interesting plot and quite convincing characters. At first it took me with a strong nerve to read it but it made me cry when Frank and his son were painting the house together. The ending was quite unexpected. I never thought that something like that would ever happen... More I read it more it tempted me to proceed further. I finished it in 1.5 hours straight. For me it was a very interesting plot and quite convincing characters. At first it took me with a strong nerve to read it but it made me cry when Frank and his son were painting the house together. The ending was quite unexpected. I never thought that something like that would ever happen to Riley. But in nutshell it was good. At first I was little confused about the Tommy but finally the flashback made it quite clear. I cannot wait to see if it hits the big screen. Good work Mark. Loved it after all! read
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  Good script but an old plot.
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by krcnow on 02/10/2011
  Being the screenplay of the month I went into the script looking for a brilliant new conceptual script but came out reading a very well told story set on an age old premise. This script would have worked well in the early 90s but with so many movies and TV shows taking on this plot has made it mundane. But it had some very good scenes and well tied up story. The story was good... Being the screenplay of the month I went into the script looking for a brilliant new conceptual script but came out reading a very well told story set on an age old premise. This script would have worked well in the early 90s but with so many movies and TV shows taking on this plot has made it mundane. But it had some very good scenes and well tied up story. The story was good but confused me some times like when Steeler pushes him to do bad but eventually gives him good money and Mellisa accepting his drug selling activity. A more grounded story may not let these things happen. Overall a good script to read. read
• 
  great
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by mindconceptFILMS on 02/10/2011
  this screenplay was well crafted.. i went into it not knowing the genre or what the plot was, and was interested to continue after the first few pages. I really got into the characters, and felt they all had a great roll, i envisioned what the scenes would look/feel like.. It was sad, bittersweet but was a well told story. im glad i got to read this screenplay. reminded me... this screenplay was well crafted.. i went into it not knowing the genre or what the plot was, and was interested to continue after the first few pages. I really got into the characters, and felt they all had a great roll, i envisioned what the scenes would look/feel like.. It was sad, bittersweet but was a well told story. im glad i got to read this screenplay. reminded me a bit of the war oriented movie "brothers" but this story had it's own original tone. I can see this story adapted to film, i would love to direct this. looking forward to future stories. read
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  Review D.D.F.C
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by Yenque on 02/04/2011
  First of all congratulations on your SP. I found it to be very interesting and very entertaining. Although I am not going to get any credit for this, I still continued to read it. The characters portrayed in this script are very amusing. It kept me reading every page. Although the title might be a little off because he sells cocaine with chicken, once? maybe you used it... First of all congratulations on your SP. I found it to be very interesting and very entertaining.
  
  Although I am not going to get any credit for this, I still continued to read it.
  
  The characters portrayed in this script are very amusing.
  
  It kept me reading every page. Although the title might be a little off because he sells cocaine with chicken, once? maybe you used it cause you found it to be very catchy?
  
  I also love how the characters in this script come to life--very natural.
  
  I wouldnt say Riley is rough around the edges, rough ass,hardcore action pack guy-- he's more like a guy trying to get by, you know?
  
  PG. 11- when Tommy is introduced, he is well written and described nicely-- very convincing.
  
  PG. 24- When tommy robs riley, you shouldve described it better, like tommy trashed his house and broke the windows, maybe kicked in the door and wiped it cleaned.
  
  as i read more-- I start feeling it more, I start to like riley more and respect him.
  
  PG.30- genius!! I love how Carmal eneters the chicken shack and explodes on riley making him look like a murderer and bad guy in front of those customers! very effective.
  
  I keep reading--
  
  PG. 55 -STARTS to get really annoying! did murder someone? did he sell drugs? it pulls me back and fourth-- but patience is virtue!
  
  I keep reading-
  
  PG.80-everything starts to make sense everything starts to come together nicely! i really like this.
  
  Then the twist and turns-- nice ending. I can tell your worked hard on this, I love your PLANTING. The story line is great--Ive read your material before-- and I must say your a very good writer, I hope your script makes it some where. Keep your head up and Keep writing. read
• 
  What is your objective for your film ?
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by sunshinesher on 02/04/2011
  The title of the film although funky does draw in the reader to learn more, I wound up reading your entire screenplay. The genre and characters are all people that I have met before, their decisions and line of action throughout the screenplay familiar and not at all surprising. I say that although lacking in originality, I was drawn in by the pace of the film, the skill... The title of the film although funky does draw in the reader to learn more, I wound up reading your entire screenplay.
  
  The genre and characters are all people that I have met before, their decisions and line of action throughout the screenplay familiar and not at all surprising.
  
  I say that although lacking in originality, I was drawn in by the pace of the film, the skill in which you evenly distributed action and utilized every character and every scene to advance to the narration of the film.
  
  I am faced here with a challenge as your reviewer, which is to sink into criticisms which are based on my own personal preferences and what I believe the aim of the film on a whole should be...two ideals which are to 1. be a vehicle that mirrors life but also 2. advances it...
  
  Your story is very neat, very nicely parceled but I don't think that I have learned anything new...
  
  Depending on which arena you hope ultimately to have your screenplay produced and distributed...it would be hard to pitch it to an international audience. Current issues arresting the world would have been a nice addition in the plot.....
  
  Congratulations on your hard work, it has a solid structure and if you choose could have a more meaningful impact by broadening its context....
  read
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  Chicken and Crack
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by M. N. Himed on 01/17/2011
  I know I won't be getting any credit for this review, but I felt I had to say something since this SP is a finalist. I agree with almost everything a reviewer named Dan Cassell said. The foul language could be toned down and I don't think we need those sex scenes, especially that one in the beginning with the crack whore. And I find it hard to believe that Riley could turn... I know I won't be getting any credit for this review, but I felt I had to say something since this SP is a finalist. I agree with almost everything a reviewer named Dan Cassell said. The foul language could be toned down and I don't think we need those sex scenes, especially that one in the beginning with the crack whore. And I find it hard to believe that Riley could turn her life around by telling her to quit smoking crack when Riley himself never used or sold drugs as the story later points out.
  
  The thing I want to give you tip on is the ending.You know already that you shouldn't end the script with no hope. You don't need to make a major change with the ending. I would still leave the bum who was sent to kill Riley, but allow Riley a way to defend himself so that he escapes death and finds out that Seeley wants him dead. Maybe even keep the door open for a sequel so that he must take Seeley out or he and David will be threatened. Just some ideas. You know what to do. read
• 
  Rough Around the Edges
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by Christopher O'Rourke on 12/23/2010
  As a gritty character piece this screenplay has potential. There's a foundation for some interesting relationships and interactions, with a solid enough story in which to place them. The narrative is lean and mean, which creates a tone and pace that serves the genre well. However, the characters are overall underdeveloped, and in some cases feel cliche and superficial. Riley... As a gritty character piece this screenplay has potential. There's a foundation for some interesting relationships and interactions, with a solid enough story in which to place them. The narrative is lean and mean, which creates a tone and pace that serves the genre well. However, the characters are overall underdeveloped, and in some cases feel cliche and superficial.
  
  Riley is a serviceable protagonist. But the the ex-con trying to get his life together is a character that's been done to death. Riley needs a fresh angle that this story doesn't provide. His back story is murky and his motivations are muddled.
  
  It's implied he has a criminal background, but that it was in the past even by the time he went to prison. This makes him more of a wrongfully imprisoned man than a convict with a heart of gold, and weakens the power of his tragic end. There's a certain bitter karmic satisfaction to seeing a wrong-doer try to go straight yet ultimately fail. But Riley seemed to be getting screwed from the moment he took the drugs from his brother, thus making his fate cruel and thematically pointless.
  
  There's also the question of the moral dilemmas with which Riley must deal. He does objectionable things, but we're told they are done out of love for his son. Yet he blithely spends his ill-gotten gains on a night on the town with his new girlfriend. Is Riley selling drugs to gain custody of David or because he enjoys the lifestyle money provides? The story shows both, and his eagerness to spend money on frivolities undermines his sincerity regarding custody of his son.
  
  The supporting characters are almost all one-dimensional, and further the difficulty of maintaining believable conflicts for Riley to face.
  
  His brother is a stereotypical addict who is unlikable and unsympathetic. It makes him an unconvincing character and difficult to believe as the source for any internal conflict for Riley. But for some reason, Riley puts up with his nonsense. It's not enough to say that he and Riley are brothers. Riley demonstrated his willingness to betray his brother under the right circumstances. A better reason than generic familial obligation needs to be provided as to why Riley wouldn't just completely turn his back on Tommy.
  
  Carmal is an unrelentingly shrill and hostile drunk. She doesn't have a single redeeming characteristic. Again, a character with little depth or believability. It makes one wonder how Riley ended up with her in the first place, let alone why he wouldn't simply call social services on her as opposed to engaging in a convoluted criminal plot to win back his son.
  
  Melissa's willingness to almost immediately begin a romantic relationship with Riley makes her feel less like a fully-realized character than a plot contrivance.
  
  Frank was probably the most interesting of the secondary characters, and provided for a subplot with a nice thematic counterpoint. It also made Sammy feel redundant. The idea of Riley being able to positively affect people's lives was much more eloquently and organically expressed in his relationship with Frank. Sammy's book-ended narrative felt forced and somewhat confusing. How exactly did Riley help her? Why would a guy who seemed to be a legitimate family man spend time with a crack whore?
  
  Again, the story and structure are decent enough for what this needs to be. It's the characters that are the weak link. And in a character-driven narrative such flaws are particularly glaring. Adding more clarity to the protagonist, and depth and texture to the supporting cast would help get this screenplay firing on all cylinders. read
• 
  Potentially powerful, emotive cinema
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by SidewaysEYE on 12/20/2010
  First off I have to say, this story completely pulled me in and I found it to be a very enjoyable read. It is particularly topical in light of the country's ridiculously high incarceration rates and the bleak lives ex-cons have to face upon their release. The characters, their relationships, actions, and speech were all very real, very believable. They are convincing and compelling... First off I have to say, this story completely pulled me in and I found it to be a very enjoyable read. It is particularly topical in light of the country's ridiculously high incarceration rates and the bleak lives ex-cons have to face upon their release. The characters, their relationships, actions, and speech were all very real, very believable. They are convincing and compelling. I found myself engaged in their lives and rooting for Riley, thinking, "don't make any more bad choices, just stay on the path and get out of there as soon as you can." All in all, I think this is a worthy project for a film. Further, because of the straight-ahead simplicity of the story, locations, etc. it would be a fairly inexpensive production. I therefore urge Mr Zakeri consider proceeding.
  
  Several issues:
  1) There are a number of typo-type errors, none really affect the reading or content, but one, page 56, mistates a location "Carmal's House" when it should have read "Melissa's House".
  2) The Title, I find his misleading almost implying the movie is a comedy. It is a hard story about hard times with a hard ending, thus something more indicative should be found, maybe something like "Big Heart" since that is Riley's problem afterall.
  
  Generally, these are the kinds of stories that need to be told, yes it ends badly but the message in that is more like a call to action, "let's make changes as to how we handle criminal justice, and how we help those who get left behind". I would go see this movie. read
• 
  Now serving sadness
  A review of A Nickel For You
  by roadrunner650 on 12/08/2010
  Title: Ya might want to rethink the title. I thought it was a comedy. Concept: An ex-con wants to get custody of his child. One bad decision has a domino affect that ripples throughout the story. Simple but Good concept. In the tone of a Requiem for a Dream meets Kramer vs Kramer. Plot: You do a good job of setups and payoffs. You also do a good job of your reveals. I applaud... Title: Ya might want to rethink the title. I thought it was a comedy.
  
  Concept: An ex-con wants to get custody of his child. One bad decision has a domino affect that ripples throughout the story. Simple but Good concept. In the tone of a Requiem for a Dream meets Kramer vs Kramer.
  
  Plot: You do a good job of setups and payoffs. You also do a good job of your reveals. I applaud that as it is good writing. We learn as the movie goes that the protag scarified basically his life and his family for his brother. Who turns out to be a deadbeat.
  
  You have a love story between the protag and his brother's ex-wife. Your protag has a strong goal in trying to get his kid back from his drug using mother and her abusive husband.
  Finale:
  I'm a little conflicted about the ending. I've had a similar approach to the ending of my SP and I've been enlightened by the fact that people don't go to movies to watch a sad ending. You've got several negative things going on at the same time. Drug dealing. Child & Drug Abuse. An Alcoholic. Violence. Murder. Tragedy. And the ending just basically makes the whole movie a downer. It makes the audience walk away feeling bad. I'm not sure you want to do that.
  What's the purpose of getting David's hopes up, only to have it taken away? Who wants to watch something that they can see on the News. I'm not saying to rewrite everyone into a Hollywood ending. But at least give someone hope. Frank is too minor of a character to do that for.
  I'm not really believing a Junkie would be a hired hitman. Robbing, beating up someone. I can understand. Murder. Hmm.. it's a little too risky. I mean Riley himself wouldn't do it, why would a random Junkie?
  
  Characters:
  Characters are good. The protag is empathetic. But the above issue I pointed out kind of makes these characters too negative. You can't really root for some of them if they all have bad outcomes. read